Full of Salt

all aboard the 2000s nostalgia train

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Rebelde Way 2×037: When in Doubt, Protest

This episode is…alarmingly short? I mean, I’ll admit that I’m glad I can finish early and go watch Broad City or something, but…show, are you okay? You didn’t feel like showing me a bunch of unimportant conversations and dragging out every little interaction the characters have? Do you want to lie down? 

So Marizza wants Erreway to put on a fundraising show for the poor children; Pablo wants them to actually get paid for a gig. I mean…why not both? It’s not like they have to do the shows on the same day. Marizza threatens to walk if they don’t go with her idea over Pablo’s. Erreway’s like, “Uh, well, let us think about this,” and Marizza’s like, “Fine, then I quit!” Oh, whatever, like any of their quitting lasts longer than two episodes. Erreway are the living embodiments of this scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uP-_4Bqbis

Gloria invites Martavio to go to the museum with her. He clearly isn’t enthused by the idea, but she pushes until he gives in.

Meanwhile, at some pool that I don’t recall this school ever having before, the kids are having gym class. Maria Jesus has them do racing in teams, and Marizza chooses Lola for her team, to Laura’s confusion. Feli raises her hand and says it’s not fair that a sophomore is even in their class (seriously, what’s Lola doing there?) and Marizza snarks that of course Feli’s at a disadvantage, being fat and all. Ah, the return of fat jokes from a character we’re supposed to think is fighting for the underdog. Feli gets upset that Mia didn’t say anything, and Mia’s like, “Whatever, Marizza’s a dick, whatever.” Sol takes the opportunity to sweep in and start whispering sweet nothings into Feli’s ear about how a real friend would’ve stuck up for her.

Then Pilar…gets Marizza kicked out of the class? For being a dick? I don’t know, it’s not clear. So she runs over to the boys’ class, wherever that is, and beckons Diego away. She ducks into the girls’ locker room and tells Diego that she wants him to double agent for her (again) and help her create her own band. Diego hems and haws, but like all boys on this show, his boner eventually prevails and he agrees to help her. Pablo, Guido, and Tomás follow them, but of course they show up late and only hear the part where Marizza and Diego are in the shower together. Then Maria Jesus comes in and catches them, and Guido BSes that they’re in the locker room, taking pills, because uh…Pablo’s friend isn’t working. “What friend?” Maria Jesus asks blankly. Hee. Guido’s like, you know…the little friend. Pablo Jr. If I were Maria Jesus, I would resign on the spot. You couldn’t pay me enough to listen to these kids’ penile problems. (Although I guess I’m here, watching this episode, getting paid absolutely nothing. Man, now I’m depressing myself.)

Pablo’s all, “I must find out the truth!!! No stone in Marizza’s path will be unturned!!!” and Tomás is like, “Man, you gotta get over her.” Heh. He chases after Diego, calling his name. “Me?” Diego asks. Like there’s any other Diegos, after he absorbed them into his being at the end of season 1. Pablo tries and fails to find out what Diego and Marizza were talking about, which is pretty embarrassing for him.

Sonia takes Hilda shopping, and if Dunoff’s goal with this was to make Hilda start wearing depressing clothes again, it’s failing miserably, because of course it is. Halfway through their shopping trip, Sonia accidentally reminds Hilda about how her husband died five minutes after all the drama of season 1, and Hilda gets so upset that Sonia can’t leave her alone. So Sonia brings her back to her dressing room, effectively cockblocking Andres, who’s all trying to use every single minute to hit on her. Rough luck, Andres.

Back at school, Marizza ropes her friends — Lujan, Laura, Marcos, Bianca, Lola, and Diego — into her “new band” idea. They’re all on board, until Marizza’s like, “So I can count on you guys to join the band, right? Since we’re all a bunch of singers and dancers?” and they’re all like, “No way, we thought you just wanted like, moral support and stuff.” Then they start talking about how to host the event, and agree that they have to ask Sonia for help. What? She can barely do her own job. Anyway, then Pablo comes in, and Marizza starts kissing Diego to make him mad.

Mia runs into Sonia in the hallway, and asks her to help plan Erreway’s concert-slash-party. Oh, I bet Marizza will like that.

Gloria tells Dunoff that Sonia took Hilda shopping instead of her, and Dunoff’s like, “She’ll make her happy! This is the opposite of what I wanted!” Sonia and Hilda waltz in, with Hilda all happy and wearing jeans(!), and Dunoff immediately snaps that she looks horrible. Whatever, Dunoff! I know you rock a pair of jeans from time to time! Sonia takes offense on Hilda’s behalf, and snaps that until Dunoff apologizes, she and the rest of the teachers are going on strike. Uh, for a strike to work, wouldn’t work have to be getting done at Elite Way to begin with?

In the cafeteria, the “popular” table — Feli, Pablo, Vico, Fernanda, Belen, and Pilar — watch Marizza’s table suspiciously, certain she’s up to something. Pablo tells Vico that Erreway wants her to replace Marizza — you know, Vico being one of the few people here who can actually sing — but Vico gets all nervous and says no. Feli and Pilar immediately volunteer their services, and Pablo decides to just hold auditions instead. In class, Fernanda tells the girls that she thinks Marizza is going to try and fuck up Erreway playing at Pablo’s party.

Sonia gathers all the teachers — including some dude we have never seen before — and proposes that they go on strike. Carmen promptly freaks out about breaking the rules, but Sonia’s like, “Carmen, haven’t you been rejected from jobs because you’re so damn ugly?” and that brings up all of Carmen’s repressed trauma. She starts crying and agrees to support the strike. Martavio and Maria Jesus, on the other hand, think Sonia’s being overdramatic. And then there’s a commercial break, and then when we come back, Dunoff is suddenly in the room. Dude! Where the hell did he come from? He lectures them that they should be grateful to work at Elite Way. I guess it is a pretty sweet job, in the sense that they get paid to do literally nothing and have no responsibilities.


Seriously, who is this dude?

While they’re working that out, the kids are wreaking havoc in the classroom, because of course they are. Blas comes in and wants to know what they’re doing; Feli says the teacher never showed up. I call bullshit. Any high school class worth their salt would have everyone saying, “You know if the teacher doesn’t show up in 15 minutes we can leave!” Blas tells them they have free period, except for Manuel and Francisco, who get to hang out with Blas. I’d rather have class, myself.

Maria Jesus is still on about Pablo’s dick, and tells Guido that someone has to talk to him about popping Viagra in the girls’ locker room. Guido convinces her that it’d be hella embarrassing if she did it, so she ropes Martavio into it. Honestly? I’m slightly in awe of Maria Jesus. She manages to hit on Martavio while simultaneously discussing erectile dysfunction. It’s a skill.

Marizza and Diego hold auditions for their new band, and it’s predictably terrible. All the secondary characters do their most over the top impressions of bad singing (I know you can sing, Jazmin Beccar Varela). I can’t ID all the songs, but Laura sings “Provocame” by Chayanne, Bianca does “Maldita noche” by Bandana, and Lola sings “El revelde” by La renga. Marizza despairs at finding anyone who can hold a note, but Diego says he knows someone. Cut over to Erreway’s auditions, where Belen is singing quietly, but in tune, “Oh! Darling” by the Beatles. Then Sol waltzes in and wants to audition; Mia tries to kick her out, but Feli sides with Sol. Yikes.

Rocco is…chilling out doing a handstand. As you do. Marizza runs up and asks him to join her band, and he’s like, why not, because it’s not like he has anything better on the table. He’s all pumped to perform for a good cause, especially when Marizza tells him the ~prepz~ are gonna perform for shallow capitalist cash. Hee. He performs “Te dejé” for them, which is just an excuse for Piru Saez to show off, and everyone’s all impressed by him. Then Fernanda comes by and beckons Marcos away, and he leaves super suspiciously.

Blas makes Manuel and Francisco clean the school, and Vico runs into Manuel. She tells Mia that Blas is making Manuel do labor, the horror of it all, and Mia’s like, “My boyfriend? A servant? I NEVER!” As they’re talking, Fernanda and Marcos comes by, and Fernanda like…makes Marcos put a cookie in his mouth, and then she tries to eat it out of him? It is incredibly bizarre. Anyway, Marcos doesn’t fight her at all, and they start making out. Mia’s like, “Aw, hell no, Marcos is going to learn today!” HEE! I love when she gets defensive over Lujan. As soon as they leave, Marcos pushes Fernanda off. Whatever, Marcos! Maybe you should’ve done that before you stuck your tongue down her throat! That’s right, I’m watching you. I’ve been watching you for 200 episodes! Fernanda wibbles at him that she’s always just liked him so much, and Marcos panics and runs away.

So I guess the teachers aren’t striking, but they did give Dunoff a petition to let Hilda wear jeans to class. Seriously, this is a lot of drama over Hilda changing her look. Mama D pressures Dunoff into signing it, and everyone cheers like they’ve made some huge achievement for civil rights in this school. You know what they should do? Make a petition to fire Blas.

Mia frets over what to do about Marcos, but Vico’s like, “Whatever, who gives a shit about Lujan.” She tells Mia to worry about Manuel instead, and what a coincidence, there he is, sadly washing Blas’s car. She wants to know why he didn’t tell her, and Manuel’s like, “Because it just happened like five minutes ago?” Just kidding, instead he gets all upset about how his masculinity is fragile and he has to handle Blas alone, blah blah blah. He snaps that he forbids her to interfere, and Mia’s like, “Are you new? Meddling is what we do here!” and storms off.

Marizza asks Sonia to help her plan her new band’s concert-slash-fundraiser. Sonia chirps that she already told Mia she would, and Marizza realizes that she forgot to tell her mom that she’s left Erreway. Of course, instead of explaining that, she stomps off in a huff. Ah, teenagers.

Mia rocks up to Blas and grabs him by the tie, shrieking, “You idiot!” Punch him, Mia! It’s been ages since I’ve seen Blas get punched! Sadly, she doesn’t. He evils at her that he holds the power here, and if he wants to use it against her and Manuel, he will. In response, Mia tackles him to the ground and starts hitting him. GOD BLESS. Marizza has to pull her off, and then Dunoff rolls in and Blas starts crying to him that Mia hit him. Whatever, Blas. You were grooming her, which I think is a lot worse than anything she’s done here.

Martavio and Maria Jesus are still talking about Pablo’s penis. OH MY GOD, I DO NOT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK. Martavio blusters that he has a lot of experience in this particular area — because of his readings and his travels you see, not PERSONAL experience — and of course Gloria walks in and hears this. Martavio promises to talk to Pablo. Finally! Does this mean they’ll stop discussing it now?

Mia, Marizza, and Blas get hauled to Dunoff’s office. “Mia, is it true that you attacked Mr. Heredia?” Dunoff asks. “Of course it is,” Blas says. Was he asking you, Blas? Marizza jumps in and encourages Mia to tell the truth: “You came to my room, crying, because Blas was making you uncomfortable…” HEE! Whatever, it’s not like it’s a lie. Dunoff’s like, “Uh, okay, let’s just…pretend this isn’t happening. Blas, stay away from Mia –” “It’s not true!” Blas bleats, even though IT SO IS, and also he has to stop using Manuel and Francisco for slave labor. Man, I love when bad things happen to Blas.

Mia cutely thanks Marizza for helping her out, and Marizza bleats that she did it for great justice, not because she and Mia are friends or anything. Aw.

Nevertheless, Mia is still emo. She tells Vico that Marizza’s left the band, Feli’s not being loyal, and Vico won’t accept their offer to join Erreway. The only thing that could possibly make Mia happy is if Vico would replace Marizza! Hee. She’s so obvious. It looks like Vico might accept — she gets all twitterpated, and they hug, but she doesn’t explicitly say she’ll join — and then Manuel interrupts them. He’s all, “How very dare you bail me out of trouble!” Oh my God, this is literally the Manuel-in-jail plotline all over again.

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