Previously on Nancy Drew: The Shattered Medallion: Nancy, George, and Bess have been selected to compete on some game show that they’ve been fans of for years, even though we’re literally just hearing about it now. We showed up on the island (which honestly never bodes well for the quality of a Nancy Drew game), and promptly met Sonny Joon in person. He might be up to something shady, and all of our competition might be up to something shady, George has a concussion, and Bess thinks baristas are Italy’s most important cultural export. Onwards!
So Leena suggested that we read the rules to help us understand the game better, and snarked that we probably won’t do it. And I don’t. Instead I break into her tent, because fuck Leena and Patrick, man.
So Bess goes over to distract Patrick in the background while we look. (“What’s up, my man?” Oh, Bess.) Leena and Patrick’s tent is full of interesting findings. Leena has a note saying that someone named “Jin” has left puzzles for Sonny, and that she’s figured out how to decipher some of them. She notes that Sonny only talks to the contestants who aren’t getting eliminated. He also apparently asked the question, “What can be moved but not removed?”, and Leena expects that Nancy will figure it out. Wow, Leena, why don’t you do your own damn detective work? Nancy has her own problems! Then Sonny hinted to Leena that there was something VERY IMPORTANT at the waterfall, but whatever it is, she hasn’t found it yet. Leena also suspects that Erin is still helping Kiri on the side. Hmm.
She also went kayaking, I guess, and has listed all the benefits of the various kayaks. Some of them turn around faster than others, some of them are faster going straight, and so on. Good to know.
Blah blah rereading the rules blah. It’s the same stuff we read earlier, which apparently Nancy didn’t absorb at all. With the new information that we have about Kiri, a couple of the rules — more specifically, the one that says a partner that had to drop out can’t help their partner in the game — take on new significance. Of course, that could apply to Nancy, too.
We find Leena’s bag, but it’s locked with a padlock — I don’t know how you lock a zipper, but okay, whatever. But the puzzle to find the combination is on that note to Patrick that we found, so we put the number of dots on the drawer into the lock, from top to bottom: 3, 0, 8. That’s the combination, the lock pops open.
Inside the bag, we find a “deduct 50” card that we steal. We also find a note with a bunch of arrows on it — they’re similar to the arrows drawn on the kayak notes, and so we match the directions to the colors of the arrows until we reveal the message, which is “under nest in tree.” Cool cool cool.
So! Let’s go investigate the producers’ area. We have the key from George, which unlocks the power box to the security cameras. We can now disable the cameras by placing a red block on the intersecting lines, which has to be done three times to disable the cameras in all the zones. When that’s done, we can finally get to the mystery part of this game.
So we’ve snuck into the producers’ area, and we can listen to the recordings of everyone’s confessional booth sessions. First up is Patrick’s. “What do I do?” he derps. The announcer tells him that this is where contestants share their “darkest secrets.” How is the announcer talking to him if Sonny is the only crew member on the island? Whatever. “Uh…I stole some food from the snack table,” Patrick says. Heh. His next recording is his introduction: “This is my first time on reality television. But not my first time in reality. Or my first time on television.” That’s deep, man. He mentions that Leena doesn’t want him to talk about the waterfall, and he thinks Nancy is chill, except for the part where she stole stuff from their tent. HEE. Nancy is not stealth. But I’ll have you know that we only stole like, two things, Patrick. It could’ve been so much worse for you.
Next up is Leena. The announcer suggests that she’s overqualified to be on the show, to which Leena smooths, “Nothing wrong with that.” How can you be overqualified to be on reality TV? Whatever. The announcer notes that Leena doesn’t say much about her background, and Leena snipes that she’s not a villain, she just wants to win. Those two things have nothing to do with each other, but also whatever. She denies having anything to do with the bridge, and she thinks it’s dumb for us to team up with Kiri, but she’ll “let it happen.”
Another reason this game is bad: most of the characters are jerks, and not in a funny way. Like, the way everyone in Alibi in Ashes was a total shady asshole who didn’t give two shits about helping Nancy was hilarious, but everyone in this game is just kind of insulting and too bland to make me think it’s amusing.
Let’s listen to Kiri’s “confessions.” She’s super vague and sly about whether or not she cut the bridge, and she’s not saying she DID, but she might have. She also thinks it’s fun to needle Bess, and she wants to be famous so she can slap her name on things and make money without having to work. Fair enough.
George managed to get in exactly one confessional before her tragic accident. She notes that Sonny’s only focusing on some of the teams.
Then there’s Bess. The announcer asks if Bess can list some of her skills, and she’s like, “IDK, man.” In the next recording, the announcer is all snarky about how she hopes Bess is more prepared to answer questions this time. This is also dumb. Confessional booths aren’t a Q&A format, although I guess they could be editing it so it’s just the contestants’ answers. Anyway, Bess is like, “I’m good at…people things?” and the announcer gets all aggro about how Bess barely speaks English. I mean, not with Patrick “This isn’t my first time in reality” Dowsett sitting right there, announcer.
There are a few more recordings of the other contestants, who don’t get names because fuck them. One lady from Team Amokura is going on about how reality TV is an art form and she’s just thrilled to be participating in such a life-changing experience — and then, in her next recording, she’s having a panic attack about how far New Zealand is from any other landmass and how she just wants go home and/or die. Well, that escalated. Hmm.
Then there’s everyone else, and it would take forever to get through these, so basically — it’s just a bunch of ~wacky~ conversations with lol self-absorbed reality contestants, and there are some hints that ~someone~ is whispering in their ears and freaking them out — possibly trying to drive everyone who isn’t a rendered character off the show? Suspicious!
We go to visit George, who insists that we have to investigate Sonny. Like…why? Because he’s kind of weird and she thinks he’s paying slightly more attention to certain teams? I mean, I guess Nancy’s started investigations on way flimsier reasoning, but slow your roll, George.
We ask George to investigate our competition, especially Kiri, and George is all, “We could get kicked off the show!” George, you’re already — whatever. Plus, I kind of get the vibe that Bess would love to get kicked off the show. George says she already started on some research, and there are updates on her tablet. She’ll keep looking, but it might be slow going, since she’s on hella pain meds right now. And then she passes out. Hee.
So George apparently has had nothing to do but research, because she already has a ton of notes. Let’s go through all of them. First up is a note called “Real Relics.” George thinks that the relics Sonny showed us didn’t look like props. What relics? The medallions? If Sonny smashed a whole bunch of valuable artifacts for a game show, the archaeological community will be PISSED. She also thinks she saw someone cutting the bridge, but she’s not sure.
The next bit is all the places we’ve seen Sonny — I think we tasked Bess with this one; she’s managed to pull out information about all of the past games, and tells us that Sonny was an intern at Beech Hill and for Minette, and he’s visited Ca’ Nascosta (I don’t remember him in that game at all, though) and a million other places. He also was at the Kingston dig in Egypt, where he must have met Jamila. I don’t remember him in that game either, but okay. Nancy’s all, “What could this mean!” It means that he was just a wacky running joke and HER tried to pander to us by making him a full character and it’s backfiring miserably, Nancy.
We go over to the producers’ tent to snoop through Sonny’s stuff. He has a suspicious locked trunk, which we will of course have to break into later. Then we find a set of comics called “The Tales of Laika and Sonny Joon.” It’s about Sonny crossing a rope bridge with his unfortunately-named dog, and someone cutting the ropes and sending them both into the abyss. Well, that’s oddly and conveniently related to the events in our life right now. Also note the symbols in the first frame.
Then in his locker we find a letter from Grandpa Joon, about how The Future Is Now and Sonny has to “gather the Chosen” and go to New Zealand, for…reasons. The Joons are part of a secret society called the Annunaki. Yes, the last time we heard about this, we were led to believe that the Annunaki are an alien race, but whatever, who cares. Grandpa Joon is like, “All part of our master plan!” which I guess sounds nicer than “We’re retconning the past game because we just came up with this BS plot now.” Grandpa Joon says that they’ve been entrusted with a huge task: all the major advances humans have made is because aliens handed the information to us. There’s more information to unlock, so they have to make the aliens give it to them. Is this the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard? It’s NEARLY the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
So anyway, Sonny’s whole plan is to gather “the Chosen” and “the artifacts” and then somehow try to make contact with aliens from New Zealand. Why he had to do this by sabotaging a reality TV show, I do not know. What if the Chosen hated reality TV?
We find a SPIED pamphlet — you’ll recall that this is the organization Jamila from Tomb of the Lost Queen is a part of — with a note from Jamila attached. Hey girl! What up! She tells Sonny that his plan makes no damn sense (much like the plot of this game) and asks him to call her. Her number is on the note, so we can call her later.
The booklet is bizarro and rambles on about constellations and Earth security clearance and whatever, if any of this is relevant, I’ll bring it up again.
We leave the tent, and we see Sonny looking shifty over yonder. Well, if he saw Nancy hanging out in the producers’ area, he doesn’t bother to get mad at us about it.
We get an update on our phone that Stage 3 is unlocked, and we have a new task: to get five pieces of the Hei Tiki underwater, and return the completed figurine to camp. Whatever, we have better things to do. Like calling Jamila! Let’s see what she’s up to.
We call, and she doesn’t remember us. Damn, Jamila, we only helped you recover a thousand-year-old missing artifact and a bunch of letters from your dead mom. Can Nancy Drew get a little more respect? We tell her that we’re in New Zealand, and she notes that this means that Sonny “found” us. That’s not creepy at all. She makes a couple of vague comments about Nancy being in danger, but there’s an attempt on Nancy’s life in nearly every game, so whatever, Jamila.
We ask about the combination to Sonny’s trunk, and Jamila tells us that he hides hints in the SPIED booklets. Since she edited it, she knows what to look for: we need the “number in chapter two, the lower number of the constellation pamphlet, the number of the UFO he’s drawn in chapter six, and the chapter referenced in chapter five.” So that’s 6-5-8-3, and we’ll enter that when we have a minute.
Jamila doesn’t know much about Sonny’s plan, other than that he’s trying to carry out Grandpa Joon’s last wishes. This involves going after some kind of artifact, but Jamila’s not sure what it is. Sonny’s grandpa — who I might as well call Jin, as that’s what the game calls him — is an expert on relics and ancient sites and aliens. No word on Ancient Aliens, though. Jamila suggests that Sonny’s certainly capable of causing the bridge collapse, although she hopes he isn’t.
So Jamila, what exactly is up with this whole aliens thing? Can you try to explain the plot of this game to me? Jamila’s like, “It’s easy, but it’s crazy.” Also a fairly succinct description of this game. She tells us that SPIED believes that there’s a league of galaxies that works together overseeing things, and they’re hella judgmental because they’re like, “We’re fine, but that earth planet is fucked, man.” Jamila says that we — earthlings, that is — don’t know how to work together, which the “galactic parliament” doesn’t like. Nancy’s like, “Okay, but none of this is real.” Jamila says that it doesn’t matter if it’s real, if pretending it’s true makes the world better. It took me a minute to parse that statement, but I think what she means is that if SPIED’s members are taking actions that make the world a better place, it doesn’t matter if they’re doing it because they believe in some wack shit. I think.
How exactly sabotaging a reality TV show in New Zealand is improving the world, I do not know.
She then tells us that SPIED is a cover for “real learning”, although what exactly that learning is, Jamila is vague about. She mentions that she and Sonny are both real into artifacts. Good to know.
We ask Jamila if we can call her back later, and she agrees. So now we have a phone friend to call up when we need some of this shit explained to us, although as evidenced, Jamila isn’t that helpful.
We get a couple of texts from George. The first one mentions that Sonny has shown her some blueprints and wants her to build something. I mean…with that head injury, though? Okay, whatever. Then she tells us that she found out some more stuff about our castmates. It’ll be on the tablet when we visit her. For now, she’s texted us some stuff about Kiri. It’s nothing that we don’t already know: she’s from NZ, she used to be a contortionist, and she’s known for being ruthless on reality shows, but that might just be for the cameras.
What cameras? There’s like, zero sense that we’re being watched at all in this game. It occurs to me that it was a really bad idea to hinge a game on people watching Nancy when they’re not allowed to show Nancy’s face in these games. That probably limited a lot of what they could do in terms of showing cutscenes or confessionals or anything that would’ve given us a sense that this was being filmed.
Anyway, we go to say hi to Kiri. We bring up that she’s been in a lot of reality TV, which is a dumb thing to say, because we already knew that. She snarks that she tried reality by itself, but no one pays you for that. “So this is like a job to you?” Nancy asks. “Entirely,” Kiri says. Again: we knew that. Nancy asks if Kiri’s found out anything interesting, you know, since we’re in an alliance and all. Kiri snipes that Nancy hasn’t exactly been a great partner, so why should she help us? Wow, Kiri. Nancy tells her the password to the hatch, which thaws Kiri a little, and she gives us a book on Maori symbols, one of which is the Hei-Tiki that we have to find for this challenge.
We ask Kiri if she’s seen any weird comics about aliens lying around, and Kiri’s like, “Uh, no, that’s pretty weird.” Nancy tries to be vague about how we were just asking for UNRELATED REASONS, but Kiri needles us until we admit that the comics are related to Sonny. Then we bring up that George thinks the bridge was cut, and Kiri asks, “Did she see what he looked like?” Nancy asks why Kiri thinks the bridge-cutter is a dude, and Kiri snarks, “A working knowledge of history and humanity.” Heh. She’s not wrong. That said, Patrick is the only dude we can talk to who’s on the show. Anyway, Kiri asks if maybe George was imagining things.
WAS SHE, KIRI? DO YOU THINK SO?
Nancy brings up that shows have safety regulations in place, and Kiri’s like, “Regulations matter less when the producer’s a lunatic.” She’s also not wrong about that. We’re like, “Tell us more about what you know about Sonny!” and she tells us that he’s clearly taken the show hostage. He doesn’t talk to any of the contestants, but he does apparently talk to animals. She’s like, “[It got me] in a weird, sad, foreshadowing way.” Don’t get too meta, Kiri. We ask what he was saying, and Kiri says that he was mostly apologizing. Then we ask what she thinks he’s trying to do with the show, and Kiri’s like, “Fly it into orbit? IDK, Sonny be crazy.” Heh.
Okay, so let’s go talk to the crazy dude. Sonny immediately accuses us of reading his papers, and tells us not to do it, because “they’re fascinating and full of mystery.” Well…one of those things is true. Nancy denies reading his papers, but points out that he is sending really mixed messages here. “No, I am,” Sonny chirps. Nancy asks if he doesn’t think that hijacking a TV show is a bad idea, and Sonny’s like, “Not really.” Uh…is this conversation being filmed at all? I mean, Sonny’s chilling in the play area, so theoretically he’s in the area that gets filmed. Sonny says that it’s a bad idea to never reach out towards the fantastic, and Nancy’s like, “Dude, just buy a Ouija board like everyone else.” She suggests that he’s being a bit nuts, and he goes on this whole rant about how words are weird and therefore animals and mountains are what’s weird. What? You know what? I’m not going to bother. Let’s keep moving.
We bring up that someone stole our medallion, which is a pretty flagrant violation of the rules. Sonny’s like, “Yeah, but fuck you.” And Nancy just drops it. Okay, fine. Whatever. Nothing matters. We ask where the name “Sonny” comes from, and he says that it’s his grandpa’s nickname for him. He says that his grandpa is an explorer and the founder of SPIED, and also, he totally knows Nancy’s a sleuth. Nancy’s like, “Say what?” and Sonny points out that Nancy is the only person who asks him about stuff besides the points. Nancy’s like, “Aaaanyway…so is SPIED like a secret club?” and Sonny’s like, “Yes, but you’ve already been a member for years.” Nancy’s like, “Are most of your members unaware that they’re members?” and Sonny’s like, “Oh, yeah, we’re working on it though.” Nancy asks what membership entails, and Sonny’s like, “You get lots of surprises! Like, surprise, your life is dangerous now.” LOL, Sonny, are you new? Nancy’s life has been dangerous since 1930.
But Sonny, why aliens? Why male models? Sonny tells us that life started with space bacteria on Earth, or maybe he means that Earth was formed out of the cosmos, or SOMETHING, but anyway, we’re all aliens, in a way. And Earth’s in trouble because humans are killing all the other species on the planet. So…now we’re verging into weirdly environmental territory, apropos of nothing. This is like when the Maximum Ride series suddenly started being all about global warming. Also, it’s not like humans are the only species made out of space bacteria or whatever, so I don’t know why Sonny’s implying, kind of, that humans arrived on earth and started wrecking shit for all the native life. I mean, yes, we are wrecking shit, but we still evolved on this planet just like everything else — we’re not made of something cosmically different.
Whatever. So, Sonny, tell us about this machine you want George to build. Also, you know she’s hopped up on hella pain medication, right? She can barely sustain a conversation without passing out. He’s like, “It’s for my science fair!” except then he admits that’s a lie. Nancy’s like, “Okay, so clearly you know I’m up to something, but you’re not going to kick me off the show.” OMG, does this mean I can snoop around without fear of making a fatal error? Anyway, Nancy susses out that this must mean that Sonny wants Nancy for something. He’s like, “Probably, which is code for yes.”
With that done, we can go do the Hei Tiki challenge. We paddle out to the hatch and input the password — DOUBTFULSOUND, as you’ll recall — and take an elevator down to an underwater observatory. The observatory is actually really incredible; it would’ve been cool to have a in a more science-themed game. Or any game with a more coherent plot than this one.
So we can take one of the submarines down, except I’m a dumbass and forgot to charge the claw, so we can’t actually grab any of the Hei Tiki statue pieces down here, so…we just have to turn around go back. Whoops.
Oh, right, and we gotta check out that whole “Under nest in tree” note we decoded from Leena. We go walking up the path where we heard her and Patrick talking, and we encounter a random rock slide. You have to back up out of the way before it kills you, but after that, Nancy’s just like, “Whatever.” Even the natural disasters in this game are underwhelming. I bet a volcano could erupt and it still wouldn’t make this game more exciting.
So we find a tree with a nest, and under the nest is our sheep-shearing medallion. So Leena stole our medallion. I’m shocked.
We go back over to the play area to place our medallion, because time doesn’t matter in this game. Since we’re here, let’s say hi to Bess. She’s trying to hype herself up for the next challenge, which like — look, I feel bad for Bess and all, but the rigorous tasks in this game are like, picking flowers and shaving sheep. There isn’t even any running involved in Pacific Run. Bess promises to master whatever the next challenge is, and Nancy’s like, “Whatever,” because we can’t be bothered with our friend and her self-esteem problems right now.
We go over to talk to Leena, and she needles us for being in the out-of-bounds area. Oh, whatever, Leena. Yes, Nancy is cheating. You’re also cheating! In the words of Deirdre Shannon, we’re all cheating! We claim to have been visiting George — not untrue, she was just passed out for most of it — and Leena snipes that she’ll let it slide if we do her a favor. What is with Leena always being all, “I’ll let this happen” or “I’ll let it slide”? Do you run this show, Leena? She’s so annoying.
Anyway, the favor is that she wants us to ask Sonny about some comics she found. We don’t get to ask her where she got them from. Note the symbols on the second frame. Leena says we should see how Sonny reacts to us having the comics, but not to tell him that they came from her. I mean, if this whole thing has been orchestrated by Sonny, then he already knows Leena has the comics, but whatever.
We tell Leena that we did so read the rules, like she told us to earlier — not that I remember any of them — and she quizzes us on what happens if there’s a tie. I bet Leena was so annoying in school. Nancy says that there are no tie breakers on this show, and Leena welcomes us to the playing field. Uh, okay. Nancy tells her that she won’t get away with bending the rules forever, and Leena’s like, “Whatever.” Do we even have proof that Leena’s been bending the rules? Stealing our medallion is outright breaking them.
We change the subject to how long she and Patrick have been together, and Leena’s like, “IDK.” Patrick — despite telling us that he’s not great with time — is the one who pipes up all, “It’s been two years and four months!” We also ask what she does for a living, and she vagues that she works in information, possibly for the government, and she can’t disclose most of her work. Hmm.
Let’s accuse her of stealing the medallion, and also of cutting the bridge, because why not. Leena denies hurting George — and says Patrick didn’t either — and also argues that she didn’t break any rules by stealing our medallion. See, the rules say that you can’t “remove” another team’s medallion, but she only moved it once, so you see, she didn’t actually “re-move” it. I’m going to bust out my linguistics degree and point out that the re in remove refers to the sense of “going back” or “away” (e.g. “redact”, meaning “to take back”). Admittedly, that re can also refer to the sense of going back to the original starting point and doing something again, but you see what I mean. Also, “remove” does not mean “to move again”, because that’s just how the meaning of words works.
All that said, I feel like interpreting “remove” as “re-move” is sadly an argument that would totally work on Sonny, so we can’t really fight her on this, as much as I want to.
Anyway, let’s run through the rest of our conversation options. We ask Leena what made her want to sign up for Pacific Run — isn’t she kind of too smart to be on reality TV? Leena’s like, “What, I can’t enjoy bad TV?” Heh. Not around Nancy Drew, you can’t. Nancy drills Leena on who her favorite contestants have been, and eventually Leena snaps that Nancy’s boring her. Nancy’s all, “Or you’re lying about being a Pacific Run fan! A ha ha!” Leena’s like, “Why would I lie about loving reality TV?” Good point.
Okay, let’s see how Patrick’s doing. He’s like, “Wanna hear a joke?” and then takes like five minutes to tell us a joke about zebras. Then he’s like, “What if, like zebras, we’re just all the same, man.” Then he adds, “That’s a profound thought, please write it down.” Nancy’s like, “Most people don’t really announce their profound thoughts out loud,” and Patrick’s like, “I guess not, but I just did,” and Nancy’s like, “Yeah,” and he’s like, “Yeah.”
This game is so dumb, guys. I think I lost brain cells playing it the first time around, and I’m losing brain cells writing about it now.
We ask if he thinks Sonny’s cool, and Patrick agrees. Then Nancy’s like, “You don’t think he’s suspicious?” and Patrick’s like, “Oh yeah, I think that too.” SIIIGH. We’re like, “Well, do you believe in aliens?” and he’s like, “I’ve seen aliens, but believing in them seems more involved.” Oh my God, whatever.
Let’s go back to George. She’s figured out why Sonny has let us stay, which is because he wants George to make some kind of star compass for him. Apparently he told George that since she’s a techie, she’ll love figuring it out in her spare time. Sure, I bet that’s really easy with her brain damage and everything. She also notes that Sonny has been sending the crew on crazy missions all over the country, and the higher-ups (if this show has any) are rushing through paperwork to get here and stop him.
We can now unlock Sonny’s trunk with the combo we learned from Jamila (6-5-8-3), and go through all his shit. We find this coded message (“The Piano Lesson”) from Jin, who’s told Sonny to “find the codebreaker” to read the letter. Nancy says that she’ll have to find a professional. What? Nancy, you’ve decoded literally everything you’ve ever come across, including ancient hieroglyphics. How is this beyond you?
We find a bunch of notes from Sonny, listing out everyone that he’s gathered: Patrick, who is “calm and powerful; aware of this direction. Clear and empty.” That’s one way to describe him, sure. Kiri is “the acrobat? The one who can find hidden worlds!” Wait, Kiri’s resume gets a question mark, but her ability to find hidden worlds is definite? Leena is “a ring of keys, many mundane, some of great power.” George gets to be “the intuitive spirit alive in the humble genius,” and Nancy “will ruin everything, one would hope.” Heh. And none for Bess, because fuck Bess, I guess.
We find another comic detailing the night that Jin told Sonny to hijack a reality TV show and bring together a bunch of randos to help him communicate with aliens. Yeah.
Well, we know Leena is sort-of kind-of into codes or whatever, somehow. We ask her to help us figure out Jin’s code, because we think she’s going to help us for some reason? Whatever. We offer to bring her a points deduction card in exchange, not that we have one on us right now. But we can totally send Bess to find one, because it’s not like she’s doing anything anyway. Leena agrees to help break Jin’s code. Then we ask if she ever met Jin, and she says that they used to play in an orchestra together as a hobby, except Jin couldn’t really play, he just wanted to sneak into the building so he could look at a rare book collection there. She doesn’t know why, specifically. Good to know.
We task Bess with finding a points deduction card to give to Leena. Before she goes off to look for one, though, we ask how she did with the whole flirting-information-out-of-Sonny thing. Bess admits that she choked. It’s okay, Bess. I’m committed to forgetting this game ever happened, so I won’t be able to hold it against you. We consider breaking into Sonny’s tent to find out more information.
But hey, maybe Bess did better with Patrick. Bess likens talking to Patrick to having a staring contest with a cow. She did that once, apparently, when “Dave” took her to the fair. Dave from Shadow Ranch? Wow, he’s gonna spend the whole game hitting on Nancy and then take Bess to the fair. Dave ain’t shit. Bess thinks that Patrick is deep because, like, she once had a spiritual connection to a cow, and she and Patrick are having a spiritual connection now. And they’re also sharing crackers. What? I don’t know. I’m just telling you what happens in this game, I can’t explain it.
Does Kiri have any insights on Patrick? No, no she does not. She thinks he’s not all there. She’s probably not wrong.
We roll up to Sonny and accuse him of handpicking the show’s cast. Sonny’s like, “No, if I had picked the cast, it would have been more colorful and had speakers and moving parts. Just kidding, that’s the opposite of what a cast should do.” Nancy’s like, “I was talking about the people on the show, not the thing holding George’s injured leg immobile.” Sonny’s like, “I know, I’m just fucking with you.” SIGH.
You know what? Instead of summarizing the rest of the conversations I have with these characters, I’ll just show you this exchange that sums up the entirety of the dialogue in this game:
Just kidding. I’m in too deep now to back out. We show Sonny Leena’s comic, and he’s like, “Comics are cool.” Then we ask about Jin, and Sonny accuses us of going through his stuff. Sonny, isn’t that what you wanted us to — nevermind. We ask if he’s leaving the comics for us to find, and he says, “I think the line between things existing and things waiting to be found is smudgy in your case.” Heh. He’s not wrong.
Okay, so let’s finally go get that Hei Tiki statue. We have to charge the submarine claw at the stand in the underwater observatory. It’s similar to a puzzle from The Deadly Device, where you have to rebuild a 3D shape using a top-down 2D model. The shape you have to build is on the left, and you have to copy it in the frame on the right. When that’s done, we get a message that the claw has been recharged.
So we go swimming around in the submarine, looking for the statue parts. There are five of them, and they’re pretty easy to find. You might have to recharge the claw if you don’t find all of the pieces in one trip. Once you find all five, they’re pieced together and we can go put the statue in a drop-off bin in the observatory.
We’re not finished with Stage Three, though. Aaaagh! Why not? Okay, so we have to label the sheep display and return “Jock Stewart” to the fish bowl to find the medallion. Again: does the audience care about watching the contestants label a sheep display?
We get a text that we can earn some extra points by winning a kayak race, so let’s take a minute to do that. You just have to paddle around and touch the buoys in order, so it’s a pretty easy way for Team Tui to be less of a failure. Since finding the buoys involves turning a lot, we have to use the red kayak to move quickly. We have to beat a time of 5:57, and we do, so we get 50 extra points and the password to the Cromwell area (OTAGOMINES).
We go back to the sheep shearing shed, and we have to label the sheep according to that sheep book we have, as well as the information we find in the barn. From left to right, the breeds are: Ryeland, Sutton, Suffolk, Hughes, Merino, Bower, Dorset Down, Clarke, English Leicester, and Massey. The drawer under the sheep opens, and we get…this fish. Is this a dead fish? A fish statue? Why is it named Jock Stewart? NOTHING MAKES SENSE, AS USUAL.
With that, Stage Three ends, and we get the announcement that Kiri has won. Two more irrelevant teams are eliminated, and Bess calls to tell us that Sonny has given us a side quest. The only hint we have to go on is “turtle.” So we’ll do that next, after I find the will to keep going with this game.
Up next: The game finally ends anticlimactically, with a lot of weird nonsensical things happening in between.
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