So we last left off on Pablo walking into his house and yelling “DAD?!”, which honestly, could mean anything. Did he catch Papa B taking bribes? Doing coke? Hiring prostitutes? All of the above? This time, it’s just (“just”) Papa B making out with some side piece. SCANDALOUS!
You’ll recall that poor naive Pablo is under the impression that Mama B is just on an extended trip to England and not literally exiled to Elba or wherever the hell. So he’s like, “What the hell, dad, I thought your love for Mom was pure!” Papa B feeds him some BS about how he’s so ~alone, and he needs the sweet love of a 20-year-old to ease the pain 🙁 Papa B takes the opportunity to talk shit about Mama B and imply to Pablo that she left them. Pablo is all betrayed. Well played, Papa B.
Manuel apologizes to Mia for being a dick and trying to pressure her into sex. Don’t forgive him, Mia! He’s going to keep bugging you about it for another 100 episodes, and I’ll have watch it! Sadly, she does not know this, and believes him when he promises to wait for her. They go down to the beach and there’s a lot of dramatic underwater shots, because this show has a budget now.
Meanwhile, Guido’s parents are still trying to reason with their ungrateful rude-ass son. They’re adorably excited over having their own butcher shop, and he’s just shitting all over them. He’s like, “What’s the point of sending me to Elite Way if my parents are BUTCHERS?” and his dad’s like, “So you can…not be a butcher?” and Guido’s like, “Stop saying words.” So Guido is still the worst, good to know.
So apparently school is going to start the next day. That was fast! Back at Elite Way, Marizza is complaining that they’re being forced to share their rooms with another person. She’s like, “This cannot stand! We must be rebelde!” All the girls except Pilar join in on her plan, but nobody seems to think too badly of Pilar for not wanting to go up against her dad. Everyone seems to be getting along much better since the conflicts of season 1 have been resolved, and I hope that continues. Watching these kids be total assholes to each other constantly wore me the fuck out.
In Dunoff’s office, he beams at his new shiny cabinet TV all like, “Aw yis, all them Señales sales really bumped up our budget.” His desk still looks like it was assembled posthaste from the Ikea box, though. Anyway, Etchamendi shows up and tell Dunoff that the board has noticed he’s kind of a shitty principal. They’re not gonna like, actually make him fix the school though. Instead Dunoff has to complete a master’s degree, because the school will look better if its principal has one, and that’s it. Sure, because making Dunoff write and defend a thesis is easier than hiring more than three teachers. I guess.
It is somehow still nighttime where Manuel and Mia are. They blah blah some more about how in love they are and make out again, because apparently we needed another scene for that.
Tomás thanks some girl named Ana, whoever the fuck she is, for tutoring him over the summer. I guess she’s also the new cafeteria girl, because she’s wearing the uniform and goes over to get them juice from the bar. Tomás wants in her pants, except later on in the episode he apparently doesn’t? Is sitting way too close to girls and perving on them just how he interacts normally? (It might be.)
And so school begins! Guido’s parents ride with him to Elite Way, but he ditches them the second they get off the bus. His poor sweet parents stare after him in confusion, because they have not yet realized that their son is the worst. Anyway, Guido reunites with Vico, and asks if he can move into her house. Not like, live with her, just bum off her family rent-free while she stays at Elite Way. Vico is too dickmatized to say no.
Elite Way also now has a shiny new outdoor eating area, which Sonia walks through, wearing a dress that I will reluctantly admit is quite cute. Papa C calls her asking where the hell Mia is, and Sonia’s like, “Ahaha, wouldn’t it be HILARIOUS if I refused to tell you where she is?” And then he yells at her, and she’s like, “Being upset about your missing daughter is proof that you’re uptight!” Ah, here we go again with these two.
The inside of Elite Way…seems less garishly decorated than before? I don’t remember the walls being that blue color, and if the whole thing has to be painted like a preschool, this is a better combo than the previous purple-and-yellow monstrosity. Marizza comes across Pablo being emo, but he blows her off. They pass their new classroom, and Francisco is sitting inside. He spots Marizza, but then they move on. Lujan reunites with Marcos — aw! — and they’re adorably all over each other.
Tomás tells Pablo about how Ana helped him pass all his summer classes, and Pablo grossly says, “You’re gonna pay her back with a night of fun, right?” Is…is Pablo suggesting Tomás prostitute himself for tutoring? Although Tomás is weirdly put off by the suggestion, considering that he spent all of his last scene eyeballing her.
It’s finally daytime in the Galapagos Islands, where Mia is crying all over Manuel about how they’re gonna be in hella trouble when they get back to school. They call Sonia, who immediately passes the phone to Papa C. Hee! They refuse to tell them where they are, and Mia’s like, “Our teenage love is more important than my education!” and hangs up on him. In total fairness, what could Mia and Manuel possibly be missing?
Back at school, Mama D comforts Dunoff. Dig her frosted lips! I hear that look is coming back, actually, God help us. Mama D encourages Dunoff to go for his degree so he can stay at Elite Way: “This school is your life!” she tells him. Really? At no point have I ever gotten the impression that Dunoff gives a single fuck about the students, teachers, or education in general. Cutely but also weirdly, she promises to support him no matter what. I can never tell if this show wants me to think that the Dunoffs are happy together or not. Anyway, Gloria gives Dunoff the scholarship exam results, and he’s all excited to see if Francisco’s passed, as he’s a great athlete. (“He jumps like a kangaroo!”, as though that’s a normal thing to say about anyone.) But…Elite Way doesn’t do athletics? We established that literally in the second episode? Anyway, Francisco didn’t pass the exam. I don’t know what he was expecting from someone related to Tomás.
Andres follows Papa C to the school for some reason, and he starts fanboying over Sonia like a total noob. Papa C flips out that Sonia Rey is his ENEMY and if Andres wants to stay in his house rent-free then he’s gonna have to respect the rules of Fight Club, the first of which is that you do not talk about Sonia Rey. Lingering close-up shots of her ass are okay, though. Seriously, who is this show even meant to be watched by? Angsty teenagers? Pervy men? Does it have crossover appeal?
Mia cries to Manuel some more about how her dad just doesn’t ~understand and he’s totally harshing their love by wanting them to come back to school. These scenes are not necessary at all.
Dunoff goes to talk to the scholarship students, and hey! The classroom has been made over as well! Once again it looks like it belongs in a preschool, but they’re moving away from the “vomit yellow” color scheme in general, so I can live with it. He reads off the students who have passed: a bunch of people we don’t care about, Laura the Good Sister, and *mumblegrumble* Francisco Blanco. Ah, corruption is alive and well at Elite Way School.
Everyone gathers in the main hall to meet everyone. Tomás introduces Francisco to everyone; cue twitterpated girls and Pablo rolling his eyes. They find their new room assignments and are all excited to see that Rocco is from a well-known family, until they actually meet him and his stupid hair. Sol walks in to the strains of…the Mario Kart theme? Pablo and Tomás immediately pop boners over her. (Marizza walks by and is like, “You got some drool.” HEE!) Francisco sees Marizza is like, “Omg, is she not a waitress’s daughter?” and Belen’s like, “That’s Sonia Rey’s daughter, dumbass.” Yeah, does no one know who Marizza is? Did nobody see that topless photo she did at the beginning of the first season?
So Sol is roomies with Mia, Feli, and Vico. That’ll end well. She’s already taken over Mia’s bed and has put up a collage of her face over it. She’s all snippy that there wasn’t anyone’s name on it, which is weird because you’d think Mia’s stuff would still be there. Mama D swings by to give Pilar some photos from their vacation, but Pilar gets really shifty and says she’ll show them to Feli and Vico some other time. Then she…shoves the photos into Sol’s backpack? Or just a backpack? It’s unclear.
Andres goes to hit on Sonia, but she shoots him down on account of being friends with Papa C. She should’ve shot him down on the basis of wearing that many buttons of his shirt open, but Sonia is not exactly an arbiter of taste.
Over in Marizza’s room, the new room gang is now Marizza, Lujan, Laura, and Fernanda. Laura derps that she’s heard Elite Way is the best school in the country, and Marizza and Lujan are like, “You’re so naive.” Fernanda reveals that over the summer, her mom got remarried to some guy in England, and now her name is Fernanda Byron. She’s super smug over this, like being related to Lord “Slept With Everyone On the Planet” Byron is a big deal. Some guy comes in and says he has a delivery for Marizza, then dumps garbage all over her bed. Marizza flips out, like this isn’t exactly the kind if thing she pulls on other people all the time. Francisco reveals that he’s behind the prank, because he’s pissed Marizza lied to him. Marizza admits that she just didn’t want Pablo to know she was there, and he’s like, “Oh, so you also want to make Pablo miserable! Let’s be friends!”
What are those pants, son? I’m making a tag called “bad pants” for every time a character makes questionable fashion decisions for their bottom half.
Francisco is now roomies with Manuel, Marcos, and Diego. Oh, good, put Francisco and Diego in the same room together. I keep thinking I’m seeing double. Lujan comes by to see Marcos, and Diego makes a side comment that Marcos had a lot of fun on his trip with his dad, especially with that translator, eh? Eh? Lujan’s like, “Say what?”
Marizza’s called a meeting in the classroom so everyone can complain about the horror of having an extra person in their rooms. Half the class is kind of like, “Well, it’s not that big of a deal,” but Marizza’s like, “If you think this meeting was about actually having a discussion and not just about enabling me, then you are wrong.” She announces that they’re going to fight the administration in the streets, on the beaches, in the hills, etc. But mostly the streets, because they have one right outside the school. Little do they know that Dunoff has installed a security camera in the classroom and is watching the whole thing. I’m torn. Is this pretty creepy? Yes. Do the kids in this school probably need to be watched at all times? Also yes.
Dunoff’s like, “This cannot stand! I must stop them from being rebelde!” And you when you want to ruin kids’ lives, there’s only one man for the job. We know him, we hate him, he somehow keeps escaping jail time: BLAS HEREDIA!
Oh, and not only is he still allowed to be around children, but he’s actually been promoted to the gym teacher.
Blas hustles everyone out for an impromptu gym class (he and Lujan still hate each other, if you were wondering), and Dunoff goes to bust Marizza for protesting. Wow, she really put together those gigantic signs with a quickness. Sonia shows up too and for once she doesn’t intervene and actually lets someone punish Marizza. The class reconvenes in the cafeteria, all bummed out. It’s almost like their ~rebeldía from last season didn’t stick, because the show needs more conflict. Rocco’s like, “Well, that was a dumbass thing to get in trouble over,” and Marcos is like, “Excuse you, we were being REBELDE.” Yeah, Rocco. I’ll give you a pass because you’re new, but you gotta start learning how things work around here. Marizza reveals that Dunoff knew what they were planning, which means one of them is a snitch. She walks reeeaaaal close to Laura as she says it, and poor Laura’s like, “Yikes.”
Vico’s mom comes home to find Guido shirtless, rocking out to “Jenny From the Block.” Oh, 2003. She’s pretty traumatized by this, as we all would be. She’s about to kick Guido out, then Vico calls and asks her mom to put up with him. Vico’s mom gives Guido the WORST up-and-down look, smiles, and says, “Okay.” OH MY GODDDD. Vico’s mom puts on her white nightie of seduction and makes Guido cook her dinner, and then Guido spills wine on himself so he takes off his shirt at the dinner table and for a second I wondered if I was watching a telenovela or the beginning of a porno.
Pablo emos over his mom leaving the family. When Tomás asks him about it, Pablo’s all, “Uh, I’m not thinking about my mom AT ALL because I’m TOTALLY NOT BOTHERED that she’s on the LONGEST VACATION OF ALL TIME, and WHY WOULD YOU EVEN BRING THAT UP.” All that book learnin’ has really helped Tomás, because he susses out that Pablo’s lying. Pablo starts to tell him the truth, but then Rocco waltzes in with his camera, chirping that he’s clearly just walked in on a deep talk, and don’t Pablo and Tomás remind you of two gossipy old ladies?
Oh, great. Rocco’s gonna be one of those “acts like a dick to everyone but we’re supposed to think he’s being cool and edgy because he’s ~rebelde” characters, isn’t he?
In Mia’s room, Feli confesses to Vico that she keeps thinking about Francisco. They’re not going to end up together, because poor Feli has never gotten any of the guys she’s had crushes on. Then Sol comes in, and OHHH okay, so apparently Pilar is their fourth roommate now, and that’s why her bag is in the room. Feli and Vico decide to look through the photos from her vacation. Apparently Pilar told them she was going to the Caribbean, but the photos are of Mar Chiquita. Feli and Vico gasp that if Pilar lied about her vacation, she might be the same person she was last year, and if so, she must have snitched about their protest. Just then Marizza runs in, and Sol tells her everything that Feli and Vico just said about Pilar. Feli and Vico reluctantly back her up, but Marizza insists that Pilar has changed.
Classes start the next day, and with the exception of Pablo and Guido, everyone’s suddenly started wearing red uniform polos. We saw those a couple of times last season, but all of a sudden all the kids are wearing them. Dunoff introduces their literature teacher, Carmen Menendez. You’d think this school would’ve had a literature class before, or that the kids would be familiar with the teachers they’ve known for four years. Then their class is randomly interrupted by a woman wearing a black veil over her face. All the kids are like, “What the fuck?” and then Carmen’s like, “Anyway, literature class,” and everyone just pretends that that didn’t happen. O…kay.
Is this…Hilda? Maybe?
Carmen gets pissed with Rocco for filming her class. Seriously, does he never put that camera away? How many of those shitty mini-tapes that you couldn’t play on any actual VCR does he have? Rocco tries to needle Carmen about how film is also a form of ~literature, because he’s super rebelde and at no point does it come up that it’s distracting and a waste of everyone’s time. But we’re supposed to think he’s right and she’s wrong, especially because she then insists all the girls have to wear their hair up. Wearing your hair down tells men that you’re a woman of loose morals!
Andres comes to visit Sonia in her dressing room, which hey! Also looks like a real dressing room now! Andres tells Sonia that Papa C has left on a business trip, and he’s left it to Andres to find Mia. Sonia’s like, “Pfft, a missing teenage girl is less important than my grudge against her father.”
Tomás asks Pablo if he’s feeling better, and Marizza immediately is like, “Something is wrong with Pablo? What is it? I MUST KNOW!” Hee. She’s still doing dumbass and immature things, and it’s early days yet, but I’m liking Marizza a lot more so far. Laura suggests that if Marizza’s so worried, she should just go talk to Pablo. “Who said I’m worried? I’m not worried at all!” Marizza snaps. Also hee. Dunoff also spies on this conversation, because I guess he’s really invested in Marizza and Pablo’s love drama. He goes over to the boys’ dorms and lies in wait to bust her for going into Pablo’s room.
Manuel and Mia go diving in the Galapagos, and they spend a few minutes getting more mileage out of the location and their underwater camera. All is well and happy, until a sea lion grabs onto Mia’s flipper. OH NO! Is this telenovela going to turn into a bloody life-or-death battle with the forces of nature?
Leave a Reply