So Dunoff’s called a whole bomb squad and half the class’s parents in to witness the DANGEROUS EXPLOSIVE they have planted in his office. He could have been maimed! Killed! Oh, wait, except there’s nothing inside the bust. Well, I certainly didn’t see that coming! Everyone is pissed at Dunoff, as usual.
Guido runs into his mom in the hallway, and she’s like, “So…do you wanna talk about why you’re being such a dick?” and he’s like, “Um, I’m NOT being a dick, so there’s NOTHING to talk about, and also I hate you guys forever. Bye.” Guido’s dad overhears this, and snaps that Guido is dead to him until he stops acting like such an asshole. I wouldn’t hold my breath, Papa G. Vico is also pissed at Guido, for standing her up and generally acting like a shady douche. Everyone hates Guido! As it should be!
Everyone gathers in the courtyard to cackle over getting away with their plan, even though the bomb didn’t go off and it didn’t work so they’re gonna have to find another way to get into Dunoff’s office, right? Whatever. Feli is emo so Vico drags her off, but whatever Feli’s problem is, we don’t get to hear it, because MIA IS BACK! She and Manuel waltz into the courtyard, and everyone’s all over them and they all hug and shit. Aw, I think this is genuinely heartwarming. I love all these crazy, douchey kids together. Sonia shows up and berates Manuel for making her worry. Well, maybe they would’ve come back sooner if you’d gotten off your butt and gone to Ecuador like you were supposed to.
Gloria brings Hilda coffee. “It’s bitter like my life,” Hilda cries. Awkward. She tells Gloria to fight for anyone she loves, because you can lose it all so quickly. I mean, anyone Gloria dates is much less likely to die of old age right after their wedding, just saying.
Marizza is mad at Sonia for embarrassing her at the restaurant. Whatever, it was just in front of Ivan, it’s not like it was anyone important. Sonia apologizes and says she’s had to realize that Marizza is growing up and making her own choices. Aaand then she promptly embarrasses Marizza by gushing over Ivan and planning their wedding when he shows up. Oh, Sonia.
Mia’s just finished telling everyone about her vacation. I can’t believe we were robbed of a scene of her having to explain that they were stranded on an island for three days and nearly went Lord of the Flies on each other. Anyway, she notices Vico being emo, and Vico confesses that she’s worried about Guido. He’s acting shady and won’t tell her anything — she thinks he’s cheating on her. Pilar pretends to clutch her pearls and is all, “Don’t say such things, Vico, your love is pure!” An excellent time for Vico’s mom to show up! She tells Vico to come home for dinner tonight, as Vico’s mom has news to impart. Guido almost walks in on this conversation, but has the good sense to bolt as soon as he sees his girlfriend and her sex offender mother sitting together.
Dunoff realizes that any hope of disciplining these kids is just an illusion, and he tells them that he’s lifting their punishments. I mean, I guess they’re being open about the fact that these kids will always get away with everything, and I appreciate the honesty. “It looks like nothing has changed,” Manuel deadpans to Mia. Hee.
Lola and Bianca are hiding their dog in the laundry room. Bianca tries to feed the dog but doesn’t know what dogs eat. It’s wacky, I guess.
Mia gushes to Pilar that she’s thrilled to have her as a new roommate, and she’s ready to take Pilar under her wing and make her popular. “Welcome to our world,” she announces dramatically. Oh, Mia. Vico and Feli try to tell her about the new shallow blonde girl in their school, but they’re cut off by Blas. He’s like, “The object of my inappropriate affections is back!” and rocks up to perv on her. He drags her off to the teachers’ lounge and passive-aggressively creeps at her that it was very lucky that he got rehired, and he hopes he can stay at the school until she graduates, and he knows that she’s dating Manuel now and he’s VERY HAPPY FOR THEM. He’s so passive-aggressive that I really have no idea what he’s trying to threaten. As she leaves, he voiceovers that he’ll make this the worst year of her life. Oh. Then why didn’t you say that, dingus?
Bianca and Lola have the grave misfortune of passing Blas in the hall. They’re walking normally like everyone else in the hallway, but, never being one to pass up on opportunity to perv on underage girls, he gets hella aggressive with them about where they’re going. Bianca makes it worse by squeaking, “We’re not doing anything wrong!” She’s such a dumbass. I almost feel bad for Lola. They’ve hidden the dog in Lola’s backpack, and Blas almost hears it making noise, but then Francisco runs into them and covers for them.
I looked it up, and…are Francisco and Lola not going to be a thing? Because that’s totally where it seems like this is going. I feel so betrayed, like when Mansilla didn’t hook up with Lulu.
Mia finally goes back to her room, sees Sol’s pictures all over her bed, and freaks the fuck out. Sol comes in and snips at Mia that this is her bed now, and Mia’s like, “Since when? Whose bed has this always been? WHOSE?” “Well…actually, yeah, it’s Mia’s,” Feli says, bizarrely looking like she finds the whole thing hilarious. Honestly, I can’t blame Mia. What kind of school just gives away someone’s assigned room like that? Then again, this is Elite Way, which Mia soon learns when she goes to complain to Dunoff. He’s like, “Herp derp, you weren’t here and I was trying to suck up to Etchamendi, so you don’t have a room anymore. Sucks to be you.”
Vico is so pissed at Guido that she won’t even let him buy her a soda. Pilar overhears Vico shoot him down, and is all pleased that her machinations are working out nicely. She takes an envelope from her binder, and when Guido brushes by her, she pretends that he dropped it and hands it to Vico. Vico opens it, and of course it’s a love letter, all about how Guido made the author feel like a ~natural woman~ during their night of passion. That should’ve tipped Vico off that it was fake. Like Guido even knows what a clitoris is. The letter is signed “Natacha” with a phone number. Vico calls it, and Pilar picks up and pretends to be Guido’s sidepiece.
Do…the kids not know Pilar’s number? Is that a burner phone? HOW MUCH TIME AND MONEY IS PILAR PUTTING INTO THIS?
Vico storms into the cafeteria and she’s like, “So, do you wanna tell me about Natacha?” Pablo and Tomás are like, “Oooh, DRAMAAA!” Heh. They’re so willing to throw Guido under the bus for some good drama, and I love them for it. He tries to explain, but Vico slaps him and storms off. In the cafeteria window, Pilar grins evilly.
Papa C comes to lecture Mia on running away to the Galapagos without telling him. Mia babbles that it was just that Manuel’s mom was always with them in Mexico, and she and Manuel wanted to be…alone. Papa C’s like, “Aw, hell no.” He groans that it’s time for him and Mia to have The Talk. “About what?” Mia derps. “About sex,” Papa C says. Aw, shit. The theme of this season has officially been announced! Then he like, sits her down, and…oh, okay, they’re gonna have this talk now. It’s as awkward as you would expect. Mia finally tells Papa C to calm down, she didn’t let Manuel get in her pants when they were on vacation. But, she adds, “It’s not like I’m going to be a virgin until marriage.” A literal scare chord goes off at that. Heh.
Sol tries to bring Feli over to her side, but Feli says if she has to choose, she’ll always be #TeamMia, and #TeamSeason1Cast. Still, she adds that she’ll try to talk to Mia, because she’d like them all to be friends. Oh, Feli, you’re so naive. Sol’s like, “Whatever” and goes off to hit on the math teacher. He offers to go over the chapter with her in the teachers’ lounge, and Sol’s all excited to get her inappropriate teacher-student relationship on. Sadly for her, Carmen walks in on their tutoring session and she’s all, “Her hair is down! This could only be a meeting of LOOSE MORALS!” I mean, to be totally fair, she’s not wrong.
Francisco tells Lola that she has to come clean about fucking up Laura’s art project, or he’ll tell Blas about their secret dog. Lola fesses up to the art teacher, but then at the last minute is like, “But I only put the frog in her project because Francisco told me to!” Francisco’s like, “What the hell, man?” “Well, I don’t know who to believe,” the teacher derps, because she’s useless like all the teachers here. She decides to just put Lola and Francisco together in detention and have them fight it out, possibly to the death, but then Francisco takes the entire blame for some reason. Bro! You don’t owe Lola shit, man!
Papa C comes to see Sonia at the theater. She tries to pick a fight with him, but he says he just wants to thank her. ‘Cause she like…tried to find Mia and Manuel, and she almost did, but then she and Andres didn’t do a damn thing to go bring them back and eventually Mia and Manuel got off the island and called Papa C themselves. So…thanks, Sonia! He gives her some flowers and he’s like, “We have hella sexual tension. You feel it, I feel it, let’s get dinner.” Sonia’s about to speak, but then Andres rocks in.
Sol bumps into Manuel and whines to him that she needs help with the literature homework. Manuel’s like, “No prob, this is my second time doing high school, so I totally know the material.” In the background, Feli watches them suspiciously.
Erreway finally reunites, and they have a band meeting in the cafeteria. Manuel coos to Mia about how in love they are, to Marizza’s disgust (hee). They decide they want to continue with the band, because they’re all lowkey desperate for attention in their separate ways. But they have to find a new place to rehearse, because Dunoff knows about the sad trailer now. Aw, RIP sad trailer! So many good memories!
Andres third wheels it on Papa C and Sonia’s coffee date. When she gets up, he asks if Papa C thinks she’s hot, because if Papa C likes her, Andres will stand down. Before Papa C can answer, Sonia comes back. She and Papa C fight some more, then Papa C gets a call about a problem with his business in Tokyo(?). So he has to go away, and in the meantime, he’ll leave his business here in Andres’s hands. Uh, isn’t Andres here because he fucked up his own affairs and now his life is in tatters? Anyway, Papa C asks Sonia to help take care of Mia, and leaves. Andres is like, “So…I’m gonna take that as a no to the Sonia question.”
Francisco tells Lola that he doesn’t want to get in the middle of her and her sister’s feud. Then…why do you keep plunking yourself in the middle of it, then? I feel like the reason Marizza is more likable is because they’ve taken her less attractive qualities from season 1 — namely, her asshole behavior and love of meddling — and handed them off to Rocco and Francisco, respectively. Anyway, Francisco tells Lola that she doesn’t know what it’s like to lose a sister’s love. Is that a hint at Francisco’s backstory? Oh snap!
Dunoff asks for more of Gloria’s help, and she creeps to herself, “I’m not going to miss this train.” Oh, Gloria. I know you hate your job and your life and you have nothing to live for, but LOVE YOURSELF. She goes to offer Dunoff tutoring advice, but like, sexy tutoring advice, and says if he’s too busy to study during the day, they could have night tutoring. Dunoff’s like, “Uhhhhh” but then Etchamendi comes in and saves him from having to answer. Etchamendi reams him out over the bomb thing, and snaps that he embarrassed the board, so they’ve decided to fire him. Poor Dunoff is shocked. And he was working so hard on his English!
Mia sees Manuel helping Sol study, and burns up with rage. She flips the fuck out and starts shouting in the middle of the lounge. Pilar watches awkwardly in the background. Hee! I love how she didn’t even have to do anything this time! Sol is pleased that she’s so successfully making Mia crazy after like one day.
Vico goes to have dinner with her mom. Vico’s mom is like, having the vapours about her father leaving and how hard her life is, so she’s decided to pack up and live with her boyfriend, and Vico will live permanently at Elite Way. What the fuck! What is with all these parents basically making their kids homeless? Where is Child Services?
Papa C comes to tell Mia that he has to leave. There’s lots of crying and hugging, and it’s very emotional but also like, he can’t be gone that long. What’s Sonia going to do in her scenes if he’s not there to fight with?
Mia cries to Feli about her dad leaving, and Manuel falling prey to Sol’s Single White Female-ing, and how everything was beautiful but now her dreams are DEAD. Manuel rolls up, and Mia tells him that she wants to break up. What the hell! I thought my suffering with these two was finally over, but apparently not! IT WILL NEVER BE OVER.
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