This book’s title cracks me up. It’s just so “exactly what it says on the tin”, you know?
So I started this series with book #3, because it had just come out and I had thoughts. Then, because I haven’t already committed to enough things, I decided to go for the rest of the series, too. So here’s book #1 in The Ravenels. The series can be read alone, although it’s part of the larger Wallflowers-Hathaways-Ravenels ‘verse.
“THE DEVIL KNOWS WHY my life should be ruined,” Devon Ravenel said grimly, “all because a cousin I never liked fell from a horse.”
Devon Ravenel has just inherited the earldom of Trenear (I always wonder how they come up with these fake British titles) from his cousin Theo, who was tragically thrown from a horse just a few days after his wedding. Devon’s like, “Ugh, this whole responsibility business is really cutting into my gambling, drinking, and sleeping around time.” Because he’s a rake (a cold-hearted rake!), if you’ve forgotten already.
They’ve inherited Eversby Priory, an estate in Hampshire. Devon’s going to check it out, and he’s brought along his alcoholic younger brother, Weston (“West” for short). They’re all appalled by what a shithole it is, and Devon’s like, “Ew, it’s going to take responsibility to make it habitable again.” Responsibility: Devon’s mortal enemy. The manor barely even has floors, which to me begs the question as to how our secondary characters — and Devon’s love interest — were supposed to be living here this entire time? Whatever. Devon and West exposit about how estate farming isn’t profitable anymore, because we’re in the 1870s now and are watching the slow decline of the landed gentry. So the estate is failing and they have no way of saving it, not to mention no money for fixing their immediate problems, such as the walls literally falling down and the whole no-floors thing. What do?
Devon and West wax on about how their family, the Ravenels, have always been too hot-tempered to live long, so they should just party themselves to death in London and let the estate collapse. Devon’s like, “Who gives a shit?” and West is like, “Well, don’t Theo’s widow and all his helpless unmarried sisters still live here?” Devon’s like, “Pfft, fuck ’em, and fuck all the poor people living on this land, too.” Nice. Even nicer is that he says that as Theo’s widow walks in the room. Devon’s like, “I bet you overheard that and think I’m a dick. Well, that’s because I’m a cold-hearted rake, so deal with it.” Theo’s widow, though, is a Feisty Heroine (TM) and snarkily congratulates him on gaining a title out of her and her family’s grief and imminent homelessness. Burn.
Devon frowned. “I assure you, I never wanted your husband’s title.”
“It’s true,” West said. “He complained about it all the way from London.”
Heh.
Theo’s widow stalks out, but Devon’s like, “Hold up, she might be hot under her mourning veil” and he follows her. He tries to cajole her into feeling bad for him, on account of how he’s saddled with all this unexpected responsibility (not responsibility!). She’s like, “One of us was widowed like two weeks ago, and it wasn’t you, so shut.” There’s some back-and-forth over whether or not Devon’s uncomfortable with women crying (he totally is), and we flashback into his TRAGIC PAST: his mother had a ton of affairs, and his father was all emotionally unavailable, so he has parental issues out the wazoo. Crying women just remind him of his mother and how she was always bawling over her failed love affairs, which in turn reminds of him of how he wasn’t hugged enough as a kid.
Theo’s widow assures him that she didn’t even cry when her husband died, so Devon doesn’t have to worry on that account. Suspicious! He wants to see her face, and she’s like, “My husband died violently two weeks ago, can you not remove my mourning clothes?” Devon’s like, “ALPHA MALE DISREGARD WORDS OF PUNY WOMAN!” and takes the veil off anyway. Naturally, she is super hot — not classically beautiful, but so original that it rendered the question of beauty inconsequential. Devon immediately wants her body.
She introduces herself as Kathleen. She’s Irish, but her parents sent her to live in England when she was young, because they spent all their time buying horses and she was in the way. Do you think these two are gonna bond over their parental issues? The horse that threw Theo, Asad, is actually Kathleen’s, and she exposits a bit about how she trains horses. Devon admires how tough she is to do something as manly as horse-wrangling.
Devon makes Kathleen show him around the estate. She’s all like, “Ugh, he’s such a rake (a cold-hearted rake!), but he’s kinda hot.” Devon, for his part, finds out that Eversby Priory is even more of a shithole than he thought: they don’t even have bathrooms. I’m with ya there, Devon. This just makes him even more convinced the estate should be razed to the ground.
They meet Kathleen’s sisters-in-law, the twins Pandora and Cassandra. They’ve been in mourning for their parents and brother in rapid succession, so they never had a chance to come out in society. As such, they have no social graces and do things like run wild around the estate pretending to be pirates. They’re all excited to have new people at the house, but Kathleen shuts them down and says Devon and West can’t hang out with them. The twins don’t like this, at all:
Devon broke the tension by asking Cassandra lightly, “Permission to go ashore, Captain?”
“Aye,” came the sullen reply, “you and the wench can leave by way of the plank.”
Kathleen frowned. “Kindly do not refer to me as a wench, Cassandra.”
Hee. Sadly, Cassandra loses some of her personality as the books progress.
Devon then meets the middle Ravenel sister, Helen. Helen likes to hang out in the garden and grow flowers, and she’s very shy and fragile, could be snapped in half by a breeze, et cetera. Kathleen is all suspicious that Devon’s going to take advantage of her, and Devon’s all suspicious that West is going to take advantage of her. (Spoiler: neither of them take advantage of her.)
The next day, Devon meets with his lawyers and he finds out he can sell the entire estate and use the money to keep boozing around London until he dies of cirrhosis or syphilis, whichever comes first. Kathleen comes barging in to insist that he doesn’t sell her horse, and the lawyers are all blah blah Victorian England blah, blah blah coverture laws blah. She and Devon fight over how bad the situation really is, and storm off hating each other even more. Later, Helen tells Devon that Kathleen is stuck out in the rain, and Devon’s like, “Maybe she’ll get hypothermia and I can make fun of her!” He’s so cold-hearted, guys! But then Helen tells him about Kathleen’s sob story childhood, and Devon’s cold heart is all melted. Whatever. I hate this trope, where Character A has to explain to Character B about Character C’s traumatic backstory, like it’s not incredibly invasive and also like it’s any of their damn business. It’s really lazy; it shortcuts B understanding C, instead of naturally building a rapport between them and eventually having C reveal their own tragic story. Like, is this any of your business, Helen? SHUT.
Anyway, after hearing about how she was never allowed to cry as a child, Devon suddenly doesn’t hate Kathleen anymore and he can’t stand the idea of her getting hypothermia. See? That was so easy, and so freaking lazy.
Kathleen’s out visiting the tenant farmers, because she ~cares~ and she’s not like those other aristocrats. The farmers tell her that the estate isn’t modernized and has no money, and she realizes Devon was speaking the truth. She thinks about how Theo promised her they would redecorate, but he was a lying liar and now he’s dead. Kathleen decides that she has to apologize to Devon for not believing him, for some reason. Then he rolls up to rescue her, and she gets all twitterpated about riding close to him. Blah blah heaving breaths, bodies moving in tandem, this is totally not a metaphor blah, et cetera. When they get back to the house, she’s all overcome with guilt about Theo. She starts crying all over her horse, and she and Devon have A Moment. Devon finds out that Theo and Kathleen argued the day that he died. Mysterious!
Meanwhile, West is hanging out with the twins and spiking his tea. I love him. Devon pulls him aside and asks what he thinks of the sisters’ marriage prospects. They don’t actually talk about Pandora and Cassandra, because Pandora’s gonna marry Sir Not Appearing in This Book, and Cassandra and West are totally meant2b is probably going to die alone. Devon suggests hooking Helen up with one of his friends, and West’s like, “Your friends are all (cold-hearted) rakes, and also, I thought we were going to sell the estate.” Wasn’t West the one who was all worried about the sisters and tenants, while Devon was the one who wanted to get rid of the estate? Anyway, Devon’s like, “I’m not cold-hearted anymore! I care about the tenants and servants (and am also this close to getting into Kathleen’s pants)!” West thinks he’s doomed to fail, and Devon’s like, “I’m the Earl of Trenear, and you will deal.”
Devon talks to Kathleen about saving the estate. He’s all determined to not be an asshole like the rest of the Ravenels, and he and Kathleen bond over their shitty upbringings. He wants her to stay and help prepare Pandora and Cassandra to debut in society. Kathleen’s all twitterpated that he’s not kicking her out of the house.
You know, upon rereading this book, Devon is like 80% less of an asshole than I remember him being. I mean, I’m glad, because I was reading Elizabeth Hoyt’s Maiden Lane series and holy God am I uncomfortable with some of her heroes, but now I’m wondering why Devon seemed so irredeemable the first time around. Maybe it took some contrasting with legitimate sociopaths to make him look better? I dunno, apart from being a bit of a dick at the beginning, Devon really is not that bad of a guy. I like that he starts turning his life around of his own volition, instead of magically transforming for love or some shit.
Anyway, Devon goes off to London, and he and Kathleen start sending each other bantery letters, because they liiiike each other. Devon tries to sort out the estate’s problems and starts enjoying his work. He’s like, “West, have you ever wondered if there’s more to life than blackjack and hookers?” West is like, “Not really.” Devon realizes West’s alcoholism is kind of a big deal and sends him back to Eversby Priory to help with the estate. He thinks that giving West a purpose will help him deal with his problems. I kind of love how the men in this book are healed through the virtue of responsibility, rather than the love of a good woman or some shit.
So West goes back to Eversby Priory, gets wasted, etc. He tries to go horseback riding while he’s drunk, which causes Kathleen to flip her shit, as that’s how Theo died. She reams West out for being a useless alcoholic, and he decides to quit cold turkey the next day. He goes around talking to the tenants and researching drainage, and he’s suddenly not an alcoholic anymore. That was easy!
West leaves to go do some more farming research. For purposes of contrivance, Kathleen’s bedroom is suddenly under construction, and she has to move into the master bedroom. For further contrivance purposes, Devon comes back without telling anyone, and Kathleen walks in on him taking a bath. Hijinks!
Devon’s valet almost tells him what went down between Theo and Kathleen after they got married, but then he doesn’t. Devon helps Kathleen sharpen a pencil and he’s all like, standing so close to her! putting his hands over hers to show her how to sharpen! sexy wood shaving! IT IS TOO MUCH! They make out, but then Kathleen starts crying and runs away.
West comes back, and he’s super hot now after like, two weeks of sobriety. He’s cutely enthused about the estate, and Devon suspects that he has a thing for one of the women living there. He’s all jealous that West might like Kathleen, but West denies interest in all of them. Whatever. I’ve decided to die on the West/Cassandra hill, and that is where I’ll remain! Devon shows West and Kathleen his plans to bring income to the estate, which involves selling four farms so a railroad can cross the land. Kathleen is pissed that Devon would take away four tenants’ livelihoods, and she and Devon argue. West is like, “I can tell you want to bang our cousin’s widow, and that is fucked up, bro.”
Devon gets the idea in his head that one of the sisters should marry his friend, Rhys Winterborne. The next book is called Marrying Winterborne, so you can see where this is going. Winterborne is a commoner, but he owns a massive department store that’s made him super rich. Devon invites him to the estate for Christmas, which makes Kathleen suspicious. Their train crashes on the way back from London, facilitating two plot developments: one, Helen has to take care of Winterborne; and Devon and Kathleen are all upset that Devon almost died without them ever getting farther than first base.
Kathleen goes to take care of Devon in his sickbed and they end up making out. A love scene ensues, and of course Kathleen is a virgin widow who has never had an orgasm in her life. Lisa Kleypas, why you always gotta do me like this? At least Devon doesn’t wax on about how cute she is when she has no idea what’s happening, which makes it much less creepy than Gabriel and Pandora‘s scenes. I think what pushes it over the line is when the guy starts going on about how hot her ignorance is; it’s a really disturbing sexualization of youth, purity, and…malleability, I think, is the last word I’m looking for. Aaaanyway, Kathleen admits her and Theo’s marriage was never consummated, so technically she doesn’t have the rights of a widow. She feels guilty over his death, even though he was drunk and abusive. Devon tries to comfort her, but ends up saying the wrong thing: “I know that you married him with the best of intentions, and you’ve tried to mourn him sincerely. But Kathleen, love . . . You’re no more his widow than you ever were his wife.” Kathleen interprets that as him saying she was a bad wife, and they’re back to fighting again.
Helen nurses Winterborne and they have a whole ton of UST, which makes Devon happy. His whole plan is that Winterborne needs to marry an aristocrat to move up in society, and the Ravenels need his money, ergo, they should get married. West clutches his pearls all, “What you’re proposing is to lower Helen by selling her to any common lout with deep pockets for your own benefit.” Devon’s like, “Duh, keep up.” Hee. Winterborne likes Helen, but he likes the idea of infiltrating the British upper class even more, and wants to marry her to get revenge on everyone who looked down on him. Someday, by God, people would beg to marry Winterbornes. Okay, creepy. They bond over music, but Helen is so freaked out by his ~stormy gazes~ and how he bestirs Feelings That Have Never Been Felt that she keeps running away from him. Winterborne thinks she hates him (not that that stops him from wanting to marry her). O, the miscommunication.
Devon and Kathleen make out again, and I guess that means they’ve made up? But then Kathleen says they can’t be together because he’s a cold-hearted rake and won’t ever get married and all that, so they fight again. Then they make out a few days later, then they sleep together, then they argue again. OH MY GOD, WHATEVER.
(The next day, when discussing castrating a pig: “If you’re going to tell me about the inconvenience of having an uncastrated male in the house,” Kathleen said, “I’m already aware of it.” BURN.)
Kathleen gets a letter that her father’s not well, and more guilt and comforting over her sad familial life ensues. She and Devon are suddenly not arguing again, and she does stuff like fiddle with his clothes while they discuss going to London together. They agree to take the whole family to their house in London, and then they have sex on the morning room floor. There are children in this house, you guys! It’d be funny if any of the eighty people who live here had walked in on them. Devon doesn’t pull out in time, and he and Kathleen panic that he might’ve gotten her pregnant.
So they go to London, and they find that Winterborne’s had a music box delivered to the house. The twins are all excited that they can listen to recordings of music in their own home. The future is now! Kathleen flips out on Devon for letting Winterborne court Helen, and they fight yet again. Kathleen tells Devon, “If you truly intend to do this to Helen, then you’re as cold-hearted as I first thought you were.” It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to reference the title of this book! She says that if Helen can’t find someone from their own class to marry her, Helen will just live with Kathleen in the country for the rest of her days. Devon’s like, “So you’re not planning to live with me and bang in every room of the house? RUDE.” He points out that Helen might not want to live with Kathleen forever, and Kathleen takes great offense to that and storms out. Whatever, I bet in their next scene they’ll just make out and pretend like it didn’t happen. It’d be nice if they ever like, acknowledged that they were fighting, you know?
Winterborne comes to dinner, and Helen’s all twitterpated. She gives him an orchid from her flower collection, and Kathleen’s like, “He’s going to kill it, and then she won’t want to date him anymore.” I bet neither of those things will happen.
Winterborne invites them all to go shopping at his store. The twins are planning to buy everything in sight, and the following conversation ensues:
“If only Cousin West were with us,” Pandora said wistfully.
[…]
“I miss him too,” Cassandra said.
“Oh, I don’t miss him,” Pandora told her impishly, “I was just thinking that we could buy more things if he were here to help carry the packages.”
I ship West and Cassandra so hard, dammit 🙁 West is a delight, but it doesn’t look like he’s going to get his own book, unless Klepyas hooks him up with Cassandra (they’re both Ravenels, so you could kill two birds with one book). Of course, this series was supposed to be 4 books and is now 5, so it could always keep expanding. Kleypas has also used her old characters to spin off new series before, so her doing that again is also a possibility. Still. West/Cassandra! West/Cassandra! Chug! Chug!
Kathleen thinks about how she hasn’t brought up Winterborne and Helen with Devon again, knowing it would lead to another pointless argument. Well, at least she admits it. She lowkey misses making out with him, plus she still hasn’t gotten her period yet. Oh snap! She and Devon almost make up, but then Winterborne and Helen show up and Helen’s wearing an engagement ring. Kathleen thinks Helen’s been forced into the engagement, and she goes back to being mad again.
West summons Devon back to the estate, to tell him that they have a shitton of minerals under the estate, and they can mine it and make hella money. There’s a mention of how Devon had to debate with his friend, Severin, to keep the rights, and how Severin is a ruthless businessman but not a bad person, i.e. your typical Lisa Kleypas hero. It’s weird because they mention him a lot, and it seems like he’s being set up to eventually be a thing (probably Cassandra’s love interest), but so far he’s never actually appeared in any of the books. They just talk about him a lot. Anyway, before he left, Kathleen told Devon she wasn’t pregnant, and he’s bummed that they don’t have a reason to get married. He’s all like, “Omg…I wanted to get married and have kids with Kathleen! I’m not a cold-hearted rake anymore!”
Back in London, Helen is upset because Winterborne tried to kiss her, with tongue and everything. He basically wanted to have premarital sex! She’s hella scandalized, and cries to Kathleen about the shame of it all. Kathleen takes the opportunity to break off the engagement for her, which of course pisses Winterborne off. He makes some rude-ass remarks about just marrying Kathleen instead, right as Devon walks in. Convenient! Devon flips his shit, but decides leaving with Kathleen is more important than punching Winterborne in the face. (Interestingly, he tells Winterborne, “[T]he next time I see you, I’ll put you in a fucking box.” I remember there being minimal profanity — like, pretty much none? — in the Wallflowers and Hathaways books, but this series has an F-bomb in nearly every book, plus a couple of instances of “cock”. I’m as scandalized as Helen!) Before they leave, Winterborne returns Helen’s orchid.
Kathleen freaks out that Devon’s been worked up into the infamous Ravenel temper, and now he’s going to get violent on her, just like Theo. But he doesn’t, and instead he proposes to her. He gives her a watch that used to belong to his mother, and speechifies about how much he loves her. Kathleen accepts, and then admits to him that she lied about getting her period. She’s pregnant after all! Devon’s happy, Kathleen’s happy, and they have sex again. Thankfully not on the floor of a room anyone could walk into, although given the level of sex ed the sisters have, that might’ve actually helped them.
Epilogue: Helen emos over Devon and Kathleen ending her engagement without even telling her. She bitters that no one ever asks what she wants, because she kind of wants Winterborne’s body, and now she’ll never get to know what second base is like. She finds the orchid he returned, and sees that he didn’t kill it after all. A metaphor! Helen decides that she wants to marry Winterborne. And she totally will, because the next book is called Marrying Winterborne. So like…no surprises there.
THE END.
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