This episode is an actual hour long? What did I do to deserve this? It doesn’t even make that much sense, it’s just a bunch of scenes strung together by the 2002 Top 40.
Opening monologue: If I could give you a gift, I would give you the entire sky and all the stars. I want to be brave enough to show you how much I love you. This isn’t a monologue about how much love hurts? Truly a miracle.
So previously on Rebelde Way, Mia and Marizza put aside their differences long enough to have a quince. Then Pilar showed up with a rifle. What the fuck! This took a turn. Mansilla manages to find her somehow and wrestles the gun from her. Pilar says she was only going to shoot out the music equipment so the party would be messed up, in revenge for them not inviting her. I’m almost disappointed, if only because I was all ready to make a bunch of Degrassi references. Mansilla says everyone was invited to the party, and Pilar argues that they didn’t want her there — “They all discriminate against me,” she says. “You discriminate yourself!” Mansilla says. What? You’d think he’d come up with a better argument than, “NO, YOU.” So like…apparently, Pilar picking up on her classmates’ unsubtle hints that they hate her is…somehow her fault. Kind of like how when Feli thinks she’s fat because Marizza calls her fat every five episodes, it’s Feli’s fault for having low self-esteem.
Anyway, Mansilla decides that Pilar’s problems will be fixed if she shows up at the quince anyway. Parties fix everything!
The father-daughter dance starts. Mia dances with Papa C, and Marizza dances with Mansilla. Wow, he got down from those rafters fast. Manuel cuts in to dance with Mia, and Pablo’s like, “Well, shit, if Manuel can do it.” Marizza doesn’t say anything when he cuts in, surprisingly enough. Then Simon asks Feli to dance, and goddammit, I just want someone to genuinely like Feli for once 🙁 It’s kind of alarming how little sympathy there is for her clear body image and mental issues. They take two steps, then Simon tries to dance with Marizza. Even she has the grace to be like, “When I said ‘dance with Feli’, I meant for more than five seconds.” Simon is the worst. Then Luz shows up and cuts in on Mia and Manuel. Mia doesn’t want Manuel to dance with her, but Manuel’s like, “But her boobs are right there, what do.” Manuel is also kind of the worst. It’s Mia’s birthday, dude, you can’t stand up to Luz for five minutes?
Mansilla tells the padres Dunoff what Pilar was up to, and he’s like, “Your daughter is pretty fucked up, dudes.” He says Dunoff was irresponsible in leaving the gun out where Pilar could find it (interesting aside, apparently Dunoff and Pilar are both good shots), and Dunoff gets all huffy and defensive. He wants Mansilla to cover up the incident so Pilar won’t be expelled, and Mansilla agrees, but he’s like, “That girl needs some serious therapy.” Man, everyone in this school could use some therapy, but I guess starting with Pilar is good enough.
Back at the dance, Manuel is dancing with Luz and Simon is dancing with Marizza. Mia and Pablo are both emo over this. Whatever re: Pablo, but seriously, Manuel’s being a dick to Mia. Mia asks Luna to get rid of Luz, because for some reason she thinks Luna’s capable of being mean? Luna enlists Tomás (who thinks she wants to get back together with him. Hee!) to pretend to be some fashion dude. Luz’s starfuckery ways take over and she’s sufficiently distracted.
Hilario tries to ask Hilda to get down to Thalía with him, but she shoots him down. Mansilla and Renata, on the other hand, are getting on like a house on fire, and he drags her onto the dance floor. Then Pablo and Marizza make Hilario and Hilda dance, even though Hilda repeatedly says she doesn’t want to. It’s supposed to be cute, but as always, it’s actually just everyone ignoring Hilda’s clear wishes not to deal with Hilario and forcing her to interact with him. If I were Hilda, I would peace the fuck out of there. This is some bullshit.
At Casa Colucci, Mercedes breaks out of…wherever Sonia stuffed her. Peter’s on the phone with Sonia, who overhears Mercedes freaking out. “What a pity, Mia’s having such a good time,” she sighs. Papa C notices Sonia’s on her phone, not at the party, and he’s suspicious.
Pilar sits sadly on the stairs to the gym, not wanting to enter. Marizza and Simon run up to her and…encourage her to go in? Wait, what? Is Marizza not pissed at her for upsetting Luna/plotting with Feli/generally being annoying? Oh, wait, I don’t think Marizza knows Pilar tried to kick Luna out. Whatever, expecting consistency from Marizza is futile anyway. She drags Pilar up to say hi to everyone, and threatens to kick their asses if they’re mean to her. Pilar’s dress, minus the mullet skirt, is pretty cute, by the by.
Marizza’s outfit, on the other hand…is not.
Tomás talks Luz into going to his “apartment.” Does he mean Guido’s apartment? Is he going to try to hook up with a girl with all those Nickelback CDs still in sight? Luz gets a call from Mercedes, presumably about what Sonia did to her. “No, I can’t believe it,” Luz deadpans. Man, she is not a good actress. She catches up to Papa C and Sonia, and tells Papa C that Sonia locked Mercedes in her room. Papa C reams her out, but Sonia’s like, “Ah ah, but you just told me that the ends justify the means when it came to keeping Blas away, and Mia didn’t want Mercedes at her party, SOOOO.” She insists that Mercedes hates Mia, and shows him the letter Mia received as proof. It’s not actually a cruel letter; I’m assuming what set Mia and Sonia off is that it’s signed “Mamá.” Papa C thinks that that means Mercedes didn’t write it. I’m confused. I mean, I guess she didn’t, but they’re working off the hypothesis that Mercedes is calling herself Mia’s mom just to be a dick, so it’s a bizarre conclusion to jump to.
They cut away to some guy asking why “you” sent the letter. “I did it for her,” a woman’s voice says off-screen. Whoa guys, I’m gonna propose something totally crazy here: is Mia’s mom NOT DEAD AFTER ALL? I would be scandalized!
Back at the party, they play a corny video of Sonia and Papa C reflecting on their kids growing up, and wishing Mia and Marizza well. Video!Sonia rambles on about how Marizza is ~rebelde~ and full of light. I mention this only because I think, for the drinking game, we should chug every time someone tries to casually drop the word “rebelde” in a sentence.
Peter purposefully gets lost while driving Mercedes to the party. Mercedes flips out on him and storms off, and then some park ranger rolls up to Peter and is like, “Oh yeah, you gotta leave right now, this area is VERY DANGEROUS.” A bunch of barking followers Mercedes, like we’re supposed to think she’s going to get attacked by wolverines or some shit, but she’s like right next to a paved road. Maybe she’s being barked at by raccoons? Anyway, Peter abandons her, and she’s forced to hitchhike back to Buenos Aires. It’s pretty boring.
Mia’s suddenly crying in the stairwell, for some reason. Manuel comes to comfort her, and she wails that the party is going badly for some reason. Manuel tells her it’s actually going great, but it’s not the same without her. But why is Mia upset in the first place? What is continuity? Anyway, they almost kiss but are interrupted by Luna and Feli. They’re all twitterpated because Simon (joined by Guido, Tomás, and Pablo) has started performing a striptease on the floor. Who asked for that? Dunoff breaks it up, and Mia’s hot cousin is like, “Sexy can I” to Pablo. He’s about to go get horizontal with her, but then some guy rolls up looking for Simon. Pablo realizes that Simon’s wandered off with Marizza, and they’re about to get freaky. Whatever, Pablo. You were about to make out with Mia’s cousin. Glass houses, you know?
Literally scarred for life.
Simon asks Marizza to be his girlfriend. She’s hesitant, and he asks if she’s planning to forgive Pablo. She admits that she’s not, so Simon makes out with her. He gives her a ring, and she takes off Pablo’s and puts it on. Pablo sees this is all and is super emo.
Everyone starts dancing to “Floorfiller.” OH SHIT SON! I fucking loved A*Teens! Sorry, I’m so pumped that this is happening. Mia worries that Luz isn’t gone for good, but Manuel comes up with an idea to keep her running with Tomás’s model gig. I don’t know what it is; I stopped listening tbh. Apparently it’s a good idea, and Mia hugs everyone except Manuel. (Tomás gives him a hug and plants a kiss on his cheek. HA!)
Sonia brings Bandana up on the stage to perform. Wow, could Erreway not spare 3 minutes to perform one of their songs then disappear? Bandana doesn’t sing any more live, if you were wondering. After they’re done, Mia and Marizza go up and hug them. Presumably they’re whispering to each other, “I love being a teenage popstar while everyone else in this room is a plebe!”
Papa C gives Mia tickets for a vacation with two friends. Kind of insensitively, he does this in the presence of Luna, Feli, and Vico. Feli and Vico squeal that Mia’s obviously going to take them, and Luna says she’s fine with it, but Mia looks at her all guiltily.
Simon and Marizza go off to a corner to eat each other’s faces. I’m not even saying that because I hate them both, they legitimately are like trying to smash their mouths together as hard as possible.
Luna and Lujan are all happy for Marizza. They’re like, “Marizza, you always wanted to hook up with a weirdo older guy who shouldn’t have any interest in high schoolers, and now it’s happening! Dreams come true!” Sonia tries to join their conversation, but Marizza flips out on her for always being up in her business and storms off.
Mia asks why Manuel helped her with Luz, since when she last checked, Manuel was all up in her cleavage and all. Manuel says he and Luz have zero onda; he doesn’t like liars. Didn’t he not believe Mia when she said Luz sold her out? Oh my God, whatever. She asks if he had another reason for helping her, and Manuel says he’ll show her. They almost make out, and then he’s like, “No, we mustn’t!” OH MY GOD, MANUEL. Marizza sees this and is almost as pissed as I am.
Hilda tells Hilario to leave her alone. He keeps following her around anyway, telling her that they’re meant2b, etc. Hilda storms off. Like that’s ever stopped him. Gloria comes out of the shadows, drunk off her ass (hee!), and tells Hilario, “When women say no, what they really mean is yes!” Get the fuck outta here with that rapey bullshit, Gloria. Hilda overhears Hilario telling Gloria that he’s crazy about her. Gloria offers to help Hilario make Hilda jealous. That is amazing. I hope it happens.
Lujan reams Marizza out for being a dick to her mother, and says that if Marizza doesn’t apologize, Lujan is leaving the party. GET HER, LUJAN!
Renata sees Mansilla and Mama D hanging out together and gets all salty. She makes some jabs about them dancing together, and Mansilla makes some jabs back about her boyfriend, and Renata blows her top all, “My boyfriend is too INTELLECTUAL to dance, and we are SUPER IN LOVE, and I hope you AND Mama D come to our wedding, so you can watch us BE HAPPY TOGETHER FOREVER.” Mansilla’s like, “Oookay.”
I don’t know whether to start with Renata’s choker or her shirt.
Mia tells Feli that she wants to invite Luna on the trip. She wants Feli to come to, but maybe Feli’s parents can pay for her, and Luna can have the free ticket. OOOH. Feli does not like that at all, and I dunno, she’s immature about the whole thing, but…eh. Again, it’s hard to hate her when everyone is so insensitive to her clear mental issues. Feli’s allowed not to like Luna for meddling in her business constantly. They’re not friends, and it’s nice of Luna to care, but — speaking as someone who struggled with mental breakdowns in school — it’s not something you want to talk about with people you don’t know very well. It’s wild that everyone suggests that Feli is ungrateful for not wanting to confide in Luna, instead of ever stepping in and having someone closer to Feli try and talk to her.
That said, also speaking from personal experience, sometimes you gotta let friendships go if you’re in a situation like this. Feli can’t keep pushing Mia not to hang out with people she doesn’t like. But a little sympathy her way wouldn’t be unwarranted, you know?
Unnecessary scenes of everyone partying. Oh my God! Just get to the point already! I’ve been here for HOURS!
Marizza apologizes to Sonia, and tells her that she’s dating Simon now. Feli also apologizes to Luna, and offers to give her her ticket. They hug, but Feli still looks a little perturbed.
Mia tells Marizza that she knows her dress isn’t the same as Julia Robert’s, but she still likes it. Marizza looks a little gratified, which is sweet. Then she tells Mia that she knows she and Manuel are hella into each other, so as a birthday present, she’s going to hook them up so we can stop watching this repetitive bullshit. Not really that last part.
Pablo gets up onstage and announces Erreway is going to sing. Finally! I’ve been waiting for one of their lipsynced performances all episode! They almost get busted by Dunoff, but then they don’t. Tomás and Guido are like, “Erreway is MOST DEFINITELY not the four people on stage right now! Carry on!” Hee! Then Pilar runs up and distracts Dunoff, and they sing “Será porque te quiero.” Simon kisses Marizza in front of God and everybody, to Pablo’s displeasure.
Finally, finally we get to the emotional ending bit. Everyone comes up to light the candles on Mia and Marizza’s birthday cake, making a wish as they do so. Vico wishes that Guido won’t doubt her anymore (Jesus, love yourself, Vico); Feli wishes a boy would look at her; Tomás wishes that he’ll pass his classes (poor dumb Tomás); Manuel wants to kiss Mia again; Pablo wishes that Marizza will forgive him. (The rest of the wishes are boring.)
Marizza has a cake shaped like boobs brought out, because she’s Marizza. In the words of Rob Brydon, “I’ve never seen a woman lactate that violently.“
Mia and Marizza blow out there candles and FUCK ME, THERE’S STILL FIVE MINUTES LEFT. Marizza tricks Manuel into meeting up with Mia, and Mia tells him that she’s wanted to kiss him since the start of the party. Manuel tells her that she’s drunk and she’ll regret it tomorrow, and Mia’s like, “Whatever.” They make out. And I guess if you were going to make me wait an entire hour for an episode to end, that’s as nice a place as any.
Wait, all that music, and there was no Avril Lavigne in this episode? I mean, Let Go‘s not really a party album, but you’d think they could’ve snuck “Sk8er Boi” in there somewhere.
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