Opening monologue: Oh shit this episode didn’t have one! Or opening credits! It’s all content, all the time up in here.
We pick up where we left off. Is it ever explained how Mia got to the restaurant? No, it’s not. Whatever, she’s here, she sees Papa C and Mercedes together, and she is PISSED. Who could have seen this coming? Papa C explains that Mercedes is the photographer, and Mia takes this as well as you’d expect, i.e. not at all. The credits, by the way, float over this scene, as they don’t play the theme song.
Nico’s club. Tatiana, all pleased that she’s gotten Luna out of the way, tries to get him to hang out with her, but he’s like, “No! I had to watch my secret girlfriend, who has to watch me make out with you all the time, getting along with another dude! I’m scarred!” Just kidding. She asks why he’s so emo, and he says he’s having confusing feelings about their relationship. “Totally understandable,” Tatiana assures him. “I know it was weird for us to spend a week apart, but it did us good :))) Just think about how happy your parents are :))) Especially your post-cardiac arrest dad :)))” Oh, Tatiana is SNEAKY. She adds that Matías really seems to dig Luna and Nico makes up some excuse to go be emo somewhere else.
“Dang…why you gotta hurt me like that.”
Once he leaves, Tatiana dials Matías and gives him Luna’s number. (I’m guessing she has it from the time she invited the entire class to the club.) So sneaky! I almost admire her, except where all this effort to hang on to a guy who doesn’t really like her is kind of pathetic.
Meanwhile, Mia and Guido are…at some room off of the restaurant now? That’s what it looks like. Mia’s pouting and Guido’s like, “Idk how to interact with girls other than awkwardly hitting on them.” Mia says she wants to sleep over at Feli’s and goes off to call her, and Guido takes the opportunity to hit up Pablo for some advice. “She’s like, crying and stuff! She doesn’t wanna make out! WHAT DO.” Pablo, who’s had to get Paula off his lap to pick up the phone, says, “Don’t you see, this is an opportunity!” Ew. He’s like, “Manipulate her sadness about her broken family to your own devious ends!” Mia comes back and Guido suggests they forget about her problems by going to a club. Mia says she has to call Papa C first, and ditches Guido. Heh.
On the other end of the line, Pablo hangs up with Guido. “You’re quite the girl expert,” Paula observes, sadly not ironically. She offers to give him a massage (in his pants). Just kidding, but this massage does involve crawling into his lap and sticking her tongue in his mouth. Pablo, like his good friend Tomás before him, resists for about 0.5 seconds and then is like “Nvm” and starts kissing her back.
Dunoff’s office. Mama D comes in and sees him drinking at his desk. “Just another day,” she doesn’t say. She figures out something is up, and Dunoff tells her that he walked in on Joaquin COMPROMISING Pilar! They’ll have to increase her dowry if any decent man will take her now! Dunoff wails that he just didn’t see this coming like…have you met Joaquin? Anyway, he wants to have a Stern Talk with Joaquin. I’m sure that will end with actual consequences and definitely not with Dunoff kissing Joaquin’s ass as usual.
Business as usual at Elite Way.
Speaking of things no one saw coming, Papa C and Mercedes are back at Casa Colucci lamenting their terrible plan. They’re all like, “How could this have blown up in our faces, there were no warning signs.” YOU GUYS. Mercedes runs off to get some liquor and puts on the radio, for contrivance purposes. The song ends as she leaves the room, and the radio announcer’s like, “And by the way, for everyone listening who hasn’t already heard, Sonia Rey is SUPER SICK! She might be dying! Just so you know!” It’s convenient how the literally two times the characters turn on the radio, they’re announcing plot-important information.
With that, we segue into a Sonia scene. This show is getting smooth. Anyway, Sonia’s flipping out about Marizza again, as usual. God, I think Marizza’s gone for at least ten more episodes. Do I gotta watch ten more hours of this? Papa C calls, and of course Sonia doesn’t want to talk to him. He wants to know if Sonia’s all right, and Sonia gestures at Pepa to hang up. Pepa, of course, spills all of Sonia’s shit to him. She’s such a fuckup, her job security is incredible. Papa C very gallantly wishes Sonia well and says he was worried, and Sonia’s like oh dang that was actually very sweet. And thus the dance of miscommunication continues!
Pablo and Paula. They’re making out and he jumps up from the couch and starts having a panic attack. He wails that he can’t do this, and he can’t tell her why, and he’s breathing hard and sweating all over the place. Finally he wails that he’s “never had relations.” I think this freakout is more embarrassing than being awkward at sex. Paula tells him that she doesn’t care if she’s a virgin, because he’s sweet and she likes him more than she’s ever liked anyone. They go back to making out while “Fallin’” plays in the background. At no point does Pablo bring up that they literally met that afternoon.
The sad trailer. You’ll recall that Marcos was all emo about Marizza not being in touch with them and confessed his love for her, so Lujan…fakes an email from Marizza and sends it to him. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, LUJAN. WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH HERE.
Cyrano de screwing herself.
Casa Colucci. Guido is forced to come back to the house and confess to Papa C that Mia escaped him. Papa C’s like, “You let her out of your sight for five minutes? This is why you’ll never be her boyfriend.” (Actually, Guido mentioned that he waited for Mia for two hours. Aw. I feel kind of bad for him.) Papa C’s like, I gotta call in a stalking professional. Cut to Manuel! He’s covered in some very obviously fake injuries, and he agrees to find Mia. It’s mentioned that he’s gone back to school, by the way, if you were wondering where he was.
Mia shows up at Sonia’s dressing room, predictably upset over Papa C and Mercedes lying to her. Who could have anticipated this outcome! Sonia agrees to take her in.
Some indeterminate amount of time later, Pablo and Paula are in bed together. Pablo’s shirtless, but they totally didn’t have sex.
Back at school. Joaquin is sleeping in some room with a bunch of other guys. I thought he and Pilar were sleeping over at Casa Dunoff? Surely the Dunoffs don’t actually live at the school. Anyway, Vico wakes him up and sneaks him off to Dunoff’s office. She’s still pissed that he broke up with her and didn’t want to publicly date her, and Joaquin’s like, “Oh my God, let it go.” Vico says he still likes her, and like all the guys in this show, he resists for a half a second and then is like, “K” and starts making out with her. An excellent time for Dunoff to come in! He starts flipping out and Joaquin’s like, “I can explain, Marcel!” “THAT’S SEÑOR DUNOFF TO YOU!” Oh snap! He yells that he never wants to see Joaquin in this school again. It’s actually pretty amazing, for Dunoff.
Casa Colucci. Manuel comes back to Papa C empty-handed; even he couldn’t stalk her effectively this time. Amazingly, Guido is still there. I guess they were planning on shaming him with Manuel’s Mia-stalking skillz. But then Sonia calls and tells Papa C that Mia’s safe with her. She’s supposedly whispering so as to not wake Mia, and there’s some “wacky” back-and-forth with Papa C not being able to hear her. Except then it cuts to Sonia and she’s talking perfectly audibly. Whatever. Sonia suggests that he leave Mia with her until she cools down and is ready to come back, which is actually some pretty decent advice. Papa C wants to know why Soni bothered to tell him where Mia is, and Sonia starts wailing that she doesn’t know if Marizza’s okay, and as a parent it’s killing her, histrionics, etc. Papa C’s like, “Aiight.”
School. Long and unnecessary shot of Fernanda and Douchey Diego flirting with each other, like anyone cares about either of them. Julieta rolls up and asks Diego if he’s seen Manuel, and Diego tells her that “Colucci” called him last night, so Manuel left and didn’t come back. Julieta is Not Pleased.
Meanwhile, Manuel wakes up in Mia’s bed. There was literally nowhere else in that house they could put him up? But then we wouldn’t have him looking through her stuff (she has a compact that has “Qué dificil es ser yo” engraved on it, HEE) and contrivedly finding her diary. Oh my GOD, Manuel. Luckily, it’s locked. Papa C comes in and yet again explains his lameass plan and Manuel’s like, “Dude, it was a shitty plan no matter how many times you describe it.” Manuel tells him to just ignore the situation and go frolicking off with Mercedes; Manuel will take care of Mia. Kind of creepy, but Papa C is appeased.
Marcos’s house. He’s on the phone with Nico, trying to help him do some computer-related thing. It’s just an excuse for Marcos to be around his computer, which has to be seen to believed:
My family had that EXACT wallpaper on our computer in like 1999. Shit, that doesn’t even look like Windows 98, that looks like Windows 95.
Anyway, Marcos gets the email from “Marizza”, and is predictably twitterpated. The email’s all about how she’s been thinking about him now that they’re apart, and that behind the glasses he’s super brave and cool, and she really likes the real Marcos. Surely this won’t blow up in Lujan’s face! Marcos beams, and for a second I thought they would start playing “Inmortal”, but they don’t. Also, dig the “email”:
It’s crazy how Marcos somehow opened this email as a new document in Microsoft Word.
Pilar comes into the office looking for Joaquin, and the padres Dunoff try to gently break it to her that they’ve expelled him from Elite Way, on account of him mackin’ it with Vico. Mama D tries to say it, but Dunoff blusters that it’s his responsibility. Pilar is distraught and runs away. It’s a pretty well-done scene, actually. Pilar runs off to find Vico, and demands that she tell her the truth about her and Joaquin. Vico BSes that she and Joaquin dated before Joaquin and Pilar hooked up, and she totally tried to break it off after Joaquin and Pilar got together. But Joaquin wasn’t having any of it, and what Dunoff saw was Joaquin pressuring Vico into making out with him. “Do you believe me?” she asks. Pilar storms out, and Vico looks like she might be feeling actual human emotion for a second, but then she’s like, “Whatevs! Alienating everyone who’s ever remotely liked me is super fun!”
Pablo and Paula have breakfast together, and are sort of flirty and awkward. Pablo goes to go put a shirt on, and Papa B shows up and is like, “Well? Have you deflowered my son?” Paula hustles him out just as Pablo comes back and is like, “Huh, I thought I heard my dad’s voice. Weird!” He’s all like, “I have fallen in love with you in the less than twelve hours we’ve spent together!” and she tells him she really likes him too. Heh. Denied, Pablo. They make out and he leaves. Papa B comes back around the corner and starts to cut Paula a check, but she tells him nothing happened. They only had innocent, non-coital cuddling! Papa B’s like, “The fuck, that’s not what I signed him up for.” He freaks out that Pablo couldn’t get it up, but Paula assures him Pablo doesn’t have erectile dysfunction, as if anyone else needed to hear that. Papa B’s like, “Don’t waste your time being NICE to him, UGH. He already has a girlfriend, I just need to get him laid.” He leaves and Paula is perturbed.
Sonia’s dressing room. She and Mia are having fun bossing Pepa around (hee!), and Pepa says she doesn’t mind, because Mia’s managed to cheer Sonia up. Aw! She runs off to fetch their breakfast, and Mia and Sonia bond. Mia says Marizza’s lucky to have a mom like Sonia. Also aw! Sonia, unlike Papa C, realizes it’s best to tell Mia the truth, and admits that she called Papa C and told him where Mia was. Mia’s a little upset, but Sonia assures her that she told Papa C not to come, and that smoothes it over. Almost like telling the truth works better than lying! Amazing! A knock comes at the door, and they’re all freaked out that it’s Papa C, but of course it’s just Manuel. He can’t let this mar his stalking track record, after all. Sonia leaves them alone, and Manuel starts needling Mia for being selfish and superficial. He thinks she should talk it out with her dad, and she’s being immature about the whole thing. She’s like, “If you think I’m so immature, why did you stick your tongue down my throat?” He blusters that he was just trying to shut her up and she’s like, “Does Julieta know about your method of shutting other girls up?” Hee! For some reason, they glare at each other and that’s enough to convince Mia to go back. She thanks Sonia for helping her, and Sonia sniffles as they leave. “What a nice boy, with such a nice accent,” she says, re: Manuel. Heh.
Dunoff’s office. Joaquin’s Very Important Uncle is all offended that they’ve kicked Joaquin out, and suggests that perhaps the troublemaker in the relationship was Pilar, not Joaquin. Dunoff’s like, “…no, it was definitely Joaquin.” Heh. He manages to stand his ground for about half the scene, then Very Important Uncle’s like, “Well, then I guess we can’t be shady money-laundering buddies anymore,” and Dunoff’s like, “Nvm, Joaquin can stay.” Oh, Dunoff, you came so close to being cool.
Manuel and Mia return to Casa Colucci. Mercedes tries to apologize to Mia and says that she really did want them to be friends, but Mia snips that she’s fake and this whole thing is a plot for REVENGE! Does Papa C know that Mercedes used to go out with a fashion businessman, but he left her at the altar for another woman? Papa C’s like, “Well…yeah, actually, ’cause that was me.” Mia’s all horrified and runs out again. Good job, guys.
Pilar finds Joaquin emoing in the main hall. He panics to her that they’re gonna kick him out, and she snips, “Good.” Ooooh. Joaquin tells Pilar that Vico set a trap for him, like, she didn’t force you to make out with her, fool. Although it’s otherwise not untrue.
Lounge. Pablo, Guido, and Tomás are reunited and relating their respective nights. Guido’s sad because Mia ditched him, and Tomás is like, “Pablo, our nights sucked and we have to live vicariously through you. PLEASE tell me you got laid.” Pablo confirms what Paula said, which is that nothing happened. Tomás and Guido are like, the fuck, we didn’t leave her sweet-ass apartment with the TV and the liquor cabinet for this. Just then, Paula calls Pablo and invites him over again, and Tomás and Guido urge Pablo not to let them down. Maybe he doesn’t wanna sleep with her, guys! Jesus.
Manuel comes into Mia’s room and sees her lying facedown on the bed. He tells her that Papa C is really upset and that Mercedes isn’t that bad, and Mia sniffles that Papa C can’t possibly choose Mercedes over Mama C’s memory. Manuel suggests that Mia is less upset that Papa C is forgetting Mama C, and more that Papa C is choosing Mercedes over Mia. He’s like, “U know, if they found each other again after your dad hella ditched her right before their wedding, maybe Mercedes was meant to come along.” Helpful! Mia doesn’t like that at all. Her phone rings, and it’s Julieta, looking for Manuel. Mia chirps that Manuel’s right here in her bedroom, and Julieta hangs up. Oh, Mia.
Mia’s room. Feli comes back from hanging out with her family, and starts getting ready to see Augusto. Vico tells her to stop dating him again. She says that ever since their dad started going off on his multiple business trips, Augusto’s gone crazy and he’s super controlling and possessive. That’s actually pretty plausible, to be honest. Nevertheless, Feli doesn’t believe her, probably because of all those times Vico’s lied to her before. Nobody ever told Vico about crying wolf? Anyway, Mia calls Feli all upset over Papa C and Mercedes, and Feli agrees to come over and comfort her. Vico overhears Feli’s end and asks if Mia’s okay. “It’s nothing that would inconvenience you,” Feli says. OOOH.
Lounge. Manuel returns to school, and Julieta catches up to him. She’s all pissed that he spent the night with “that pendeja” (heh), and Manuel quickly assures her that Mia wasn’t even there, and he hates having to stalk her and babysit her. Julieta doesn’t know Manuel enough yet to know that stalking is one of his favorite activities, and she’s appeased by this. Just then, some rando rocks up and starts needling Julieta about hanging out with a scholarship student. Julieta’s all like, “Back off, Rodrigo,” and she and Manuel hustle off. So this is Rodrigo! Marcos overhears this exchange, and bolstered by “Marizza”‘s email, goes over to ingratiate himself to him. He’s all like, “Good job being a dick to that Mexican scholarship student…my man…my dude…yo, my brother also liked to fuck up poor people, I hear he was in the Society?” Rodrigo somehow immediately recognizes Marcos and is like, “Oh shit, your brother was THE MAN in the Society.” Marcos asks who he would check with if he wanted to join, and Rodrigo leans in to give him a name. Time to cut away!
August comes to pick up Feli, and he asks if she went to band practice last episode. She says no, and he’s like, “Excellent, exactly as I told you!” She says she missed him, and he tells her he missed her more. Tbh, you can see how all this affection would initially really appeal to Feli’s insecurity, and it’s not an unrealistic depiction of how abusive relationships can start. Anyway, she tells him she can’t hang out as promised, as Mia’s having an emergency. Augusto’s like, “NO, HOW VERY DARE.” Feli tries to protest that it’s important, but Augusto tells her to call Mia and say she can’t come. Feli reluctantly agrees.
On the other end of the line, Mia finds a pair of tickets to…somewhere. I couldn’t make it out? Anyway, she immediately assumes they’re for her and Papa C, and gets all excited that she’ll have the opportunity to break up him and Mercedes.
Manuel’s room. Nico returns to school as well, and says he couldn’t stand being at home, as Mama Provenza kept babbling on about Tatiana, and Nico can’t handle talking about his love life anymore. “Really? ‘Cause I just saw Luna,” Manuel says. Nico: “REALLY?” Oh, Nico. Manuel wants to know what’s going on with Luna, because he called her but got nothing. Either way, he’ll find out as he has to go give a plot device to Lujan. This is just an excuse for Manuel to dump his bag out, and out falls Mia’s diary. Nico picks it up and reads the inscription: “Letters about an impossible love. Aw, you have an impossible love!” Hee! I do really like when Nico ribs Manuel, especially because he’s the only one that does it. He notes that it’s open, and Manuel insists that it must have opened in his bag. He didn’t open it, and he definitely has NO INTEREST in reading it! Nico’s like, whatever you say, and runs off to go find Luna. Manuel puts the diary on his desk. “Don’t look at me like that,” he tells it. Heh. Of course he lasts about half a second before giving into temptation and reading it. OH, MANUEL.
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