Nancy Drew: Stay Tuned for Danger (Part One)

AW YES.

So, full disclosure: Stay Tuned for Danger is my favorite Nancy Drew game. Everything about it is free of flaws. The suspects! The overdramatic voice acting! The abuse of the word “sassy”! The uncanny valley graphics! And of course the amazing, amazing villain, who was so good they were brought back nearly 10 years later! Despite the fabulous ’90s graphics, this game completely transcends time and occasionally space. It’s like a TARDIS that way. 

(Also, say hey for IrfanView, which is not only free, but also can screencap pre-Windows Vista games. LOVE.)

This is the second game in the Nancy Drew series, and came out in 1999. Let’s take a moment to reflect: I was in the first grade when this game came out. I’m in college now. CRAZY. It’s also the first game to use 3D models instead of the 2D ones from Secrets Can Kill. Also unlike SCK, this game fits on one disc. In many ways, this is perhaps the true first Nancy Drew game, in the sense that it’s closer to both the design and the spirit of the rest of the games (people actually died in SCK! Although of course, it was hard to care when you had to switch discs every five minutes). Sadly, STFD (Stay Tuned for Danger, not “sit the fuck down”) was discontinued in 2011, for no good reason that I can think of. How can you deny the world the hilarity that is Rick Arlen? Good thing the Internet exists.

Anyway.

So, we’ve been called to New York to stay with a friend of Aunt Eloise (from SCK) named Mattie Jensen. Mattie is a soap star currently on Light of Our Love. And of course, there’s a mystery to be solved. What, do you think Nancy Drew takes vacations? Rick Arlen, daytime’s “cutest hunk” (oh, Lord) has been getting death threats! Scandal! Who would want Rick dead? AND WHY?

(Answer? Everyone, for a myriad of reasons. Seriously, Rick is a douche. But we’ll get to that later.)

We begin in Mattie’s schmancy Lexington Avenue house (apartment? It’s never made clear). There’s a note on the table telling us to call Ned. We’ll do that later, as we don’t really have much to talk to him about yet. Let’s meet Mattie!

Oh dear. This valley is uncanny.

Blah blah exposition blah. Mattie says that you occasionally get an “odd” letter in the business, but the ones Rick’s been getting are creepy as hell. So far he’s received a broken watch (that’ll show him!), poisoned chocolates (why would you do such a heinous thing to innocent chocolate?!), generally weird letters, and someone fucked with the show’s teleprompter a few weeks ago to read “YOU’RE GOING TO DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH, RICK.” (Hee! Least subtle threateny threat ever!) I have to say, this villain seems to be kind of half-assing it. Like Draco Malfoy in Half-Blood Prince. Seriously, either go balls-out and get to the killing or don’t bother. Sending him a ~broken watch~ is weaksauce. But whatever. Rick also was receiving ransom-note-style letters from someone named “B.T. Kaisuur”, but apparently those are nothing compared to the ones he’s receiving now. Creepy! But apparently Rick is too cool for school, or at least for the police, because he hasn’t reported any of the above and is content to just sort of let it happen.

Once she’s done with the infodump, Mattie rushes off to the studio to film the soap and leaves us with a copy of her house keys. She also sets us up with a visitor’s pass, which we can pick up at the studio.

But before we do that, let’s invade our hostess’s privacy and snoop! A vital part of any Nancy Drew game.

We can peek at Mattie’s script (she plays Serena and Rick plays Rory). “Your business is my business, babe.” Wow, Rory sounds like such a charmer.

There’s also a weird calendar that has a disappearing eye in it, a ticket to the Daytime Soap Gala, an award for “Best Actress” (which will become hilarious later), a weirdly pushy letter from Mattie’s mother (“Darling, you must remember that YOU are the real star!”), and…love letters! From Mattie to Rick! And from Rick to Mattie! ~Doramaaaa~

And! And and and! You can also see some legitimately amazing photos:

I don’t even know where to start with this amazingness. The photoshopped heads? Mattie’s blue shirt and blue jeans? (You know, I can’t even see the waist of those jeans and I still can tell that they’re mom jeans. You just know.) Rick’s complete lack of a neck? It’s all brilliant.

By the way, I would highly recommend playing this game just to see the fabulous pictures. I don’t have room for all of them, but rest assured, they are all hilarious.

Anyway, there’s also a copy of Chatter Magazine that speculates on “The Last Days for Rory Danner?” Apparently Rick wants to break into film and is considering dropping the soap to go to Hollywood. Perhaps this decision is displeasing to someone…? There’s also another magazine with an interview with Mattie, where she talks about her mom’s involvement in her career (you will recall: “YOU ARE THE TRUE STAR, DARLING!”). Interesting stuff!

That’s pretty much everything of note in Mattie’s house. Let’s head over to Worldwide Broadcasting!

This is the map you use to get around. Click on an address and you’ll get a voiceover of a taxi driver with the best stereotypical New Yawk accent ever taking you there. I LOVE THIS GAME.

Speaking of stereotypical New Yorkers, let’s meet the security guard! Ralph Guardino, Nancy; Nancy, Ralph. Ralph has a hilarious accent which quickly becomes the most annoying thing on this planet. (Literally every time you sign in he goes, “Thank you Miz Drew. Yew meay prow-ceed.”) Anyway, Nancy signs in as a visitor and immediately starts poking around. There’s a portrait of the station’s founder, Mildred “Millie” Strathorn, who still hangs around and who we will meet later.

(By the way, in the lobby, there are a bunch of magazines with letters missing, implying that “B.T. Kaisuur” is someone working at WWB.)

So let’s do some more snooping! We can’t go on set just yet, but we can walk through the halls and eavesdrop on other people’s conversations. The show’s producer, Bill Pappas, is Very Unhappy that Rick’s thinking of leaving LOOL. “I’ll kill him before he runs out on me!” Literally, though? Ominous! A bit further down the hall is Mattie’s dressing room. So let’s check in with her.

We basically immediately start interrogating her on why anyone would want to hurt Rick. Mattie can’t think of a reason. In fact, Rick sounds pretty perfect, according to her. Maybe because they’re totally banging on the side? When you bring that up (because I clearly don’t lack for tact), she says that they dated during Romeo and Juliet, back when they were both ~struggling~ actors. Then she says that she and Rick are no longer dating (which might explain why the love letters are stuffed in secret desk drawers). But! She does know someone who would be jealous enough of Rick to do this: Yuri Danner, his evil twin! Wait, what? Mattie has a hearty chuckle and says that it’s a ~running joke~ on the set — Yuri Danner is the evil twin of Rick’s character. That’s…not a very funny joke. Actually, it’s kind of lame. But whatever. Mattie tells us that, in honesty, she has no idea who it could be. Oh, well, thanks for the help?

Anyway, Mattie hops off to go film her scene. Let’s go look through more of her stuff! There’s more overdramatic scripts, some newspapers discussing how Rick Arlen’s departure would cause the WWB to go waaaay down (I bet Bill Pappas wouldn’t like that!), as well as a smaller headline about an embezzler escaping to Rio de Janeiro (this will be more significant later). There’s also some fan mail, a love letter written in French, and…a puzzle! Yes! Gotta love the puzzles:

It’s pretty simple: you rearrange and rotate the pieces till they form actual sentences.

This is what it should look like when it’s done. Mmmm, drama llama. I wonder who it’s from?

(Note: we never actually find out.)

If you poke around her dressing table, you’ll also find a tube of messed up lipstick, which will be more important later.

Time to go visit the set!

This scene is amazing, if only for the completely horrible acting. You know how Mattie won an award for ~Best Actress~? I shudder to think about what the competition must have been like. Anyway, Rory doesn’t want to talk to Serena. No, Rory, don’t go! I lurrrve you! I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, SERENA! But Rory! GO AWAY, SERENA! The whole thing is mercifully cut short by a klieg light falling and nearly killing Rick.

Aw, yes. Gaze into the face of ~daytime’s cutest hunk.~ Sexy. Rick demands that someone call his agent. He could’ve been killed! Well — actually, I mock, but I’d probably be demanding compensation too if a stage light nearly fell on my head. That shit is dangerous.

Rick storms off the set and since they can’t really film without him, everyone else clears out too. Wait, everyone? No one stays behind to check the other lights? Or clean up? Whatever. With everyone out of the room, it is a prime snooping opportunity! There’s a white board showing the blocking for the scene, which would indicate that ~someone~ knew where Rick was going to be standing when they dropped the light. You can also check out the teleprompter, which has another ominous message for Rick: “You’d better kiss your career and your life goodbye, because the end is near!” Isn’t that redundant? Isn’t his career a part of his life? Poking around the set a bit further, you can see the fallen light — and the clamp is broken! Considering that clamps are like, solid metal, it’s likely someone purposefully fucked with it. There’s also a clock on the set with a hand missing. I sense a puzzle!

Also, you’ll need to grab a screwdriver from the workbench here. Failing to do so (and/or failing to grab a pair of wire cutters later) will result in The Grand and Inescapable Repeated Death of Nancy Drew later on.

So now that we’ve seen all that needs to be seen and stolen all that needs to be stolen, let’s go talk to everyone. Bill Pappas is bitchfighting with Rick’s agent, and snarls that he’ll be getting to the bottom of this! Also, the set is now closed to visitors. Oops. Mattie is bordering on the hysterical, and insists that she cannot talk — it’s just too horrible! She must return home, presumably to collapse on the fainting couch or whatever.

But hey, you know who totally is willing to talk?

I don’t know if I can resist, you guys. I mean, just look at that! The white turtleneck! The high-waisted khaki pants rolled at the ankles! The shiny, helmet-like hair! It is all too much.

Anyway, you walk in and Rick immediately starts hitting on Nancy. It is quelle awkward. He smarms about how he’s a ~lucky guy~, to which we point out that he’s been receiving death threats and poisoned chocolates. He waves the chocolates off as just being a “bad batch,” and says that he’ll eat one if we dare him. “But if we’re going to play that game, I’d prefer another dare. So how about it, Nancy: truth or dare?” Okay, smarmy. I choose “Dare!” because I feel like that’s what Nancy would choose. WWND? Rick “dares” us to ~stay here, get cozy, and…~ and I’m like DUDE, ISN’T THIS A CHILDREN’S GAME? Oh, wait, he urges us to ~stay beautiful~. Rick is gross. But hey, he’s also giving us an opportunity to rifle through his stuff with impunity!

So, Rick’s dressing room! There are a lot of death threats. Man, a ton of people hate Rick. Then again, who can blame them? There’s a photo of his face with “IF YOU WON’T BE MINE, YOU WON’T BE ANYBODY’S!” written in what looks like…lipstick? Hey, didn’t Mattie have that tube of messed-up lipstick in her drawer? There’s a pair of 3D glasses in his dresser drawer, which we steal because we’ll need them later. There’s also a box from Sorpresa Chocolates (Spanish speakers can have a chuckle at the ~sneaky~ name), which is accompanied by a poem: “How do I loathe thee, let me count the ways.” And it’s not a cute 10 Things I Hate About You poem, either. Blah blah B.T. Kaisuur notes with the letters cut out, etc. There are also (jfc) typed notes from an anon sender that are all “I’m a big fan of yours! OF YOUR IMPENDING DOOM, THAT IS.” (Hee!) Also, “P.S. I AM STALKING YOU. I SAW YOU EATING HALIBUT LAST NIGHT, ASSHOLE.” Please note that the “y” in the typed notes is always slightly dropped. Oh, and there’s a box of dead roses. This will aaaaall be important later.

Once we’re done looking through the many and varied tokens of hatred Rick Arlen has received, we can check out the rest of the building. Let’s look at the prop room!

Say hello to crazy old lady Millie Strathorn! We don’t actually see her that often, even though she’s one of our suspects. (Although of course, so is Bill Pappas, and we never actually see him at all.) She promptly kicks us out of the prop room, but tells us we can talk to the show’s producer, Lillian Weiss, if we want to be let in. Well, we can’t solve the mystery if we can’t nose around the prop room, so let’s go get permission from Lillian.

Who…promptly kicks us out. Oh. Okay.

Well, since we are no longer welcome in the studio, we might as well go home and call Ned. (Mattie, hilariously, says that Ned sounds cute. I kind of think the Ned in this game sounds like a boy band member. I’m not sure how, but that’s just how I visualize this version of him. Maybe because it’s 1999.)

Blah blah Ned and Nancy flirt blah. Then she tells him about how Rick Arlen’s been trying to put the mack on her/us: “He’s worse than Daryl Gray!” (Who, if you don’t know, was a high school student who was trying to get with Nancy in Secrets Can Kill.) Ned says that he’s not sure he digs the idea of her running all over God’s green earth meeting all these “Enrico Suaves.” I recoil in horror at the use of the phrase “Enrico Suave.” Ned is such a dork. Although he gets points for his pronunciation of “suaves” (swah-vehs, not swahvz). Anyway, Nancy tells him about the threatening notes. She also mentions the weird “y”s on the typewritten ones, in case you didn’t notice it. Ned muses that it sounds like there are two different MOs — and by extension, two different culprits — and that we should find the typewriter in question. I already figured that out, Ned, but thanks. (Then again, I am playing on Junior Detective mode, so…) Blah blah Rick dgaf about his impending doom blah. Ned says that perhaps Rick knows something about the notes? Something he’s keeping from Nancy? Of course he does. Once we’ve exhausted Ned’s expertise, we hang up on him (hee!) and since I don’t really have anything better to do, I also call Bess and George. (Well, actually, I call George first, but “George and Bess” just sounds weird.)

Anyway, George is way too excited about this case, possibly because River Heights sounds boring as hell. Really, does anything ever happen there? (Until Alibi in Ashes, of course.) Nancy always has to go out-of-town on her cases. But whatever. Nancy fills George in on what’s going on and George snarks that she shouldn’t tell Bess, who will want to fly out and save Rick. Heh. Now, there’s also an option to ask what Bess is up to, since we’ll need her ~soap expertise~ to solve this case. If you choose that one, George will tell you that Bess is unfortunately out of town. I didn’t ask, which meant that I kept calling Bess and getting no response. I am le dumb. But moving on, we also tell her about the falling klieg light. George says — and I should add that she sounds far too enthusiastic — that maybe the light was SABOTAGED to fall! No duh, George. She also says that it pretty much had to be an inside job, which means that it’s someone inside the studio. Again: so very, very duh. But, you know, she tries. That’s all George can help us with, so we hang up and go find Mattie.

Well, she looks…the same as always. I enjoy the way she has a fist planted on her hip at all times. We tell her about Lillian kicking us out, and she tells us she can hook us up with a job as an extra through her agent, Dwayne Powers.

YESSSSSSSS. I love Dwayne Powers.

There’s nothing else to do on Day 1, so I’ll end this post here. Up next: We meet Dwayne Powers, who must confess that Rick Arlen has NO TALENT! Lillian Weiss hates everyone. We also solve puzzles in the prop room and use a VHS player. Good times for everyone!