Previously on Rebelde Way: after 139 agonizing episodes of fighting, making out, fake dating, real dating, breaking up, lying, misunderstanding, and accusing each other’s families of murder, Manuel and Mia finally got their happy ending. And then they broke up after five episodes. SEND HELP.
So five minutes after meeting her, Sol has completely succeeded in making Mia crazy paranoid about her friends and boyfriend. What the hell, Mia! What kind of crappy queen bee are you? Manuel protests that he’s not interested in Sol, but Mia won’t listen. After making us endure several minutes of Luisana Lopilato’s ugly crying, she storms off. And back to square one we go!
Meanwhile, Etchamendi is once again trying to fire Dunoff. Wow, I thought we’d make it farther than eight episodes before we started recycling plotlines from season 1. Dunoff’s like, “Please, please let me keep my job, I’m not any more incompetent than literally anyone else here.” This time, though, he’s gone too far, because he’s embarrassed Etchamendi in front of his crush, Papa B. Dunoff wails that he can change, he can be even more corrupt and brown-nosing if that’s what they want, but Etchamendi’s like, “It’s too late to apologize!” (IT’S TOO LAAAAAATE) And of course, they have the last bit of this conversation with the door open, so Gloria overhears it all.
Pilar sees Sol lookin’ emo in the not-library, and she goes up to comfort her-slash-draw her in to her web of drama. She tells Sol that she supports her in the bed war between her and Mia — “Nobody owns the beds!” she says. I mean, am I surprised that among everything else wrong with Elite Way, the room assignments are also a free for all disaster? Pilar needles Sol that everyone treats Mia like she’s the queen of the school, and someone ought to take her down a peg. Pilar’s like, “If you know what I mean, and I think you do.”
Mia keeps shrieking about Manuel and Sol, this time to Vico and Feli. Vico points out that it was one homework assignment, and Mia’s like, “ARE YOU WITH ME OR AGAINST ME?” Mm, this show really taps into that post-9/11 zeitgeist, doesn’t it? Vico and Feli try to calm her down, and Mia admits that maybe, just maybe, she overreacted. “Just a little,” Feli agrees. Hee.
Sonia and her director butt heads again, because he wants her to do work and she wants to make money but not like, actually work for it. She condescends to him that nobody tells a star of her stature what to do, and it’s funny because it any other show on the planet, this would be a blinking neon sign saying “THIS CHARACTER IS AN ASSHOLE”. Every day is opposite day on Rebelde Way! Andres shows up and he’s like, “You’re so hot when you’re refusing to respect the little people!” He tries to hint that they have unfinished business, re: their feelings for each other, but Sonia’s like, “Nah, I hit on everybody, you’re not special.” He gets hella salty that she wasn’t taking their flirtation as seriously as he was, and stalks off. The director pops up and tells Sonia that all the dancers are waiting, so they really have to begin rehearsal, and Sonia gets pissed and blows him off in favor of running after Andres. What the fuck! Forget Andres, Sonia, and DO YOUR JOB!
Francisco takes it upon himself to repair Laura and Lola’s sisterly relationship, for some reason. He insists that they have to talk, but when Laura tries, Lola gets snippy with her and blows her off.
Gloria comes in to comfort Dunoff, with her cleavage. She offers to resign, too, in solidarity with him. Oh my God, Gloria, love yourself! He’s not that great of a boss anyway! She cries all over him and tells him that there’s one thing she never told him, and it’s a thing that she has to lean in real close to say, and of course Mama D picks that exact moment to walk in. Dunoff is oblivious to the fact that his face is basically in Gloria’s boobs right now, and is just like, “Come comfort me too!” He puts his and Gloria’s hands over hers, and this is officially the weirdest threesome ever. I am deeply uncomfortable.
Sol spies Manuel being emo on the stairs, and slinks over to comfort him. She needles him that she heard he fought with Mia about her, and Manuel says it was just a misunderstanding. Then he complains that Mia really overreacted. Ooh. Oooooh. Never complain about your girlfriend to the girl who’s trying to hit on you. Sol tells him a sob story about how she fought with her boyfriend and then he got into a car crash, and even though she took care of him afterwards, he broke up with her. Manuel’s like, “Omg, your life is so sad, I must stroke your hair to show my sympathy.” Obviously, Mia comes across them, with Pilar in tow (of course). She flips out and runs off, and Manuel rants to Sol that there’s no point in fighting for her if she doesn’t have faith in their relationship. Sol’s like, “Eeeeexcellent.”
Lola’s still hiding the dog in the laundry room. I mean, I appreciate that they realized a dog was both cuter and less annoying than Nacho, if we’re gonna have to do this “students hide a living creature in the school” plot again. She feeds the dog and then leaves, then Bianca comes in and feeds him again. Then she leaves, and Francisco comes in and feeds him. Man, if you guys are gonna co-parent, you gotta communicate.
(The dog’s name is apparently…Chopy? According to their channel.)
The Dunoffs gather in the same set of Dunoff’s office from last season. I’m so confused. Are they just shooting his desk from a different angle or something? I don’t know. Anyway, Mama D tries to hold them together while Dunoff and Pilar cry about their dire straits. She reminds them that she’s still the English teacher, and Dunoff tells them that they might all be kicked out of the school, including Pilar. Pilar’s like, “Fuck, how am I gonna stir shit now?”
In the cafeteria, Mia is furiously ripping up napkins while Feli rants to her. HEE!
They spy Pilar and call her over, because they know not what they do. Pilar is emo and confesses to them that she has to switch schools, on account of the false alarm over the bomb. Marizza’s like, “That’s hilarious!” and Pilar’s like, “What the fuck?” and Mariza’s like, “Or…not…hilarious.” Heh. She mutters that Dunoff and Pilar both deserve it, because Pilar’s the same snitch that she always was. I mean…she’s not wrong, but she’s not right, either. She yells that Pilar must have snitched about the bomb and all the protests. Pilar snaps that she can’t make them believe her and runs off.
Bianca and Lola go to check on Chopy, and find him sick in the laundry room. Bianca cries that they have to do something or Chopy will die. But then they’ll get caught for hiding a dog! WHAT DO. They call Francisco for help and figure out that they all fed Chopy, and he like…heals the dog through some like, faith healing countryside BS. I don’t even know what just happened. He tells them — but mostly Bianca — to call him whenever they need help and departs. Bianca sighs over him, and Lola snaps that Francisco is going to be hers. “But he’s too old for you,” Bianca derps, like they’re not in the same grade and she wasn’t just getting twitterpated over him too.
Sonia somehow has gotten roped into actually rehearsing for her show, but she’s all distracted by Andres insulting her. I’m so pissed, you guys. I would love for someone to call Sonia out for being an asshole, but Andres’s rant was really just all about her refusing to date him, and that’s bullshit. The director calls her out yet again for not paying attention, and Sonia gets mad yet again that he won’t let her half-ass her job. They calm down a little and talk it out, and of course it ends with the director letting Sonia have her way and ending rehearsal so she can work out her personal issues.
Meanwhile, Marizza is letting Ivan creep all over her. He makes plans for them over the weekend, and she’s unenthused. Ivan’s like, “Why are you not impressed by my money?” and Marizza breaks up with him, because deep down, the only douchey rich boy she wants to go sailing with is Pablo. Over in some other hallway, Pablo’s like, “Vero, you’re nice and all, but you’re not nearly pushy or melodramatic enough for me. Plus those white girl dreads are a turn-on.” The scene zooms back and forth between Marizza and Pablo fumbling through their respective breakups. Marizza successfully pulls hers off, but Pablo is weak and gets jumped by Vero — she confesses she loves him and sticks her tongue down is throat. Marizza’s all ready to ditch Ivan, but then she sees Pablo and Vero necking, and is like, “Nevermind, I don’t want to break up after all.” Pablo tries to push Vero off, but then he sees Marizza and Ivan, and he’s like, “Nevermind, Vero, I love you too!” Oh, you guys.
The class meets to discuss the failed bomb plot. Lujan feels bad and wants to fess up, because she’s a pod person now, but naturally Guido is more interested in saving his own skin. Everyone backs him up on that, since they don’t want to get expelled. Pilar freaks out that they’re all choosing themselves over her family — duh, Pilar, have you met them? — and for some reason tries to appeal to their school spirit, pointing out that Dunoff has made Elite Way what it is today. A corrupt institution with only three classes, no extracurriculars, and interior design that belongs in a preschool? I’m just saying. Anyway, everyone starts feeling bad, and then Dunoff comes in to give his resignation speech. He grudgingly admits that the class are a bunch of good kids, deep down, even though they just got him fired and all. He’s nicer about it than I would be. He’s like, “I’ve taught generations of kids, but I’ve never seen any who deserved a dramatic telenovela like you guys.” Actually, it’s pretty genuinely touching, probably because the guy who plays Dunoff is an actual actor and not a 15-year-old idol singer. Pilar sits there crying as her classmates leave, and Dunoff gives her his handkerchief. Aw!
Tomás, not at all emotionally affected by what he just saw in class, skips on over to the cafeteria to hit on Ana. Never change, Tomás. He invites her to study math with him tonight, if she knows what he means, and he thinks she does.
Feli suggests that Mia win Manuel back by out-sexying Sol. Sure, let’s teach girls to perform objectifying femininity to win male approval. That’s super ~rebelde.
Francisco is working out in the gym, because he’s under the false impression that that room is for exercise and not making out. Laura comes in and tells him that her attempt at reconciliation with Lola failed, and she doesn’t think her sister will ever change. I mean, if she does, it’ll take over 100 episodes, probably. She invites him to go eat with her, which I’m sure will definitely help her relationship with her sister. They chat about her and Lola, and Laura tells him that their parents are always comparing them to each other. She gets all emotional that she knows Lola resents her and hates her, but she still hopes they’ll make up one day. Francisco’s like, “That’s rough, buddy.”
Marizza and Lujan catch Dunoff cleaning out his office, and feel guilty over making him leave. Then Pablo rolls up and asks if he can talk to Marizza about their relationship (or lack thereof). Lujan has the grace to leave, but then Rocco rolls up, and does not have the grace not to film their conversation. “Quit filming or I’ll throw your camera in the trash…unless I find a better place to put it,” Marizza snarks. Hee! Actually, I kind of love that there’s a character who’s a bigger asshole than Marizza now, because her zingers are funny when she directs them to characters who deserve it. Rocco’s like, “Whatever, I didn’t want to film you anyway!” and runs off. Marizza and Pablo finally sit down and talk out their issues, to the dulcet tones of Avril Lavigne. Marizza finally calls Pablo out for using her to vent about his problems and then sticking his tongue down Vero’s throat. “What do you mean?” Pablo derps, and Marizza stalks off. This shit is complicated.
Sonia meets up with Andres and tells him that she hasn’t been in a normal, adult relationship for a very long time. Uh…is that not what she had with Luca, at least kind of? Man, they really unpersoned him. Anyway, she tells Andres he deserves a mature, responsible woman, which she is not. Can’t argue with her there.
Marizza calls the class together, and tells them that despite everything, it really would be unfair to get Dunoff fired because of their dumbassery. He should get fired over something he actually deserves, like his total inability to run a high school. She’s rigged up a plan to have a secret vote if Dunoff should stay or not. I mean…you guys aren’t the school board, Marizza. I guess the vote is whether or not they throw all their class resources into a wacky scheme to make Dunoff stay, instead of studying or anything like that. The vote almost comes out a draw, for extra drama — Pilar cries at the realization that half of her classmates don’t give a shit if her dad loses his job — but then Marizza finds one last vote at the bottom of the box. It’s a vote for Dunoff to leave, and Pilar flips out. “Why are you so upset?” asks some rando in the back. “Because I’m about to be fucking homeless, you dick,” Pilar doesn’t say. She cries that her dad is going to lose his job and she’ll have to leave the school, and everyone’s just like, “Herp derp, a vote’s a vote.” Mandate for hard Dunoffexit! Pilar bursts into tears and runs from the room. And these kids wonder why she hates them.
Once again completely unfazed by the goings-on in his classroom, Tomás goes to meet Ana in the cafeteria for some sexy night tutoring. Tomás is trying to hit on her, but Fernanda walks in and snips that it’s time for afternoon tea, because she’s British now.
Sol is sighing over yet another TV program of women parading around in swimsuits. Apparently she’s “studying” the models. If you say so, Sol. Fernanda waltzes in and tells Vico and Feli — and Sol, who overhears her — that it looks like Tomás is trying to get with the cafeteria girl. Fernanda’s all, “Ugh, she’s so working-class!”, and Vico and Feli are equally scandalized, for some reason. Sol snarks that if Manuel’s dating someone like Mia, anything is possible. Vico and Feli cop attitude with her for talking shit about their friend, and…slap their hips in unison before walking away? Maybe that was supposed to be intimidating. I don’t know.
Sensing trouble in Mia-and-Manuel-land, Blas takes the opportunity to get some season 1-style perving on. He wants to know what’s up with their relationship, and insists he only wants to be her friend. Uh, he’s a teacher and she’s a student, and it’s still wildly inappropriate for them to be friends. Whatever.
The next day, in literature class, Carmen’s trying to get them to understand Don Quixote. Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. Maybe start these kids off with something a little easier, like a children’s book. Then Mia walks in, while “Floorfiller” plays. I mean, that’s a pretty good choice, if she had to walk in to an early 2000s pop song. She looks exactly the same as usual, except her shirt is slightly shorter and a few more buttons of her shirt are undone. I guess this is how she interpreted “out-skank Sol.” All the boys salivate over her half-inch of bared midriff, even Marcos and Rocco. Marcos, you saw her expose her bra two years ago, this should be nothing to you. Carmen flips out and drags Mia off to the office.
Lola and Bianca spy on Francisco through the classroom window. Lola sighs that she has to find out everything about him, so she can transform herself into the girl of his dreams. Sure, because that worked so well for Lizzie McGuire. “How are you going to do that?” Bianca asks. “I’m gonna go through all his personal effects, duh,” Lola says. HEE!
Dunoff calls Andres to the school to talk about Mia’s transgression, i.e. not buttoning her uniform top up all the way. Andres is like, “I mean, look at my shirt, we’re clearly a ‘leave at least three buttons undone’ kind of family.” But really, he’s like, “So you called me all the way here because she broke dress code? Can’t you just…tell her to button up?” Mia apologizes, they agree to give her another chance, and I bet this could’ve all been resolved without dragging Andres all the way there.
Guido, Pablo, and Manuel commiserate over their girl problems. Heh. Then Mia and Marizza rock up, wanting to have a band meeting. Marizza twists Guido’s ear until he clears out (also heh), and they tell the boys that despite their personal issues, they should start rehearsing again. The sad trailer is lost forever, but Mia says they can use her house while her dad is gone. Pablo and Manuel exchange a Look, but agree to go. The most awkward rehearsal of all time ensues, with the band practicing “Tiempo.” They somehow managed to find time to write and record the instruments for a whole new song, despite spending the entire summer apart. Then the doorbell rings, and it turns out Pablo and Manuel have invited Vero and Sol, respectively, to the rehearsal, because it’s like they’re actively trying not to repair their relationships with their girlfriends. Sol and Vero start dancing as they sing, and Pablo and Manuel are like, “You guys dance so well! Maybe you should dance at our shows while we sing!” Marizza and Mia shoot this idea down, then Vero loses her shit and jumps on Marizza and tries to beat her up. Pablo and Manuel are all, “Woo, chicks fighting over us!” Yeah, if I were Marizza or Mia, I wouldn’t get back together with them either.
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