We pick up where we left off: Sabrina came across Sol crying after Mia played a prank on her. Sol wibbles that Mia is perfect and has it all, and Sabrina’s like, “I wouldn’t say that.” Sol’s like, “Say what?”, but at the last minute Sabrina backs out and snarks at Sol that she’s just sooo sorry, but she can’t tell her. What? Is Sabrina’s raison d’etre just to be a dick to everyone?
Meanwhile, Marizza is running around trying to get someone to help her with Martavio’s dog. Lujan blows her off, as she has to go investigate Blas’s shady dealings, so Laura it is! Sucks to be Laura.
Sabrina finds Mia and Manuel making out. She tells them that she’s here for Erreway’s photo session, and as she’s been studying photography, her dad thought it would be a good idea for her to take the photos! Dude, shell out a little money for the band you just signed, damn. Manuel and Pablo can’t take photos today, as they have rugby practice, so Mia chirps that Sabrina can start with her and Marizza. Manuel’s like, “No, wait, I can’t have my girlfriend and my side piece be alone together!” but Mia’s already dragging Sabrina off by the hand.
In the office, Gloria is staging an intervention for Maria Jesus. She’s like, “Bro, when you let your boyfriend use you as a cover up even though he’s clearly lying to you, even I felt bad for you.” “He’s my boyfriend,” poor dickmatized Maria Jesus says. Gloria warns Maria Jesus that there are some shady rumors going around about Blas. For example, his name isn’t really Blas. “Who’s saying that?” Maria Jesus asks, and Gloria completely sells out Lujan and Marizza. Dude, Gloria, the fuck!
Vico is still stuck at her dad’s house. She tells him she has to go to cheer practice, and he snipes at her that she can go AFTER she cleans the entire house and washes all his clothes and cooks him dinner. Then he pours wine into his juice. Charming. He eventually passes out and Vico tries to leave, but he catches her and hits her. Poor Vico 🙁
Sol comes across Sabrina and notes her camera. She immediately starts gushing that she’s a model. “How nice,” Sabrina deadpans. Sol says that Sabrina could take photos of her, because she’s sure Sabrina could capture her ethereal beauty. “I just knew we were going to be good friends!” Sol chirps. I’m confused. Sol, are you forgetting how she totally blew you off this morning? Have some self-respect.
Marizza and Laura realize that they’ve lost Martavio’s dog, to the surprise of no one.
The rival rugby team comes to practice on the same field as the Elite Way boys. They evil to each other that they’re going to make the EW team think that they’re no good, and then they’re going to destroy them. The coach is like, “And if that includes cheating, then we should cheat!” just in case you didn’t grasp that they’re evil yet.
Embarrassingly, back at school, Gloria is gushing to Sonia over how much she likes the rugby coach. Oh, Gloria. This will end tragically, like all of your chances at happiness. Marizza comes in and tries to enter Dunoff’s office, but Gloria and Sonia stop her. Luckily for Marizza, instead of wondering what the hell she’s doing, as soon as she leaves, they go back to squealing over Gloria’s crush.
And yup, the dog is in Dunoff’s office, sitting in Dunoff’s chair. Could a dog run Elite Way better than Dunoff? It’s entirely possible. So now Marizza has to get Gloria out of the reception area, and then get the dog out of the office. Laura doesn’t want to help her, so Marizza snarls, “Fine, I’ll do it, like I do everything around here.” Hee. She drags Laura into Gloria’s area, and says, “Francisco touched her!” Gloria runs off to go yell at Francisco, who is totally baffled by what she’s talking about. He’s like, “WHO’S saying I touched them?” and Gloria totally sells out Marizza and Laura, again. Damn, Gloria, keep your mouth shut! Francisco goes to yell at Laura, but she manages to evade him for the rest of this episode.
Martavio freaks out when he realizes his dog is missing, then he finds a ransom note telling him to wait for instructions. Martavio goes barging into Casa Colucci and accuses Papa C of stealing his girlfriend and also his dog. Papa C’s like, “Dude, no.” Still, Martavio looks really pathetic right now, so he agrees to help him.
Back at rugby practice, the Uruguayan coach distracts Blas, which gives the rival team time to egg the Elite Way boys. Ha! I mean, it’s a dick move, but am I really mad that Pablo got an egg thrown at him? Not particularly. The EW boys try to fight them, but then the other coach intervenes and is all, “My team would never! And I certainly would never encourage it!”
Lujan is hanging out on the wrong side of the tracks — literally, she’s standing by some train tracks. Subtlety is not this show’s strong suit. She asks some Disaffected Youths where Fake Luciano is, and they’re like, “Sleeping with the fishes, duh.”
Papa C sets up Martavio’s phone with Caller ID or whatever so they can see who calls him about his dog. They almost get into it over Sonia and Marizza again, and Papa C’s like, “Man, you gotta stop creeping on them.” Martavio whines that Papa C doesn’t know how hard it is to be around his daughter every day and not be able to tell her that she’s his daughter. Okay, but whose fault is that, Martavio? You didn’t HAVE to show up at her school and stalk her.
Sabrina has somehow gotten roped into taking photos of Sol anyway, so she’s photographing her draping herself all over the pool table and whatever. Sabrina asks if Sol’s dated a lot of the guys at Elite Way — and any guys in particular, like, say, Manuel? Sol sighs that Manuel is like Mia’s “private property.” “Are you sure?” Sabrina evils, but then Belen rocks up and interrupts her before Sabrina can start gossiping. Hee! Belen tells Sol that they have cheerleading practice, and they run off.
Dunoff and Mama D are arguing again over the check Dunoff signed, and also about Mama D’s class, and about their whole marriage in general, while they’re at it. Mama D eventually flips her lid and shrieks that she won’t support him as a husband anymore, and they’re over. Dunoff’s like, “I am the principal of Elite Way, and I forbid you to divorce me!” and the fighting just keeps going. Pilar runs in and tells them that the whole school can hear their fighting. She asks Mama D if they’re going to separate, and Mama D sighs that she doesn’t know. Pilar is perturbed.
Vico’s dad passes out after a few more beers, and Vico pulls up her sleeve to look at a very nasty bruise on her arm. She flips her dad off before she leaves, but that’s all she can do, really.
Sol goes to cheer practice dressed as the chicken mascot, and all the girls make fun of her. I’m confused. So the mascot of Elite Way is a chicken? That’s pathetic. They deserve to get their asses kicked at rugby, honestly. Laura rocks up to practice and tells Marizza about Francisco finding out about their false molestation alarm, and Marizza ducks out of class to go handle it.
Back at Martavio’s house, the phone rings. “Do you think that’s the kidnappers?” Martavio asks. Papa C shrugs: “I don’t know, answer it.” Heh. He so clearly does not give a shit. Martavio picks up, and a whispery voice that is so obviously Marizza whispers, “Do you miss your dog?” See, Martavio, this is why you don’t have custody. You don’t even recognize your daughter’s voice. Anyway, Marizza hangs up, and Papa C notes that the call is coming from inside the house Elite Way!!! OMG, who could it be?
At the rugby field, the Elite Way dudes are still all salty over the Uruguayans. “We have to kill them!” bleats Guido. “Nah, there’s no grace in killing them,” says Rocco, who’s put on a pair of sunglasses because he’s recognized the futility of actually practicing. “We should make them suffer a little first.” They decide to forget about their plan to lose the game so they can party; they want to kick the Uruguayans’ asses now. I have to say, if this were a long con by Blas to make them want to play well, that would be hilarious. On the other side of the field, though, the evil rugby coach tells his team to lose the match, so that everyone will feel bad for them and underestimate them.
Marizza goes to check on Martavio’s dog, who’s chewed on her shoes and peed in her bed. Heh. Sucks to be Marizza. Martavio comes by and starts banging on her door and yelling at her. Oh. It looks like he figured out that Marizza stole his dog after all. In fairness, she wasn’t exactly subtle. Then, weirdly, he walks away, which gives Marizza time to bring the dog to Pablo’s room. “Here, you can break whatever you want!” she chirps. She goes to meet Martavio, and he accuses her of stealing his dog. Marizza blusters for half a minute, then she’s like, “Yeah, fine, I stole your dog, and you’re not gonna get him back until you tell me who you really are.”
Mia tells Sonia that the chicken costume is basically the entirety of her revenge on Sol; she just wanted Sol to learn not to mess with her, and that’s that. Sonia says she’ll go tell Sol that her punishment is over, but then she’s interrupted by Martavio. Wow, so when you think about it, Sol and Sabrina’s collaboration and eventual destruction of Mia and Manuel’s relationship is…Martavio’s fault. Fucking Martavio. He snaps at Sonia that he has to tell Marizza the truth now, whether Sonia wants him to or not. Personally I think he’s lowkey glad that he “has” to tell Marizza he’s her dad now, because he’s only wanted to spill that since like the first time he saw her.
Dunoff comes back to find his office in disarray (he puts his finger in the dog pee in the floor! DUDE, WHY!), and then Papa B shows up. Papa B wants to go into Dunoff’s office, and Dunoff’s like, “NO! No, why don’t we chat out here in the reception area, it’s so nice out here.” He tells Papa B that he wants to buy uniforms for the rugby team, and Papa B’s like, “Okay, have fun,” and writes him a big ol’ check. Good job, Dunoff. Now if Papa B wants you to help bury a body, you can’t say no.
Sol rants to Sabrina some more about how much she hates Mia. She brings up that Manuel thinks Mia is a saint, and that pushes Sabrina to tell Sol that Manuel’s cheated on Mia. Sol insists that those must just be rumors, but Sabrina’s like, “No, I KNOW. Personally. And Biblically.” She tells Sol that she and Manuel slept together, and Sol’s like, “OMG, tell me more! (Like does he have a car?)”
So Sol writes a note to Mia telling her that her boyfriend totally cheated on her with Sabrina and it was awesome. I refuse to believe that Manuel is good in bed. Literally no part of his personality indicates that he’d be generous or concerned about his partner. But whatever. Feli barges in and tells Sol that Mia’s convinced Sonia to let Sol be a cheerleader like everyone else, so she won’t have to wear the chicken costume anymore. “See, Mia’s a good person!” Feli says. Sol looks conflicted, but as soon as Feli leaves, she shrugs and puts the note on Mia’s pillow anyway. Mia and Vico come in, and for a minute it looks like they might get distracted by Vico’s home troubles, but then Vico sees the note and picks it up. Oh snap!
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