Previously on Rebelde Way: the last of our supporting cast was introduced! (Pilar: antisocial daughter of the school principal, and Marcos: nerd. Like, that one word pretty much sums up his whole character.) Mia told Manuel that she didn’t like foreigners, and thus their attraction was cut short (but not their UST). Manuel went after Feli, mostly to get to Mia. Marizza nearly drowned trying to get into their teacher’s pants. Said teacher then brought her inappropriate ice cream while Marizza made up a sob story about having a neglectful mother. That same neglectful mother then flew to the beach to visit, presumably busting Marizza’s story wide open. Mia’s turf is being stepped on by Marizza, and she is pissed. Also she sent a ~mysterious~ fax to her father about…something, which made her chauffeur say “Ay Dios mío” in the most unenthused voice ever. Pablo was a dick to the community he was supposed to be servicing (…er) and Some Angry Older Brother and his friends jumped him. With knives! You will recall that Pablo was also recently in a car crash. It kind of sucks to be him right now.
(Also, I just realized that “Vacance Club” comes from vacances, which is French for “vacation.” And I was thinking like, “Why the fuck would you call a summer vacation club Vacance Club? Do you hate them or something?” And…yeah, no. I took Spanish in high school, okay? *sob*)
Anyway. Pablo is in trouble for being an asshole, etc. “Please let me go!” he wails. “I won’t tell the priest or the cops!” Man, Pablo, you could’ve at least traded some witty banter before caving. “Shut up if you want to stay alive!” snaps Angry Older Brother. And then they throw him to the ground and start…punching him? Stabbing him? I’m not sure. “What are you doing?!” one of the mooks freaks out at the other one, and oh wait, the knives were just to scare Pablo, they weren’t supposed to actually stab him, because this is presumably a children’s show. “Just take everything he has and let’s go!” says Some Angry Older Brother. So they take his wallet and his cell phone and I was about to get indignant that they would take his only method of communication, then I remembered that it’s 2002 and there’s probably still pay phones around there somewhere. They run off and Pablo lies beaten on the ground as red food coloring blood spreads over his shirt. The drama.
Back at Vacance Club, Sonia is hitting on Mauro. She tells him that she came because she missed Marizza so much and I’d say that the gears are working in Mauro’s head (re: Marizza being a liar) but he’s kind of dumb, so I wouldn’t bet on it. But where is Marizza? Mauro doesn’t know. Oh. What a great chaperone. Let’s go look for her!
Pilar, sitting alone because nobody likes her, etc. “When I tell people about this, they won’t believe it!” some girl’s voice says, and she immediately hunches down in her chair…as you also do? Whatever, Pilar. It’s Mia, and Vico adds, “Ugh, I feel bad for her daughter…where is she?” I’m assuming they’re talking about Sonia and Marizza. Hey, speaking of daughters, why is Pilar even on the trip? “No idea, everyone hates her!” Mia says. Uh…maybe because Pilar is also a student at the school? And because she lives at the school anyway? Oh, Mia. Loving you is so difficult. “Pablo told me she kind of likes him,” Mia says, and Vico (who you will recall has been macking it with Pablo these last few episodes) is like WHAT? Mia assures her that Pablo can’t stand Pilar. I think it’s pretty presumptuous on Pablo’s part to assume that Pilar must be in love with him in the first place. “Well, neither can anyone else!” “I don’t even know what that loser is doing here!” You will recall that Pilar is listening to this whole thing. Mia and Vico leave and Pilar gets this very…evil? look on her face. I sense wacky hijinks coming up!
The beach. A bunch of girls are playing…some game with a soccer ball that is not actually soccer. I don’t know. “I don’t know what’s so fun about throwing balls around,” Mia huffs from the patio. “Oh, Sonia brought those soccer balls,” Luna says. “They were signed by the Esqueloto!” The who and the what now? Luna tells her (and me) that they’re twins that play soccer. Googling “esqueloto argentino” (this is what I do with 5+ years of Spanish classes, obviously) brings up these two. Huh. Okay, then. I still don’t understand their nickname, but whatever. (Also, it must suck to be the twin that isn’t famous enough to have a picture on his wiki page.) “They’re friends with Sonia! This is the greatest!” Luna squeals. “Yeah, the greatest grossness that’s ever taken place here!” snips Mia. Damn, girl. She tells us that divas and soccer players aren’t really from their environment, if you know what she means. I…don’t, actually. Like, divas and soccer players are prohibited, but fashion moguls and mayors are totally cool? Aren’t they all on the same level of disproportionate wealth? Whatever, Mia. You make it so hard to love you. “I still can’t believe it,” Luna sighs. “Me either,” Mia says. Hee!
And then Lujan comes up! Hi, Lujan! Please make this episode better with your flawlessness! “I destroyed them!” she says. (ILH SFM!) “With this ball, it’s worth it to be at this escuela!” Er…okay. I love Lujan, but she can be weird sometimes. Mia bitchily snips that no, honey, you don’t say escuela, you say colegio, and Lujan’s like, “Oh, sorry, I’ll go to my pieza and write that down” with this fantastically annoyed look on her face. But nope, that wasn’t right either: “Pieza, no, it’s a cuarto,” Mia the Vocabulary Police says. “Oh, I’m sorry! How do you say ‘incredibly pathetic’?” snaps Lujan (run away with me, Lujan!) and Mia’s like, “I don’t know, sweetie, it’s probably on your birth certificate!” (oh snap! Although, that’s kind of harsh to say to the orphan girl, actually) and Lujan’s like, “I’ll make sure you get it, then!” and then jumps on Mia and starts trying to rip her hair out. “MI PELO!” Mia wails.
That was awesome.
(Also: escuela and colegio both mean “school” and pieza and cuarto both mean “room” — obviously there are subtle differences [which vary by country, so I won’t bother getting into that because I’ll probably get at least one of them wrong], but Mia’s really just being a haughty Vocabulary Police here. And I love her for it.)
Tomás and some dude in some…tunnel? A tunnel on the beach? Wow, with the rivers and the tunnels, what doesn’t this beach have? Tomás rants to the other guy that only an idiot like himself could spoil a beach trip (I won’t disagree with that tbh) and then he’s like, “What are you doing?” “I have the latest Game Boy! I got it from Miami!” Oh, Marcos, I should’ve known it was you. Tomás is like, yeah, you’re a cool kid, and Marcos is like “:D? Really?” (aw, Marcos!) and Tomás is like, “…no. Look, the only thing I like to play with is girls!” How old are you again, Tomás? Also that’s kind of a dick thing to say. (And then he says, “Real ones,” which…wow, what kind of video games are you playing, Marcos?) And then he kind of looks over Marcos’s shoulder and is like, “Aw, come on, you have to jump! You’re gonna lose, come on! Give it to me!” Hee! ILU Tomás.
Back on the beach, Vico whines that she doesn’t know where Pablo is. Then the camera pulls back and wait, I lie, she’s not on the beach, she’s on some cliff looking down at Tomás and Marcos. Wait, what? The camerawork on this show kind of sucks. Anyway, Tomás is like, “I’m not his nanny! Ugh, look, you made me lose!” Ha! Vico stomps up and Tomás hands the Gameboy back to Marcos and tries to run away but she gets all up in his face like, “Tell me where Pablo is!” and Tomás is like, “What makes you think I know?!” Er, besides your slightly homoerotic friendship, Tomás? Vico’s like, “I know you, Tomás! I know you’re lying! Tell me where Pablo is! Is he cheating on me?” Dude, Vico, you crazy. Meanwhile, up over some grate on the top of the tunnel (what? I don’t even know), Pilar spies on their conversation. “He’s not cheating on you!” poor Tomás bleats at her. “I just can’t tell you where he went!” “‘Where he went?’” Vico crazies at him. “How did he get permission to leave?! Did he escape?“
Dude. Vico. You need to chill.
Sonia and Mauro on some porch. “Did you find Marizza?” “Nope,” Mauro says. “Did you?” I don’t think Sonia’d be asking if she had already found her, Mauro! Anyway, Sonia blathers on about how difficult it was not to see Marizza (dude, Sonia, how are you going to deal with a whole school year of not seeing her?), she missed her so much, how was she supposed to breathe with no air, etc. Mauro finally starts putting two and two together and is like, “Huh. I thought you two were more…distant.” Sonia’s like, “…no?” and before Mauro’s brain can (slowly) draw another conclusion, his phone rings. Hey, I think my mom had that cell phone in 2001! I used to play Snake on it! Good times. Anyway, some voice tells Mauro that ~something~ has happened. Something serious! The camera zooms in on Mauro’s expressionless face as ominous music plays. Well I, for one, can’t handle this suspense!
Vico makes Mia some tea, to help her deal with Lujan’s hair-attack. “I should also drink some tea,” Vico pouts. “I don’t know where Pablo is!” Vico! Nobody cares except you! Not even Mia, and she and Pablo had some weird sexual tension two episodes ago! Anyway, por el amor de Dios, change the subject, Mia cannot bear to think about the suffering of her hair anymore. “Did you see how Feli was dressed today?” Vico giggles. “Don’t be mean,” Mia warns. Aw. “You can’t deny she looked like a cow in that swimsuit!” snarks Vico. What? Were Feli and Vico ever friends? Is there anyone that Vico isn’t a bitch to? Mia says, “No, but I am surprised she wore it in front of everyone. That guy is making her insane.” Anyway, they need to get to the hair salon, immediately. They leave and ominous music starts playing and I was like, “Pilar’s totally going to pop up from behind the bar or something, isn’t she?” She doesn’t, but she does peer in through the window. Pilar! What are you doing? Please, take up knitting or something, because you’re being really creepy.
Mauro and Manuel walking along some grassy cliff. The same one Marizza did her dance of underage bikini seduction on? The layout of this beach confuses me. Anyway, Mauro tells Manuel that the driver waited for an hour, but Pablo never showed up! He didn’t answer his cell phone, either! Wait, why are you telling Manuel this? Oh, wait, Manuel asks the same question, and Mauro says that it’s because he’s the oldest. Dude, Mauro, he’s still a student. Anyway, Manuel snips that Pablo’s probably fine, he’s just a daddy’s boy. Or maybe he’s lying in a pool of his own blood, Manuel! You don’t know! Mauro’s like, “Yeah, fine, whatever, but can you please go with his driver to look for him? Our budget doesn’t allow for more than two adult actors per episode.”
(No, but seriously, what does this school have against chaperones? I distinctly remember having two teachers plus four parent volunteers come along when my class did Outdoor Ed, and that was just for, like, a week.)
Sonia outside of the Bedroom of Inappropriate Teacher-Student Relations. “Hooooola, mi amor!” she squeals. Er, it occurs to me that, shouldn’t Mauro have known where Marizza was, given that he was visiting her in said bedroom last episode? Then again, it is Mauro. He’s not exactly a brain trust. Anyway, Marizza’s left a note for Sonia: “Come to my room and I’ll show you how I feel about your visit.” Er…that sounds either threatening or sexual, neither of which is appropriate in this context. Then Sonia opens the closet door…and Marizza’s hanging by the neck. Wait, does that mean I don’t have to put up with her anymore? (JUST KIDDING.) Sonia faints dead away and Marizza’s like, “Mom…? It was a joke! Wasn’t it funny? Mom?” Oh, Marizza.
Manuel on…some cliff? Some cliff from which he can clearly see Pablo in the ghetto!, lying in a pool of red food coloring? I’m not even going to question these things anymore. It was recession time in Argentina, apparently. “Dude, Pablo, what happened to you?!” Pablo’s all, “Papa…you came…but you don’t care about me!” I feel like that would be genuinely sad if it weren’t for Manuel getting shirtless off to the side. As it is, I’m just laughing. Then Manuel presses his shirt to Pablo’s side and cradles him in his arms and I feel like, were this show airing today, there’d be a million gifs of this scene on Tumblr. “All fathers care about their sons, Pablo,” Manuel says, trying to get a grip on Pablo’s thigh. I SWEAR I AM MAKING NONE OF THIS UP.
Marizza is trying to revive Sonia. Mauro runs in with a little thing of…something. Marizza’s like, “What is that?” and he says, “It’s rubbing alcohol. It’s the only kind I could find.”
Oh…Mauro. “What happened here?” he asks and Marizza lies that Sonia was drunk. Yes, because Mauro totally won’t remember that Sonia was sober when he was talking to her like twenty minutes ago. Then again…it is Mauro. “Does she drink a lot?” Mauro asks. “Yes, it’s unbelievable!” Marizza gurl, this isn’t going to end well for you. Sonia wakes up and Marizza’s like, “Hide that, she might drink it!” Rubbing alcohol, though? Everyone in this scene is so dumb, I can’t even. Sonia starts covering Marizza with kisses all MI VIDA, I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE ALIVE!! and Mauro’s just kind of staring blankly, as he is wont to do.
The hotel swimming pool. Why…do you need a pool at the beach? Seriously, pools, rivers, the ocean, is there no body of water that doesn’t exist near this hotel? Anyway, Marcos is playing his Gameboy while Guido makes one of the creepiest speeches I’ve ever heard: “Mi vida, when I find you, oh, you won’t be able to escape! I’ll be all over you!” Dude. (Also, at first I thought it was Marcos saying that to his video games [look, people have done weirder shit to 2D characters, okay?], but then I realized the voice wasn’t high-pitched enough, God love him.) Guido hangs up on whoever it is and sits near Marcos and they have an extremely stilted conversation (“Nice day, right?” “Sí, sí.” “Pretty good, right?” “Sí, sí.”) Hey, Marcos is friends with Pablo and Tomás, right? What? What on earth would make you think that, Guido? Marcos mumbles that they don’t really talk to him much (theory: when Pablo’s off being a douche, Tomás and Marcos sometimes geek out together, but then Pablo comes back and Tomás has to pretend like he’s not excited about the newest Final Fantasy game or whatever [he cried real tears when Aerith died!], and that makes Marcos sad). Hey, speaking of Tomás, here he is! Hi, Tomás! “Nobody tells me anything!” he pouts. “Pablo totally escaped! He should’ve been back by now!” “So let’s go look for him,” Marcos says, like, duh. “How, by bike?” asks Tomás. No, no, no, Guido’s been biking, and it’s exhausting, although seriously, that beach is like three feet from where Pablo is, if Manuel’s trip was any indication. Guido suggests calling a cab. Tomás agrees, but if either of them breathe a word about this, he’s going to beat them up! “Dude, relax,” Guido says. “I’m good at keeping secrets.” Yeah, like the one about his family being poor, amirite? Ominous!
Sonia, Marizza, and Mauro. Sonia’s fine, Mauro wants to call a doctor, no, really, she’s fine! It was the excitement and being on the plane, because you know, Sonia doesn’t travel by plane, because she’s not one of those rich people, blah blah blah. Mauro waltzes off and Sonia’s like, “Marizza, the fuck was that back there?!” and Marizza’s like, “Well, it could have been true!” and Sonia’s like, “Why are you being like this?” and Marizza’s like, “Why are you like this at all?” And Sonia wibbles that she just missed Marizza, and she was worried that Marizza was having trouble fitting into the group, because after all, Marizza is a bit rebelde (ba-dum-ching!) (okay, she doesn’t actually say that) (but she should’ve) (they should’ve hired me to write for this show tbh), and Sonia wanted to protect her! And Marizza’s like, “That’s nice, but I can take care of myself, so you can go now,” and Sonia’s like, “Oh, no, I have to wait for the plane to pick me up in two days!” Marizza’s like, “You couldn’t drive like a normal person? I am FED UP with you, mother!” and storms off. Sonia wrings her hands.
Marcos, Guido, and Tomás. It occurs to me that a big part of Marcos’s unattractiveness is that he’s always hunched over and baring his teeth like Gollum. Marcos, son, sit up straight! You’re probably not that bad-looking, otherwise you wouldn’t be on TV! They’re about to leave the house when a shirtless Manuel runs in and grabs Tomás (unf) and they get all up in each other’s faces about how they’re busy and how they don’t have time to come anywhere. Unf. Manuel drags Tomás off and Marcos, presumably flustered by that display of sexual tension, drops all of the cards in his hand. Guido whacks him in the back of the head.
Pablo in the hospital, the house’s living room, getting his wound tended to by Mauro. What? He got stabbed, and you’re not going to take him to the hospital? You’re going to trust freaking Mauro? I can’t. Pablo begs Mauro not to tell Papa Bustamante because Papa B will “kill [Pablo].” I know! Pablo got stabbed! How irresponsible! Manuel and Tomás run in and Tomás falls to his knees at Pablo’s bedside. “Pablito! Who was the animal that did this to you?” Tomás is so in love with Pablo, dudes. I’m not even making this up. “Some guys from the ghetto!” Pablo says (italics only implied). Weirdly, you can distinctly hear him say the word negros, which I’ve heard Argentinians use to refer to people regardless of skin color, but wiki has informed me that it does carry socioeconomic implications. There’s also a section on antisemitism and not that I’m taking wiki as an infallible source, but it seems that Nico does have at least some reason to be paranoid. So…we’ll have to see how that turns out. Anyway. Mauro tells them that this cannot leave the room and Tomás is like, “He’s bleeding from the stomach, people are gonna find out!” and Mauro continues to amaze me with his stupidity by saying, “We’ll just tell them that he tripped!” And what, impaled himself on a pole like Cordelia Chase? (Omg, I bet Tomás and Marcos have Buffy marathons together.) “Okay, we’ll tell them that me and Pablo beat each other up,” Manuel says. “They’ll definitely believe that.” Hee! I mock your fashion choices, Manuel, but I really do like you, most of the time. “That’s a good idea!” derps Mauro, like, you’re the chaperone, idiot, don’t encourage this rumor-mongering. “You have good friends,” he says to Pablo, and Pablo kind of looks at him and is like, Were you not listening to the part where Manuel and I hate each other?
Luna is writing a letter to Flor about Sonia Rey, so fabulous, etc. “I can’t believe it!” Mia wails, stomping in. “There’s no hair salon around here!” She bitches that there’s nowhere where she can take a “cream bath”, she has been taking cream baths since she was five, por favor, and I felt really creepy just Googling the phrase “cream bath” to figure out what it was. Anyway, Luna overhears this and tells Mia that she can give her a cream bath (…unf?) because she brought her aunt’s products with her (you will recall that her aunt is an ex-prostitute hairdresser). They can do it before or after cena — “Mi amor, say comida,” snips Mia. Anyway, she takes Luna up on her offer and tells her that in exchange, she’ll teach her how to talk. Oh, Mia.
The grassy beach cliffs, where Tomás is just…walking along? Well, the scenery is pretty nice. Guido’s like, “Dude, I’ve been looking all over for you, the taxi’s been here for half an hour!” and Tomás is like, “Just send him away, we don’t need it!” and Guido’s like, “What do you mean?” and nags Tomás until Tomás is like, “Okay, look, you can’t tell anybody, but Pablo did something really stupid and the judge sentenced him to community service in the ghetto! and those dudes beat him up!” WHAT. Note to self: never, ever, trust Tomás with your secrets. Guido takes it in stride, though, and is like, “Oh, okay. Let’s go get his stuff and bring it to him.”
And then, hiding under the cliff drop, Pilar monologues evilly to herself (“So that’s the mysterious place where Pablito was!”, which is definitely something I’ve said to myself whilst hanging out alone on the beach). This will end well.
Presumably after Mia’s cream bath. Luna apparently did an amazing job, because now Vico wants one too. Luna tells Vico that she likes her clothes, and Vico tells her that they’re Mia’s, actually — apparently Mia gives her old clothes away to scholarship students. “It’s my calling,” Mia says. Heh. Luna says that she didn’t think Mia would hang out with scholars, but Mia tells her that it’s not about what people have, it’s about their ~potential. Huh. Part of me wants to say that Mia’s nicer than the other rich kids, but really, she pretty much tries to make them like her or ignores them. On the other hand, her initial outlook on the scholarship students is still a lot fairer than, say, Pablo’s, or even Dunoff’s. Anyway, Mia waltzes over to her closet and asks Luna which dresses she likes. “Oh, they’re all hermosas,” Luna says. “No, honey, say lindas,” Mia corrects. These scenes were vocabulary gold when I was in Spanish class. Anyway, they’re all Luna’s — Mia has plenty. Luna scurries off with the dresses, beaming. “Isn’t this a bit much?” Vico asks, because she is a killjoy. “I feel bad,” Mia says. “She’s so nice. Luna will be my next project!” “Are you sure? She hangs out with the others,” Vico says. Luna’s friends with Benjamin Linus? But never fear — by the end of the year, Luna will be one of them. OMINOUS.
(I’m not even making up the “OMINOUS” part — scary music kicks up and the camera zooms in on Mia’s evil grin. I love this show so hard.)
(Also, also: Hermosa, to my understanding, carries more of a “beautiful” meaning, whereas linda is more like “pretty” or “cute.”)
Some house. Pilar comes in, locks the door, and pulls down a ladder. She retrieves…a bag? “They’re wondering why I’m here? They’ll soon find out,” she ominouses at herself. Man, Pilar needs some friends, if only so she can deliver these creepy lines to someone else. Commercial break!
The patio. Marcos has settled in one of the chairs, alone, with a book. Vico and Mia waltz past, with Vico saying, “Let’s sit here, far away from the dorks!” Hey, don’t call Marcos a dork! And I’m not just saying that because he’s essentially my high school self! (…well, yes, I am. D:) Feli pops up and tries to talk to Vico and Mia. “Good morning!” she chirps at them. “I don’t think this is your table,” Vico bitches at her. I’m so confused as to why Vico is a bitch to the only people that seem to like her. Whatever. “Vico, don’t be nasty,” Mia says. Feli gives her a letter and tells her to read it by herself. “How rude!” Vico snaps. Mia hops off to read the letter and Vico pouts.
Over at Manuel’s table, Nico rolls up looking for croissants (mmm, croissants), and Guido, Tomás, and Pablo show up. “Pablo!” Vico squeals, and she like, pokes him right in the stomach wound. “What’s wrong?” “Uh…nothing…I got into a fight with Manuel.” “What’s wrong with you?” Vico snaps. “Why can’t you fix your problems like normal people?” Uh…what? Is there some kind of weirdly violent event in Vico’s history? Although if there is, we’re probably not going to find it out for another bajillion episodes anyway. She stomps over to Manuel to yell at him that he’s an idiot and then kneels down and starts stroking Pablo’s hair. Everything about Vico’s life and choices confuses me.
The table of my queen, Lujan. And Marizza’s there too, but really, who cares about her? Luna hops over and compliments Vico’s hair (using the word lindo, as taught by Mia) and Lujan scowls at her. Jealousy tbh. “Vico’s not mean, you just have to get to know her,” Luna says. Er…no, dude, Vico really is that mean. “Being an idiot is worse than being mean,” snips Lujan. May we all take my queen’s pearls of wisdom to heart, amen. No, but seriously — really, Lujan? Marizza changes the subject to herself (naturally) and squeals that her mother didn’t come down for breakfast! I know, right? Stomping on the soul of the woman who raised me always puts me in a good mood. Then she tells Lujan and Luna that the best is yet to come. Oh, Lord. I can feel the secondhand embarrassment creeping up already. Lujan and Marizza make a bet that Marizza can’t make Mauro fall in love with her. Uh, maybe he’s gay. Or has a girlfriend. Do they not consider these things?
Guido, Pablo, and Tomás, with Vico sort of seated awkwardly in the middle. Suddenly, Guido picks up a piece of paper that…I guess was there the whole time? That nobody noticed until now? Well, whatever. The class murmurs unintelligibly as they read whatever’s on the paper, because paying the kids for more spoken lines would’ve cut too far into the budget.
Mia, walking on the beach, reading Feli’s letter. As you do. Blah blah the power of friendship blah. “I love you too, Feli!” Mia says to the air. As you do.
Back on the patio, the extras are mumbling to each other. “What’s going on?” Mia asks. “Mia, you’re trash, you know that?” Feli snaps. Damn, Feli. “What? What happened?” Mia asks. “Swallow your words!” Feli says and shoves the ~mysterious paper~ in Mia’s mouth. Way harsh, Feli. Paper is gross. Unless it’s rice paper. Mmmm, White Rabbit. Where was I? Oh, right. Vico hands another copy of the paper to Mia, who reads it out loud for the benefit of the audience: “There’s a lot going on this hot summer!” For example, Pablo is doing community service in the ghetto! And Mia and Vico called Feli a cow! (P.S. The whole school agrees, Feli.) “Who wrote this?” Mia asks, and everyone just sort of blinks at her. (Weirdly, there are a couple shots of Marcos peering over his glasses while Mia reads, and he ducks behind the paper the second she asks who wrote it. ~Ominous~) “I don’t know, but nobody was left out,” Vico says. Except…the only people mentioned were Mia and Pablo?
(Hey, you know who was explicitly shown listening to conversations and laughing evilly during this episode? Pilar. Just sayin’.)
Over at Marizza’s table, Marizza and Lujan are having a hearty chuckle at their classmates being thrown under the bus. Oh. Dear. Lujan, you are my favorite, but I can’t really get behind you when you do sociopathic shit like this. Luna mentions that Feli must be really upset, and Marizza, weirdly, shows slight signs of a conscience — “Well, only if they actually said it.” (Also, really, it was only Vico that said it. Mia didn’t even agree with her.) Aaaand then Marizza proves me wrong by saying, “I love it when they fight!” Sigh. And I was hating you slightly less, Marizza.
Sonia and Mauro. Wait, what? Come on, show, you know I don’t care about them. Sonia says she doesn’t want to go to breakfast and embarrass Marizza anymore, and Mauro points out that she’s just a kid; Sonia shouldn’t let her daughter control her. Wait, what? Did Mauro just say something…intelligent? Four for you, Mauro Coco. (Although I must point out that his referring to Marizza as “just a kid” doesn’t bode well for Marizza winning her bet with Lujan.) He then says, “You know how teenagers are. She doesn’t want you here. Me, on the other hand…” and then he leans in and I may or may not have actually shrieked OH MY GOD MAURO WANTS TO BANG SONIA. “I’m really happy that you’re here.” Dude, I bet you are. Then Marizza storms in and tries to make Sonia look bad and Lord, Marizza, just give up. This is getting embarrassing. Then she tells Mauro that instead of sucking up to her mother, he should go to the patio, because shit is going down. “What’s happening now?” Mauro groans. Hey, Mauro, maybe if you actually watched the kids instead of macking on Sonia, this kind of thing wouldn’t happen. Prevention is the best medicine!
(Also, didn’t he say he had ~activities~ planned when they first got there? Because pretty much all the kids do is hang around on the beach.)
Also, Marizza snarks to Sonia that Mauro is too young for her. Yeah, but he’s too old for you, Marizza, so really, nobody in this triangle wins.
Back on the patio, Pablo’s all, “Who wrote this trash?!” Dude, that was Mia’s line like three scenes ago. Keep up! “It’s someone with a computer,” pipes up Nico, Secretly Jewish Boy Detective. “Maybe they used the hotel’s computers,” Pilar says. You would know, Pilar. Manuel runs up, asking if anyone’s seen Feli. “She’s probably asking the earth to swallow her!” Lujan says, and I can’t tell if she’s saying it in a mocking way or not. I hope not, because it’s hard enough justifying my love for Mia. Before Manuel can run off and look for her, Tomás grabs him by the arm. “Hey, Taco! [HEE!] You spilled Pablo’s secret!” “I didn’t say anything!” Manuel snaps. “I don’t believe you! I’m going to beat you up!” Tomás says, taking off his jacket. Unf? Maybe? Mauro finally does his job and pulls the two of them apart and grabs the paper. “Whoever wrote this is horrible!” he speechifies to the impressionable kids watching the show. “This doesn’t deserve anyone’s interest!” Just then, Sonia runs up and tells them that she’s organized a fun activity to help them forget about the papers. Well, shit, I’m glad someone’s organizing activities, MAURO. He sends them off with Sonia while he tries to figure out the mystery. Somehow, I doubt Mauro is a better Boy Detective than Nico.
Inside the hotel, Luna tells Manuel that Feli wants to be alone. Manuel asks if she’s okay and Luna tells him that she’s been crying all day. Aw, Feli! “It’s all because of that…Barrrrbie!” Manuel says. I had to pause the video until I could stop laughing. (Man, I wish I could roll my R’s like that.) Luna says that Mia’s not that bad, and Manuel is like, we must not be talking about the same person! The Coluccis are all the same! They lie and they steal and they murder people and Luna is like, how do you know? Didn’t you just move here a week ago? Manuel is like, “Uh…right. But all those people are the same! And someone has to stop them.” He stomps off and Luna is just like, “Oh…kay, then.”
Some path off the beach. Sonia leads the class to a clearing and then tells them that they’re going horseback riding on the beach! Wait, really? That’s kind of awesome. Sonia is a way better Outdoor Ed leader than Mauro. She leads the class off, except for Manuel who…ducks behind a tree? You’re weird, Manuel. Mia stops Vico and is like, “I am not getting on a horse. I’m wearing European jeans!” Quelle horreur! Vico’s like, whatever, it looks fun, and hops off. Mia walks away in the other direction and Manuel ~follows~ her. Manuel! I want to like you! Stop being creepy!
The beach. Music plays, the kids ride horses through the waves in sloooow-moooootion. Weirdly, though, some kids are missing? I mean, the main cast is all there, but there’s only like, eight of them. I guess the other students on the trip just hang around in their hotel rooms, longing to have a speaking part soon. Marcos has a bit of a Titanic moment, riding the horse without holding the reins. He might have said “I’m king of the world!”, but we’ll never know, as the whole thing is a music montage. The camera lingers on him for like twenty seconds and look, I won’t lie and say it’s not impressive, but…really, we can change scenes now.
Back up on the grassy cliff, Manuel plops down next to Mia and without any preface just goes, “What’s wrong? Are you scared of me?” “I don’t know how you do it on the Planet of the Apes,” Mia snarks, “but in my country, people say ‘hi’, you know.” Hee. AND THEN THE WORST THING EVER HAPPENS. Mia gets up to go away and Manuel grabs her and snaps, “It’s not time to go yet!” “Let me go!” “Why? Even if you scream, nobody will hear you!”
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, MANUEL? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? And he pins her under him and creeps, “Now you’re all mine, Colucci~”* OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS WHAT THE FUCK and Mia’s like “Let go, you’re hurting me!” and Manuel shoves some dirt off the side of the cliff and is like, “Look — I can do whatever I want with you.” OH MY GOD I CANNOT. DIE IN ALL THE FIRES, MANUEL. He starts stroking her face and asks if she doesn’t like being the victim and crazies that he wants to know what it’s like to be a Colucci, stomping all over people and Mia’s like, “What are you talking about?” like seriously, as if the fifteen-year-old girl knows anything about her dad’s shady business practices. Manuel sort of stops, like, oh, shit, she really doesn’t know anything, and then mumbles that he’s talking about Feli, totally, this whole thing was about Feli. Mia wibbles that she’s not the one that called Feli a cow and Manuel’s like, “Whatever, you still treat her like crap,” and then he starts yelling right in her face about how SHE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT ANYONE!! and oh my God, he is so crazy. Mia begs for him not to hurt her and Manuel’s like, “I’ve never hurt so much as a cockroach, and I won’t start now,” and then he gets off of her and leaves. Mia just sort of curls up and cries.
That was terrible. I hate you, Manuel.
(*That’s a bit of a play on words, because “all mine…Colucci” is “toda mia…Colucci,” and Mia’s name is Mia, get it? HA. HA. HA — anyway.)
Anyway, then Vico rolls up, except…the grassy cliff of yore is essentially completely open space, and Vico surely would’ve seen Manuel threatening Mia from a mile away. But whatever. Vico pouts that she couldn’t stop thinking about Pablo, Manuel is an idiot, he could’ve killed him, etc. Mia is too freaked out to do anything but cry and Vico’s like, “Wow, I didn’t know you cared that much about Pablo,” like, you are so dumb, Vico, I can’t even.
Back at the hotelhousething, Sonia tells them that she’s planned a beach party! Everyone loves beach parties! And even better, everyone has to have a date! What? That’s torture, Sonia! (Somewhere in the back, Marcos probably has an asthma attack at the thought.) Marizza and Luna are excited. “I don’t want to go to any party,” grumbles Lujan. ILH. Marizza, though, says it’s the first good idea her mother has had, because now Marizza has the perfect opportunity to seduce Mauro. Again: possibly gay? Possibly taken? Possibly a Cake Eater? Definitely inappropriate? But you know, whatever. You do you, Marizza.
Nico catches up to Manuel outside the hotel and asks why he didn’t go horseback riding. “I had things to do,” Manuel says. Yeah, things like assaulting his classmates. -__- Nico asks Manuel why he’s always so ~mysterious~ and Manuel starts to explain that Nico just asks too many questions (that’s because he’s a Boy Detective, Manuel! Keep up!) but then Tomás comes up, presumably to get into another sexually charged fight with him. Pablo rolls up and Tomás tells him that Manuel betrayed them. “He was the only one that knew!” “No, you knew, too,” Nico says, presumably drawing up a suspect list in his mind. Tomás is just like, “I’m sorry, are you even part of this discussion?” and Nico’s like, “I’m just analyzing the situation!” Hee! Pablo says that Manuel saved him, so they should just back off and pretend it never happened. “But he betrayed you!” wails Tomás, who I guess is trying to defend Pablo’s honor. Anyway, Pablo tells Tomás to save his energy, because they’re going back to the ghetto! tonight. “Those stupid bastards are gonna pay for what they did!” “Those ‘stupid bastards’ are dangerous people, you know,” Manuel puts in. You would know, Manuel, what with your habit of climbing on top of your classmates. He tells Pablo that ~the ghetto~ isn’t like Pablo’s video games, it’s real life. Okay, here’s what I don’t get: Manuel is supposed to be some kind of lower-class, from-the-wrong-side-of-the-tracks badass (he rides a motorcycle!) but…why would his father have dealings with an uber-rich fashion businessman like Franco Colucci if that was the case? He’s middle-class at least. I’m onto you, Manuel!
Anyway, Pablo tells Tomás that they’ll go back while everyone is at the party. Dude, Vico is not going to like that. And then she’ll whine about it for hours and I’ll have to watch. Won’t you think of the audience, Pablo? Tomás is like, “Um, okay, I don’t mean to be a coward, but…we’re gonna get in so much trouble if they find out we left!” Ha! ILU Tomás and your secret nerdiness.
Back in Mia and Vico’s room, Vico tells her to tell the principal. I…am agreeing with Vico? Oh, God, I feel so gross. Oh, wait, but she wants Mia to tell on Manuel and Lujan, because Lujan pulling Mia’s hair is totally equivalent to Manuel threatening her and climbing on top of her while she begs for him not to hurt her. Sigh. (Besides, if Lujan got expelled, this show would be 50% less fun.) Feli comes in and snarks that she just came in to get a cookie, she’ll leave so they can talk shit about her in peace. Mia looks uneasy and mumbles that she doesn’t want to tell on Manuel because some of the things he said were true. Oh, Lord. I see what the writers were trying to do, and I know telenovelas thrive on both the Rule of Drama and Snapback*, but…no.
(*In longer words, really dramatic things happen in telenovelas — and soap operas in general — that should have ramifications on the way characters deal with each other, but they don’t, because soap operas are less about the characters’ stories and more about raising the viewers’ tension and fulfilling viewers’ wishes. For that reason, I don’t really hate Manuel on the whole, because not only was that scene was OOC compared to the rest of the things he does, I also consider it a result of the writers going too far to the drama end of the sliding scale, rather than a moment indicative of his character. Of course, that could change; I haven’t seen the whole show yet. And of course if this happened on a serial TV show, I would judge the fuck out of the character and dislike them forever. AND NOW, MY THOUGHTS ON YAOI.)
Feli on the beach. “I’m not going to cry, I’m not going to cry.” Aw, Feli! Then she eats some cookies. Sigh. Mia walks up and tells Feli that she’s not a cow and Feli’s like, “So why did you call me one?” Mia says she didn’t say it, but admits that it was wrong of her to listen to Vico say it. She tells Feli that she was mad that Feli was always hanging out with Manuel, and Feli points out that this is the first time a guy has liked her, she’s in love, etc. Mia apologizes. “I didn’t realize it was so important to you.” They make up and hug. Aw! That was genuinely nice. It gives me hope that perhaps not all of these characters are sociopaths.
All the kids have gathering the dining room. Sonia waltzes in and whips out a little notebook all, “Tell me who your dates are for the party! Go on, I’m listening!” All the kids shift around uncomfortably like, yeah, about that…”None of you has a date? The party is in one hour! Okay, I have an idea: nobody can leave this room without a date!” Again, nobody moves. “Okay, fine, how about the girls ask the boys? Maybe we’ll have more luck that way!” Oh my God, Sonia, are you trying to give all the socially awkward teenagers heart attacks? “That’s a great idea,” Mauro smoothes at her. Oh, Lord.
“I just wanna go to the party so I can exercise,” Lujan says as everyone sits down. What? Lujan, please be more normal. I feel judged in my love for you. Then Guido rolls up all, “Hellooooo my little caramels!” ILU Guido. Marizza is like, “Guido! How convenient! Lujan wanted to be your date for tonight!” “Really?” dorks Guido. He drags Lujan off while she presumably makes plans to murder them all in their sleep. Anyway, sorry Luna, Marizza can’t help with your date, because Mauro has entered the room and Marizza has to get on that before someone else does. (Someone else like her mother, maybe?) So she asks him to be her date and he’s like, “I’m too old for you.” Marizza smoothes that her mom didn’t specify an age limit and Mauro’s like, “Okay. Sure.” Such enthusiasm! Marizza, honey, please take the hint. I can’t watch this awkward mess anymore.
Tomás and Pablo plot to use Mia and Vico as coverups — they’ll take them to the party and then run away to the ghetto! This will end well.
Luna asks Marcos out. Aw! Awkward nerdy OTP for sure! Marcos stutters that he can’t, he doesn’t like parties and Luna’s like, “Oh, come on, just so we can get out of here.” Marcos accepts and then nearly knocks the table over getting up, God love him.
Nico tries to hit on Pilar. “Well…it looks like it’s just you and me left…” “Yup, that’s what it looks like.” ILU Pilar. You’re creepy as fuck, but you’re also kind of hilarious. She asks him to be her date and he accepts with way too much enthusiasm (“YES! Of course I…YES!”). She snaps at him to stop smiling and stalks off. Nico and his eyebrows are sad. Love-hate OTP?
The patio. Something that sounds a lot like the Twin Peaks soundtrack is playing. Pilar is standing on some…balcony? I don’t know. Underneath, Guido is bragging to Nico and Manuel about how forward “she” (Lujan?) was being, which, really? You had to drag her out of there, Guido. He walks off and Nico rants to Manuel that he can’t stand him, he hates him, can’t tolerate him, and Manuel’s like, “Calm down, me either.” Up above, Pilar smirks. Then she pulls out her cell phone (it’s a flip phone! ~Those were the days~) and says, “If the newspaper weren’t enough, let’s give it another touch of fun.” Dude, Pilar, you need a hobby. She calls…Papa B? Wait, does the governor just take calls from any random person?
The party. Early 2000s Europop is playing. Marizza shows up with a very confused-looking Mauro. Manuel is wearing the most visually offensive shirt in the history of the world.
I just…why, Manuel? What do you gain from this?
Nico pops up since Pilar’s blown him off. Aw, Pilar, why you gotta be like this? (And really, does she have anything better to do? Surely she can take a night off from ruining her classmates lives.) A few yards over, Tomás and Pablo try to get rid of Vico and Mia, only Tomás is the worst liar on the planet and eventually just bolts for it while Mia and Vico look after him, like, dude is weird. They start ~sexy dancing~ to draw attention away from the fact that their dates have totally ditched them. Meanwhile, Sonia notices that Marizza and Mauro are doing a dance of Inappropriate Teacher-Student Dating, and drags some hapless kid over to dance with Marizza — “Honey, you have no idea what a great dancer he is!” Hee!
Pablo and Tomás get into a car and drive off, with Tomás wringing his hands all the while. Oh, God, they’re going to get into another car crash, aren’t they? Oh, wait, nope, they just get caught by a bunch of government officials. Well, it’s a better option than vehicular collision.
Closing monologue: friendship is always worth it, a message that was surely encapsulated in these past 40 minutes of backstabbing, lying, and early-2000s fashion. Definitely.
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