Opening monologue: I have to try to ~live my own life~, even though it’s not easy. I sincerely hope this has nothing to do with the accused-of-rape plot that was just introduced.
A note: I’m without Internet next week, so I’ll be on a break. I was going to try to finish the next two episodes and queue them up, but…it was too much effort. So I’ll see you dudes on the 16th!
Second note: about half of this episode is really funny. The other half is so rage-inducing I’m surprised I didn’t have an aneurysm. Proceed with caution.
Let’s catch up to speed: there’s some lady who keeps agreeing to meet up with guys over AIM or MSN or whatever, and is absolutely shocked when it ends poorly. Pablo, Guido, and Tomás tried to hook up with her daughters, but then they were like, “Actually, these other chicks are hotter.” Said other chicks turned out to be robbers and held them up at gunpoint, and stole Guido’s Playstation or whatever. Now the lady’s like, “They tried to rape my daughters!”
Before we get started, I want to go on a brief rant. One of my favorite series growing up was the Alice series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. I still consider them to be great books, and in an age where girls are being forced into femininity younger and younger, I think their depiction of realistic depiction of girlhood is ever more valuable. Except for one book, wherein one of Alice’s friends accuses a teacher of molesting her because she’s unhappy with her grade in his class. It’s some BS that those books were all about realistic coming-of-age issues — dating, independence, responsibility — except when it came to sexual assault. Then, all of a sudden, the real issue is that women are always lying about it, and what to do when you find out your friend is one of those liars! Not, you know, that an unfortunate number of male teachers abuse their positions of power over young women and girls, and what do you do if it happens to a friend (or even you). I’m not saying Rebelde Way is on the same level of quality as those books (or is even attempting to be) but again, for a show purporting to be about teenage issues, the about-face on sexual assault is galling. False rape accusations are so uncommon in real life, and reporting real rape is so traumatic for women that I personally find it offensive when people act like someone might do it for revenge or just for fun. The fact that it’s used as some wacky subplot here is BS.
ANYWAY. Obviously the boys deny it, and the lady demands to speak to Dunoff. Ha! Like that’s going to get her anywhere. And then, of course, Mansilla’s like, “But why did they agree to meet boys from the Internet?” They were asking for it! The lady and her daughters storm off, and Dunoff’s like, “Idk, I guess we should call their parents? Does that sound good?”
In the cafeteria, Luna’s ranting to Marizza and Lujan about Tomás. Of course, they’re all tickled that Luna dumped the bottle of wine on Tomás’s head. Heh. So am I. Marizza and Lujan are like, “Maybe one day, you’ll be just as violent as we are!” Then Nico comes in to thank Sandra for sending him the letter and getting his butt in gear re: Luna. Luna overhears this and is like, “What letter?”
Everyone files in to class. Mia and Vico beg Feli to talk to them, but she’s still mad at them for confiscating her junk food. Then, bizarrely, Marcos rocks up to needle Mia about being rude to Manuel. “Why do you hate him so much?” he wants to know. “I don’t hate him,” Mia says. “I just detest him and want the worst for him, that’s all.” Hee. Marcos stomps off to go help Manuel, who’s already being helped by Lujan. Diego (who I guess is also skipping class) tries to carry some books for Lujan, and she’s like, “I can bench press you, son.” Then she sees Marcos walk in and she’s like, “Oh, Diego, you’re so cute when you’re helping me carry things!” Diego’s like, “I brought you a Gogurt, too, my love!” THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. Marcos, on the other hand, is none too happy about all this.
AIM Lady goes to the police to complain, and then Mansilla comes in with Guido and is like, “Au contraire, the girls are actually the attempted rapists!” Oh, good, even better! Women lie about rape to cover up the fact that they’re actually rapists! Then Mansilla’s like, “Well, why don’t we get a coffee and talk this out reasonably?” Because A) going to the authorities isn’t a ~reasonable~ reaction to assault (see also, “Why didn’t you talk it out before publicly humiliating him?”). AIM Lady accepts, because you’ll recall that she was initially in this whole thing to get a date with Mansilla. So, B) women lie about rape because they really want you to date them.
I have lowered my standards for this show so much — the underage relationships, the perving on 15-year-old Luisana Lopilato, Guido in general…and yet. AND YET.
Hilda starts class, and everyone has magically reappeared (save Manuel, who is still shelving books, because I guess…everyone else ditched him), and Luna and Nico have disappeared to help Sandra with whatever. Oh, and Pablo and Tomás are off being punished, and by that I mean “not being in trouble at all because of Mansilla.” Anyway, Hilda says they’re going to have a cumulative test, because it’s not like these kids have managed to absorb any knowledge over the course of the year, and as usual, they get all offended by the concept of doing schoolwork. What are they going to do about it? I mean, they already played the “reunite the teacher with her septuagenarian love” card. Ah, but it turns out that’s why Hilda’s pissed and daring to give them a test: she thinks the students send the flowers under Hilario’s name. Okay, except there was no name on the card, and she just jumped straight to conclusions. This is really her own fault.
Back in the cafeteria, Luna is all angry that Sandra meddled in her life. Nico suggests that it was a good thing, so now they can be together again. Luna’s like, “In your dreams” (which is a pretty sick burn, for her), and storms out. Nico tries to follow, but Gloria shows up to drag him to the office. Nico’s dad has come to school, and — hey, I think this is the first time we’ve ever seen him? Anyway, like Guido’s dad before him, he knows that Nico’s having issues with his mom, but he has no idea what they are, because I guess nobody’s parents talk to each other. Nico admits that he broke up with Tatiana, and Papa Provenza’s all understanding and actually a good parent about it. This must be why he almost died.
Mansilla takes AIM Lady out for coffee, and they have a hearty chuckle over the whole thing. The boys stood the girls up, the girls accused them of rape, that’s just how kids are! Bygones! AIM Lady blathers on about how she’s separated from her husband and totally single. Whatever, it’s not happening. She doesn’t even have a name. Mansilla tries to comfort her and puts his hand over hers. An excellent time for Renata to just randomly walk by the cafe and see them! Uh, shouldn’t she be at the school? Shouldn’t they all be at the school?
Blas swings by to needle Manuel about his manual labor, and Manuel remarks that he’s starting to wish he hadn’t covered for Blas in front of Papa C. Dude, I regretted that the moment it happened. Anyway, speaking of whom, Papa C’s like, “What up, I never do any work at my job so I can just roll up here whenever I feel like it.” He tells Manuel that he wants Manuel to come along to shop for Mia’s quince, and then he wants him to actually come to the quince, for…reasons. Maybe Manuel will finally stab Mia’s dad at her birthday party? Then Mia comes running up all, “Everything Manuel says is a lie!” Papa C’s like, “What?” and she quickly has to cover by pretending to still date Manuel. Papa C chirps that they’ll all go birthday party shopping together. It’ll be much fun! Later, Mia tells Blas what happened, and he muses that he doesn’t understand the game Manuel’s playing. I know, the idea of going after someone your own age is really foreign to Blas.
Diego passes Lujan and Marizza a cheat sheet, and they’re all twitterpated that they’ll be able to pass Hilda’s test. Or they could have paid attention in class. I know, I know, let’s not get crazy here.
In Pablo’s room, Pablo’s like, “Dang, if my dad ever finds out about this, I am hella screwed.” A good time for Papa B to walk in! Pablo and Tomás spill all, and Pablo’s like, “So…am I in trouble for being accused of rape?” Papa B’s like, “Pfft, no, happens to me all the time! Blurred lines, amirite?” He’s all pleased that Pablo is getting some, and when Pablo hits him up for a race car, he says he’ll buy him one. After Papa B leaves, Tomás remarks that Pablo must really like Marizza. Pablo’s like, “What I love is your CDs! And also Marizza.“
Renata thinks about Mansilla and his date with the AIM Lady, and gets all huffy. “Why do I even care about that guy?!” she wonders. Because you’re designated telenovela love interests, Renata! Embrace it! Hilda comes into the classroom and finds Diego’s cheat sheet, and Renata’s like, “Not surprised, children are liars.” Hee. She’s so unsuited to teach teenagers, and I love her for it.
Marizza finds Luna being emo in their room, and Luna says she’s sick of everyone messing with her life. Marizza’s like, “Well, maybe if you weren’t such a huge pushover, this wouldn’t happen to you.” Comforting! She tells Luna to stop martyring herself and set boundaries. Boundaries? On this show? What a concept.
Papa Provenza tells his wife that they should let Nico be happy, and Mama Provenza’s like, “Happy with a CATHOLIC?” Papa Provenza’s like, “Oh. He didn’t mention that part.”
Sadly for Pablo, when he rolls up to Marizza all, “Marizza, I got a car and I will totally race against Simon! Love me best!”, she’s just like, “Too late, I decided to finally throw Facundo a bone for always showing up when his actor could be on another show. I mean, not a better show, but another one, probably.” Facundo rolls up and Marizza gives him a hug while squealing over him. It’s funny how she and Lujan both refuse to kiss their respective fake love interests on the mouth. Tomás is like, “So…she’s literally dating another guy, does that mean I’ve won the bet?” Pablo’s like, “No,” and Tomás is like, “Oh.” Poor dumb Tomás.
Hilario meets with Mansilla, and he’s like, “Can you fix my relationship with Hilda for me?” Mansilla’s like, “You’re seventy years old, do it yourself.” Hilario’s like, “But I hear you’re rilly rilly good at fixing everything for everyone,” and Mansilla’s like, “…true.” Their brilliant plan apparently involves letting Hilario sit at Dunoff’s desk, and eventually Hilda walks in and sees him. I mean, it’s not Operation Barbarossa, but it worked, I guess.
Tomás apologizes to Luna and wails that Hilda’s history test was really hard, and Luna gives him a cheat sheet. Marizza’s like, “Didn’t I just tell you not to be a pushover?” “Who said the cheat sheet is any good?” Luna snarks. Marizza’s like, “You’re passive-aggressively fucking up his life! One of us! One of us!”
Manuel finishes with one of the bookshelves, and turns to the next. Oh, so the not-library has two whole bookshelves. Such learning! Anyway, Blas comes up and wants to know why Manuel didn’t sell out his illegal relationship to Papa C. I hate that this is the day that I’m asking the same questions as Blas. Manuel’s like, “You’ve caught me, I’m madly in love with you, but I know it can never be!” Heh. No, he snaps that when the time comes, he’ll confront Blas face to face, like a man. Well, I’m sure in twenty years when Mia looks back on this, she’ll be glad to know Manuel let Blas prey on her for the sake of his masculinity. Anyway, Manuel finally gets the bright idea to ask Lujan what she and Vico found out about Blas all those episodes ago. I like how everyone was like, “Blas is so weird! And creepy! We hate him!” and just ignored how Lujan and Vico have been walking around knowing about his secret past for like twenty episodes.
Papa B calls Pablo and tells him that he’s found a car for him, and Pablo’s like, “I also need one of your shady guys, on account of this being kind of illegal.” Papa B’s like, “One of us! One of us!” He sends some guy with a suspicious goatee to help Pablo out. It reflects badly on Gloria, frankly, that she just lets him waltz into the school. Pablo tells the guy that he needs him to get rid of Facundo’s car somehow. Tomás clutches his pearls all, “Omg, Pablo, how can you mess with Marizza and Facundo’s love?” Sure, now Tomás cares about the integrity of relationships.
Luna decides to finally stop dicking around and just talk to Nico about their relationship. They apologize for all the meddling and general stupidity and decide they want to be together, and they make out. Aw! Let’s enjoy these five minutes of sensibility before Nico’s parents fuck it all up again.
In Mia’s room, Feli gives her the cold shoulder. Then Vico walks in and tells Mia that Mercedes is waiting for her. Mia chirps that she’s going to make the outing so terrible that Mercedes will regret it forever, and waltzes out to the strains of (who else?) Avril Lavigne.
Facundo shows up with his car, and Pablo calls the shady guy to give him the license number. Oh, hey, the shady guy is the Rat! It’s been a while!
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