No updates next week, as I’ll be out of town once again. See ya!
I don’t do “previously on”s for Rebelde Way anymore, because they actually take forever, but last episode was too glorious not to remind you: when we last left our heroes, Mia had just pushed Marizza out of a window, Game of Thrones-style. It was AMAZING. They could play that on a loop for the next 200+ episodes, and I wouldn’t get tired of it. It would be funny if Marizza had to go to her quince in a brace, like Regina George.
So Mia pushes Marizza out the window, which sadly nobody recognizes as the act of charity it is. Mia Colucci was trying to save us all! Lujan and Luna rush to the window, and reveal that the outside of Elite Way School looks just as janky and dingy as my high school for poor people.
Anyway, she’s fallen like half a story, but somehow she’s unconscious. Pablo is hanging around the conveniently placed scaffolding, and Lujan and Luna are like, “Pablo, she fell three feet from the window, she might be DEAD!” Marizza regains consciousness (dammit), and then Simon rolls up like, “Marizza, Marizza, I must come to your rescue!” and Pablo’s like, “She’s already rescued, bro,” and Simon’s like, “Stop saying words.”
In the office, Dunoff is telling Mama D and Pilar that Sonia invited them all to the quince. Pilar doesn’t want to go, because she knows everyone hates her. Mama D sides with Pilar — and in fairness, Pilar’s right when she says Mia and Marizza wouldn’t want her at the party — except then Mama D goes on this totally petty rant about how everyone hates Pilar and would be wondering why she’s there. Way harsh, Mama D!
Mia goes back to her room and cries over losing her dress. Hee. A few scenes later, she’s still screaming about losing it. Manuel comes by and gets Feli and Vico to leave, so he can bring Mia breakfast. He says Blas asked him to bring it by, and Mia’s like, “Blas would never let you be alone in a room with me,” and Manuel admits that it was his idea, because he still liiiiikes her. He says today is an important day for Mia and kisses her forehead. It’s cute and all, but where the hell did this all come from?
Night falls, and Marizza has to be put on bed rest. She complains about this, as she does about all things. Pablo comes in to check on her, and Luna and Lujan run off to let them be alone together. Pablo tells her he wanted to be the first person to wish her a happy birthday. He kisses her on the cheek and gives her a ring. Dang, Pablo, at least wait for her to stop dicking you around with Simon before giving her jewelry. Anyway, Marizza’s all twitterpated.
The next day, Mansilla walks into the teachers’ lounge to find Mama D crying. He’s all, “Meddling powers activated!” Mama D tells him she’s worried about Pilar; she’s like, “My daughter is hella fucked up, what do?” Mansilla says maybe Pilar needs to hit rock bottom before she realizes how crazy she is. Renata comes in and she’s all like, “What have we here?”, and Mama D clears out with a quickness. Renata thinks Mansilla is having an affair with Mama D, and she’s all snippy about it. Mansilla’s like, “Oooh, are you jealous?
Luna, Lujan, Feli, and Vico put their heads together to keep Marizza and Mia apart, so they won’t kill each other at the party. Lujan’s all defensive of her lady love, and is like, “Marizza Spirito did nothing wrong!” Frankly, Marizza’s lucky Mia pushed her out the window. Hopefully she learns her lesson about destroying people’s property before she does it to the wrong person, and ends up wearing a cement overcoat. Anyway, Marizza comes in (with Simon trailing behind, because he has nothing better to do than follow her everywhere) and everyone tries to keep their plans hush-hush. She’s looking for Mia, and the rest of the girls lie to her. After Marizza leaves, they’re like, “We cannot let them talk to each other all day! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!” Do you think maybe this will lead to wacky misunderstandings?
Sonia gets all up on Peter (weiiiiird) to convince him to help her with the party. She wants him to help keep Mercedes and Luz away from Mia, and he’s like, “Your boobs have convinced me to say yes.” Papa C and Mercedes walk in and see her, and they’re like, “Dude, why do you keep waltzing into the house like this.” Honestly, a fair question. However, they should already know the answer, which is that Sonia and Marizza were both raised by wolves. Sonia further proves this by inviting herself to stay the night, for reasons that I wasn’t listening closely enough to catch. What is wrong with her? Oh! And Pepa’s staying too! Honestly, I feel for Papa C and Mercedes. That would literally be my hell.
Mia wanders through the halls of the school, still twitterpated over Manuel bringing her breakfast. Her hair looks pretty cute, too, and it’s weird that they don’t use that look for her more often. It’s interesting that they don’t usually try out new hairstyles on Luisana Lopilato. Like remember when Lizzie McGuire had different hair in every single episode? (Remember the time she crimped it?) She’s all busy dramatically sniffing the rose, probably waiting for someone to come ask her about it, when she notices Marizza. Oh, nice going with the constant vigilance, guys. Marizza admits that she was wrong — she wanted to defend Luna and show Mia that clothes aren’t all that matters, but she was wrong. It’s nice, and like I said, all I really want is for Marizza to not act like a self-righteous sociopath all the time. That said, I’ll note that the words “I’m sorry” do not ever leave her mouth. “Who do you think you are, to teach me a lesson?” Mia snaps at her. Say it, Mia! But then she’s like, “The dress was the most important thing about my party!”, which allows Marizza get back on her high horse about how Mia doesn’t value her family or friends.
Okay: Marizza has a point. I do wish, though, that they didn’t make it about Mia only caring about the dress. I think it’s dumb to say that Mia doesn’t realize the value of her family or friends when she was so broken up about losing her mom, and I think it’s still fair for Mia to be mad about the principle of the thing (that Marizza feels like she has the right to teach people moral lessons, especially when she steals and breaks people’s things as a part of it — remember when she broke the dance group’s stereo?). Mia can be mad about Marizza fucking up her dress without making it seem like the dress was the most important thing in the world to Mia. But whatever, I’m overthinking this. I was reading a couple of those “X Show Reviewed” blogs, which usually have more in-depth analysis of the characters than I do here, and I’m getting carried away!
Anyway, Simon comes up and shows Mia a photo of Julia Roberts at the Oscars, and BSes that it’s made by a super-talented, exclusive Argentinian designer. Aaaand he has it right here, to lend to Mia. All the girls nearly faint with excitement. Mia’s a little hesitant about taking it, and then Feli just reaches over and grabs it out of his hands. Come on, Feli. Mia’s like, “Why are you doing this?” and Simon’s like, “Because I have a major boner for Marizza.” Just kidding. Mia thanks Marizza, and then the awkwardness of interacting without fighting is too much for them and Mia runs off. Heh. Marizza admits to Lujan that they made up the whole thing about the Oscars and the designer; it’s one of Sonia’s friends’ designs. Oh, Marizza. You do something nice, and you gotta ruin it like this. Lujan starts cackling and kissing Marizza’s face while cooing that she loves her. I’m just letting you know.
Mercedes is flipping out on Papa C, re: Sonia. Papa C’s not having any of it, and he’s like, “Can you chill for one day?” He wants to put up with Sonia since it’ll make Mia happy, and it’s her birthday and all. Mercedes is like, “You’re only saying that because you like her!” Papa C denies it, and says he’ll prove how much he loves Mercedes tonight. “I have a very nice present for you,” he says. Mercedes is all hearing wedding bells.
Sonia comes in to harass Mercedes some more, then we get some gratuitous shots of Catherine Fulop draping her legs over Papa C’s desk. Sonia wants Pepa to do one last thing before the party, and Papa’s like, “What if I don’t find [whatever the hell we’re talking about]?” and Sonia’s like, “Of course you’ll find it.” Sonia? This is Pepa. Unless “it” is “a new way to fuck up everything they’re planning”, it’s not going to happen.
Mia and her friends are all set to go to the hairdresser, but Feli and Luna are both missing. Mia flips her shit; meanwhile, Marizza finds Feli eating her feelings in the not-library. Feli blows Marizza off and runs out of there once Simon shows up, and Marizza realizes that Feli still likes him. For some reason. She asks Simon to dance with Feli at the party, and Simon’s like, “What about you?” Marizza will be dancing with her designated love interest, Simon. It’s not you, so keep up. Chiche rolls up and drags Simon off, and Marizza looks at Pablo’s ring — which she’s wearing — and remembers him saying that he wants to be her date at the party. Aw.
Dunoff won’t let Mia & co. leave school to go to the salon. You’d think Papa C would’ve cleared that ahead of time. Sandra randomly shows up in the shot and tells the girls that she’ll do their hair for them.
Mansilla rolls into Marizza’s room like it’s normal. Wow, it’s been ages since any of the teachers inappropriately walked into a student’s bedroom. I almost forgot how frequently it used to happen. Mansilla has a present for Marizza that Sonia sent. It’s an ugly-ass necklace, and Marizza groans that she hates it. Then Dunoff tells her that she has another present in the parking lot, and it’s this gigantic box taking up all the space in the road. Sonia runs out and sings “Happy Birthday” to Marizza at top volume, while a bunch of students gawk. Damn, that’s awkward. Anyway, the box opens up, and it’s an…ATV? Aren’t those things notoriously dangerous? Maybe I’ll get to watch something bad happen to Marizza after all! Dunoff and Renata come to see what the fuss is all about, and they’re all scandalized.
In Mia’s room, all the girls are excitedly getting ready, but Mia’s over in some corner, emoing about how her mom can’t be at her quince. You know, because she’s dead and all. They decide to go through Mia’s Sad Mom Box to help her remember stuff. Dig that continuity! Mia finds a necklace of her mother’s, and says she’s going to wear it even though it doesn’t go with her dress. Hey, didn’t that box have a dress of her mom’s in it? Couldn’t Mia wear that? Scratch what I said about digging the continuity. Then Mia gets a letter and it completely freaks her out, for some reason. We go through like, two dramatic cliffhangers in the scene before Mia finally brings the letter to Sonia. We don’t get to hear what it says, but it’s apparently some kind of cruel letter purporting to be from either Papa or Mama C. Sonia muses that it’s the work of an adult, i.e. Mercedes. Mia’s like, “Do you think she’s really that much of a telenovela villain?” and Sonia’s like, “Duh, she’s also trying to trap your dad into marriage,” and Mia’s like, “WHAT?” Man, Sonia, stop talking.
Who’s even giving the letter to Mia? It’s unclear.
Tomás and Guido apologize to Mansilla for forging his signature. That was like a million years ago, in telenovela time! Or maybe it just feels that way because I’ve been hella busy. Anyway, Mansilla’s like, “Whatever,” and changes the subject like three times before leaving. Tomás and Guido feel bad and decide that they have to make Mansilla the dean again. They ask Renata to reinstate him, and she says she already offered, but he turned it down. She suggests that it’s a little weird that Mansilla wouldn’t want return to his post, if they get her drift. “No, I don’t get it,” Guido says. “Me either,” adds Tomás. HA! Oh, Renata, you tried.
All the boys go to the cafeteria, but it’s closed, since Sandra has turned it into a salon. What, so the whole school starves because it’s a student’s birthday? All the boys start climbing over each other to try and see what’s going on. They’re all twitterpated to see the girls getting their hair done, getting waxed (just their legs, creeps), etc. Man, I was almost on the boys’ side about all this, but then they had to ruin it by being their usual stalkery selves. All the girls freak out when they realize the boys are spying on them, so they chase them down and force them to get their legs waxed too. Heh. It’s pretty funny, and Marizza and Mia cutely bond over their enjoyment of the boys’ pain.
Sonia walks in on Papa C getting dressed. She’s wearing just a towel, and he’s still in his underwear. Why do women on TV walk around in such tiny towels? It’s freezing when you get out of the shower. Blah blah arguing, blah blah UST blah.
So the thing Sonia asked Pepa to find was…Nacho. Jesus Christ, Pepa. The one time she has to come through with something, and she brings back of the most annoying characters. And on a show with a lot of annoying characters, that’s saying quite a bit. I guess we’re supposed to be happy Nacho is back. Pepa mentions the Justice Department, so I guess that was what that bit was all about. Oh, and Lito’s in jail again. Nacho’s like, “Whatever.” Pepa’s gonna take care of Nacho now. What? Pepa can’t even take care of herself. I’m torn, ’cause I don’t really care if Nacho has a good childhood or not; on the other hand, I can’t help but be slightly concerned for his welfare regardless. Anyway, everyone’s reunited and they’re all happy.
Everyone and their mom shows up to Elite Way for the party. They’re all dressed up super fancy and there’s a long line of cars. They can’t possibly know that many people. Anyway, in the gym, Lujan and Luna are arguing with their boyfriends about…something. Spying on them? Their dialogue is mixed with each other’s and the background music, so you can barely hear them. Anyway, Nacho sneaks up to surprise them and they all hug him and we have to go over all this emotional BS again. More importantly: dudes, they are listening to Mandy Moore! I always really liked her. “Crush” is still a fave.
Renata, Mansilla, and Hilario show up, discussing how Hilda isn’t coming to the party. And yet she does! I bet you’re shocked! She ices Hilario out and makes him pay for her cab. HEE!
Pablo and Tomás try to hit on Mia’s hot second cousins. What the fuck, Pablo? Were you not just trying to put a ring on it like five seconds ago? The girls are drinking alcohol, and Pablo and Tomás try to snag some from a waiter. They’re shut down by some rando (the emcee, I guess), who’s like, “Alcohol’s only for adults, the VERY YOUNG, UNDERAGE CHILDREN can drink orange juice!” Mia’s cousins laugh at them.
Mia’s group of friends stare off somewhere beyond the camera and marvel over how many rich people are at the party. Feli starts eating her feelings again, and the girls are like, “Shut up and look at the hot guys.” Where are these hot guys? Where?
Papa C thanks Manuel for keeping Blas away from the party. Then Sonia rocks up and starts needling him for meddling in the party. Uh, Sonia? Blas is literally a sexual predator. This is not the hill you want to die on. She keeps dropping hints to him about how, therefore, it’s okay to trick people into not coming to parties if there’s a good enough reason, if she gets his drift. Papa C’s like, “What? Sure, whatever.” Mercedes calls him, and Sonia accidentally-on-purpose knocks his phone to the floor and stomps on it. What is with that family and destroying other people’s possessions? Papa C is understandably upset, and then he and Sonia fight over whether or not you can just go around breaking shit that belongs to other people.
The emcee gets up on stage and introduces Mia and Marizza. He describes Mia as “attractive and seductive”, which, bro. She’s fifteen. He needs to go to the same jail as Blas. Mia comes out first, through a haze of smoke from a fog machine. Manuel’s all twitterpated at the sight of her. Marizza gets lowered to the floor on the top of a disco ball, while the Britney Spears version of “I Love Rock and Roll” plays. Pablo comes to help her off the ball, and it’s super awkward between them. Everyone is clapping, and Pablo’s smiling at her, and Marizza just stares back at him.
And then! AND THEN! Pilar walks along the rafters, eviling that everyone looks like they’re having SUCH FUN. She’ll show them fun! And then she pulls out a rifle. Jesus Christ, Pilar.
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