Previously on Rebelde Way: Manuel whined that Mia doesn’t want to have sex with him, and Pablo whined that Marizza doesn’t want to get back together with them. Their plan to rectify these situations is apparently to start fucking around with two other girls and invite them to Erreway’s band practice. Yeah, Mia and Marizza aren’t super impressed by that.
When we start this episode, Andres has suddenly appeared, and is lecturing them on having band practice in the house. Mia and Marizza are like, “Whatever, Erreway is over anyway!” They snap that Manuel and Pablo can form a new band and play in a cabaret, and everyone’s about to start fighting when Andres steps in. He kicks the boys and their sidepieces out and has to physically hold Mia and Marizza back from going after them. Heh. If Marizza inspired Mia to be more violent, that would crack me up.
Back at school, Francisco’s writing a letter(!) to someone, inviting them to dinner. I’m sure the only reason he’s doing this instead of sending a text or, you know, just asking them in person, is because this letter is gonna get intercepted. He puts it away and leaves his room, and Bianca and Lola sneak in. They find the envelope in about half a second, and find that it’s addressed to “Señorita Arregui.” Lola assumes that it’s for her — I bet it’s not — and gets all twitterpated that Francisco wants to ask her out.
After a while, Marizza goes back to school, but Andres makes Mia stay behind so he can lecture her. They wax on for a bit about how he’s like an uncle to her, which is funny because I thought her actual uncle was her favorite uncle, and also Andres has never been mentioned before this season, but whatever. Anyway, as a cool uncle, Mia can tell him her problems and he won’t tell Papa C. Sure, that won’t end in disaster at all.
Feli and Vico spy on Tomás’s tutoring session with Ana, except they’re so obvious about it that even Tomás catches them. That’s embarrassing. They needle Tomás about dating a lowly cafeteria worker, and Ana’s like, “What the fuck?” They exchange barbs until Feli and Vico tell Tomás that his girlfriend needs to back off. Tomás and Ana clutch their pearls, all shocked that anyone thinks they’re dating. They sit Vico and Feli down to sit the record straight, which mostly involves Tomás being all, “And Ana is the BEST at math, and she’s SUPER smart ‘n pretty, and she makes math FUN!” Vico and Feli are like, “It kind of sounds like you like her.” Tomás is like, “No way!”
Everyone gathers for class, and Carmen clutches her pearls because Guido and Tomás are shitting all over Don Quixote. Whatever. I wouldn’t waste my time being offended by Guido’s taste in anything, and of course Tomás doesn’t like a book that doesn’t have pictures. Anyway, Etchamendi comes in with some old dude, who he introduces to everyone as Mr…Font? Fonte? Fonda? Google says it’s “Font.” Font is their new principal, and he graduated from military school and is here to get down to business and defeat the Huns. Pilar glares at him from her seat, because…I guess she’s not leaving after all? I don’t know. Font compliments Carmen on making the girls wear their hair up, because a proper outside reflects on a proper inside. And speaking of hair, what the fuck is wrong with Rocco’s? Heh. I know we’re supposed to hate Font, but thank God someone finally noticed that.
Rocco gets snarky that his hair is like, just who he is, man, and he doesn’t know what Font wants him to change. “I want you to change your appearance,” Font says, and whips out a razor. The exact wording he uses is cambiar la cara, which literally means “change the face,” and for a second I was like, “What the fuck, is he about to perform some barbaric plastic surgery on Rocco in front of the entire class?” But no, he’s just so pissed off about Rocco’s ugly hair that he almost cuts it off right then, but then he checks himself and doesn’t. “Don’t worry about my class, go ahead!” Carmen chirps. HEE! I feel that, Carmen.
Meanwhile, Dunoff sadly walks away from the school. It’s sort of ruined by the fact that he appears to have gotten a bad spray tan overnight, though.
Lola and Bianca ask Fernanda, for some reason, what “RSVP” means. Have they ever spoken to her before? I don’t know. Anyway, Fernanda gets all snippy on them that RSVP is French, darling, and if they ever have any more questions about etiquette, they should ask her. She’s basically Lord Byron himself now. Lola shrieks that of course she’ll say yes to Francisco’s invite.
Feli and Vico walk Mia back to her room, as she’s having the vapours. Sol walks in and overhears her meltdown, and Feli and Vico trying to comfort her. They should just bring her soup and a blankie at this point. Vico suggests that Mia put on her American fair again and choose a girl to make over, just like last year. That always makes her feel better! Mia sighs that the only girl with any potential is Laura, but then again, she only needs one.
In the cafeteria, Manuel leads the rest of the students in ranting about Font. He insists that they have to fight for Rocco’s right to have an ugly hairstyle, I guess in solidarity with the monstrosity on Manuel’s own head. Okay, except private schools can and do enforce dress codes with regards to hair, and Rocco’s hairstyle would not have passed code at any of the Catholic schools I went to.
Anyway, Font comes in and tells them that he’s been reading through their files, and he knows who all the rebeldes are, blah blah blah. He’s deeply unimpressed with Pablo being the mayor’s son — actually, he says, “I know your father quite well,” which is interesting. In order to squash ~rebeldía~ in the class, meetings of more than 5 people are now forbidden. Well, this got Umbridge-y real fast.
Mia finds Laura and excitedly tells her that she’s going to be Mia’s project for the year. Hee! Don’t tell her that straight out, Mia. Laura’s less of a pushover than Luna was — not like that’s hard — and shoots her down. I’m a little upset by this! Nobody rejects my girl Mia like that! You don’t even go here, Laura.
Laura goes back to her room and finds the card from Francisco in her mailbox. You are shocked, I’m sure, to know that “Miss Arregui” was referring to her, not Lola. She shows it to Lujan (hilariously, Lujan doesn’t know what “RSVP” means either), and Lujan’s all happy that Francisco’s asking Laura out. Possibly too happy? Maybe she’s excited that Laura will have a boyfriend and can’t go after Marcos anymore. She’s really pushy about it, but Laura’s not so sure. What is with Lujan and forcing her friends to go out with guys that they don’t like?
They go to class, and Francisco makes eyes at Laura all throughout math. The bell rings, and the math teacher tells them that Font has canceled their recesses. Everyone is pissed, naturally, and they all start calling him Hitler because that’s the go-to comparison for this show. Had Godwin’s Law not been invented yet? Speaking of, Font walks in right then and tells Rocco that he called his parents, and they gave him the go-ahead to cut Rocco’s hair. Ah, and he’s brought Blas in to enforce the haircutting process, which Blas takes to with his usual enthusiasm for throwing students around and abusing his power. Never change, Blas. All the other boys who have early 2000s mullets watch in trepidation.
Your shitty haircut is in danger, Guido!
The whole thing takes forever because they’re still using like, a tiny Xacto knife instead of scissors. Actually, it looks pretty humiliating for Rocco to have his hair cut in front of everyone like that. Once it’s over — and his hair doesn’t look any better than before, really — Laura offers to touch it up, but Rocco snaps that he wants to leave it as it is, so he can have the reminder of what they’ve done to him.
I bet everyone who voted for Dunoff to leave is really regretting it now. They were all out here like, “Dunoff is just as bad as any new principal! BUT HIS EMAILS!”
Outside, Blas rolls up to Mia to get his creep on. She’s mad at him for helping with Rocco’s traumatic haircut, but he sidesteps that and notes that he can tell she’s upset. Is it because of Manuel? Oh my God, if Mia gets back together with Blas to spite Manuel, my head is gonna pop off and fly around the room. Haven’t I suffered enough, show? Blas suggests that either Manuel doesn’t love Mia, or he does and he’s too much of a coward to tell her. Either way, she’s better off without someone like that. That’s convenient for Blas, isn’t it?
Two randos come up to make fun of Rocco’s new haircut. It’s weird that they’re choosing to make fun of it now, when it looked just as stupid before. Marizza defends Rocco, and offers to be there for him if he needs anything. Rocco throws her offer back in her face, because he’s the new asshole of this class.
Lujan accepts Francisco’s invitation on Laura’s behalf, which I’m sure Laura will be thrilled about. Laura’s mad for about half a second, then she caves and agrees. Lujan gets all excited about finding something for Laura to wear. Seriously, did Lujan get a personality transplant over the summer?
Mia stares sadly at a photo of Manuel from last year, when his hair wasn’t quite as tragic as it is now. She sniffles that Blas is right, and Manuel is a coward. Then Vico and Feli rock in, and Mia tells them that Laura doesn’t want to be her new project, but she did inspire Mia to give her clothes away to a charity. She’s going to deliver them to the nuns tonight. Under the stairs, Sol overhears this and perks up. She runs off to tattle to Font, and he asks Sol to spy for him.
Lola pouts to Bianca that she can’t find Francisco, and she doesn’t know if their date is still on. She’s going to go to it anyway, because after all, that invitation was totally for her. I like how it doesn’t even occur to her that Francisco might’ve crossed paths with her sister who is, you know, actually in his grade. Cutely, though, Bianca supports her going and they hug. Aw! I’m kind of warming up to these two.
Font tells the kids that he’s changing the disciplinary rules: now, serious offenses will result in immediate expulsion. All the kids protest, even though they’ve all wormed their way out of immediate expulsion before, so they really shouldn’t be worried. As they leave, Guido tries to make a remark to Vico (“This is pretty crazy, huh?”) but she snaps at him to keep his commentary to himself. Guido and Pablo run off to their room to emo over their girl troubles some more. Pablo quotes from the Book of Papa B: “All women are the same. You don’t understand them, you have to manage them.” He mutters that he doesn’t even know if it’s worth it. “Of course it’s worth it, if it’s someone who truly pierces your heart,” Guido says, because Guido is suddenly the romantic one here.
All the kids gather in the hall where the new rules are posted up. Now they can be expelled for leaving school without permission (Jesus, if that had been in effect last year, they would’ve all been expelled), wearing free dress during school hours, and cheating on a test. Ironically, that last one is the most realistic, and yet the one thing that most of the kids haven’t done yet. Oh, and going into the bedrooms of the opposite sex. Manuel’s like, “Dammit, how am I gonna get laid now?” Vico and Feli point out that Mia won’t be able to deliver her clothes now.
Despite everything, Guido’s words of wisdom seem to have gotten through to Pablo. He runs up to Marizza and tells her that he’s broken up with Vero (since when?), because he wants to be with her, except then he adds on a coda about how it was kind of a dick move for her to get with Ivan, and she kind of made him date Vero because of Ivan, so really, it’s Marizza’s fault that they’re not together. Oh, Pablo. So close to being romantic, yet so far. Marizza doesn’t like that at all, and when Ivan rolls up, she sticks her tongue down his throat.
Pablo wanders around outside all angsty, while Papa B voiceovers that WOMEN ARE ALL THE SAME and THEY’RE ALL LIARS and NICE GUYS FINISH LAST, M’LADY. Vero rolls up and begs him to take her back, wailing that she’ll change for him because she loves him. Oh my God, Vero, read some Simone de Beauvoir and learn to love yourself. Vero runs off in tears, and her friend is like, “The fuck was that?” Pablo tells her that it’s better for him to dump Vero now, because he was only with her because he was scared of being hurt by the girl he really liked. “And that girl…is you,” he tells Vero’s random friend. Dude! Pablo! You don’t even know her name!
Sol sees Manuel walk by and starts faking tears to make him come over to her. As we’ve seen from his past relationship with Mia, Manuel loves girls most when they’re crying. It’s kind of impressive that Sol’s sussed him out so quickly. Sol cries that Mia is soooo mean to her, and just the other day, she REFUSED TO LEND SOL HER CLOTHES! The monster! Manuel is the biggest dumbass in the world if he’s falling for this. Like, the first thing we learned about Mia was that she loves giving her old clothes away. Did you even watch the first season, Manuel? Get on my level, honestly.
Manuel believes her, and offers to play a prank on her with Sol to teach her a lesson. Manuel is the worst boyfriend. He and Sol go to Mia’s room and mix her new clothes in with the old ones she wants to give away. Seriously, I love how Manuel’s willing to believe the worst of his girlfriend, seemingly on the word of this girl who he’s just met.
Font invites some woman to his office, presumably for a job interview, except he spends most of it checking out her ass. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Dunoff would never!
Mia waxes on about how much she loves being charitable and how good she’s being, while Vico and Feli carry her boxes down the stairs for her. Heh. She notices there are more boxes than before, but shrugs that she must be even more giving than she thought. HEE! God, I love her.
Guido decides to win Vico back by leaving her presents. Didn’t he already do that? And it didn’t work? And the only thing that worked was him reconciling with his parents in front of the entire school? Oh my God, we’re just repeating Guido’s plot from season 1. And then…oh, wait, I thought the montage of him leaving stuff around the school was him imagining what he was going to do, because there was no way Vico was gonna find all that stuff in the span of five minutes. But it turns out that those were flashbacks, and Vico comes marching in with his presents. She throws them back in his face and snaps that she never wants to see him again. Whoa, you guys, do you think this will only be resolved by…Guido making up with his parents?
Pablo comes in and finds Guido being emo over Vico, and he yells at him that women aren’t worth his emotions! He must come join Pablo at r/mensrights! Guido yells at him that he just wants Vico. All this woman-hating has made Pablo decide to testify against his mother, and he calls up Papa B to tell him so.
Francisco and Laura get on quite well on their date — they bond over their love for food, bless them. “I like almost everything,” Laura chirps, re: food. “Does that include me?” Francisco smooths. Laura’s like, “WHAT?” because somehow, this whole date thing didn’t hint to her that Francisco has a crush on her. She tells him they can’t be together, because she has issues. “Everyone does,” Francisco says. “Especially here,” he doesn’t add, although he should. Laura starts ranting about Lola, and gets so weirdly het up that she starts getting really twitchy and runs away. When Lola walks in, she thinks Francisco is alone and chirps that she hopes she’s not late.
Mia, Vico, and Feli go to the charity’s building to drop off the clothes, but the door is answered by Font. They’re all going to be expelled! That’s definitely going to happen!
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