Previously on Rebelde Way: Something terrible has happened to Manuel! For some reason, this makes everyone sad instead of being cause for celebration, which is what I would have done.
Anyway, we pick up five minutes before where we left off and we have to watch the end of the last episode all over again. Finally, we get to where Martavio and Papa C call Sonia for an update on Manuel. Sonia cries to them that Manuel was in a car crash. He was? I mean, it was really dark and all, but I just thought he drove irresponsibly into a police parking lot while they shot at him. Anyway, they don’t have the details For Reasons, but Papa C promises to find out what happened. He tells Sonia not to tell the kids anything since they don’t have all the facts yet.
Meanwhile, you’ll recall that Michi gave Lujan the wrong file — instead of having her tuition information, Lujan now has the medical files of everyone in their class. And then Michi gets sued for breaching HIPAA and has to find a new job. Just kidding! Lujan flips through the file and tells Marizza that Pablo had adult chicken pox, which makes them both laugh for some reason. Marizza asks Lujan to look up Javier’s file, to make sure that her wonderful special friend isn’t dying of that hole in his brain. Lujan reads Javier’s file and is weirded out, but when Marizza asks, she quickly covers and is like, “Oh yeah, Javier totally has a hole in his brain, but it totally doesn’t affect his life at all! Everything’s fine!” Dammit, Lujan. She goes to swap the binders in the office, and Michi hands her the right one this time. And then we never find out what’s going on with Lujan’s tuition for the rest of the episode.
Papa C goes storming off to Dunoff’s office to yell at Papa B and Dunoff for not knowing where Manuel is. Papa B’s like, “Hey, don’t look at me, I just work here.” Or own here, as it were. Papa C threatens to sue them for negligence or something along those lines. Papa B’s like, “Okay, calm down, I will work PERSONALLY to find out where he is (even though he’s a fucking legal adult doing high school for the second time).” It just occurs to me that Manuel is basically Jerri Blank. “That’s a great solution, gentlemen!” Dunoff chirps, and both Papa C and Papa B just look at him. Heh.
Carmen grades everyone’s English tests and…her…wig?…is snatched?…by how stupid they all are? A weird editing choice, but okay.
Her grading is interrupted by some girl who says that she’s a doctor, here to see Guido Lassen. Do doctors still make house calls in Buenos Aires? Why is no one ever surprised by doctors just showing up at the school and going into students’ bedrooms? Anyway, of course the doctor isn’t actually a doctor — it’s Andrea in a sexy nurse uniform, here to sleep with Guido. GROSS! Also, what self-respecting struggling 20-year-old would take time off of work to hook up with a HIGH SCHOOLER?
Over in the hallway, Sol is all twitterpated by Blas going through her locker. Fernanda’s like, “You’re being weird, bro.” Sol gushes that Blas is the sweetest guy she’s ever met in her life (get out more, Sol) — and then Blas rocks up and barks at them to get out of the way. Sol hurries after him and gushes that she thinks it’s SOOOO hot that he’s from a rich inventor family. Blas snaps that he doesn’t want to hear any more from her and storms off. So sweet!
Mia’s finally broken it to Feli that Francisco meant to give Mia the Amarte duele presents, not Feli. I mean, at least she told her before Feli wasted all that Bubbaloo gum making a sculpture of Francisco’s name (seriously). Feli starts beating herself up for being stupid and crying that she can’t compete with Mia because she’s so ugly and so on. Mia tries to tell her that Francisco’s just being a two-faced dick and comforting her over Manuel’s behavior that he also enables. Feli won’t listen and snaps that she doesn’t want to see Mia anymore. Mia tries to chase after her, but Pablo finds her and says they have to talk.
He tells Mia that they’ve found Manuel, and Mia snipes, “Let me guess, he was in a hotel with some girl.” I mean…she’s half-right. Pablo says that he was in a car crash, and Mia flips out and we have to watch Luisana Lopilato try to emote and it’s awkward. Pablo says that it has to be kept a secret because the car didn’t have registration — which is really more Side Bang Girl’s problem than Manuel’s, but whatever. He makes her promise not to tell anyone.
We then cut to the music video for “Te soñé“, wherein Felipe Colombo drives around the city while staring at Luisana Lopilato. HA! That’s so hilariously tone-deaf for this storyline. I love it. Parking in the middle of the street to make out with a girl is exactly how you got into this situation in the first place, Manuel!
Meanwhile, Augustina has called Not Nicolas Cage to school to like…make Guido see her or something. Even her crazy dad is like, “Not really sure how I’m supposed to do that, but okay.” He goes to knock on Guido’s door, where we see Guido rolling around under the covers with Andrea. I think this is the closest the show has ever gotten to actually showing us that any of the kids were having sex, and it’s deeply weird. NOBODY ASKED FOR THIS. Anyway, Andrea pops out of one end of the covers and Guido pops out of the other. For a very brief second I thought they were implying that Guido was going down on her, then I realized that would mean that Guido knows where the clit is, which I highly doubt. Anyway, Guido bleats that he’s sick and Andrea manages to put her clothes back on by the time Not Nicolas Cage comes in. He believes that Andrea is a doctor and leaves.
In the cafeteria, Michi has been replaced by a new cafeteria guy named Lalo. Fernanda and Sol snark that he seems poor. Sol, you’re in love with a sex offender. Let’s not be judgmental here. They waltz out, and Feli comes in to eat her feelings. She orders a ton of food, and Lalo’s just like, “Ooookay.” Marizza and Lujan also come into the cafeteria, and introduce themselves to Lalo as “the nicest girls in the school.” Marizza, that is a lie and you know it. She and Lujan argue some more over Lujan relieving Blas of his tutor responsibilities, but it’s the same conversation they had last time so whatever.
Meanwhile, Pilar is trying to convince Tomás to study. He whines that he can’t, what with his worry over Manuel. Pilar’s like, “Whatever, he’s fine.” Heh. She doesn’t give a shit about Manuel and I love her for it. Pablo rocks up and is like, “Au contraire, everything is not fine!” and drags Tomás off. Marizza follows and wants to know what they’re talking about, but Pablo blows her off. Lujan’s like, “Why are you so invested in Pablo’s problems?” and Marizza scowls that she’s sure Pablo is hiding something important, and she’s going to get to the bottom of it. Suddenly, everyone is a detective except Mia.
For some reason, Tomás then…goes back into the cafeteria, where Pilar confronts him over keeping secrets. She thinks Pablo was talking to him about Andrea, and Tomás is all like, “Who?” like he hasn’t been listening to Guido bang on about her for the past twelve hours. Pilar yells at him that she’s sick of his lies and runs off. Why you gotta do my OTP like this, show!
In the office, Michi has taken her shoes off and is doing stretches. I LOVE HER. I love her less, though, when Dunoff comes in being a sadsack and she starts comforting him. He’s useless, Michi! All the bad things that happen to him are his own fault! Anyway, she tells him to sit in her chair and avoid his responsibilities for a little bit, like that’s not what he does in his own office every day.
Then Pilar comes in, wanting to see Dunoff — to get Tomás kicked out? I have no idea — but Michi won’t let her. Andrea passes through looking for the exit, and Michi takes the opportunity to get rid of Pilar by having her escort her out. Weirdly, Pilar doesn’t seem to connect the name — although she does note that Andrea is weirdly young to be a doctor. Michi goes to check on Dunoff and he’s like, “I’m so stressed I think I’m having a heart attack!” Michi runs off to bring Andrea back. Andrea’s jacket goes up a little when she turns around, and Pilar sees her fishnets on underneath. She’s suspicious.
Papa C comes to tell Mia that Manuel’s been in an accident. Mia’s like, “Yeah, I know.” Heh. She wants to know if something else has happened, and Papa C very gravely takes his sunglasses off: “There was a girl in the car with him.” Mia’s like, “Oh. I thought you were going to tell me that he was dead.” Apparently Manuel has to pay a fine and other than that there’s nothing wrong with him. I mean, besides the usual things.
Michi brings Andrea to Dunoff, and Andrea bleats for a minute that she can’t help him until finally admitting that she’s not a doctor, she was just here to fuck an underage student. Just kidding, not that last part. Michi blows up on her all like, “You come into MY SCHOOL under FALSE PRETENSES?” Hee! She demands to know what Andrea was really doing here — “If you convince me, I’ll let you go, otherwise, I’m calling the police.” Call the police anyway, Michi! Maybe have Andrea and Blas carted off to jail together!
Vico goes to the cafeteria and sees Feli’s order still on the counter. She asks Lalo who all this food is for, and he says it was a girl with a kinda round face, light eyes — she was pretty! Aw. I already know Lalo and Feli end up together, so this is nice. Vico figures out that Feli’s binge-eating again and goes to tell Mia. Mia sighs that it’s because she told Feli the truth about Francisco, and Vico’s like, “I thought we agreed to keep her in blissful ignorance forever.” Mia bleats that she didn’t want to lie to her, and Vico says that they have to fix it now before Feli lapses back into her eating disorder again. They decide to call Feli’s doctor, who Mia has on speed-dial for some reason.
Pablo gathers the boys to tell them that Manuel’s been in a car crash, with a girl, and he’s okay but he has to pay a fine for driving without a license. The boys want to know why they have to keep it a secret from the girls, and Pablo says, “You know women, as soon as you tell them something they’ll spread it throughout the whole school.” As opposed to keeping it totally on the DL like Pablo is doing. Then Javier rocks up and wants to know what they’re talking about. Francisco and Marcos immediately jump to tell him — Pablo tries to stop them, and Francisco derps, “I thought you said we just had to keep it a secret from the girls.” Javier’s like, “What secret?” and Pablo snaps at him to go away.
Ines comes to the school for some reason, and is telling Papa B how grateful she is that Javier and Pablo aren’t law-breaking hellions like Manuel. Papa B snarls that Pablo lied to him about being in Erreway, and that is WAY WORSE than getting into a car crash. I mean, Pablo has also done that, if we want to stretch our memories all the way back to the first three episodes of this show. Javier comes in and annoys Papa B into telling him what half the damn school knows, which is that Manuel got in a car crash, is totally fine, but has to pay a fine for driving without a license. If I have to type that sentence out one more time I am going to lose my mind.
Mia and Vico catch up to Michi, who tells them that she’s busy arranging for Dunoff to be taken to a clinic. They’re like, “That’s rough. Anyway, you gotta go deal with Feli, ’cause she’s having weight issues again.” Michi goes to the cafeteria, where Lalo is refusing to give her her food. Feli wants to know who told him he can’t give it to her — I’m pretty sure it was Vico, but Michi takes the credit for it. She sits Feli down, and she’s like, “Okay, we’ve been over this. You gotta stop pinning your self-esteem on whether or not some shitty boy likes you back.” Feli gets defensive, and Michi snaps that God and everybody knew that Francisco was into Mia, not Feli. Ouch. Michi gives her a whole speech on loving herself, again, some more. I will point out that she makes a good point that you can’t make other people like you — shit, you can’t even make people view you the way that you want. If she’s not happy with herself, then she’s relying on outside validation from other people and that never ends well. That’s honestly really pertinent, even in your 20s (I would love to show this speech to some of my peers, not that they understand Spanish), so it’s nice that it’s coming up here. Michi asks if it’s worth throwing away all her recovery efforts on a boy who ain’t shit. Lalo approaches with the food, and Feli tells him that he can keep it.
Lujan catches up to Javier and asks him why his supposed hole in the brain doesn’t appear in his medical file. He BSes that his mom didn’t put it in there so he wouldn’t get bullied by his peers. Because that would have worked so well when Javier goes around telling God and everybody about it. Lujan is suspicious, but lets him go. She catches up with Ines instead and asks her, and Ines is like, “Why does everyone in this school think Javier has a hole in his brain? He’s perfectly fine.” Oh, Lujan, you should’ve kicked his ass when you had the chance.
Mia and Vico go back to Mia’s room, where Sabrina is waiting. She wants to know about Manuel, and Vico amazingly tells her, “If you want to find out what happened to your boyfriend, check the news.” Mia, however, tells Sabrina that Manuel was in an accident and he’s fine but he has to pay oH MY GOD, I CAN’T TYPE THIS ANYMORE. Sabrina wants to know if Manuel was with a girl, and Mia hesitates over whether or not to tell her. Finally Vico snaps, “Of course he was with a girl. You’re not special,” and escorts Sabrina out of the room. HEE!
All the boys are still sitting around being sadsacks. Finally Diego’s like, “Okay, whatever, I’m gonna play some pool.” Everyone yells at him for not caring about Manuel, and Diego’s like, “Yeah, not really.” Heh. I’m starting to love him. Then Marizza and Javier rock up, and Marizza yells at Pablo that she knows everything — Javier told her what’s going on with Manuel, and she’s pissed that Pablo was keeping it from her. She scoffs at the idea that Papa B is keeping him updated, and snaps that she and Javier are going to storm Dunoff’s office to demand information for great justice. I mean…what other information is she expecting? He crashed the car! He was with a girl! He’s fine but he has to pay a fine for driving without a license! WHAT MORE COULD THERE BE? Pablo’s like, “See, this is why I didn’t tell Marizza, because now she’s trying to start shit for no reason.” Javier’s all, “Marizza is finding out the truth for great justice! She’s the Woodward and Bernstein of this school!” They run off together, and the rest of the boys muse that she’s probably right. “Why don’t you shut up?” Pablo says. Heh. Sucks to be Pablo.
Not Nicolas Cage and Augustina come into the office, where Andrea is waiting with Carmen. I’d love to see Carmen tear Andrea a new one, but sadly that won’t happen. Not Nicolas Cage introduces Augustina and Andrea — he notes that Augustina is Guido’s girlfriend, but Andrea is not at all put off by A) the fact that Guido has a girlfriend and B) the fact that Guido is dating someone so immature, because HE IS ALSO IMMATURE, BECAUSE HE IS A HIGH SCHOOLER. Not Nicolas Cage offers Andrea a ride home, but Carmen chirps that Andrea’s not allowed to leave. “Why not?” Augustina asks. Carmen smiles evilly.
Cut to: Not Nicolas Cage storming into Guido’s room. He knows that the girl who was in here earlier isn’t a doctor, which begs the question of what exactly she was doing in Guido’s bedroom. He grabs Guido by the throat and lifts him into the air all like, “I find your lack of faithfulness to my daughter disturbing.” HEE! Destroy him, Not Nicolas Cage!
The kids storm into Dunoff’s office — where Papa B is just chilling in the principal’s chair, as he does — and demand the truth. Papa B heaves a huge sigh: “It was too much to ask for discretion, I guess, Pablo.” “Well, everyone has a right to know,” Pablo bleats. I guess he’s trying to get on Marizza’s good side, even though he could easily blame this on Javier. Anyway, Papa C walks in at that moment with Manuel, proving that they could’ve avoided all this if Marizza had just had the patience to wait five more minutes.
Papa C says that they’ve paid the fine and everything is cool now. But then Papa B receives a call and says that nothing is cool: Prophetic Side Bangs’s parents want to sue Manuel for attempted murder. Lock him up!
Leave a Reply