It took me about eight million years to find a website that could convert the video properly and I was all ready to just give up and make the below video the entire visual content of this post. I did eventually get it working, but anyway, have some of the Rebelde Way kids (I mean, nearly 40-year-olds now, some of them) watching Elite!
I cannot find any indication that Elite is actually a remake of Rebelde Way, but it’s a Spanish-language show about a bunch of kids hooking up in a boarding school, so I guess it’s close enough.
(Also, apparently Diego Mesaglio [Guido] had an accident that damaged his eye in 2015? Holy shit.)
(Also-also, the dude on the left of Mica Vazquez [Pilar] with the beard and the tattoos is fucking NACHO. Excuse me, I have to go feel old.)
Previously on Rebelde Way: Miranda revealed himself to be a spy or something who came to Buenos Aires and Elite Way for the sole purpose of stalking Papa B. Wild how, once again, Elite Way did not bother to do a single background check on someone they’re hiring to be around children. I mean, they just didn’t notice that he didn’t have a single traceable teaching job in Buenos Aires before this?
But before we get to that, let’s talk about Mia crushing Francisco’s hopes and dreams! It’s what he deserves. He tells her that he’s in love with her; she starts bleating that he’s such a good friend and their friendship means the world to her, blah blah blah. Francisco gets salty and says that he just won’t EVER TALK TO HER AGAIN, since his feelings clearly bother her so much. Ah, incels.
Lola tells her mom that her daughter is not, in fact, sick. “I just wanted to see you,” she wibbles. Lola’s mom is like, “Hold up, are YOU Lola?” Lola nods while crying. On the Luisana Lopilato Scale of Crying, I think Lola ranks a 6 — a better crier than Luisana, but not much prettier.
Guido and Tomás have some orange juice with a bunch of girls who I guess have just fucked off from their soccer practice. Guido BSes to them about how he got a black eye in a fight because he’s so very manly, and all the girls fall for it because none of the girls in this show love themselves. Did Cris Morena sleepwalk her way through her teenage years? Guido is 100% the kind of guy that all the girls in my school would’ve run away from if they ever saw him at the mall. Anyway, the girls try to hit on Tomás too, but he’s not having any of it because he and Rocco are the only good boyfriends left on this show.
Tomás sees Pilar approaching the cafe, so he drags Guido off to hide in the bathroom. Then Pilar and Feli come in and immediately start banging on it and asking if it’s occupied. “Yes,” Guido squeaks. Pilar: “Wait, that’s a guy in the stall.” HEE! God, I love her. Anyway, through some wacky machinations that they elect not to show us — of course — Guido and Tomás escape undetected. Guido tries to hit on some more of the sporty girls around the training facility and offers to hook Tomás up with one of them. Tomás is like, “Some of us don’t cheat on our girlfriends, Guido!” Aw! A surprisingly pure reaction! Which is a little weird because wasn’t Tomás trying to cheat on Pilar in Bariloche? Then again, everyone lost their damn minds in Bariloche. Maybe I should just pretend that stretch of episodes didn’t happen.
Javier goads Marizza into eating lunch with him by being all, “What, Pablo won’t let you eat lunch with me?” Marizza agrees just to prove that she doesn’t obey Pablo’s every whim. I hate how well Javier has Marizza’s number, although she admittedly is not the most subtle of people. Javier tells her that Papa B isn’t sick at all, and he’s just out in the country with some friends, hunting foxes or whatever. He asks Marizza not to tell Pablo, as he kind of agreed to keep this between him and Ines. Why even…? That’s his dad, you weirdos. Marizza agrees to keep it a secret, and I really can’t tell that this is part of her and Pablo’s master plan or if this is just going to blow things up between them even more. She asks why Javier told her this, and Javier BSes that he knows she was, you know, just casually interested in where Papa B was. Marizza leaves, and Javier voiceovers that he ACTUALLY told her so that she could see how much stronger he is than Pablo! Is that…supposed to be a surprise? Of course that’s why he told her. This show is truly a master of telling us things we already know but leaving out stuff that would help the plot make sense.
Sol tells Lalo that she doesn’t think things are totally over with Feli and Maxi — they’re still talking all the time, and Maxi’s been sending Feli tons of presents to try and win her back. As is usual for this show, Lalo believes this obviously villainous mean girl without a shred of evidence and he starts being all douchey and passive-aggressive towards Feli.
Lola’s mom cries to her that Lola’s dad died in an accident and she couldn’t afford to take care of Lola, and that’s why she gave her up for adoption. She’s like, “But it all worked out! You’re not starving or anything!” Lola wibbles that she didn’t have a mom, and that’s worse than starving. I mean…not…really, Lola. Ask Lujan. Anyway, Lola’s mom apologizes and Lola surprisingly holds zero grudge about being given up for adoption, and they tearfully hug it out.
Mia tells Marizza that Francisco is in love with her, and it’s super annoying because it’s fucked their platonic relationship right up. Marizza, as ever, goes to bat for a man without considering Mia’s feelings at all. She’s all, “But Francisco is so nice and perfect and he definitely doesn’t have an STD from all the prostitutes he’s bought!” Mia huffs that just because Francisco is a good, upstanding guy who’s always there for her and who she can talk to about anything, that doesn’t mean she likes him. Marizza’s like, “Keep telling yourself that.”
(I will say that it’s kind of amusing how totally void of chemistry Luisana Lopilato is with anyone besides Felipe Colombo, although she also barely shares the screen with anyone besides him, Marizza, Vico, and Feli.)
The girls come back from football practice, and Lola excitedly introduces Lujan and Laura to her mom. Lujan and Lola’s mom have a super emotional reunion and commiserate over Blas holding them hostage the last time they saw each other. That was surely a rough half hour for both of them. Speaking of, Blas rocks up and wants to know why Lujan’s mom is here. Lola corrects him and says that this is her mom, and Blas is like, “Oh. Well, then I suddenly don’t care about this subplot anymore.” He drags Lujan to his office for a talk, and Lola’s mom, like a sensible adult, is like, “Is he allowed to do that? This seems abusive?” Lola hugs her and cries that Blas is a big old meanie, and Laura…looks weirdly pleased by this? Look, Laura, it’s nice that they’re bonding, but you really don’t have to look so thrilled by Blas abusing his power again.
Marcos and Francisco play pool and whine about how they’ve been friendzoned by the girls they like. Marcos is all, “I cheated on Lujan like ten times and now she doesn’t want to date me again! What’s up with that?” Luckily for them — but unluckily for the rest of us — Tomás and Guido stumble in then, while Tomás yells loudly and obviously about how HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP and HE DOESN’T NEED TO BE SET UP WITH SINGLE GIRLS THAT GUIDO HAS MET. Marcos and Francisco are immediately salivating and wanting to know if perhaps Guido can introduce some girls to them. Guido is like, two steps away from running a procurement service and I don’t like it at all.
Pilar comes up then and tells Tomás that she’s bought him an anniversary present. Tomás suspiciously asks if she bought it on her so-called shopping trip, and Pilar immediately cracks and confesses that she and the girls actually have a devious plan to beat the boys at football by practicing and not getting caught up in petty drama. Tomás is like, “Actually putting in work and not getting distracted by drama? What a concept.” Then she asks where he’s been and he lies and says they went out to get medicine for Guido’s eye.
Meanwhile, in the teachers’ lounge, Blas is all up in Lujan’s face about why she was googling that mental health facility. Lujan finally admits that she knows he spent time there. Blas throws her across the room and swears that he’ll get revenge by finding her real mother. Then, he’ll introduce Lujan and watch Lujan’s mom reject her again, just like she did when Lujan was born. That’s…kind of long-term, isn’t it? I feel like Blas lacks the commitment. He can’t even commit to a woman once she graduates high school. Anyway, he wants to know why Lujan is so obsessed with him, and instead of being like, “Because you keep stalking me, crazypants,” she wibbles that she feels bad for him, because she knows he was just a poor abandoned child. Blas is like, “How dare you pity me!” and backhands her.
Jesus, this school is just a full-on nightmare hell now. Can Child Protective Services PLEASE bust this place up and save the children? If Elite really wanted to be a dark ‘n’ gritty remake of Rebelde Way, they should’ve focused on the sheer amount of child abuse going on in this school.
Manuel tells the rest of Erreway that Sabrina’s booked them a bunch of gigs, so if everything works out, they start touring this weekend! The only issue is that they need permission from their guardians: for once, all the adults involved are concerned about these underage children having the proper paperwork and authorization to work long hours and tour away from their parents. Sure, now you guys are worried about safeguarding. Anyway, Pablo kind of passive-aggressively says that he and Manuel are set, but Papa C and Sonia might not let Mia and Marizza go. Then Mia and Manuel leave, and Marizza tells Pablo that she knows what’s up with his dad.
The next day, Marizza hears Lujan crying. She’s like, “Okay, either Blas or Marcos is being a dick to you again.” Lujan wails that she’s not sure how much longer she can put up with Blas without cracking. Marizza’s like, “Oh, was not expecting us to acknowledge the psychological damage that Blas’s abuse has left you with.” They’re still not gonna take it seriously enough for anyone to suggest that maybe Blas should be banned from working with children, though. On the way to class, Blas stops them and snarks that he’s made some INTERESTING calls and he’s found out that Lujan’s mom is QUITE well-known. Marizza snipes at him to leave Lujan alone, or else she’ll tell God and everybody that Blas used to be locked up in an asylum. I feel like Blas being locked away for the safety of himself and others would shock no one, but okay. Blas pins Marizza up against the wall (step away from the underage girls!!) and threatens that he’ll make her life hell if he hears her talking about him. Marizza sweatdrops.
Pablo calls his dad to let him know that he TOTALLY knows where he is, and you can’t just run away from your kids, Papa B! Then he hangs up because I guess the whole point of this was so he could flex his stalking skills on his dad? I don’t know.
Augustina leaves a bunch of money on Guido’s desk so that he can pay back Jenny’s pimp. Augustina, no! I want to see Guido get set up with a pair of cement boots! Naturally, now that she has given him money, Guido is in love with Augustina again.
Feli wants to know what Lalo,s damage is, and she announces that she’s skipping class and staying in the cafeteria until he tells her. Dunoff comes in and tells her to get a move on, and Feli’s like, “No, I’m being REBELDE and fighting for my love!”
In class, Miranda announces that they’re having a quiz next week. Manuel tells him that Erreway won’t be here, because they’re going on tour. Manuel asks when they can make up the test, and Miranda’s like, “Never. You can show up to class or you can fail.” Heh. It’s a dick move but Manuel looks so fucking smug when he says Erreway’s going on tour, I kind of don’t blame Miranda. All the kids protest against the injustice of it all. Admittedly, I do wonder where this policy was back when Sonia was pulling Marizza out of school for a whole month to go to Italy. Miranda says they can yell all they want; the lecture material is going to be on the quiz and they can learn it from the book if they don’t want to listen to him. “Now please be quiet, I’m trying to read.” HEE.
Dunoff yells at Blas for stalking Lujan and Marizza instead of making sure that Feli was in class. “I have to do everything here myself!” he wails. Heh. Blas calls his former clinic and demands to speak to one of the doctors. When he’s told that the doctor is busy — as they tend to be — he flips his lid and starts yelling that he needs to speak to him NOW. I bet the people at the clinic are just like, “Wow, so we didn’t help him at ALL.” Michi also overhears Blas losing his mind and is weirded out.
In the cafeteria, Feli is still insisting on throwing away her attendance grade for Lalo. She tells him that she doesn’t want their relationship to break down over stupid Maxi, since she didn’t even accept his gifts. Lalo’s like, “Wait, what?” and immediately apologizes. Just think! This WHOLE thing could’ve been avoided if Feli had just mentioned that as soon as she found out Lalo was mad. This has to be the most BS telenovela fight that we’ve had in a while. Anyway, then Feli adds that Sol is an obviously antagonistic mean girl, and Lalo shouldn’t listen to anything she says.
Papa C and Sonia go jogging together, with Papa C complaining the whole time. Hee. You know, troubling as this show is in many other ways, I like that Sonia is sort of a manic pixie dream girl for Papa C without her being obnoxiously younger or naive. Anyway, then Papa C gets a call from Mia telling him that she and Marizza are going to skip school to go on tour for a week. Papa C’s like, “Wow, absolutely not.”
Some tiny twelve-year-old wanders in from the Chiquititas set or wherever to tell Sol that Hilda wants to meet her in the bathroom. Sol acknowledges the weirdness of this request but goes anyway for no reason I can see. Naturally, it’s a trap laid by Feli, who wants to rip Sol’s hair out for messing with Lalo. Blas eventually breaks up their fight but weirdly refuses to punish Feli for trying to beat Sol up. Blas? Not taking an opportunity to abuse his power and intimidate teenage girls? I don’t understand.
Guido thanks Augustina for paying off his debt. He’s like, “You did it because you still like me, right?” Wow, dial back the ego there, Guido. Augustina admits that she does, but she won’t take him back because she knows he can’t keep it in his pants. Hee. Guido swears his cheating days are over, and Augustina believes him. They proceed to make out. Dammit, Augustina! Five seconds later, he gets a call from one of the girls he met at the soccer field, but he successfully plays it off like she was calling for Tomás. Augustina immediately runs off and tells Pilar’s mom that Tomás is cheating on Pilar.
Ines comes to school to yell at Javier for telling Pablo where Papa B is. She’s like, “Now we’re both going to end up with horse heads in our beds!” She berates him for betraying her, and Javier is all, “I too have been betrayed!”
Dunoff calls Miranda into a meeting and tells him that the fourth years have written a letter of complaint about him. He congratulates Miranda and is like, “The more they hate you, the more you’re doing your job right!” He promotes Miranda to the official homeroom teacher* of fourth year and knights him with a ruler. The fact that that corny shit didn’t make Miranda quit on the spot is proof that he has an ulterior agenda here, tbh.
(* The exact word is “tutor”, but my guess is that Miranda is meant to now be generally in charge of them when they don’t have specific classes, like at schoolwide events or whatever — assuming Elite Way ever has schoolwide events, of course. Which they don’t. So basically Miranda didn’t get promoted at all.)
Michi tells Lujan and Marizza that she overheard Blas on the phone with his former clinic — it seems like he’s hiding something, and people who are hiding shit are dangerous! Yes, thank you for catching up to where we’ve all been since the first season, Michi. Like…is this what finally made you realize Blas is creepy? Anyway, Marizza and Lujan wonder if they should go to the clinic themselves to investigate.
The girls go to a field to practice soccer some more, but when they get there, they see something that makes them all shocked and amused. I don’t know. No cliffhanger in the world could make this pointless subplot interesting. They already have the prize money!! None of this is necessary!!
Javier asks Marizza to meet him the school basement, which is not at all creepy and serial-killer-like of him. He’s all, “Now that we’re alone together, let’s talk about the WHOLE truth.” Jesus. Run before he tries to take your skin off and wear it, Marizza!
Leave a Reply