Oh hello, I’m alive! I wish I had a good reason for why I went radio silent for almost four months, but the truth is just that I’ve been very unmotivated in…my entire life in general recently. Every time I opened up a document to start a post, I got stuck and couldn’t think of a single funny thing to write, and then I just put it off and put it off until it was way past a couple of weeks late, and then I just didn’t want to think about it because I felt guilty about not updating. BUT ANYWAY. I’ve promised to get back on track before and it didn’t happen, so I won’t say anything certain about getting back on a schedule for now, but I am most definitely planning to finish Rebelde Way one way or another, even if it kills me. If you don’t want to keep checking this site for potential sporadic posts, you can always follow me on Twitter so you can get updates on your timeline instead. (I think there’s also a way to follow me here on WordPress but idk what it is!)
That said, quite a few people have actually left comments checking in, which was incredibly sweet of you guys! I really appreciate everyone who reads this blog and I honestly enjoy hearing most everyone’s thoughts, and I hope I can start posting more regularly again soon. I hope all of you are doing well and staying safe out there! People in my city are not social distancing at all, and I hope the man who sat DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME ON AN EMPTY TRAIN the other day is feeling a sense of shame right now.
So anyway, let’s jump into this episode. The girls arrive at the field for soccer practice and are greeted by the sight of Maxi in a helicopter, flying a banner that says FELI I LOVE YOU. He’s bleating the sentiment over a megaphone as well as he flies the helicopter around. All the girls — read: Sol and Fernanda — are like, “OMG, I can’t believe he rented out a helicopter for a FAT GIRL.” Feli is not impressed at all and tries to hide from him.
Back at school, Feli’s mom yells at Dunoff for letting her daughter be groped by that horrid working-class cafeteria boy. Dunoff is like, “Omg, Feli and Lalo are DATING?” You…you literally saw them together, Dunoff. Feli’s mom demands that he fire Lalo even though surely that would just give him more free time to creep on Feli. It’s not like Elite Way is an actual school that would keep Feli preoccupied with homework and extracurriculars, after all. Dunoff’s like, “See, it would just be really awkward, because we already re-hired him after firing him for something that wasn’t his fault, so doing it again would be kind of embarrassing.” Feli’s mom warns him that she’s capable of doing anything for her daughter. Anything besides, you know, not crushing her self-esteem or trying to marry her off to some mouth-breather.
Meanwhile, Javier’s trapped Marizza in a basement and is yelling at her for choosing Pablo over a Nice Guy like him. Marizza tells him that he’s acting just a little bit like a serial killer, and maybe he should just sit back and respect her choice. “For me, the ends justify the means,” Javier creeps at her. “Well, these ends are turning you into a bad person,” Marizza says. I mean…better late than never, but Javier has been a bad person, Marizza! This is not a new development!
After Javier frees her (presumably, this comes after we cut away), Marizza tells Lujan what happened. Lujan clutches her pearls all, “How could Javier do such a thing!” Lujan is like one of those Hermione/Draco shippers that wrote so much Draco In Leather Pants fanfiction that they forgot what he was actually like. Mia comes in and tells Marizza and Lujan that she got permission for her and Marizza to leave school to go on a family trip, if Marizza gets her drift. Marizza’s like, “Are you dumb? I don’t want to go on a trip with our parents.” Mia’s like, “No, dummy, that was CODE for SNEAKING OFF TO GO ON AN ERREWAY TOUR.” Heh. Marizza’s like, “Oh.” She goes off with Mia, but warns Lujan not to dig any further into this Blas thing without her. Just ditch her, Lujan! Start investigating crime with Vico again! God, I miss their Odd Couple friendship so bad.
Ines comes by to see Pablo. She tells him that his dad has been ignoring him and hiding out in the countryside for these past few weeks, but he finally wants to see Pablo, so it would be cool if Pablo could be here this weekend. Pablo snipes that he won’t in fact be here, as he’ll be on tour with Erreway, which his mom signed off on. He doesn’t actually say “You’re not my real mom” to Ines, but whatever, it’s implied.
Meanwhile, Mia apparently didn’t think through her plan to trick Papa C and Sonia into letting her and Marizza go on tour, because her next step is…ask Francisco for help. Marizza’s like, “Doesn’t he hate you because you friendzoned him and all the boys in our school are incapable of maintaining platonic friendships with girls?” Mia tries to talk to Francisco anyway, but he snipes that he doesn’t want to help her.
Back at the soccer field, Sol runs off to go…be evil somewhere else, I don’t know. Meanwhile, all the girls are fretting that playing sports isn’t feminine and how will boys ever like them if they see the girls wearing shorts and no makeup??? Their lisping coach tells them that it’s 2003, dammit, and Melanie Chisholm didn’t spend the entire second half of the ’90s in a tracksuit for girls to worry that boys won’t like them if they pLaY sPoRtS. I feel like the girls have had this conversation with at least three different teachers and yet the lesson never sinks in.
(Side note: Full offense, the Argentine dialect is the Spanish equivalent of Danish. Half the people on this show talk like they’ve got a potato in their mouths.)
In Dunoff’s office, he tasks Miranda with stalking Feli, because that won’t be weird at all. Miranda says as much, and Dunoff’s like, “If you aren’t prepared to inappropriately cross boundaries with female students, then what are you even doing here?” Miranda asks for some time to think on it.
After Miranda leaves, Manuel and Pablo waltz in. Their master plan re: taking time off school is to just…tell Dunoff that they’re going on tour and hoping he’ll be okay with it, apparently. Dunoff flips out and tells them that they’re certainly not going anywhere. Manuel and Pablo are like, “Wow, we can’t believe that didn’t work.”
Mia and Marizza arrive at Casa Colucci-Rey, and Mia says she’ll do the talking with their parents. And by that, she apparently means that she’s going to pretend to faint as soon as they get home? And then, a few scenes later, we cut to Mia and Marizza both waking up because…after Mia fainted, Papa C and Sonia were like, “I guess they both need a nap”? WHAT TIME IS IT EVEN?
Back at school, Ines tells Javier that Pablo is refusing make time to meet with Papa B, since Pablo is going on tour. Javier’s all “Quel interessant” even though I bet he’s going to do nothing interesting with this information, as usual. Ines says that she’s going to keep mum about the Erreway tour, since even she feels bad about Papa B crushing Pablo’s dreams every chance that he gets. Javier’s like, “You do that.” He then asks for Papa B’s number under the pretense of apologizing to him for…whatever he did in the last episode. Javier calls Papa B and wails that he’s so sorry and he loves Papa B like a father — he doesn’t understand why Pablo doesn’t appreciate having a father, and why he insists on doing rebelde things like going on tour!
At Mia’s house, Marizza calls Lujan and asks if they can hang out, because Mia is driving her crazy. After…one day? Half of which they spent unconscious? WHAT DAY IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE? Anyway, Lujan BSes that she’s going to hang out with Laura and hangs up. But then she runs into Laura, who starts ranting to her about how her family situation has gotten real weird ever since they found out Lola was adopted. She’s like, “Anyway, I don’t want to go home and deal with all that tension, so let’s hang out!” Lujan BSes that she’s hanging out with Marizza.
Mia tries calling Francisco, but he’s still ignoring her. She and Marizza are like, “Well, since our friends don’t want to hang out, let’s get on with convincing our parents to let us go on tour.” Because they were just…not going to do it if their friends weren’t busy? What was the point of going home, then? Oh my God, WHATEVER.
Anyway, outside, Papa C and Sonia worry over Mia’s fainting episode. They wonder if she might have whatever Manuel has. Telenovelaneosis is a highly contagious disease that can strike at any time! You know what, guys, some of us are quarantined because of coronavirus. WE HAVE REAL PROBLEMS.
(Not me, though, because my work sells pens and paper, so we’re skating by on a somewhat technical definition of an “essential service.”)
Marizza comes outside and I guess it’s the next day because it looks like they’re having breakfast? Whatever. She spins Papa C and Sonia a whole story about how she couldn’t sleep because Mia was tossing and turning all night. Everyone at school knows that something’s wrong with Mia — she doesn’t eat, doesn’t sleep, doesn’t do her hair…”WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SHE DOESN’T DO HER HAIR?” Papa C gasps. Hee. Marizza goes on about how Mia’s lost the will to live because Papa C won’t let her go on tour. Papa C goes off to talk to Mia, and Sonia says that she knows this is an obvious ploy to get Papa C’s permission to let them go. Marizza’s like, “You mean let Mia go, because you already gave me permission.” Sonia says that they’re a family now, and thus, all four of them have to reach an agreement together. Marizza huffs that this isn’t very Independent Women Part 1 of her.
Etchamendi rolls up on Dunoff while Dunoff is golfing. He asks if Dunoff is still maintaining Elite Way’s rigid Victorian class divisions, or if he’s being all modern and letting poor working-class boys grope the nice rich girls. Etchamendi tells him to fire Lalo under false pretenses again. He’s like, “What’s he gonna do, sue us for wrongful discrimination?” He also adds that Miranda is like, actually a pretty famous art teacher and they’re lucky to have a teacher who’s even remotely competent in the subject he teaches, so if Dunoff could just let him do his job, that would be great. Dunoff’s like, “But letting teachers teach is the antithesis of everything this school is about!”
Sol is back at school, calling Maxi. Even though…they were both at the football field? Why didn’t she just talk to him there? Whatever. She tells him that she has something very interesting to tell him about Feli, but he has to come to school to hear it, for maximum drama. But then Maxi gets to school and Sol does not tell him anything that we can hear; instead she just gives him a present and tries to buy his love. She offers to help him win Feli back and they scurry off together. Fernanda and Belen witness this and sigh that they can’t believe Feli broke up with a millionaire.
Mama D comes to talk to Dunoff and he’s like, “OMG, are you here to ask if I want to get back together? Because I totally do. Let’s get married again!” Mama D’s like, “…no, absolutely not.” Heh. She’s actually here to talk about how Tomás is cheating on Pilar. Dunoff’s like, “I’ll kill him! No one pays attention to the kids at this school; no one will ever know that he’s missing!” Mama D tells him to chill out. She apparently has her own plan to sweat Tomás out; when he and Pilar come by, she gives him a folder that she says is for English class.
Pablo comes to Casa Colucci-Rey to see Marizza. Marizza tells him that Javier hit on her. Pablo gets all mad, but Marizza says that she is never ever getting back together with Javier and she’s only telling him because they’re trying that whole communication thing. They change the subject to the Erreway tour, and Marizza brings up the fact that, if Papa B finds out about the tour — I wonder how that might happen! — then he’ll definitely murder Pablo and possibly the rest of Erreway, just for the sake of being thorough. Pablo’s like, “But we have each other and the power of love will save us!” Then they make out up against a tree in a scene that I have seen gif’d about eight million times.
Mia comes up and sees them kissing, and fantasizes that it’s her and Manuel macking it in her parents’ backyard. No, Mia! Love yourself! You are a strong, independent woman! I mean — actually no, she’s not, but she could be if she got over Manuel!
Mia tells Marizza that Papa C wants to meet with the two of them. Papa C and Sonia give Mia and Marizza permission to go on our. They’re like, “Have fun, just make sure to be responsible!” Why doesn’t Sonia go with them and at least pretend to chaperone? It’s not like she has a job. Actually, they could just send Michi, since she’s barely a receptionist and she’s — usually — pretty levelheaded. Hey, remember when Sonia and Michi were friends? Anyway, Papa C and Sonia say that they’ll work out a way for Manuel to go too, so basically they’re all off the hook. Glad we resolved that in like five minutes!
Lujan goes off to some clinic. We open her scene with the doctor saying, “Let me get this straight, you’re Ricardo Fara’s sister and you need his medical history to give to his current doctor?” Wow, thank you for conveniently repeating the setup for this scene! Some older doctor rocks up and says that he knows Ricardo Fara doesn’t have a sister — he knows this because he’s Blas’s former doctor. Lujan’s like, “Okay, fine, I’m just a good friend of his and I want to know what’s wrong with him because he’s acting like, even more creepy and abusive than usual.” How the doctor doesn’t question Blas having friends is beyond me. Instead he’s like, “Wow, even creepier than usual? That is worrying.” But then he doesn’t give her Blas’s medical file because that would be a HIPAA violation. I can’t believe one (1) person on this show has demonstrated responsibility over someone’s sensitive personal information.
Back at school, Manuel is emo-ly playing his guitar. Sabrina shows up with all their tour information and says that she’s going with them. She’s booked the hotel, and she and Manuel are going to share a room! Platonically! Even Manuel thinks that’s a bad idea, but he doesn’t argue much because he is weak. Manuel then calls Mia and Marizza, who tell him that everything’s been sorted and they can all go on tour via Papa C and Sonia’s machinations. Instead of being happy, this makes Sabrina all whiny that they’ve figured out everything without her, and they don’t nEeEed her anymore. Doesn’t her whole plan to seduce Manuel on tour hinge on him going, though? So this is a good thing? Sabrina and Javier are similar in that their evil plans make no sense. They belong together, tbh.
Sabrina walks away, and then immediately gets a call from someone telling her that actually, the tour is NOT ALL ARRANGED. Drama!
Guido tells Augustina that he has somewhere very important to be this weekend. She wants to hang out with him, but he tells her not to worry her pretty little girly head about his affairs and runs off. Initially I thought that he was going to pay off Jenny’s pimp, but no, he’s actually going on a date with one of the girls from the sports club. But then he leaves the envelope with Augustina’s money behind, so Augustina follows him anyway to give it back. She catches him with the sports club girl and dumps him. Guido’s all, “BUT THE MONEY!” Oh my God, did he not even think about paying off the prostitution ring before cheating on the girl who gave him the money? Guido is so fucking dumb.
Lalo invites Feli to his house over the weekend to meet his mom, but they’ve only been there for like five minutes before a neighbor comes by and says that there’s been some emergency. Lalo’s mom won’t be home tonight and the neighbors are watching his sisters, so Lalo and Feli have the house to themselves! Feli immediately gets all jumpy and nervous about being alone with a boy, and he assures her that they don’t have to do anything that she doesn’t want to. The boys on this show talk a big game about respecting girls’ choices, but the next time Feli does something Lalo doesn’t like, he’s going to be all grabbing her face and yelling at her again. Anyway, Feli says she doesn’t want to have sex yet and Lalo tells her not to worry. He’s like, “I mean, I am going to knock you up while you’re still a junior in high school, but like, not tonight.”
Erreway is rehearsing in a classroom. Singing live while one of them plays an instrument! Crazy how they can never seem to break these skills out during an actual concert. Anyway, Sabrina comes in and tells them that the entire tour is off, because all the venues are closed due to coronavirus. Just kidding. Actually, all of their sponsors suddenly and mysteriously decided to stop supporting the tour. Everyone starts yelling about how this could have possibly happened, until eventually Sabrina snaps that she’ll try calling around, but Erreway should probably stop wasting their time rehearsing. Yeah, they’re just going to lip-sync to the album track anyway, so who cares?
After she leaves, everyone immediately looks at Pablo. HEE! He’s like, “What?” and Marizza’s like, “You have to admit, this is a classic Papa B move.” Pablo’s all “NO PUEDE SER!” even though…siempre lo es??? Come on, Pablo. He calls Ines who tells him that Papa B is still out in the countryside, and Pablo takes that as confirmation that Papa B couldn’t possibly have done this. Because phones don’t exist?
Cut to: Papa B using his phone to call one of Erreway’s sponsors and pressure them to stop supporting the tour. What did I just say?
After leaving the clinic, Lujan goes to Blas’s house. Wow, that seems safe when you think he’s a serial killer and know that he’s an unstable creep. He snarks that she’s probably here to gloat over her girl detective-ing, but she’s like, “Ugh, no, your stupid doctor wouldn’t violate medical ethics and give me all of your information.” So she’s just here to…hang out?
The kids invite their ex-sponsors to the school to figure out what’s going on. The sponsors BS that their teen pop music is just too rebellious and they can’t, in good conscience, support such politically divisive work. Everyone is really out here acting like Erreway sang “Anarchy in the U.K.”, Jesus. The kids insist that they’re only singing what youths REALLY feel, and maybe the adults should learn to listen to them! Parents just don’t understand, man! The sponsors just shrug that parents are the ones paying for the tickets, so them’s the breaks.
Feli and Lalo sit around, not having sex, and Lalo is all emo. He tells Feli that he just loves her so much that it’s super hard (if you get his meaning) to stop at just second base with her. Feli’s like, “Well…if we really love each other that much, then I do want to have sex with you.” Oh God!! He is going to knock her up before she finishes junior year tonight!!
Marizza calls Lujan, who tells her that she’s at Blas’s house. Marizza’s like, “Jesus, are you okay? Do you need me to come get you?” Lujan says that Blas has left to get food, so she’s going to leave now. Except…she was just waiting for him to come back until Marizza called? Were they going to have dinner together and talk about Blas’s shitty childhood? I don’t know. Anyway, Lujan happens to find a key on her way out, which just happens to open a drawer with Blas’s medical history in it. Lujan opens the file and is all, “No puede ser!”
Then Blas walks in and he’s like, “How dare you read that!” and starts strangling her. What is happening? WERE THEY PLANNING TO HANG OUT TONIGHT OR NOT?
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