Previously on Rebelde Way: Pablo ran away! Then he came back after like five minutes. It was pretty anticlimactic. Joaquin broke up with Mia on account of Manuel telling him that Papa C is a mafioso. The boys did a dance routine to ‘NSync, which for some reason convinced Lulu to let them into the group. Sonia decided to get involved with the kids’ education, since it’s become clear that they only take like three classes at this school.
Opening monologue: Parents just don’t understand, except for sometimes when they do. Adults used to be kids after all, and they’re still just as capable of fucking up, as they’ve demonstrated multiple times on this very show.
We pick up where we left off, in case you were waiting with bated breath to find out what’s wrong with Flor. I wasn’t, but whatever. Haha, just kidding! Nothing’s wrong with Flor! Sandra’s here because someone told her that something was wrong with Luna. Luna tells Sandra that she has class and can’t talk right now, and Dunoff’s all, “Pfft, you can go hang out with your aunt, it’s not like attendance actually matters at this school.”
The boys’ locker room. Gratuitous shirtless scenes for everyone! Marcos comes out of the shower in his towel, and all the boys are like, “Ohoho, the only reason you could possibly be wearing a towel is because you’re afraid to show us your tiny penis!” One of the guys whips the towel off and there’s a shot of Pablo and Guido reacting to how not-tiny Marcos’s dick is. This scene is incredibly bizarro and serves absolutely no purpose at all. Anyway, in the midst of all this dick-measuring, Mia comes barging in to yell at Manuel. When Nico tries to pass Manuel the soap, she steals it and shoves it into Manuel’s mouth, shrieking about how he told Joaquin her dad is a mafioso. Hee.
In the cafeteria, Sandra is needling the cafeteria girl about the lack of food in the school. The cafeteria girl tells her that they only serve quick meals, like sandwiches and sodas. This school doesn’t even serve full meals for lunch and dinner? Actually, I want to say I’m surprised, but I’m not. Anyway, Sandra tells Luna that Sonia called her, and Luna tells her that Sonia, in addition to being Marizza’s mom, is Sonia Rey. Sandra cutely freaks out over this, but then gets down to business: what’s going on with Luna? Sonia apparently told her that Luna’s mom doesn’t love her and Luna has abandonment issues for days (you’d think Sandra would know this already), but Luna squeals that she’s doing better than ever. Something wonderful has happened: she has a boyfriend! A boyfriend who is super into her and who hasn’t at all been trying to break up with her for the past five episodes! Nico comes in and is cutely awkward around Luna before running off to class. He’s not very good at this whole being-a-bad-boyfriend thing. At least Manuel blew Feli off and aggravated her low self-esteem issues every now and then. Anyway, Sandra squeals to the entire cafeteria that Luna and Nico are TOTES DATING and it’s SUPER ADORABLE, which I’m sure Nico will be thrilled to hear about.
Pablo’s room. “What are you thinking about?” Pablo asks Guido. “I was distracted by the largest penis I have ever seen,” Guido says. Not really. He tells Pablo that he’s been thinking about Joaquin: it’s so annoying how Joaquin thinks he’s Brad Pitt (not like that means anything, freakin’ Marcos thinks he’s Brad Pitt), but Guido may have just found out some mad gossip to take him down. “It concerns Mia, and I think Marizza.” Pablo’s like, “Tell me more!” Like, does he have a car?
In the lounge, Mia and Manuel fight again, some more. “I didn’t say your dad was in the mafia, I just said he was a capo in his industry,” Manuel says. “I’m not calling Joaquin stupid, but he’s kind of stupid for taking that literally.” Heh. Marizza catches them fighting and tells Manuel to go ahead and hit Mia. Mansilla, also passing by, is like, “Dude, what is everyone’s damage with this teenage girl?” He hustles Manuel and Mia off to the teachers’ lounge, and Marizza takes the opportunity to sidle up to Joaquin. Guido comes in and hovers in the background while Marizza hella awkwardly tells Joaquin she wants to give him her body. “So you’ve shown that you love me, and I figure I should do the same, so I wanna give myself to you completely,” she says. Joaquin: “Oh, cool, what about tonight? At 2 AM?” (Hee!) Marizza’s like, “No, I didn’t mean like, now. Another time. When I’m ready.” Joaquin’s like, “That’s nice, let me know.” He’ll pencil it in! Marizza waltzes off all pleased.
Teachers’ lounge. Mia and Manuel snipe at each other until Mansilla’s like, “Whoa, what’s your deal? I totally made you guys stroke each others’ faces 11 episodes ago, did that not solve all your problems?” Mansilla suggests there could be two reasons for their animosity: “One, you like each other –” “OH PLEASE,” Manuel says. “Or two, you just don’t know each other.” And since this is a telenovela, the one will lead to the other, so he’s going to force them to hang out until they fall in love! Not in so many words, obviously. And if it turns out they really do hate each other, he wants a full essay explaining why. Jesus Christ, Mansilla, don’t take your shipping so seriously.
Pablo’s room. Guido tries to ply Joaquin with alcohol to get him to spill the beans, but Joaquin is slightly smarter than everyone else at this school, and cottons on that something’s up. After all, Guido and Pablo hated him up until like two minutes ago. Guido says he feels bad because everyone’s saying Joaquin’s gay, and so like, Guido’s actually doing him a favor by hanging out with him. Somehow. They’re basically besties now, so Joaquin should totally tell him who the other girl is. Also Guido already knows it’s Marizza. Scare chord!
“Why am I even hanging out with you?”
Joaquin, however, doesn’t fall for it and tells Guido that he doesn’t kiss and tell. Guido vows to find out what he’s hiding. The way he did when he figured out Pilar wrote the newspaper? Guido has good investigating skills, but he’s pretty lousy on the follow-through.
Luna walks Sandra to the door, and they squeal over how everything’s coming up roses for her. Luna scampers off, and Mama Provenza picks that moment to waltz in with a girl. “Is this Nico’s sister?” Sandra asks. “No, this is his girlfriend,” Mama Provenza says. Oh snap!
It’s nighttime, and Manuel and Mia are still in the teachers’ lounge. I’d love for Mansilla to have to explain, when someone asks why they missed class and presumably dinner, how he locked them in a room together until they hooked up. They yell at each other some more about how he’s all up in her business when he has no reason to be, and he tells her that he’s just trying to look out for her, because she’s a dumb blonde and he feels sorry for her. “Is that it, or do you have a thing for me?” she asks. She reminds him that he totally pinned her to the side of a cliff once (romantic!) and he’s also kissed her like twice now. Manuel does not like that at all, and suggests that Mia likes him. Eventually they decide to just tell Mansilla that they’re getting along so he’ll let them go, and Mia makes Manuel agree to tell Joaquin Papa C isn’t a mafioso.
In the lounge, Nico is playing piano with one of the Diegos. They randomly start singing “Killing Me Softly With His Song,” and Vico, Random Amanda, and Belen all join in. Why is this happening? Don’t all these kids hate each other? Anyway, Mama Provenza busts in cooing over Nico’s piano playing, and everyone disperses. As they go, Pilar eyes the situation suspiciously. She can’t wait to reveal to the whole school that…Nico has parents? Mama Provenza excitedly introduces him to Tatiana, who greets Nico by kissing him right on the mouth. Not weird at all! Pilar smiles evilly.
Marizza’s room. Marizza and Luna squeal over how awesome it is to be in love, to Lujan’s chagrin. She’s not going to get a boyfriend until Marcos gets his makeover, and that’s like seventy episodes from now. Their happiness is harshing her vibe. She snaps at them that all boys are evil and have cooties, no exceptions. But speaking of boys, did Marizza ever figure out what was up between Joaquin and Marcos? “I totally forgot!” Marizza says, and runs off to go get to the bottom of that. The second she leaves, Pilar runs in all ready to start shit. “Did you guys see Nico’s girlfriend? She just got here! Oh, sorry, you didn’t know?” Luna is crushed, and Lujan immediately demands that she pay up. “I bet Luna five pesos that she and Nico weren’t dating for real!” Dammit, Lujan, why you gotta be like this?
Manuel’s room. Mama Provenza coos over how pretty Tatiana is and what a good couple she and Nico make. Apparently she’s been in Israel this whole time, which is why we’re just hearing about her now. Nico protests, saying they liked each other when they were little — they haven’t seen each other in three years. Tatiana does not like that at all: “I waited for you when we were apart!” Wait, what? Wouldn’t that have made them like, twelve? I know she’s a satellite love interest who’s only here to create drama for Nico and Luna, but like, did Tatiana not meet any guys at all in Israel? Guys with a better eyebrow situation than Nico’s? Anyway, Manuel comes in and Mama Provenza introduces Tatiana as Nico’s girlfriend. Mama Provenza and Tatiana leave, and Manuel immediately starts reading Nico the riot act for saying he didn’t have a girlfriend and stringing Luna along. “Wait, calm down, eat something,” Nico says, offering the food Mama Provenza brought. “I DON’T WANT TO EAT!!” Manuel says. Hee.
Lab room. Marcos is studying because he’s a geek stereotype. Marizza comes up and tells him that she found out that Joaquin’s brother was hella into drugs, and so was Marcos’s dead brother. I’m sorry, when did this conversation happen? I guess they decided I’d rather see dick jokes in the boys’ locker room. And they guessed wrongly! But anyway, Marcos completely flips his shit and grabs Marizza by the throat, demanding to know who told her that. Then he starts having an asthma attack, and Marizza’s like, “Not asthma! Do something besides have an asthma attack!” Then Marcos starts crying and tells her that she saved him from an asthma attack. By…yelling at him? I don’t know. This scene is bizarro. Vico passes by and sees Marizza hugging Marcos. I can’t think of a reason for her to care about what the two of them do, but I guess she does.
The next day, in the cafeteria. Nico is eating his feelings and stressing out over what to do about his mom and Tatiana. Manuel suggests that he just say that his mom is crazy, but Nico wails that he can’t say that about his own mother. “It seems like there are a lot of things you can’t say,” Manuel says. “Too many things.” He’s been suspecting for a while, but: is Nico secretly Jewish? Scare chord! Nico immediately denies it: he wasn’t at temple* that time Manuel called, his family was at a restaurant called the Temple! And his mom brought him kosher food, but that doesn’t mean anything! They eat all kinds of food! They eat Japanese food too! Is eating kosher food so different? Manuel’s like, “Oookay, touchy, I was just wondering.” Bizarrely, Nico asks, “What would a Jew be doing in high school?” Manuel’s like, “The same thing everyone else is doing? Like, learning?” I mean, the learning aspect is pretty minimal at this school, but otherwise fair enough. Nico snaps that he’s TOTALLY CATHOLIC, and makes the sign of the cross to prove it. Except he does it wrong. Oh, Nico.
(* I don’t know how common it is in Spanish, or amongst Jewish people in Argentina, but tbh in the US I feel like I mostly hear it referred to as going to synagogue, not temple? I don’t know.)
Marizza catches up to Lujan in the hall, and Lujan tells her Luna is upset over Nico. I only mention this because it breaks up the cafeteria scene, and when we cut back, Manuel is suddenly sitting with Joaquin. That was quick. Manuel tells Joaquin that Mia’s dad isn’t a capo, and Joaquin breathes a sigh of relief. Now he can go back to trying to get into her pants without fear! Mia and Feli waltz in, and Joaquin drools over Mia some more. “She’s so sexy,” he says. I’ll just remind you that we’ve apparently established that Mia is fourteen. “Yeah, but she’s stupid,” Manuel says. Joaquin: “Well, women can’t have everything. That’s why you gotta keep a couple of them around.” Manuel: “WHAT.” Joaquin tells him that the trick is to keep the girls from talking to each other. Manuel sidles over to Mia and Feli and passive-aggressively tells Mia that her boyfriend is super smart. Then Joaquin comes over and apologizes to Mia for being a dick, and she takes him back in about half a second. Dammit, Mia!
Classroom. Vico is gossiping to all the girls about how she totally saw Marizza hugging Marcos. “I can’t believe it!” Random Amanda says. Apparently these kids think hugging is super scandalous? I don’t know. Pablo, Tomás, and Guido all come in and tease the girls that they’re looking for girlfriends. Fernanda and Random Amanda go along with it, because they don’t love themselves. Fernanda tells them that according to Vico, Marizza and Marcos are hooking it up. Pablo is all appalled. She helped him hide in the sad trailer! Did that not mean anything to her?! Guido is also perturbed, because this screws up his Marizza-and-Joaquin theory.
Luna cries over Nico, and Marizza berates her for not kicking his ass, as usual. I’m not saying they should enable Luna’s doormat tendencies, but they could give her some sympathy before yelling at her, you know?
In the hallway, Manuel judgily watches Joaquin flirting with Mia. “Do you ever get that feeling that you just want a girlfriend?” he asks Marcos. Marcos is like, “Why don’t you just hit on Vico, like everyone else in this school?” Manuel’s like, “Oh, gr8 idea.” What? This is so incredibly random. Vico is fighting with her locker, and Manuel helps her open it. “You know, in Mexico, we have a way of thanking someone when they do us a favor,” he smoothes at her. He kisses her and runs off. Vico’s kind of into it, which is weird because I do not ever remember her not being grossed out by Manuel. First Guido, now Manuel? What is happening? Mia witnesses all this and sums up my reaction:
That was just weird.
Marizza and Luna go to the office to enact their (mostly Marizza’s) vengeance on Nico. Luna keeps watch while Marizza slips into the office with an envelope. Gloria catches her and tells her that if she’s looking for her aunt, she’s elsewhere in the school. Luna is confused: “My aunt was here yesterday, not today.” Nope, Sandra is now working in the cafeteria, so the students will have actual meals now instead of living off sandwiches and soda. And now she can keep an eye on Nico, because she knows he’s Up to Something. Nico catches up to Luna and tells her they have to talk.
Office. Mansilla reads over Mia and Manuel’s essays and is like, “Damn, they really hate each other.” I guess Mansilla didn’t realize we’re only on episode 31 of this show. We’ve got a ways to go before they get together!
In the gym, Nico tells Luna that he and Tatiana had a thing “three years ago” (when they were twelve), and now she’s back from Israel — and by Israel, he means SPAIN, totally Spain — and Mama Provenza is all invested in them getting married. But Nico doesn’t like Tatiana that way anymore, and he’s going to tell Mama Provenza that he already has a girlfriend. He and Luna make out. Uh…but does Nico actually like Luna? This shit gets more complex by the minute.
In the classroom, Mansilla tells them that he’s starting a new project with their parents: once a week, one of their parents will come in and give a talk about any topic they think the students should know. That sounds like a recipe for humiliation to me. I’ve never been particularly embarrassed by my parents, and I still wouldn’t have wanted them to give a talk on anything (except maybe like…their jobs) when I was in high school. Marizza breathes a sigh of relief that her mom isn’t likely to show up, so she’s in for a rude awakening when Mansilla announces that the first lesson is going to be sex ed, as taught by Sonia Rey. And then, to make things worse, Nico and Luna come in all made up. This could’ve been avoided if Marizza had just let Luna talk to Nico before plotting revenge, but I know talking things out has never been Marizza’s M.O.
The padres Bustamante argue about Pablo (again, some more). Mama B tells Papa B that Pablo isn’t like his brothers, and sending him to military school won’t help him. Papa B snips that Pablo is ~rebelde~ (take a shot every time they call one of the kids that), but he just needs to have his spirit crushed and everything will be fine! Mama B says she wants a divorce. Oooh. Papa B threatens that she relies on him for everything, and he can take Pablo away from her. Scare chord! An actually appropriate use of it for once, too.
Apparently Marizza’s revenge was to write a nasty letter to Hilda and sign Nico’s name. You’d think Hilda would know what Nico’s handwriting looks like, since she’s his teacher and all, but she believes it’s from him. She yells at the not-ethics teacher that she wants Nico to be kicked out of school immediately.
Back in the classroom, Sonia has enthralled all the kids with her talk, and they’re all gathered around her while she tells them that it’s important to care about the person you’re having sex with, blah blah safe sex blah. It’s not a bad lesson, actually, although still incredibly embarrassing for Marizza. After she’s done, Guido muses that Marcos is lucky he’s banging Sonia’s daughter. Joaquin hears this and completely flips out. Marizza promised she was going to have sex with him! He penciled it into his planner and everything!
Speaking of Marizza, she storms off to the gym to fume about Sonia coming to her class and talking about sex. And then a gloved hand comes out of nowhere and covers her mouth, while she struggles. What the fuck!
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