IDK why I scheduled these posts for Tuesdays and yet every four years I’m like [shocked pikachu] that I endup shitposting about a teen telenovela during a presidential election. Anyway, my country is fucking itself yet again, so here’s some wacky Rebelde Way shenanigans to distract you if you so wish.
Previously on Rebelde Way: Feli’s mom knows something, and she hopes that Feli isn’t going to tell her what she thinks she knows, because she knows something is up, and if what she thinks she knows is true, it will ruin Feli’s ENTIRE LIFE.
Upon hearing this at the end of the last episode, I put money on Feli’s mom noticing her weight gain but thinking that Feli was just overeating instead. As ever, though, I have overestimated this show. Actually, Feli’s mom merely thinks it’s suspicious that Lalo just so happens to be working at the newsstand around the corner from the school, and she thinks he and Feli are still together. “Why else would he be working so close by?” she asks. “Because this is a television show and we only have one outdoor set,” Feli doesn’t say.
Feli’s mom doesn’t buy that it was just a coincidence, so Feli gives her a half-truth: she admits that she still likes Lalo, but insists that she’s trying to get over him and she needs her mom’s help. Feli’s mom tells her that in order to get over Lalo, she needs to cling to her relationship with Maxi like a leech. Feli’s like, “Not the advice I was looking for, but okay.”
In the cafeteria, Guido tells Francisco and Tomás that they gotta start working on a way to get close to the Rio Negro girls again. Guido has a problem. You know girls are human beings and not like, limited edition objects, right? If you want to see other girls so bad, you can just physically leave your school to look at them. If you miss out on hitting on this specific group of girls, it’s not a human rights issue. Anyway, Tomás and Francisco both protest — Tomás because he’s paranoid about getting caught, Francisco because he’s not sure how well their girl disguises will hold up on the street, as the Rio Negro girls are going out shopping today. Guido is annoyed by their lack of commitment to Drag Motion: “How often in your life do girls like this come along?” he asks. Uh…like every ten episodes, Guido? Francisco is still stuck on the drag thing, and Guido insists that they should remain in disguise — that way they can follow the girls into their locker rooms, or maybe the bathroom! He actually says this! SO GROSS!
Tomás, at least, seems to be recognizing their rapid descent into sex offender status, and refuses to go. Sadly, Pilar has already cottoned on that he slept (literally) with one of the Rio Negro girls, and she comes storming in to the cafeteria and pours mayo on Tomás’s face. Hee.
Sonia is holding a meeting for her show’s cast and crew at Casa Colucci. She tells Papa C that they’re all very excited to meet him, and she wants him to meet her friends and coworkers, too. Papa C hems and haws that like, he agreed not to break up with her over her job, but he still totally thinks she and her people are beneath him. Not in those words. He says he’s having a meeting with Miranda and doesn’t have time to meet Sonia’s friends. Sonia is hurt but lets it go. Jesus. This run of episodes is almost as bad as the Bariloche arc in terms of all the men being shit.
Pilar tells Fernanda that she’s going to do whatever campaign the photographer had lined up for them, Tomás be damned. Speaking of, Tomás has run after her and wants to know why she dumped condiments on him. Pilar tells him to search his conscience, because he knows what he did. Hee. I mean, she’s not wrong, but Tomás continues to bleat that he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Pilar snaps that she’s not going to tell him because she doesn’t want to waste another thought on him. She stomps off and Fernanda’s like, “Idk what to tell you, bro.”
Between classes, Belen approaches Lujan. She’s like, “Lujan, I heard something upsetting, and I came to you for help because you and Marizza always manage to wiggle out of trouble somehow.” HEE! Belen tells Lujan that she thinks Pilar is pregnant — even though when Sol wanted to spread it all around school, Belen wanted to keep their traps shut because she was worried they didn’t know the full story? Well, whatever. “PILAR IS PREGNANT???” Lujan yells to the entire hall. Heh. Belen says that Sol is mad because Pilar stole her modelling dreams, and she’s probably going to tell Pilar’s secret to everybody as revenge. Lujan sighs that she’ll figure something out.
Guido makes plans to meet the Rio Negro girls at the mall in his San Nicolas girl disguise. Weirdly, he puts on this whispery voice while talking to them on the phone, that in no way sounds actually female. He just sounds like a dude trying to do ASMR. Tomás says he’ll come along since he’s mad at Pilar, and Guido and Francisco high-five him for joining them on the sex offender registry. Francisco asks where they’re going to get clothes from, since they can’t wear the outfits they found in the school’s storage room again. Guido says Feli’s clothes will probably fit them, so they can steal them from her. Oh great!!! More boundary-violating!! Every time I think this can’t get worse, it does.
I know it’s meant to be funny, but like…cross-dressing is not actually the same as what Guido’s doing? Like, it’s one thing to wear clothes traditionally associated with the opposite sex. Guido’s obsession with voyeurism and clothes-stealing, on the other hand, is pretty textbook “men who want to wear women’s bodies like a suit” behavior. In 20 years, Guido is going to be dancing around in front of a mirror asking, “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me.”
Feli frets to Laura and Pilar that she feels bad about getting Lalo injured so she didn’t have to go to her doctor’s appointment. Laura and Pilar say that Lalo must really love her if he was willing to throw himself in front of a car for her, and Pilar adds that Feli should hold on to Lalo, because guys like that are hard to find. Yeah, but Lalo was the one who didn’t use a condom while deflowering his high-school-aged girlfriend in the first place, so maybe let’s not praise him too highly. Anyway, then Lujan rolls up and asks if Pilar is pregnant, which Pilar emphatically denies. Tomás, Guido, and Francisco overhear this bit, but run away before Feli says that she’ll tell Lujan everything. We cut away before Feli actually says that she’s pregnant, though.
Over in wherever the hell they are, Erreway packs up to go back to school. (However, they will not actually be returning to school in this episode, for maximum padding out of this plot.) Sabrina tells Manuel that she thinks they really got along well on this tour, and maybe they should get back together. Manuel says that he enjoyed her company too, but he’s not ready to get back in a relationship. He thanks her for caring about him anyway — “It’s been a long time since anyone looked after me like this.” I mean, only because you pushed away Mia and Papa C every time they tried to help you, Manuel. Sabrina then pulls out what I assume is her trump card: she tells Manuel that, since he still needs to work for his medication, she can help him break up with the band and become a solo artist. Before Manuel can say anything, Mia shows up and asks what’s going on. “Manuel has to tell you something,” Sabrina says. Drama! Time for a commercial break!
Guido, Francisco, and Tomás break into the girls’ room and steal the girls’ clothes. Tomás wants to wear a skirt, so Guido and Francisco decide to wax his legs so as to not give him away. Because he can’t just wear tights? Whatever. So they wax his legs and it’s basically the same thing that they already did in season one. Tomás screams, and Michi overhears them. We pull back to see that they’re in the girls’ bathroom, and Michi runs up to listen at the door. Drama! Time for…another commercial break! Literally 2 minutes after the last one!
Anyway, once that’s over, we cut back to Michi banging on the door, asking what’s going on. Before she can break down the door, however, Feli comes up and says that she needs to talk to her. She takes Michi down to the basement and tells her that she wants Michi to be “the godmother”, because she’s so grateful to Michi for helping her and teaching her to fight for her love. Michi’s like, “Well, that’s super sweet and I am honored, but you kind of skipped getting married and having a kid first.” Heh. Feli tells her that she’s already pregnant, and to her credit, Michi is very kind to her while also trying to make it clear that having a baby is a life-changing event. Feli’s like, “Don’t worry, it’s going to be awesome!” and Michi just hugs her while looking worried.
Over in the lounge, Lujan, Pilar, and Laura discuss how they’re going to hide Feli’s pregnancy as it progresses. Lujan says that they should keep pretending that Pilar is the pregnant one to keep the attention off Feli. Pilar’s like, “Wow, thanks.” Lujan and Laura point out that Pilar’s not really pregnant, so…somehow she won’t get in any trouble at all? I mean, she still has to bear the brunt of all the gossip, plus what are they going to do when Feli starts showing? Well, whatever. The girls are like, “It’s genius!”
Lujan and Javier go to the cafeteria together. Lujan tells him that she’s happy he’s spending time with her, but she hopes he’s not pitying her, because she hates pity. Javier tells her that what he feels for her isn’t pity. “What is it, then?” derps Lujan. Javier leans in to kiss her, but then Marcos walks in and immediately trips over a chair. HEE. Marcos wails that he needs to go to the nurse and asks Lujan to take him. Javier seethes at being foiled.
Sonia’s theater friends and coworkers come over, and Sonia introduces them to Papa C. Papa C is all classist and homophobic, being especially put off by the flamboyant director Sammy. Then Miranda comes over and he’s like, “What a fascinating group of people!” but Papa C hustles him off to his office before Miranda can get a good look at what’s going on. He hisses to Sonia that he can’t believe she would make him look upon her friends with his own two eyes and Sonia’s like, “Well, look somewhere else, then.” Heh. Sammy calls Papa C handsome and Papa C scurries off, presumably because he thinks homosexuality is airborne.
Meanwhile, Guido, Francisco, and Tomás walk out in public, wearing Feli’s clothes. She’s going to have to burn those later for sure. Boys whistle at them and a car honks at them, until the boys grab their crotches — Tomás literally flashes the driver; I’m not sure whether to be relieved that they didn’t steal Feli’s underwear or horrified that he’s going commando in her skirt — and run off. Ah, yes, being a girl is all fun and games until someone sexually harasses you, then you can just slide right back into being a dude. I hate all three of them. Anyway, they walk for like two minutes and decide they’re tired, and Etchamendi just happens to come across them by the side of the road. Hey, Etchamendi! Long time no see!
Lujan’s helped Marcos sit down in the hallway and tells him that the nurse will come find him. She gets up to leave, and Marcos jumps up after her, revealing that he is not in fact injured. Oh, Marcos. Lujan snaps at him to stop trying to get her attention and meddle in her life, and Marcos is like, “But meddling is all we ever do on this show!” He says that he can’t stand seeing her with Javier — fair enough, me either, Marcos — and adds that Lujan can’t date her best friend’s ex-boyfriend. “That’s just like, the rules of feminism!” he doesn’t say. Lujan says that Marizza isn’t her best friend anymore — and neither is Marcos or anyone she used to care about (presumably not including Javier), because they’ve all failed her when she needed them most. Marcos deduces that she thinks Blas has abandoned her (by dying?), and Lujan snaps that she’s going to find new people to care about, who won’t hurt her. Ah yes, Lujan, your judgment on that front surely won’t lead you astray.
Back in the middle of the street, Etchamendi is asking Tomás if he needs help or a glass of water or something. Tomás obviously wants him to just go away, but Etchamendi is like, “I’m just trying to help you, young lady! WHY WON’T YOU LET ME HELP YOU?” I mean, if Tomás really had been a girl, I don’t think Etchamendi’s body language would be all that comforting — he keeps grabbing Tomás’s arm and shaking him. Eventually, Tomás squeaks that he’s been robbed, so Etchamendi gives him some money for a taxi to get home. He leaves and the boys are thrilled that they’ve not only gotten away with their disguises, they’ve gotten some extra money out of it. Being a girl is like, so easy!
Lalo comes by Elite Way, looking for Feli. Michi immediately grabs him by the shirtfront and asks what the hell he was thinking, not using protection. It was Feli’s first time, and he should’ve taken care to make sure she didn’t get pregnant, and now he’s ruined her life, and how very dare he! I mean, she’s not wrong. Lalo rolls his eyes and tells Michi not to be a killjoy, because he’s going to marry Feli and take care of everything. Like, that’s nice and all, but the fact stands that he is older than Feli, knows way more about sex than she does, and really should’ve taken more care to see that she didn’t get pregnant in the first place? And marrying her won’t change the fact that her life is going to change drastically? Whatever. Michi is reassured by this. Feli comes in and they all group hug. Michi suggests that they name their baby after her, and everyone has a hearty chuckle.
The festivities are interrupted when Feli’s mom walks in and asks what’s going on. Lalo claims that he’s only here to try and get compensation from the Mitres, since they caused him to miss a day of work by bumping him with their car. Feli’s mom ushers Feli and Michi out of the room, and she asks Lalo how much money he wants to stay away from Feli. Lalo is offended and storms out.
Over at Casa Colucci, Papa C finishes up his meeting with Miranda and tells Sonia that Miranda found a suspicious folder in Dunoff’s office, so he thinks they have a good starting point for their investigation. “You don’t say,” Sonia deadpans. She snaps at him for being a dick to her friends and tells him that she doesn’t like all of his capitalist bros either, but she makes an effort, because she knows Papa C likes them. “And if you weren’t so selfish, you would do the same for my friends!” she says.
Guido, Francisco, and Tomás go to the mall, and naturally the first thing they see is Pilar and Fernanda’s ad — which, hilariously, is like the size of a postcard in the shop window. Tomás surely only saw the ad with the help of Plot Glasses. Anyway, he immediately flips out, but then the Rio Negro girls show up and the boys forget about Pilar.
In the cafeteria, Feli is fretting over what her mom and Lalo might have talked about, while the other girls assure her that Lalo won’t be scared off by her mom. I mean, yeah, she already called the cops on him who rolled up with guns blazing, so I feel like she’s already played her trump card, short of calling in like, the Mafia. If that didn’t put Lalo off, he’s in it for life. They hush up when they notice Sol eavesdropping on them, and Pilar decides to loudly brag about her modelling campaign instead. Sol snarks that she didn’t know pregnant girls were allowed to model bikinis, and flounces off before Pilar can try to rip her hair out. Heh. Lujan — and Feli, for some reason — chase after Sol and say that they don’t know if Pilar is actually going to go through with having the baby, so if Sol could keep her trap shut, that would be great. Wow, are they obliquely referring to an abortion here? That’s pretty bold. Anyway, Sol agrees not to say anything. I don’t know why Feli had to be here for this.
Once Sol leaves, Feli asks Lujan why she’s helping her, and Lujan gives a speech about how she thought Feli was just a spoiled rich girl, but she realizes now that Feli is actually going to go through with the pregnancy, and she’s all full of admiration for what a good mom Feli will be. Or…you could’ve just not judged Feli when you first met her, Lujan?
Meanwhile, Erreway has broken down in the middle of nowhere, and they’re all mad that Manuel and Sabrina have ditched them so that Manuel can go on performing without them. Well, Pablo is mad — everyone else ranges from “mildly resigned” (Mia) to “blaming Sabrina for pressuring Manuel into staying on tour” (Rocco). Vico, for her part, is mostly just worried about the fact that they’ve abandoned the tour that was supposed to keep her away from her abusive dad. That’s what I’m saying! What Lujan’s going through is sad and all, but why is cancelling the tour for Lujan somehow morally superior to protecting Vico or Pablo from their abusive fathers? Rocco suggests that Vico talk to that lady he found, who deals with teens in abusive home situations. Vico is offended that he wants to get adults involved.
Back at the mall, two guys see Tomás and one of the Rio Negro girls together, and immediately decide that of the two of them, they want to hit on Tomás. On the one hand, I find this unrealistic because girls IRL are so often criticized for looking “mannish” — would any guy this douchey actually go for a girl with broad shoulders or who was taller than him? On the other hand, there are plenty of men who are soaked in overly made-up, sexualized images of women to the point that they have a hard time IDing butch women as female, so I guess it’s not surprising that they might mistake Tomás for a girl purely because he’s wearing a wig and a skirt.
Anyway, one of the guys grabs Tomás’s ass, and Tomás is all, “How dare!” Fists start flying, and Guido and Francisco jump into the fray to defend Tomás’s honor. It’s so wrong when a guy disrespects your boundaries like that! Unlike pretending to be a girl to spy on girls changing, which is totally different! I hate all three of them. I hope those other guys break their faces. In the fray, their wigs come off, and the girls finally realize that they’re dudes. They’re rightfully upset and Guido’s like, “But we only spied on you in your underwear! Nothing actually happened!!!!”
I hate him so much. Now that Blas is gone, I am free to direct 100% of my hate towards Guido, with maybe an occasionally 30% carved off to fire at Francisco. HE IS RAPEY GARBAGE.
Lola goes to the hospital to see her bio mom, only to find that Mama Arregui is already there. I mean…how did Lola even find her bio mom to begin with? Is there only one hospital in Jujuy? Didn’t the people at her mom’s house tell her that they didn’t know where she was? OH MY GOD, WHATEVER.
Pilar tells her mom that there’s a rumor going around that she’s pregnant, but it’s totally not true, so she shouldn’t be worried if say, Sol, tries to rat her out. Mama D’s like, “Oh, okay.” Sadly for Pilar, Sol instead tells Mama D about Pilar’s secret modelling career instead, and Mama D is not happy that Pilar’s been posing for photos in a bikini in front of God and everybody. Weirdly, she’s mostly just upset because she thinks Tomás and Dunoff will be upset. Like…to be totally honest, I can see how, as a mother, she wouldn’t want Pilar to be taking sexy photos at the age of 16? Or at the very least, she’s appalled at the lack of parental supervision? But instead she’s just like, “I can’t believe you’re going to make my ex-husband and your ex-boyfriend mad!” Please have some perspective, Mama D.
Miranda catches the boys sneaking back into school and asks to look in the bag they’re carrying. It’s crazy to realize that this wouldn’t happen if they just…had backpacks in this school. Anyway, he finds the bra and is like, “Do I want to know?” The boys bluster that they’re actors and they were just rehearsing for a show they’re putting on with the fifth-years, in which they play transvestites. It’s very All About My Mother. Miranda buys this, for some reason, even though he should know damn well that Elite Way doesn’t have a drama club or indeed any extracurriculars at all.
The boys go back to the girls’ room and start putting Feli’s clothes away, but naturally Feli, Pilar, and Laura walk in on them. Feli’s like, “What are you doing with my skirt?” and snatches it away from Tomás. Ew. Feli, you’re going to want to wash your hands after touching that. And maybe burn the skirt. Laura says she’s going to tattle to Michi, but instead the girls settle for kicking the boys out of their room. No! Tell Michi! For the love of God, install some locks on the doors!
Papa B shows up at school and makes a beeline for the office. Miranda intercepts him and wants to know who he is and what he’s doing. I find it hard to believe that, even in 2003, Miranda has never seen a photo of Papa B? Anyway, Papa B swings his dick around and say that he’s one of the school’s owners, and he doesn’t need to explain himself to a mere teacher. After he leaves, Miranda asks Michi what Papa B was doing, and Michi says that he left with a folder. Miranda’s face falls as he realizes that this is probably the mysterious folder he was looking at earlier, with all the evidence of Papa B’s sketchiness.
Nevertheless, he reassures Michi that everything is fine, and Michi sighs that she’s going to go finish up her shift with the relaxing knowledge that everything is FINE and NOTHING could happen to heap more work on her in these last couple of hours! Aaaand then the Rio Negro girls come in, shrieking about how three boys snuck into their room dressed as girls. Michi’s like, “Golly, you’d really have to be a genius to figure out who the boys were, since they were in disguise, so let’s just not do it so I can finish up my shift.” MICHI, I SWEAR TO GOD. The girls say the boys were in fourth or maybe fifth year, and Miranda’s like, “Fourth year? Aw, shit.”
He leaves to go find the boys, and Michi’s like, “Well, maybe we can all sit down and talk this out and be friends?” The Rio Negro girls are rightly like, “This school is garbage and we don’t want to stay here a minute longer.” Well, they aren’t wrong.
Miranda gathers the fourth year boys and asks the Rio Negro girls to ID them. The girls are a bit hesitant, although they single out Guido. Thankfully, Feli arrives, shrieking that her skirt is torn — the one Tomás had been wearing — and she knows Tomás, Guido, and Francisco borrowed it. The Rio Negro girls immediately say that those were the three boys who snuck into their room, and one girl yells that Tomás was the one who slept in her bed. Everyone starts yelling, and poor Feli is just kind of in the background, with everyone ignoring her horror at the boys wearing her bras.
Meanwhile, Javier has taken Lujan outside to talk to her. Lujan points out that he’s missing Miranda’s interrogation, but Javier’s like, “Eh, I’m not part of that subplot, don’t worry.” He tells her that he has something more important to do. “What’s that?” Lujan asks, and Javier’s like, “Set up another fake relationship to keep you and Marcos from getting back together until the very last minute.” He kisses her, and naturally that’s just when Erreway gets back to school. Marizza’s like, “Is that LUJAN?” Aw, man. Even Marizza doesn’t deserve to see such a horrific sight.
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