Merry Christmas everyone! My family celebrates on Christmas Eve, which means I have all day today to chill out and write about janky telenovelas. Let’s have some eggnog and do this thing!
Previously on Rebelde Way: Marizza received a shocking phone call, but she didn’t take the opportunity to shriek “NO PUEDE SER”, so what’s the point? Anyway, it turns out to be from Marcos, who’s like having a meltdown over Lujan, again, some more. Marizza decides to just haul her ass back to school so she can micromanage everyone’s lives for them. As she leaves, she tells Pablo that she’s decided to have Erreway play a benefit concert for the children, so if he could get that arranged with the home’s coordinator, that would be great. Consuelo’s writing this all down, and she’s like, “What’s an Erreway?” Javier helpfully pipes up that it’s Pablo’s band, and one of the 7-year-old orphans who has never seen a TV or a nightclub in his life is like, “OMG, we orphans love Erreway!” Of course they do. OF COURSE THEY DO.
As she leaves, Marizza tells all the orphans to jump on Consuelo. Because she’s not mad that Pablo’s dating someone else. At all.
Meanwhile, Francisco is out on his double date with Mia and Feli. He’s on the phone with Manuel, who tells him that he doesn’t want to stalk Mia anymore. It’s not clear if we’re supposed to think that Francisco is the one who called Manuel, or if the show’s forgotten that Manuel was the one who called him earlier. Anyway, Francisco’s like, “So I had to take Feli out on a date again for NOTHING?” and Manuel’s like, “Yeah, sorry, bro.” Meanwhile, Mia gushes to Feli that Francisco TOTALLY likes her. Then, when Luca asks after her dad and his skanky girlfriend, Mia chirps that her dad broke up with her to make Mia happy. Oh, Mia. She’s really batting at zero tonight.
Sol and Blas come back from the movie and chat a bit about what a good movie Amarte duele is. Blas is like, “I particularly liked the teenage protagonists!” No, seriously, he starts going on about how he likes sweet, fragile girls and it is SO CREEPY. Sol’s like, “Like Mia?” obviously hoping for a different answer, but Blas is like, “Yeah, exactly like her, how did you know!” WILL SOMEONE ARREST HIM ALREADY. He asks how Sol’s impossible love is going, and muses that it must be a guy from fifth year, since Sol’s said that she likes older guys. Ah, yes, fifth year, that grade that presumably exists but our protagonists are never going to attend. Sol’s like, “You could say that,” and she and Blas are putting their faces real close together when Dunoff shows up to cockblock them. HA! Dunoff sends Sol to her room, and he’s like, “Blas, do I need to remind you to stay away from the underage girls?”
Marizza comes back to school. Laura says that she needs her help with Lola, and Marizza’s like, “Take a number, I gotta find Lujan.”
Back at the restaurant, Lucas and Francisco have gone to the bathroom. Mia and Feli giggle at the thought that Lucas and Francisco are talking about the girls in there. You know how boys like to gossip in bathrooms. Feli’s still a little worried that Francisco’s not having fun, and Mia’s like, “He totally is! Remember when Manuel called, and Francisco was like, ‘Yeah, whatever, everything’s fine’? That means he’s having the TIME OF HIS LIFE.” Oh my God, Mia. She promises Feli that she and Lucas will leave soon so that Feli can get Francisco to kiss her.
In Dunoff’s office, Blas is all mad that Dunoff has lifted Marcos’s punishment. He’s all, “He hit me in the face!” So have like half the kids in this school, Blas. I feel like he should put up with getting punched a few times given that he shouldn’t still have a job here at all. Blas is also mad that Dunoff un-suspended Lujan, and Dunoff’s like, “You literally tricked me into signing her suspension form, of course I went back on it.” Blas tries to invoke Etchamendi’s name, but Dunoff snipes at him to take it up with Papa B instead. Then Michi waltzes in and kicks Blas out. “You’re welcome,” she tells Dunoff. HEE.
Papa C and Sonia discuss buying a house together, and Sonia’s like, “Okay, if we have a house together, our kids are REALLY going to know that we’re dating.” Papa C is like, “Marizza’s just gonna have to get over it.” Weirdly, neither of them mention Mia, like…she doesn’t know that you’re dating either, guys! Then Sonia gets a call from the police that Hilda’s wandering the street with no idea who or where she is. She and Papa C bring Hilda back to Sonia’s house and they’re like, “So…do you think maybe you’re going senile?” and Hilda’s like, “Stop saying words.”
Mia leaves Feli and Francisco alone, and Feli’s all, “So…where should we go…you know…to be alone…the way two teenagers who like each other might want to be…” and Francisco chirps that he’ll take her back to school. Feli is crushed, again, some more.
Marizza goes running around the school looking for Lujan, and it’s very dramatic even though I don’t see why. Like, as long as she’s not in Blas’s clutches anymore, I fail to see what the big deal is. Marizza eventually finds Lujan sitting outside, dramatically burning Blas’s papers. Lujan tells Marizza that she’s found out the truth about her past, not that we get to find out what it really is. Instead, Lujan just vagues that her mom was able to take care of her, but she abandoned Lujan anyway purely because she didn’t want her. Aw, Lujan. Marizza’s like, “Well, at least your mom isn’t a LYING SKANKY LIAR” and Lujan’s like, “Yeah, I’d rather have a lying mom than one who abandoned me to fend for myself in the streets of Buenos Aires when I was like five.” Then Blas rocks up and tells Lujan that her suspension has been lifted, not that he was a fan of the decision. He needles her that clearly his father was wrong if Lujan is burning everything from her past instead of being brave enough to face it. Didn’t Blas change his name? Way to run from your past, dude.
Vico and Rocco meet up in the hall. Vico gushes about Amarte duele to him, because no one can shut up about this movie for some reason. IT CAME OUT A WHOLE YEAR AGO. Rocco’s not impressed, and is like, “Isn’t that movie just a remake of Romeo and Juliet?” and Vico’s like, “No, it’s way better!” Rocco muses that Dani likes romance, and maybe he’ll take him to see the movie to cheer him up. Vico’s not happy to hear that at all. They agree not to argue about it, but it’s very tense. Rocco changes the subject and asks Vico what she’s up to, and she tells him that she’s off to find something gross to put in Mia’s perfume to teach Sol a lesson about using other people’s stuff. Rocco says he has an idea.
The next morning, Mia and Vico wake up and gush that they didn’t see Feli come home last night — that must mean she and Francisco hooked up! He definitely didn’t use her to spy on Mia and then ice her out! JK, that’s exactly what happened. Feli is actually crying under her covers, and she wails that Francisco just took her back to school. He didn’t even try to grope her without her permission! And he does that to all the girls he meets! She cries that Michi was right and Francisco is a fuckboy. Michi is always right! I love her! Mia and Vico insist that it’s not that; Francisco probably is just embarrassed because Feli’s rich and he’s not, and he doesn’t know how to date a rich girl. “What a depressing spectacle,” Sol sighs from above them. I hate to say it, but she’s right. This is depressing.
The girls leave, and Sol helps herself to some of Mia’s perfume. It smells awful, and Mia and Vico poke their heads in to giggle that Sol’s sprayed herself with pee. Dude, gross. Sol wails at Pilar to help her, and Pilar’s like, “How did you not NOTICE that it smelled like pee? What are you, dumb?” I actually think this prank is unnecessarily nasty (and unhygienic!) but Pilar’s total lack of caring is hilarious.
Pablo and Lola run into each other in the hall. He asks after her, and Lola’s like, “I’m a shell of myself without you, but other than that, I’m fine.” Pablo’s like, “Awkward.” He asks if the papers he found for her helped, and she was like, “It helped ruin my life, but everything’s fine.” Then Manuel rocks up, oblivious to a girl in distress, as usual. Lola leaves and Manuel tells Pablo that Sabrina’s scheduled a show for them on Friday. Pablo says that they can’t; he’s agreed to play at the orphan home for Marizza. Manuel’s like, “UGH” but relents and says that they should play for the orphans instead. He almost calls Sabrina to tell her this, but then he doesn’t.
Marizza, Lujan, and Javier show up. Javier tells Marizza that he found out that Erreway is playing at the orphan home tonight, and he wants to help cover for them. Pablo, determined to ruin his good PR with Marizza, snaps that they are DEFINITELY NOT PLAYING ON FRIDAY, for REASONS. Marizza starts yelling at Pablo for being mean to Javier, again, some more, until Manuel cuts in and is like, “Pablo said we should have a meeting with Sabrina! Pablo said that, definitely not me.” “Can I come?” Javier asks. Pablo: “NO.” Hee.
In the cafeteria, Mia and Vico thank Rocco for helping to prank Sol. Then Marcos and Francisco come in, and Francisco’s fretting to Marcos that ~someone~ is mad at him. Michi eavesdrops, thinking that he might be talking about Feli. Please, that would require Francisco to be even remotely conscious of Feli’s feelings. She gets interrupted by Diego, who douchily asks her to make him a sandwich (or bring him breakfast, whichever). Michi snipes at him that soon she’s going to a rise to a new position in the school, so he better watch himself. I hope Michi tortures these kids and makes Gloria look like a cakewalk.
Consuelo has a meeting with Papa B and tells him everything that Pablo’s been up to. She tells him about how all the boys at Elite Way try to jump on her every time she gets within a five foot radius of the school, and Papa B creeps at her that it’s to be expected because she’s so pretty. Iiiick. Consuelo chirps that Pablo went to an orphan home the other day. Papa B’s like, “Pablo? Hanging out with orphans?” He’s grossed out but decides that it’s good PR, and tells Consuelo to make sure that the press finds out. Meanwhile, he and Pablo will go out and shake hands and kiss babies on Friday. Consuelo’s like, “Oh, Pablo’s booked on Friday, because he’s playing with Erreway! I’m sure you’ve heard of them and love them, like everyone else in this country!” Papa B’s like, “Sure I do. Anyway, if you could just spy on them and make sure you tell me their every move, that would be great.”
Also, Consuelo’s actress is really, really bad. Like this isn’t even my first language and I can tell that she’s not saying any of these lines convincingly.
Papa B storms home and tells Ines that he has to stop Pablo’s rebeldia. “Maybe it’s just a phase, you know all teenagers want to be rock stars,” Ines says. Papa B’s like, “Get out of here with your sensible understanding of children.” Instead, he says that he has to crush Pablo like a bug to prove which one of them is stronger.
In class, Pablo and Tomas wonder when Guido is coming back. I can’t say I care, guys! Meanwhile, Pilar and Belen cackle over Sol’s recent misfortune. Fernanda overhears and wants to know what’s going on, and Pilar snipes at her to ask Sol herself. “But I thought we were all friends. You know, Top Group?” Fernanda asks, and then she tries to do their handshake with Pilar. HEE. Pilar tells her that they’re not friends anymore.
Pablo tells Marizza that it wasn’t very nice of her to make all the kids jump Consuelo at the orphan home, and Marizza’s like, “Aw, that’s too bad.” Pablo snarks that she’s just mad that Consuelo is prettier and taller than her. Heh. This actually seems to hit Marizza where she lives, because she immediately asks Javier to validate her looks. Jesus, Marizza, love yourself.
Anyway, they’re about to have class, but then they don’t, as usual. A bunch of the other kids run in and tell them that Gloria is leaving.
In the hall, Sol makes Fernanda sniff her to make sure she doesn’t smell like piss anymore. She scowls that the whole of Top Group has to take vengeance on Mia, and Fernanda’s like, “So…just us two, then.”
All the kids go storming into the office to yell at Dunoff. They’re like, “How can you let Gloria go!” and Dunoff’s like, “There’s this thing called freedom of employment, where you can quit jobs when you want and your boss can’t stop you.” I’m sure these kids will become familiar with it when they go out into the real world and are asked to actually work for living. The kids at least want to say goodbye, and Dunoff’s like, “No goodbyes!” and hustles them out. Michi shakes her head at him and tells him to think about the kids’ attachment to Gloria. What attachment? They’ve only tortured her for the past two years. Dunoff tells Michi that the first rule of working at Elite Way is not to listen to the children. No, seriously, he says that. He says that they’ll do or say anything to get out of studying, which…I mean, it’s true. Michi insists that kids need understanding.
In class, Sol is absent, and Mia tells Carmen that Sol sprayed her face with pee. All the kids are grossed out, and I’m starting to feel bad for Sol. I mean, that’s really, really gross, and now Mia’s spreading it all over school. All these kids are terrible. Anyway, Carmen tells the class that she has learned nothing from her talk with Martavio and she’s going to give them a really hard test and it’s going to be terrible and they’re all going to wish they were dead. Then Michi comes in and introduces herself to Carmen, chirping that she’s the ex-cafeteria lady and soon to be new secretary. She whispers to the kids that Gloria is leaving this afternoon under the guise of passing out gum.
Lola calls the hospital, trying to find out more about her birth. Lujan catches her and is like, “I hear you’re looking for your real mom. I can relate, dude, and let me tell you, real moms are a SCAM.” She gets all bitter that it’s not worth it because she found out that HER real mom abandoned her, and Lola’s mom is probably also a terrible child-abandoning person. Notice that neither of them mention their bio fathers at all. It’s all their mothers’ fault. Anyway, Lujan tries to convince Lola that being adopted by parents who hate her is better than Lujan’s situation, and Lola will just be disappointed by finding out who her real mom is.
Dunoff escorts Gloria out of the school and congratulates her on achieving her dream of being validated by a man. Wait, you guys, is Gloria actually leaving? Is she about to escape from this hell school? I thought they were kidding! Don’t leave me, Gloria!!! I related hardcore to you when I was also a miserable receptionist!!! Gloria says she’ll miss the kids and wishes she could say goodbye to them. Dunoff’s like, “You’re just saying that because you don’t have to keep living with them.” But then the kids all run in and say that they’re throwing a goodbye party for her, which they apparently just rigged up in the last ten minutes. They turn off all the lights and start throwing balloons everywhere and somehow there’s a disco ball now. I love how this school is ready to turn into a nightclub at a moment’s notice.
Marizza and Javier aren’t at the party, because Javier has taken Marizza back to his room to stroke her ego some more. He tells her that of course he doesn’t think she’s ugly — and to prove it, he’s painted a giant-ass picture of her. It’s deeply weird, but as with all deeply weird things that Javier does, Marizza thinks it’s sweet instead. She also still somehow thinks this is a platonic gesture. Up until Javier confesses his love for her and kisses her, anyway.
Also, all the commercial breaks are for this gum(?) brand called Bubbaloo, with the tagline, “BE PART OF THE REVOLUTION!” By buying gum. Ah, capitalist rebellion.
Back at the party, Tomas is emoing by himself. Pablo tries to get him to dance, but Tomas wails that he misses Pilar. Meanwhile, Francisco frets to Marcos that he thinks Feli is mad at him. Marcos is like, “That’s rough buddy.” Francisco asks Feli to dance, and she refuses, but Mia and Vico push them together. Will you guys think less of me if I admit that the unrequited love switcheroo is one of my favorite tropes? Francisco is the worst but this scene is a little cute. I’M NOT PROUD OF MYSELF, OKAY.
We cut back to Javier whining at Marizza that she’s friendzoning him. So I guess she wasn’t into that kiss, then. Usually I mock this show for never bothering to show us important scenes, but I didn’t really want to see Javier and Marizza make out any longer than I had to, so thanks. Marizza has to stroke Javier’s ego and reassure him that he’s one of the best people she knows, she just doesn’t like him romantically. Javier keeps wailing that he was dumb to think that any girl would like him, and Marizza tells him that it’s not him, it’s her, she can’t be in a relationship when her life is so messed up, blah blah blah. Javier speechifies to her that she’ll get through this because she’s so amazing. I gag.
We go back to Gloria’s party. Ha. She’s never leaving that school. They’re going to have this party until they all die, like a 16th-century European fairy tale. Gloria sees Tomas and tells him that her last request before she leaves Elite Way forever is for him and Pilar to get back together. Damn, Gloria really is me. Pilar’s like, “Ha, that Gloria, she’s so wacky, clearly us getting back together is MADNESS.” Tomas is like, “Do you think so?” and they make out. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME! \O/
Dunoff tries to interrupt them, but Pilar and Tomas both kiss him on the cheek (ha!) and waltz off. God bless.
Sonia comes to the school and says goodbye to Gloria. Marizza sees her and snipes at Sonia that she’s doing BETTER THAN EVER with Martavio, and Sonia is all hurt and runs off. She goes to see Michi in the cafeteria, and tasks her with looking after Hilda while they’re at school. Then she starts going off about Marizza again, and Michi’s like, “Would eating Gloria’s goodbye cake make you feel better?” Heh. They cut the cake, and it must be made out of rock (or maybe 80 layers of fondant) because Sonia puts her hand right on it while they cut. Gross.
In the two scenes between then and now, Marizza has somehow lost Javier. She goes around asking for him, but no one knows — especially not Mia, who’s been watching Manuel make out with Prophetic Emo Hair all afternoon. Vico hilariously tells her, “Get ready, because this is just getting better.” She points out that Sabrina has walked in and seen Manuel and Prophetic Emo Hair together. HA! This is the best. Tragically, all Sabrina does is very tensely tell Manuel that she needs to talk to him. Punch him, Sabrina!
Finally, the party ends, and everyone bids goodbye to Gloria. The music gets real dramatic, and she says that they helped her achieve her dream. By…making her so miserable that she decided to run off with an ex-boyfriend who has been back in her life for like two weeks? It’s not clear. Anyway, they all clap for her and Gloria is finally set free from the prison that is Elite Way school. Presumably she steps back out into the real world and finds that 100 years have passed while she was inside Elite Way’s vortex.
Consuelo does some googling on Erreway and brings Papa B information. He flips through and sees that Erreway was on tour when Pablo was supposedly in Bariloche. He vows that this time Pablo has gone too far. Consuelo’s like, “Yikes,” but Papa B tells her not to get her opinions on his payroll.
After the party, Mia, Vico, and Feli go back to their room. They sigh that it’s super romantic how Gloria quit her miserable job to move to Europe. They want a love like that one day! I guess it’s better than having a love like Amarte duele. At least no one will get shot. Anyway, they see smoke coming from under the door. When they look inside, Mia shrieks “NO!”
Whatever. I bet all her ugly-ass 2000s clothes are burning. Sol’s doing you a favor, Mia!
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