No opening monologue, because monologues are for SQUARES. Let’s get straight to it.
As you’ll recall, Guido, Tomás, Pablo, and for some reason Nico are all trying to get laid at the club. I mean, it’s not clear that that’s what Nico’s up to, but they are letting him hang out with them for some reason. Guido takes one for the team and pretends to be a priest, and tells a group of girls that his flock over there is SOOOO lost, and the girls are like, “Omg, we’re so Catholic, what can we do to save them?” Guido’s like, “The only way to save them from eternal damnation is to dance with them!” Look, I know most people don’t actually pay attention in church, but they gotta notice he’s not even wearing a clerical collar:
“Jesus wants you to go let them grind on you!”
Marizza and Manuel enter the club, and Marizza muses that Marcos isn’t there yet. That’s because he’s in the school basement, getting beat up in that ugly-ass hat. The Society tells him that if he wants to be one of them, he must prove himself! Uh…again! What he has to do this time is retrieve a key from a box that has a spider and a scorpion inside. Marcos asks if they’re poisonous and the Society guys are just like, “Lol, who knows.” I mean, if Marcos DIES, I think the school might have to investigate. Maybe. I might be overestimating Dunoff here.
Back at the club, Mia and Manuel are being sappy together. (Hey, the music sounds kinda familiar — aw, it’s Sophie Ellis-Bextor! How random.) Mia tells Manuel that she wants to be with him forever, “like a woman.” I…don’t think that’s what Sonia meant by “Tell Manuel you’re not ready for sex.” Anyway, like any teenage boy, Manuel is very happy to hear that, and they make out. Nico happens upon them and is like, “Oh snap!”
Meanwhile, Feli and Vico are waiting for Augusto at his friend’s bar. They’re really breaking out all the non-school sets for this episode! Vico tries to tell Feli that this is her chance to escape Augusto and his creepy brachiosaurus face, but Feli wails that she loves him. Vico’s like, “Fine, then we can’t hang,” and she ditches Feli there.
Lujan’s decided to stay behind at school to investigate her tutor-slash-Ricardo Fara some more. This comes up later in the episode, so I’m gonna say now: I do not get why she thinks her tutor and Ricardo Fara are mixed up together. Maybe I missed something? Lujan mentions asking her tutor about Ricardo Fara, but it seems like a leap from there to thinking that they’re somehow connected. Whatever. Anyway, Sandra’s complaining that “Alejandro” fucked up the cafeteria order again, and Lujan’s like, “Alejandro? TELL ME MORE.” Sandra leaves for contrivance purposes, so Lujan can confront Alejandro alone when he comes back to fix the order. She’s all like, “YOU KNOW WHO I AM!” and he’s like, “I do?” Then Lujan pulls out a hugeass kitchen knife and is like, “Why don’t you tell me the truth!!!!” Dude! Lujan!
“I hate delivering here.”
Erreway performs “Será porque te quiero,” and Tomás fistpumps through their entire performance. God, I love him. After they’re done, Marizza picks a fight with Pablo while “The Ketchup Song” plays in the background. Wasn’t that song really popular? I wonder how much they had to pay to use it. Anyway, Mia has to break their fight up, which is really saying something. Then she gets a call from Fernanda, asking where Tomás is. Mia is all ready to lie to her, but Marizza grabs the phone and chirps that Tomás is at the club, grinding up on some other girls, because Marizza respects the girl code. Although didn’t Tomás tell Fernanda he’d be there, and she didn’t give a shit? Whatever.
And now for something completely different, back to Marcos and his potential death from scorpion bite. He brings the box back to his room, and spends forever inching his hand in before punking out and pulling it back out. Why doesn’t he just get some salad tongs from the cafeteria or something? Then again, that’s assuming the cafeteria serves salad, or anything that’s not croissants and chocolate balls. Anyway, eventually he manages to grab the key. Good for him.
The padres Dunoff take Pilar out to some restaurant, and they tell her they’re gonna stick together through Pilar’s possible pregnancy. Pilar’s like, “Oh good, I thought you guys were gonna neglect me like usual.” Dunoff suggests that Pilar take a pregnancy test, and for some reason Mama D is totally against it. She’s like, “Why should Pilar do that?” and Dunoff’s like, “To…be sure she’s really pregnant? Otherwise all this panic is over nothing? Duh?” I can’t believe Dunoff is the voice of reason here. Otherwise, they’re pretty comforting, and it’s kinda sweet.
Feli waits for frickin’ EVER at the bar, and finally Augusto shows up. She convinces him to listen to her side of the story, and he’s like, “Fine, but if you wanna be my lover, you have to sort out your priorities.” For instance, every time she hangs out with her friends instead of metaphorically sucking Augusto’s dick, that is a BETRAYAL of their LOVE. She’s like, “Well okay, I can do that,” and he’s like, “Not good enough, you need to prove your commitment to Augusto Motion.” “How?” she asks. Oh, Feli, this can only end badly.
Marcos hasn’t managed to get to the club yet, and Marizza’s all worried over him. She tries to fret to Nico, but he’s too busy looking at something on his computer, which is set up on the bar for some reason.
What is WITH people putting their computers on bars?
Lujan’s still holding poor Alejandro at knifepoint when his wife comes in, holding a baby for extra pathos. Lujan’s like, “Okay, this did not work out the way I wanted it to.” She lets Alejandro go, and Vico comes in to see Lujan all depressed that her lead didn’t pan out. Vico comforts her and says that even though Lujan doesn’t know who he is yet, at least she knows there’s someone out there who cares about her. And she can still ask her tutor for dirt on Ricardo Fara, because we’ve somehow decided they’re related now! Lujan asks if Vico will come with her, and Vico’s like, “Of course I will!” Aw! They’re such besties!
You’ll recall that Paula was all pissed at Pablo because he went to the club when she was sort of kind of thinking about making dinner for him. But she shows up anyway, and bumps right into Marizza. Marizza’s all too happy to point Paula in Pablo’s direction, where he’s making out with one of the religious girls in front of God and everybody. Paula snaps that Pablo sure didn’t waste any time getting with the first girl he saw, which…I mean, that’s exactly what he did to Marizza with Paula herself, so I don’t know why she’s so surprised. Anyway, Paula makes like she’s going to storm off and Pablo begs her to stay. Pablo’s hair has been bizarrely jacked up all episode, by the way:
Did his comb break or something?
Facundo shows up to the club and tries to ingratiate himself to Marizza again. He’s like, “Wow, your band IS better than mine,” and Marizza’s like, “Go away, stupid goatee man.” Marcos finally gets his butt to the club, and Marizza jumps on him. Facundo’s goatee is sad.
Meanwhile, Nico tells Manuel that he saw him and Mia making out. He promises to keep it a secret, but only if Manuel will tell him all the gory details, since Nico’s love life has ground to a total halt on account of his own dumbassery. Manuel says he’s in love, and Nico’s like, “In love with Mia, or in love with REVENGE?” Hee. Speaking of whom! Mia and Feli both show up, Feli with Augusto in tow. Feli announces she’s quitting, and everyone’s all upset. Nico insists that she can’t quit, as the band’s starting to get popular. Like they ever performed with Feli anyway. Feli points this out and says that Mia can just replace her, since that’s pretty much already happened. Mia asks why, and Augusto’s like, “Because she’s going to spend all her time stroking my ego now! :D”
Pablo basically crawls into Paula’s lap and begs for forgiveness. He’s like, “Pleeeeeaaase, pleasepleaseplease, you’re the only one I’ve ever loved, who’s Marizza?” and Paula’s like, “Oh, okay, I can’t stay mad at you!” You can and you should, Paula! But, as we all know by now, homegirl does not love herself at all. Across the club floor, Marizza is not pleased by this turn of events.
Fernanda shows up looking for Tomás, and she doesn’t look too happy, but nothing really happens. I guess they had to shoehorn her into the episode, her being almost a secondary character now.
Manuel takes Mia home and tells her that it’s time for her to talk things out with Papa C, because there are things Manuel wished he could’ve talked about with Papa Aguirre before he died. Wait, does Mia know Manuel’s dad is dead? Whatever. Papa C comes in and Manuel’s like, “Welp, I’ll leave you to it!” Papa C tells Mia the truth about Mama C, which is basically what we know already — they were happy together, but Mama C wasn’t ~part of his world~ and missed being in a rock band, and ended up leaving them. He and Mia hug and cry all over each other. Mia tells Papa C that she’s in love (but she won’t tell him who) and he sniffs that he’s proud of her. It’s kind of corny, but overall pretty sweet.
Marcos and Marizza go back to Elite Way, and Marcos is all proud of how he passed the Society’s test. Marizza’s less enthused, and tells him not to put himself in danger on her account. She tries to make him promise that he won’t have anything more to do with the Society. Marcos is like, “I want to investigate the Society, but I must do everything Marizza tells me to do at all times. DOES NOT COMPUTE.”
Lujan and Vico go to send an email to Lujan’s tutor, asking what’s up with Ricardo Fara. Apparently he’s in jail, probably for statutory rape. Just kidding, it’s for robbery. So how can he be running around and buying cars for Blas to drive? Lujan’s tutor is like, “Uhhhh…Ricardo Fara has nothing to do with Blas, absolutely nothing, nothing to see here. Why don’t you just forget all this and focus on school?” Vico and Lujan are both suspicious, and Lujan closes her laptop and yells, “This isn’t over!” at it. She’s really gotta stop doing that.
Paula and Pablo get down in Facundo’s apartment again. At this point, I think he’s gonna have to burn his building to the ground and salt the earth to purge that grossness from it. Paula’s all proud because she’s going to start selling her homemade stuff at a market on the weekends, but instead of being happy for her, Pablo’s all pissy because the weekend is the only time he has off. She should be devoting all her time to his penis, not having her own life or getting out under Papa B’s thumb! Speaking of Papa B, he calls Pablo (to Paula’s horrified reaction, which goes unnoticed) and tells him that tomorrow they’re going to a…hockey game? That’s what it sounds like. And by the way, where is Pablo? Pablo BSes that he’s at a party, and Papa B notes that he doesn’t hear any music or other people in the background. Pablo lies that he’s sexing up Marizza, and Papa B’s like, “Woo, get it! See ya tomorrow, don’t wear yourself out! ;)” Paula pouts that Pablo’s going to be busy tomorrow, and Pablo assures her that he’s going to get out of Papa B’s game somehow. He calls Tomás and Guido, and his plan somehow involves them going in his stead? I know Papa B’s neglectful, but I think he’ll notice that neither of them look like Pablo.
Marcos tells Manuel about how he got the key out of the spider box, and for the love of Jesus, he is STILL WEARING THAT HAT.
WHY.
Manuel is duly impressed, and he thanks Marcos for going the distance for them. Marcos is like, “Don’t thank me, thank my girlfriend Marizza, because I’ve devoted my entire existence to her like a weirdo.” Manuel congratulates him on getting a girlfriend but he’s kinda like, “Marizza, really?” Marcos admits that Marizza’s not jazzed on the whole Society thing, and Manuel’s like, “Wait, you’re doing something that Marizza doesn’t want you to do?” Right? Marcos won’t let himself take a shit without getting Marizza’s approval first. He says he want her to be proud of him, and prove that he’s brave or whatever. Just then, the Society sends Marcos another card saying that they’re going to meet him tomorrow, and Marcos and Manuel agree that they’re too close to give up now. Marcos decides to hide it from Marizza, though, which I’m sure will go entirely smoothly, the way it does every time anyone on this show tries to hide something.
The next day, I think. Papa B meets Sonia at some cafe. She’s wearing glasses, and looks pretty cute!
Papa B’s like, “So as you know, our children are dating,” and Sonia’s like, “No, I’m pretty sure they broke up.” Papa B’s like, “Uh, Pablo says otherwise, plus he and Marizza totally banged last night. Make sure she’s on birth control or something, because I don’t want Pablo to have any problems, you feel?” Sonia flips her shit and starts yelling at Papa B to get out of her sight. Hee! God love her. Sonia calls Marizza, who confirms that she and Pablo have been broken up ever since she got back from Italy. Marizza snarls that she’ll take care of Papa B, but then she gets a call from Manuel who’s like, “You need to come back to school RIGHT NOW, this is an EMERGENCY.”
Pilar drags Luna to the bathroom to be with her when she takes the pregnancy test. Luna’s like, “Shouldn’t your mom be here?” and Pilar’s like, “Shhh, you’re a more important character than she is.” Pilar has a breakdown over potentially having a baby, and frickin’ Luna derps, “Well, you never know, it could be good for you!” Pilar’s like, “HELLO, I AM FIFTEEN YEARS OLD.” She says if the test is positive, she doesn’t want to have a baby. Are abortions legal in Argentina? Google says not really. Poor Pilar. Anyway, Luna says she knows how Pilar feels, and Pilar — and me — is like, “DUDE, YOU’VE BEEN PREGNANT?” Actually, I think that would have been a good twist — it would make sense for Luna to have had sex to please a boyfriend, or have a seedy past that she feels guilty about, which would explain her martyr complex. But no, Luna just means that her mom didn’t want to have her, and Luna’s glad that her mom gave her life, even though she’s all neglectful and abusive. Pilar’s like, “Okay…that’s not remotely the same thing as actually being pregnant, but okay.”
Mama B’s tennis coach tries to get her to mack it with him, and she’s like, “Not in public, fool!” Tomás and Guido show up and BS about Pablo’s absence. Then one of the girls from the club rocks up and she’s like, “Omg, it’s Father Guido!” Hee! Those remain the two most hilarious words I’ve heard all day. Guido goes off with her and ditches Tomás. Poor dumb Tomás.
“COME ON, MAN.”
Marizza comes back to school and asks Manuel where the fire is, and he’s like, “Dude, you need to tell me if you love Marcos, like RIGHT NOW.” She’s like, “I can’t believe you dragged me back to school for this.” Manuel tells her that Marcos is about to risk his life for her. Let’s not be dramatic, Manuel. Marizza’s like, “Ugh, fine, I’ll deal with it.” Heh. She so clearly does not give a shit.
Mercedes is hanging around Casa Colucci. She calls Papa C, and he tells her that he’s spending the day with Mia. Mercedes is like, “Oh, I’m so…glad…you guys are hanging out.” She can’t believe she didn’t manage to alienate a 15-year-old girl from her father! Then Papa C’s phone rings, and Mercedes picks it up. “I can’t believe it’s you!” she says. “Your brother isn’t here right now, but…” Oh shit, it’s Papa C’s brother. Brother C? I’ll have to think of a snappy nickname for him.
Guido’s trying to get with the girl from the club when Papa B rocks up. Guido attempts to keep up the pretense by going, “Brother Sergio!” Ha! I love — LOVE — that Guido is trying this shit with Papa B. He has no self-preservation instincts whatsoever. Papa B is like, “The fuck you say?” and the random girl cottons on that maybe, just maybe, Guido’s not actually a priest. She peaces out, and Guido’s like, “Man, Papa B, why you gotta hurt me like this.” Papa B wants to know where Pablo is, and Guido points into the crowd and is like, “Over there!” I’m assuming he’s pointing at Tomás, and this is the whole point of the both of them being there, but who knows. Papa B wants to go over and talk to him, but Guido’s like, “Oh wait, you can’t do that,” and Papa B’s like, “Why not?” Cliffhanger! Will Pablo’s madcap plan work? Will Marizza get her revenge on Papa B? Will Marcos ever get rid of that stupid hat? We’ll find out next episode, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel!
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