Happy New Year, everyone! I gave the site a bit of a new look, because I think I’d been using the same theme since 2012. I’ll make a header that actually fits, uh…whenever I get around to it. I don’t know.
Let’s kick off the year with some Nancy, shall we? Appropriately for winter, I’m doing a game that takes place on a sunny tropical island.
A story: a few years ago, I went to go visit some relatives in Hawaii. We went to a beach, I think on Kauai, and my mom pointed out a fence and told us not to go over there, as the ground beyond was “kapu.” I’m sorry to say my first reaction was, “Like the Nancy Drew game?”
My mother has always regretted raising her children on the mainland.
Anyway, this game is unfortunately not very good. It takes place in frickin’ Hawaii, and it completely misses its shot to be awesome. The puzzles aren’t very fun, the characters aren’t interesting, the navigation absolutely kills me, and the resolution is anticlimactic. Even Danger on Deception Island, which is so incredibly boring it took me three years to get through, had a pretty fun ending. I was about to say that it was the worst Nancy Drew game for ten years, until The Shattered Medallion came out, then I remembered the existence of Ransom of the Seven Ships. So actually, Kapu Cave has the dubious honor of only being the third-worst Nancy Drew game. Maybe the writers should stop setting games on islands.
But whatever. Let’s do this thing, regardless.
You can choose some different themed colors for the interface, which is cute. I don’t recall this option in any other games.
Nancy’s game file tells us what’s up: there’s presumably no mystery this time, she’s just going out to the Big Island to be a field assistant to an entomologist named Quigley Kim. As usual, Nancy has the gig through nepotism, as she’s a high school graduate without any interest in bugs whatsoever. “I won’t get paid (naturally),” Nancy gripes. Well, Nancy, you could always just get a regular job like the rest of us plebes. I’m just kidding, everyone knows Nancy Drew doesn’t work for a living. Off to Hawaii we go!
Creeeeepy cutscene of someone (or ~*~*~something~*~*~) sneaking up to Dr. Quigley’s camp and trashing it, while making weird heavy breathing and grunting noises. Fade to black as a recorder lands by one of the trees, its red light blinking as the tapes spin. HEE! I mean — SPOOOOOOOOKY~*~*~
And so we arrive, at a visitor center called Big Mike’s Island Immersion Excursion. I think. The “Island” is kind of jammed in there as an afterthought. Per Dr. Kim’s instructions, we have to get a truck from him to drive out to her base camp.
This dude introduces himself as “Big Island Mike,” so I guess the proper name is “Big Island Mike’s Immersion Excursion.” Good to know. He has a ponytail, but it’s hard to see, because we pretty much only see him face-on. Does he just hand over the car keys? Of course not. He makes us go onto the beach and do one of his vacation activities before he’ll give us the keys. Fuck you, Big Island Mike. I’m leaving you a bad review on Yelp.com.
We try to tell him that we’re Nancy Drew and we have shit to be doing, which segues into the beginning of our mystery. He notes that we’re going to be helping Dr. Kim with bugs and shit, and remarks that that’s at least better than working for the doctor up at the Hilihili. Apparently he’s up to something way worse than bugs — Big Island Mike claims that ~the truth is out there~, but the Hilihili lawyers are hushing it up. “It’s a big mystery.” Oh snap, did Big Island Mike say MYSTERY? Well, alright, let’s get this vacation bullshit out of the way so we can go find out what’s going on!
We can check the newspaper, and see that the pineapple crop isn’t doing too well this season. Underneath, there’s a story about how an alarm at the Hilihili went off, but the police were refused entry and the Hilhili later claimed it was a false alarm. SUSPICIOUS.
So Big Island Mike wants us to collect shells on the beach to make an “Aloha” necklace. There’s a picture of the necklace in a book at the visitor center, so we can see what shells we need.
We go to the beach to find the shells, which triggers a phone call from Ned. It is the saddest phone conversation to ever be had ever. I don’t think Nancy’s ever given less of a shit about her boyfriend than she does in this game. He’s being a sadsack over how the weather in River Heights is depressing — “It’d be depressing even with you here. But with you not here, it’s really depressing.” Nancy’s like, “Oh look, Frank Hardy’s here!” and hangs up on Ned. Oh, Ned, I like you more than most other Nancy Drew players. Please love yourself.
If it’s any consolation to Ned, the Hardy Boys are even worse-looking in this game than in Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon. They tell us that, for once, they’re actually working on a case. The Hardy Boys have a case and Nancy doesn’t? This game is really sad. Anyway, they’ve been hired by a Richard Aikens, of Aikens Biotech, to investigate a Pua Mapu, and her dad, Mike Mapu. Mike Mapu is of course better known to us as Big Island Mike. Pua is a “world-class” surfer and Aikens Biotech wants to use her in ads for one of their products; they want Frank and Joe to find out if there’s anything unseemly in the Mapus’ backgrounds before they associate with them. What does surfing have to do with biotech? Anyway, Frank and Joe claim that they haven’t found an opportunity to snoop yet. What choice do they have but to hang around on the beach and do nothing? Heh. They’re so lame.
Anyway, we tell them it’s been real but we gotta get moving to meet Dr. Kim, and Joe’s like, “Don’t forget to watch out for Kane Okala!” Golly, who’s that? Frank says he’s a Hawaiian myth, and whenever things start to go wrong on the island, people blame him. Given that the first page of Google results for “Kane Okala” are all Nancy Drew related, we can assume he was just made up for this game. We bid the Hardys goodbye, and Frank’s like, “If you need anything — literally anything — feel free to call us. Or just call me. Like, just to chat. Or if you want to go out.” Joe suggests we might need monster repellent. And with that, I finally extricate myself from the Hardys’ conversational grip. To the beach!
We troll around the beach looking for shells, which are scattered randomly under rocks, in certain patches of sand, etc. It’s not too difficult to find them, and then we go back to the activity center and string them into a necklace according to the instruction book. We show it to Big Island Mike, who cheerfully tells us that we don’t actually get to keep any of the stuff we make — “My idea, my necklace.” Big Island Mike’s business is starting to seem a little shady. Anyway, we finally get the keys to the car. We bring up the failing pineapple crop, and he claims the Hilihili has something to do with it. As we leave, he ominouses to us that Kane Okala doesn’t like whatever the Hilihili’s up to, and dude is on a rampage.
Dr. Kim’s camp is plugged into our GPS, so off we go. Naturally, the second we cross the bridge, it collapses in a storm and our car gets stuck in a ditch. Nancy’s none too happy about all this. Cheer up, Nancy! I for one am thrilled to have put a violently churning river between us and the Hardy Boys.
Weirdly, Nancy talks like she’s stuck in the middle of nowhere, but we pull back to see the ditch is right there by the camp. It’s completely trashed, as we saw in the beginning cutscene. We find the tape recorder by the tree, and can listen to what Dr. Kim’s been up to for the last couple days. We hear the sound of her putting in the combo for her chest, so we’ll be able to do that in a moment. The last entry is from March 28th*, with Dr. Kim saying she’s made a weird discovery about some larvae around here. Plus, she’s getting an assistant named Nancy Drew! “I’m on the verge of fame, fortune, and free labor!” she chirps. Hee. Every academic’s dream, amirite? After that, there’s the sound of our mystery villain trashing the camp, and the tape ends. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Nancy says.
* During Danger by Design, Prudence Rutherford mentions that “winter is almost upon us,” so Nancy’s been on a break for a few months.
Dr. Kim’s left a note for us to call her on the radio, but there’s no power to the camp (of course there isn’t). Nancy will note that the solar panel needs some photovoltaic cells to get it up and running again. Let’s open her supply chest and see if we can find anything that will help us.
Each button on the chest’s lock makes a different sound, so we can figure out the combo from the tape of Dr. Kim opening it earlier. There’s a bunch of stuff for us to use inside. Dr. Kim’s journal has a bunch of information on a Malachi Craven, who works up at the Hilihili. He’s written an article called “How Peer Jealousy is Destroying Research Science.” Ha! I wonder if said peers had to review that. There’s also a slip of paper with a phone number on it; Nancy will note that it has a Chicago area code. After further digging, we find a hook (which we can use on the winch outside to get our car out of the ditch), and a Level 3 security pass to the Hilihili. What’re you doing with that, Quigley?
It looks like right now, all clues point to the Hilihili. Once we drag our car out of the ditch, we can go there. But let’s call Ned first. We did kind of diss him back there. Nancy apologizes for hanging up on Ned — she can’t help it if Joe Hardy’s puka shell necklace makes her weak! He wants to know what the Hardys are doing here, and you can either tell him or not. If you refuse to tell him, he does the basic concerned-boyfriend thing and tells Nancy to go back to town where she’s safe (do you know Nancy Drew at all, Ned?). If you do tell him, he remarks that the Hardy Boys are getting paid to run around on the beach with a cute surfer chick, while Nancy is studying bugs in the jungle for free. “In case you’re wondering what that thing you’re holding is? It’s the short end of the stick.” Hee! Ned is a Sassy Detective Boyfriend. Anyway, that’s pretty much it for him for the rest of this game. Sucks to be Ned, as usual.
He also has a ponytail that you can’t see face-on.
So we go to the Hilihili and use Dr. Kim’s security pass to get in. Bad move! Alarms go off, and we’re dragged to the office of Dr. Craven himelf. He is a super angry dude, and goes off yelling at us for stealing the security pass and breaking into a top-secret research facility and being full of peer jealousy. He doesn’t know Nancy is a sassy detective, and she gets right up in his face about how Dr. Kim’s gone missing, and she’s just here in her quest for the TRUTH! Then she slyly uses the info we gleaned from Dr. Kim’s notebook to suck up to him: we know he’s an underappreciated horticultural genius, and his blog is awesome! “That is true,” he says. Heh. Having fed his ego, he calms down and is willing to talk to us. He claims never to have met Dr. Kim; he’s read some of her papers and he doesn’t particularly want to. If he doesn’t know her, how can he be sure she stole the pass? “I, uh…that was just my temper talking.” Hmm. Anyway, we’re sure he has some photovoltaic cells, being that he’s such a wise proponent of solar energy. Dr. Craven’s willing to hand them over if we do some work for him. Of course he is.
He tasks us with bringing him twelve viable seeds from one of his cultivars. It’s not hard, and he forks over the cells. As we walk back to his desk, Nancy will note that there’s a piece of paper sticking out of his labcoat’s pocket. If only we could see what it is! We make some small talk as well about his allergies, and he says he’s been prescribed an antihistamine. Unfortunately, it makes him really sleepy. I wonder if we can drug him with his allergy medication and snoop around his office? It’s too bad Mrs. Drake isn’t here to warn Dr. Craven about Nancy Drew’s M.O.
Being nosy, we also ask for a tour, but Dr. Craven says it’s a private facility, and his current employer wants to keep everything hush-hush. And who is that employer? Well, Dr. Craven thinks it’s time for us to be leaving now. Fair enough. But we’ll be back!
Replacing the cells is pretty easy; it’s basically a two-column Sudoku.
Now that we have the power back, we can call Dr. Kim. Unfortunately, the connection is crap, and we can’t tell her that her camp’s been trashed. We can’t quite hear where she is, either, and the closest guess Nancy has is “Green Trigger Rock.” Well, we have no way of looking that up, so circumstances push us to…
…the Hardy Boys. Sigh.
They are, at least, better utilized here than in Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon. Their side of the mystery is also frankly the more interesting one. Anyway, from this point on, calling the Hardy Boys will switch you to their POV, and calling Nancy will switch you back. You can switch whenever you feel like it, although at some points the game will force you to, either by automatically triggering a phone call scene, or needing you to call the other to progress.
Nancy asks Joe to figure out where “Green Trigger Rock” is. He says he’ll keep a look out while investigating Big Island Mike. So now we’re meant to be helping Nancy, but also moving along the Hardys’ case. Let’s see how far they’ve gotten:
“I think our gig is waayyy better than hers.” I hate to agree with a Hardy Boy, but this is true.
Weirdly, the very first entry in their case journal is from earlier today, when they met Nancy. Weren’t they supposed to have arrived a few days ago? The Hardy Boys haven’t done jack. Anyway, Joe notes that Big Island Mike never leaves his office, so they have to think of a way to get him out of there.
Let’s see if we can sweet-talk him into leaving. We can also nose around about his business and his daughter, so let’s do that as well. Big Island Mike claims that the “immersion excursion” was Pua’s idea, and she’s an all-around good kid, whose only interest is surfing. Joe presses a little on that detail, but Big Island Mike insists “with Pua, what you see is what you get.” We haven’t seen her at all yet, but okay. Big Island Mike explains how his place works — you do stuff (make necklaces, catch fish, etc) that you can exchange for “Big Island Bucks”, which you can use to buy snorkeling equipment or whatever. Joe notes that this system mostly benefits Big Island Mike, who gets to keep (and sell) everything his customers make.
Finally, we needle him a bit about leaving the office. He says if “someone” (read: us) catches six ulua fish for him, he’d have an excuse to go up to Hilo and hang out. Hey, my grandpa’s from Hilo! It’s like they made a game about my LIFE. But anyway, Joe immediately volunteers to catch six ulua, and once we do that, we can get Big Island Mike out of our hair. And does he know where Green Trigger Rock is? Nope, no such place. So we’ll have to do some digging to see what Quigley meant by that.
Where’s Frank in all this? No idea. Dicking around on the beach, I guess.
Pua is stationed at a hut by the beach. Like her dad, she’s meant to have a ponytail, but you can’t see it at all face-on. Her head also seems kind of big. But anyway, she snarks on Joe and Frank’s surfing skillz — they’re both really bad, to the surprise of no one. I mean, the books always try to make it sound like they’re really good at sports and karate and all things physical, but I am not shocked at all that the Hardys are in fact total dorks. Thank you, Pua, for vindicating me. Joe asks her what she thinks of Big Island Mike’s business, and she says it works for them — she gets to surf and he gets to show off the island. Fair enough. And of course, like her dad, she believes in Kana Okala.
At this point, you have to catch the ulua for Big Island Mike. Once you turn them in, you can keep talking to Pua. Joe tries to press Pua into admitting to having a cocaine habit, or that she likes to go out and stab people, or something, but she insists surfing is all the fun she needs in her life. Well, we have to find out about the entire familia de Island Mike, so let’s ask about her mom. “She died when I was ten.” Oh. We thought, given that she’s not around, there are no photos of her, and nobody ever talks about her, that she might just be on vacation or something. Frickin’ Hardy Boys.
Pua says that Mama Mapu didn’t want Pua to learn how to surf, so she didn’t start until after she died. Plus, Big Island Mike quit his job at the pineapple company and started his immersion excursions, which he loves. So in a way, her mom’s death was a good thing! Joe’s like, “My limited human interaction skills don’t know how to answer that so…bye.” “Book ’em, Danno,” Pua says.
A minor earthquake happens while we’re on our way to see Pua, but she doesn’t say much about it. Big Island Mike, on the other hand, opines that Pele must be pissed. (No, not the footballer.) We hand over the ulua, and he says he’s gonna go hang out in Hilo for the rest of the day. He asks us to tell Pua, and notes that last he saw her, “she was still trying to teach Frank how to surf. Your brother’s a slow learner, eh?” “Welcome to my world,” Joe deadpans. Hee!
Big Island Mike leaves, and we’re free to snoop around. The door behind the desk is locked, but the key is hanging right above the calendar. When we go over the calendar, Joe will take note of a Post-It saying that “JK” made a delivery on the 5th.
Behind the door is a lone filing cabinet, and Joe will find a map of the island. One of the landmarks is “Three Finger Rock,” which even Joe can realize is the “green trigger rock” Nancy was talking about. He leaves a message for Nancy with the coordinates, and as we back up from the cabinet, someone hits Joe on the head and knocks him out. It’s supposed to be a villainous thing to do, but I think we can all say we’ve felt that urge, right?
Oh snap!
Up next: Nancy finally meets Dr. Kim, who introduces her to the seedy underbelly of academia. The game switches into bizarrely being all about bug poop.
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