Previously on Rebelde Way: Our cast of protagonists was 99% introduced. Manuel Aguirre made it to Argentina, almost didn’t make it into the Elite Way School twice, and both times managed to scrape through by the power of telenovela writing luck. He made ~sexy eye contact~ with a cute girl, then found out that she was Mia Colucci. Marizza Spirito was annoying. Pablo Bustamante survived his car crash but now has to do community service in the ghetto! Mia Colucci has a crush on a ~boy, except it’s the same guy her friend Feli likes. Also it’s Manuel, who is secretly plotting to…idk, destroy her father. Somehow. Or something.
We were also introduced to the following secondary characters: Luna, the naive niece of an ex-prostitute hairdresser (I’m so glad I was able to use that sentence once in my life); Nicolas, a secretly Jewish kid whose eyebrows are as disastrous as Manuel’s fashion choices; Lujan, a tomboy orphan who should take Nicolas under her eyebrow-care wing; and Guido, a secretly poor dude who is ashamed of his family. So we begin!
Credits, opening narration: Summer vacation is an awesome time and a ~mysterious~ time. We might do things that we’ve never done. If you know what I mean, and I think you do.
“You made this for me?” Manuel asks, holding up Feli’s slightly-creepy heart drawing with his name in the center. “Uh…no?” Mia says. Manuel touches her hair all, “Yes, you did, because you like me.” That’s…kind of creepy. You two don’t even know each other! Anyway, Mia denies it (because, well, it’s the truth) and Manuel demands to know who drew it, then. Feli pops up at this exact moment and is like mouthing “DON’T TELL DON’T TELL” at Mia behind Manuel’s back, so Mia tells him she drew it as a joke, “Because…we don’t like foreigners here!” “Yeah! She doesn’t like foreigners!” Feli pipes up. Like, thanks. “What a pity,” Manuel says, getting all up in Mia’s personal space. “But don’t worry*…you’ll end up liking me.” Er…yeah. He leaves and Mia’s kind of shell-shocked. “I don’t have anything against foreigners…it was just the only thing I could think of…” Aw, Mia.
(*He calls Mia something here that I can’t make out. It sounds like…oalita? Walita? Lolita? Jolita? Uelita? Polina Gagarina? I Googled for like, half an hour and couldn’t find anything that made sense. ETA: 3 years later, I realized that he’s calling her “güerita.”)
Secretly Jewish Nicolas is on the phone with his mother. “Yes, yes, I’ll see if there’s a synagogue nearby…” and then he hears people coming in so he’s all CHAO and hangs up as fast as he can. Pablo and Tomás come in and are all, “The fuck are you doing here?” Way to welcome the new kid, guys. Apparently some dude named Marcos has already taken the third bed in the room, so Nicolas can just take his bad eyebrows and secret religion and skedaddle. Not really. Nicolas mumbles that someone sent him to this room, and Pablo and Tomás are like, “Oh, okay. Whatever then. Nice to meet you.” Tomás asks his last name and Nico gives it, and Pablo asks, “Are you Jewish?” A literal scare chord goes off. “WHY?” Nico asks. Uh, no reason, just, there’s this dude that works for Papa Bustamante named Provenza, and he’s Jewish, and…NO! No, no, not at all, Provenza’s a common last name, very common. Not Jewish at all, nope. But…there are Jews in this school, right? “Nope, not in our grade,” Pablo says. And the subtitles leave this out, but at the end, you can hear him say something that sounds like “Luckily.” Hey, Pablo, don’t be a dick!
Lujan’s room. Her roommate turns out to be none other than…Luna! I’m so glad our protagonists are conveniently thrown together like this. Luna, Lujan, and Marizza become friends.
The school gathers for the meeting in a stairwell that I’m not sure ever gets used again. For some reason, they’re all in their uniforms even though it’s…summer vacation? Oh, and Nico meets Manuel. They will probably be BFF on account of not being complete assholes to each other. Dunoff speechifies to them about how Elite Way is a family, and Vacance Club is like a family, and they’re all family here, right? He sort of gives this extremely awkward, reluctant smile and you just know nobody likes Dunoff. And then, as if the show knows we don’t care about the kids going back off to their rooms after the announcement, it literally fast-fowards to Tomás and Pablo. Tomás is pointing out Manuel as the dude who, you will recall, questioned his masculinity (while wearing orange pants) and then threatened to knock his teeth out.
(I should add that this episode takes place on the same day as the last one, which means that Manuel has managed to make half the school hate him and the other half fall in love with him in the space of a few hours.)
Anyway, Pablo decides that he’s going to go beat Manuel up, and look, I mock Manuel’s fashion choices, but let’s be real, he could probably take Pablo in a fight. So Pablo purposely bumps into Manuel and then snaps “Do you have a problem?” at him and Manuel’s like, “Not…really? You kind of bumped into me first?” And Pablo snaps, “I don’t like new kids who think they’re all that!” like, dude, Manuel has been here for literally a day. Anyway, Manuel’s this close to punching Pablo in the face and Nico has to literally drag him off.
Marizza and Lujan go off to ask Dunoff if they have to go with the stupid Vacance Club. Gloria the secretary tells them that Dunoff’s not in and Marizza’s like, “Well, we’ll just wait here, then!” and sits on Gloria’s desk and starts painting her nails. Lujan grabs the keyboard and starts messing around on the computer. I’m not even going to bother. If I wrote out how annoyed I was with Marizza every time she showed up, this would be really redundant. Moving on! Dunoff is in fact there, but he can’t talk to anyone right now because he’s yelling at his daughter, Pilar. You will recall that she is the same age as Marizza! And that Dunoff was banging Marizza’s mom while Mama Dunoff was pregnant. Mmm, drama.
Anyway, Pilar doesn’t want to go on the trip with Vacance Club. Man, nobody in this school likes Vacance Club. You kind of wonder why it exists at all. Dunoff snaps that she needs to make friends because she doesn’t have any (ouch) and Pilar snaps that everyone in the school is an idiot and Dunoff’s like “There are idiots everywhere!” Heh. I like how he doesn’t even try to deny it. Pilar says the students gossip about her and act superior. Dunoff’s like, “That’s because they are superior! And God willing, one day you will be one of them.” Um…is he trying to pimp her out to the other kids? That’s kind of shady. Anyway, Dunoff shuts the conversation down with “YOU ARE GOING WITH VACANCE CLUB AND THAT’S FINAL.”
Back in Mia’s room, Vico is news for the group: she’s dating a guy! They all squeal and do this move where they touch their index fingers together, kiss them, then make finger guns at each other. Anyway, Vico pulls out a little notebook and goes down a list: 15, 16, 17…and Pablo makes 18 guys she’s gone out with! I’m kind of afraid to ask when Vico started dating. Feli’s like, “You keep a list?” and Vico tells her that she’s keeping a record because she’s going to reach 300 guys soon. Er. I can’t tell if she’s being serious or not. “It’s so great that we’re all here together,” Feli squeals, SO YOU CAN TELL US WHAT YOU TOLD PABLO ABOUT MIA. 😐 Vico denies it because she is a terrible friend. Just then Marizza comes in and Feli prods her to tell them what she overheard. “I’m not a gossip,” Marizza says, even though…she was the one that told Feli that Vico had said something in the first place? “Oh, yeah, earlier today Vico, didn’t you totally talk about Mia behind her back?” SNAP. Vico insists that Marizza’s lying, lying! Marizza, pleased at having stirred shit, flounces out, but not before getting in another dig about Feli’s weight. Sigh.
(“If this shoe wasn’t Prada, I would totally throw it at her head!” Oh, Mia. I love you, even though nobody else does.)
Nico and Manuel are traversing the hallways of the school. Nico tells Manuel that fighting the two richest kids in school is probably not the best way to start off his year. “Why not?” Manuel asks. “Don’t you like fighting?” Hee! Nope, Nico hates fighting. He’s never fought anyone in his life. “Uh, then why are you in this school?” Manuel asks. Nico exposits that he wants to study in the United States, and Elite Way graduates are more likely to get scholarships abroad than from any other school. Fair enough. What’s Manuel doing here, with his hatred of rich kids and his stupid orange pants? “Let’s just say…I have things to do,” Manuel says, because that does not sound at all suspicious. Just then, Guido rolls up and introduces himself. Apparently he’s Nico’s roommate! Good times. And that must make Manuel…Marcos Aguilar? “Uh, no, I don’t know who that is. I didn’t see him during the scholarship exams…” And Guido, being the ass that he is, immediately shuts down. “Oh, you two are scholars? I mean, that’s great…that’s great…” and you can tell that he doesn’t even want to room with Nico now. So, then who the hell is Marcos Aguilar? He’s going on the Vacance Club trip (honestly, who in their class isn’t going?), so they’ll meet him soon, they guess.
Anyway, Guido tells them that he knows everything about what’s going on in the school. Hey, would that include, uh, Mia Colucci? “Hey, she’s mine!” Guido says, because that’s not weird at all. Also…didn’t he just get there? How does he know anything about this school after just one day? Or — oh wait, maybe he’s a returning student…who has somehow managed to hide his parents for two years? ANYWAY. Blah blah exposition blah. She’s beautiful, stunning, everyone follows her, etc. “Does she have a sister?” Nico pipes up. Nico, son, not even Vico would go after you with those eyebrows. “She’s an only child,” Manuel says and they just kind of look at him, like, how did you know that?
Lujan in Dunoff’s office. Turns out she’s not actually here on a scholarship. “So why did you tell me that I was?” she asks. “Well, see here,” Dunoff says, this school is all about lying to its students for plot-important reasons! “A benefactor is paying for you,” he tells her. A benefactor who…doesn’t want Lujan to know that they’re paying for her. And who refuses to divulge their relationship to her. So…that’s not a sketchy situation at all. Lujan insists that she doesn’t want charity, and Dunoff reminds her that if she doesn’t want to stay at Elite Way, she can always go back to the orphanage — except oh wait, the orphanage doesn’t take in teenagers. The reformatory it is! Sure, threaten the orphan girl. That’s definitely not the dick thing to do.
Outside, everyone’s preparing to leave. Guido’s still pointing out everyone that we Manuel and Nico need to know about. “Now, this guy is basically one of the coolest in school,” he says, pointing out Tomás. “He’s an idiot,” says Manuel, never one to mince words. A ways over, Vico pouts to Pablo that Marizza is picking on her, what a meanie, etc. Because you’re such a saint, Vico. Pablo tells her that he won’t tell anyone that she was talking about Mia, which…I think is actually fairly nice, given that I’m sure Mia doesn’t want it spread around anyway. Vico pouts some more, but the moment is broken up with a moment straight out of slapstick: Marcos Aguilar has arrived! And he does so by falling on his ass. And then he sits up and we see that he’s wearing a sweater vest and glasses as big as his own face. You will recall that this is 2002, when that ensemble meant “nerd” instead of “hipster.” “Marcos, you can’t do anything, can you?” sneers Tomás. Guido is aghast. “I have to room with that nerd?!” What a tragedy! I am playing the world’s smallest violin for you, Guido. And Manuel is just like, the fuck is wrong with you two? And Nico’s like, Lord, here we go again. Luna has bounced up and he comments to her that Manuel’s going to need life insurance. Ha!
Mia. Apparently she called her father to bitch about Marizza, and he’s done nothing! Nothing! As if he doesn’t care about her plight! Feli’s like, “Yeah. How sad. Whatever.” “Feli, are you even listening to me?” Nope, Feli’s worrying about wearing her swimsuit in front of Manuel. I feel like she wouldn’t be worrying so much about this if Marizza hadn’t snarked on her weight earlier. Mia snaps that she’s sick of hearing about Manuel because she has a thing for him.
Marizza and Lujan. Lujan is plotting to escape from the bus that’s taking them to…wherever the hell Vacance Club is going. Because…getting off a bus in the middle of the country is infinitely better than going to the beach. Marizza points out that Lujan could just go on the trip and try and figure out who her ~benefactor~ is once they get back. I hate myself for agreeing with her. “I can’t do that! I have my dignity!” Lujan, She Who Hates Pity, says. Because wandering around the streets of Buenos Aires without any resources is definitely the dignified thing to do. Marizza points this out (stop making me agree with you, dammit!) and Lujan storms off in a huff. Pablo comes up and taps Marizza on the shoulder. “You’re Marizza, right? The celebrity daughter.” Yes, but she won’t get you an autograph, or a backstage tour, or a meeting — no, no, no, he just wants her to leave Vico alone. Huh. That’s…nice. Although misguided. Marizza immediately starts snarking on him all, “Oh, are you the He-Man rushing to her defense?” Er…yes? Maybe? Kind of?
God help me, I can actually see the resemblance.
Pablo just kind of grumbles and walks off like, dude, he was just asking. “Plastic Ken, why don’t you kill yourself,” Marizza mumblegrumbles. Because…what he did was just so offensive? Lord, I don’t like Pablo (yet) by any means, but he was like, only 10% asshole there. Anyway, Luna shows up, as do Mia and Feli. “Ugh, disgusting,” Marizza says. “I think she looks like a princess,” Luna opines. “Yeah, of Idiotland!” Marizza, do you like anything?
Manuel pops up next to Mia and Feli, and Mia tries to blow him off all, “Look, it’s nice you’re so obsessed with me, but — ” “Uh, actually, I’m here for Feli,” he says, and Feli pretty much explodes from squee. This would be sweet if it weren’t for the fact that Manuel is basically leading Feli on to get to Mia. Oh, Manuel.
Everyone gets on the bus and Mia rambles on about how she never takes the bus (horrors!) and oh, how she is suffering, like some day laborer, traveling with the philistines, and Marizza’s just like, “How do so many stupid things come out of your mouth in such a short time?” Heh. Marizza asks to sit next to Luna. Hey, where’s Lujan? “Don’t tell anyone, but she’s not coming,” except for the part where she’s right outside the bus. I guess she changed her mind? That was fast. So Lujan gets on and it seems like everyone’s all set to go but wait, someone’s missing! “Ugh, it’s the privileged one,” Vico says. (Or possibly Mia — either way, it’s an amazing lack of self-awareness.) Indeed, it’s Pilar. Marizza asks Feli who she is, because apparently they’ve both forgotten that they hate each other? Because — it’s hard to write out, but they interact like they can actually stand each other. Weird.
So Pilar shows up and off we go! We see the bus traveling the country roads, and day turns to night, while “Androgyny” by Garbage plays in the background. I question this show’s music choices sometimes. (Sometimes? All of the time.) Apparently the kids are going…to the beach! A trip that takes all day, even though…Buenos Aires is already pretty close to the sea. Maybe they’re going south? Whatever. Blah blah nighttime, shots of the dark road, all the kids are asleep on the bus. It’s kind of like the beginning of Battle Royale (and can I say, a bloodbath would improve this episode substantially). AND THEN! In the dark, a ~mysterious hand~ (it looks like Marizza’s sleeve, though) puts…some kind of can with a sparking thing attached to it behind their seat. There’s a flash and smoke goes everywhere and all the kids are coughing and geeky Marcos is probably having an asthma attack or something.
The lights come on and the can? Is behind the seat in front of Pablo. Who’s sitting in front of Pablo? Marizza. Of course. Tomás starts freaking out that someone’s attacking Pablo and Vico rushes to his side to be with her beloved, like, really? It was smoke. Pablo accuses Manuel of planting it and Manuel’s like, “Dude, I am all the way over here and also, why are you so obsessed with me?” But of course the real culprit is Marizza, who announces to Luna and Lujan that she got the firecracker (oh, so that’s what it was) from Sonia’s theater job, and she planted it on Pablo because “that fake He-Man was provoking [her]!” Er…hasn’t he spoken to her exactly once? What is your damage, Marizza? Not to mention, she’s speaking really loud. I’m not sure how no one on that tiny-ass bus is hearing her.
Over at the theater, Sonia has a mental collapse because she misses Marizza. “I can’t exist without her!” Pepa is like, “Eh, Marizza’s tough, she’s fine.” “Oh, you don’t know! Marizza acts tough, but inside, she’s softer than a kiwi!” Are we referring to the fruit, the bird, or people from New Zealand?
The next day at breakfast. Mia and Vico aren’t ~speaking~ to Feli, for no good reason that I can think of. Because she sat next to Manuel on the bus? Are we forgetting that Mia knows that Vico was badmouthing her? How has this show managed to lose all sense of continuity in only three episodes? Anyway, Feli is left alone with her orange juice and croissants. Mmm, croissants. Some bland dude introduces himself to the club as Mauro, the person that’s essentially in charge of them during the vacation. Marizza is slack-jawed. “How can one person be so hot?” What? He’s not that attractive. Marizza needs standards. Mauro tells them that they should forget about homework and tests, which I think should be easy because it’s summer vacation. Does nobody remember that?
Over at the next table, Pablo watches Manuel (…yeah) and fumes. He and Tomás plot to get revenge when the group goes down to the beach. Guido pops up and desperately tries to make conversation. I’m kind of embarrassed for him. Pablo runs off to take a phone call, but not to worry, Guido can talk to Tomás. He’s a great person, really! Tomás is looking at Pablo like, I would punch you if you weren’t a more important character than I am.
On the phone with Papa Bustamante! A car is on its way to pick Pablo up to take him to his community service (in the ghetto! *scare chord*). Pablo agrees but adds to please, please make sure no one finds out about this. ~ominous~
On the…not the beach. A river? The river…right next to the beach? Okay, sure. Geeky Marcos is kayaking, because…I guess that’s his hobby? He looks more like a sit-inside-and-play-games-on-his-Nintendo type, but you know, whatever. Manuel and Nico run up to greet him. I’m not sure how they knew where he was, but again, whatever. Nico tells Marcos that he never thanked Manuel for sticking up for him earlier. Marcos is like, “Thanks, but can you not?” and books it. Nico and Manuel are just like, “What is his deal?” Speaking of people whose deals we are questioning, Guido and Tomás run up and trip Marcos because his existence offends them or something. Manuel and Nico, since Marcos doesn’t want them ~defending~ him anymore, turn away from this scene and see Mia and Vico walking along, in their bikinis, in slooooow-mooootion. “I want to kidnap them,” Nico sighs, because he says the weirdest things. “And you’re with that fatty? You know, I don’t think you actually like her. You’re with her for another reason.” Huh. Well…he’s not wrong. But also: really, Nico? I don’t like you.
(Manuel: “And I think you have an overactive imagination. Why don’t you send in some scripts for a soap opera?” Oh, Manuel, if only you knew.)
Vico sees Pablo leaving to go to his community service and tries to get his attention. He runs away from her. Ha!
Luna, Lujan, and Marizza are also chilling out and sunbathing, although Lujan wants to go swimming. But no, Marizza is determined to lie out in her bikini until Mauro notices her, because who cares about the age of consent? (Which…is actually 13 in Argentina, as long as the minor doesn’t have a problem with it, which Marizza clearly does not. I’m mildly annoyed that Argentina’s penal code is ruining all the age-of-consent jokes I was planning to make.) Anyway, Mauro walks past and Marizza hops up to follow him. They stop at the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean and just…stand there, like, whatever. Mauro’s not even looking at the view, he’s sort of studiously staring off to the left, ignoring Marizza, who’s pulling down her bikini straps and doing a wiggly dance of not-exactly-underage seduction. After a few moments of staring at absolutely nothing, Mauro’s like, “See you” and peaces out. Marizza fumes.
Lujan and Luna witness this failure and come to give Marizza advice. Luna tells her to be more subtle. Lujan tells her to give up (ILU Lujan). And can they go swimming now? Nope, because Marizza can’t swim. I sense another wacky plot coming up. Luna says that she’d go in with “you” (I’m not sure if she’s addressing Marizza or Lujan), but there’s no one else in the ocean, and she doesn’t want anyone looking. “That’s my problem!” moans Marizza. “Everyone looks at me! Except the teacher who shouldn’t be looking at me anyway!” I feel like, perhaps, Marizza and Mia are more alike than they’d like to admit. “Wait, I have an idea,” Marizza says. Oh, Lord. “I’m going swimming!” (Lujan: “YES!”) “Alone!” Luna and Lujan are like, didn’t we just establish that you don’t know how? Ohhh, but see, Mauro is also a lifeguard and…nothing is sexier than drowning? If she wants him to give her mouth to mouth, I’d like to direct her to this TV Tropes article.
Meanwhile, down on the sand, Mauro is trying to convince Mia and Vico to get in the water possibly because he wants to skeeve on them (what? he gives me creep vibes), but ew, no, the ocean is gross. Pilar comes up and introduces herself (God, does she want to get into Mauro’s pants too? HE IS NOT THAT CUTE), but she won’t go into the ocean either. That’s okay, because Marizza goes in and Mauro is impressed that at least one of the girls isn’t terrified of salt water. (Marizza’s inner monologue: God, I hate water. It’s freezing out here. Fuck the ocean. Ha!) Anyway, she tries to put her drowning plan into motion, but figures that it can’t be too close to shore, otherwise he’ll realize it’s fake and/or pull her out too fast for her to cop a feel while he’s saving her. So she wades in further, and you know where this is going, don’t you? Sure enough, she goes under. So she’s just sort of bobbing up and down there while Luna and Lujan watch (“Um, I think she’s actually drowning.” “Eh, don’t worry, Luna, she said she’d just pretend.” Oh, Lujan.)
On shore, Mauro looks up and says, “I think that girl is asking for help!” Really. Mauro’s not very smart, is he? Shirtless saving time it is! Overdramatic music plays as he runs like, five feet into the water to grab Marizza and then the camera lingers on the two of them flailing around for way longer than it has to (especially considering all you can see is two mops of wet hair occasionally popping out of the water before going under again). Commercial break!
~REBELDE WAAAAAY~…and we’re back! Mauro carries Marizza’s lifeless body to shore. The class gathers round. The dramatic strings saw away in the background. The camera wobbles and seriously, dude, it’s giving me a headache. Mauro performs CPR on her, which I’m sure she would have been thrilled about if she were actually conscious. Lujan keeps shrieking “Breathe, Marizza, breathe!”, because that’s really going to help, Lujan. Anyway, Marizza comes around and spits out some water (what, no vomiting?) while Lujan rubs her thigh. I mean, just letting you know.
Back in Sonialand, Pepa discovers that Sonia’s gone…somewhere.
Feli on some grassy hill. “Ohmmmm…I don’t care that Mia isn’t speaking to me…ohmmmm…” The best kind of meditation! She’s about to eat something (sigh) when Manuel comes up to hang out with her. Aw. Manuel can be pretty sweet, when he’s not being fantastically creepy. He tries to drag her down to the beach and she’s like, “No, no, the beach is bad! Sand gives me hives! I have melanoma! I’m allergic to water! Also I forgot my swimsuit at home.” (Liar!) She insists that Manuel go off and have fun without her. Feli’s kind of shooting herself in the foot here. Manuel, never missing a chance to stalk Mia, decides to stay with Feli and get information from her. Feli exposits that Mia’s kind of spoiled, because Papa Colucci makes up for his terrible parenting by buying her lots of stuff. Papa Colucci? That’s a subject Manuel would like to hear more about! We find out that he travels a lot, has a shitton of money, and owns a house in Buenos Aires right next to the school. He lives right there and never visits Mia? That’s cold. Wait, so does that mean that he doesn’t care about Mia and wouldn’t be bothered by Manuel steamrolling over her heart? No, no, Mia is his world! “But you’re probably bored, listening to me talking about my friends.” Manuel is like, “No, no, not at all! Really, not at all.” Run, Feli. You don’t want to be alone with this dude.
(Sidebar: Feli tells Manuel that Mia was supposed to go to Venice this summer. Except a few episodes ago, she said that she was going to Poland. Even Sweet Valley kept up the pretense of continuity longer than this.)
Also, it’s been a while since we’ve heard from Pablo, so let’s check on him. The Bustamantemobile pulls up to the ghetto! Pablo calls his dad, whining that he can’t get off here, there are poor people here! And Papa B is like, “Your life is so hard. STFU.” I…am agreeing with Pablo’s douche father? I feel dirty.
Marizza, Lujan, and Luna. Marizza is pretty much almost completely recovered, or at least recovered enough to ask whether or not Mauro’s been ~asking~ about her. I’m glad you have priorities, Marizza. Anyway, the whole “school” (re: everyone in Vacance Club, re: re: all the characters with speaking parts) is talking about her, which pleases her: “Marizza Pia Spirito never goes anywhere unnoticed!” Again: Marizza and Mia, not so different. A knock comes at the door, and lo, it’s Mauro, bearing ice cream! Mmm, ice cream. Lujan and Luna leave, because leaving an instructor alone in a bedroom with a 15-year-old girl (who’s still in her bikini) is definitely not gross. Once they leave, Marizza bursts into tears and Mauro moves to sit next to her on the bed and hugs her and, just, Mauro really isn’t too bright, is he?
Pablo. A priest dude comes out and thanks Pablo for showing up, always need more help, etc. The priest is a lot younger than most of the priests you see on TV, just throwing it out there. Anyway, Pablo tries to pay him off and the priest is like, “…no. But thanks for the money, we need it.” Hee. Pablo, still not getting it, is like, “You took my bribe, so…I can go?” and the priest is like, “No, were you even listening?” Pablo is like, “Father, no offense, but have you seen the environment here?” And the priest is like, “No, I work here every day and I’ve never seen the environment.” And then he lectures Pablo about being a spoiled asshole making generalizations. I like this priest. Anyway, he sets Pablo onto his first task: playing football (soccer) with the kids! Pablo looks really disgruntled about it, but I think he got off easy. When I did volunteering, my jobs were making sandwiches and trying to keep the kids from killing each other.
So Pablo gets out onto the field and fucks up from the very start. The priest leaves Pablo to manage the kids, as you do when you are in charge of a whole institution, Pablo, and Pablo is all “YOU’RE LEAVING?!” and the kids are just staring at him like, this dude is an asshole. And instead of dividing them up into teams or telling them that he likes football or being likeable in any way at all, he just yells at them to grab a ball and start playing, what, do you think I’m here to take care of you? (I should add that, like, all the kids’ parents and older siblings are hanging around the field, watching.) Anyway, some kid throws the ball at Pablo’s head (ha!) and Pablo grabs some other kid and starts yelling at him while the hapless kid is just like I DIDN’T DO IT OH GOD PUT ME DOWN STOP PULLING MY EAR. And then the kid’s older brother runs up and grabs Pablo by the collar all HOW DARE YOU YELL AT MY BROTHER I WILL PUT YOU IN THE CEMETERY. And then the priest has to run up and keep Pablo from getting his ass kicked. “HE IS INVADING OUR PROPERTY!” yells the older brother, even though…I’m pretty sure they’re on the church’s property right now. But whatever. Anyway, Overly Angry Older Brother leaves in a huff, dragging his little brother with him. “Are you okay?” the priest asks Pablo. “No! No one can be okay here!” Oh, shut up.
Manuel, alone on the beach, writing down the information he gleaned from Feli in a little notebook. “Hola Manu!” Luna bounces up (I think I’ve used that description for her before, but whatever, it always fits). “What are you doing?” “Um…writing…in a diary…” A diary of vengeance. “Really? I do that too!” Luna squeals. Somehow, Luna, I doubt Manuel’s diary is anything like yours. Anyway, blah blah she tells Manuel about Flor. “You have a little sister?” Manuel asks, and I was like, 99% sure he was going to, you know, mention his tiny sister from the first episode. But nope, who cares about her! He switches the topic to their classmates. Luna tells him (and us) that Marizza has somehow switched rooms so now she’s rooming with her and Lujan. “Marizza is chida,” Manuel says. (“Chida” meaning cool, great, fun, etc.) Luna sort of blinks at him like, what? Manuel and his wacky Mexicanisms! (This is, by the way, one of the only ways the show ever acknowledges that Manuel is from Mexico.)
Anyway. Luna starts to go in on Manuel for taking Pablo’s bait (“Can’t you see he’s picking a fight with you?” “That idiot can pick whatever he wants with me.” Unf), and he’s like, “Whatever, he’s not even here.” Hey, you know who else isn’t here? Feli. “Yeah, she forgot her swimsuit,” Manuel says. “Really? I think she brought it,” says Luna, queen of plot contrivance. “Marizza saw it! She said it looked like a circus tent!” and she dissolves into giggles. Mocking fat people is so fun! I hate everyone right now.
(Manuel, to his credit, just side-eyes Luna until she stops laughing.)
Back in the Bedroom of Teacher-Student Bikini Seduction, Marizza picks at the ice cream while crying to Mauro that Sonia never has time for her, she’s always traveling…it’s like she loves her career more than her daughter! Except none of the above is true, Marizza. “Yeah, but there must be some advantages…like travelling!” derps Mauro. Then he holds her hand. God, he’s dumb.
Feli is…drinking a milkshake. Really, show? Why do you go there? Anyway, Manuel shows up and throws her swimsuit at her and is like, “So, look what I found.” Feli’s like, “Where did you get that?” Yeah, Manuel, where did you get that? “It’s not important,” says Manuel. (Re: “I broke into your room and went through all your stuff until I found this, all because freaking Luna mentioned that you might have brought it along.”) Anyway, she tells him that she’s fat, ugly, undeserving of swimwear, etc. Manuel’s like, ~I think you’re beautiful~, which is somewhere between sweet and creepy. Sweepy? Pleased that a main character thinks she’s attractive, Feli bounces off to change. Angeles Balbiani looks really pretty in this scene, by the way. I feel like I should throw that out there since everyone else is always calling Feli ugly.
(Also, I’m not sure whether to think it’s nice that Manuel is genuinely sweet to Feli, or to be annoyed that she has to be constantly validated by someone else, particularly a dude.)
Mia and Vico on the beach. Mia has sent a fax to her father, telling him…something. It’ll probably come up again. Or not. Vico still hasn’t seen Pablo (because he’s been in the ghetto!). Marizza and Mauro come up and Marizza is all, “Thanks for worrying about me after I nearly drowned,” and flounces off like, whatever, Marizza. You were fine. Mia glares after her. “I hope she realizes that nobody pays attention to her here!” Except for all the people coming up and saying that they’re glad she’s recovered. Oop. Marizza makes an announcement: “A round of applause for the teacher who saved the star!” Wait, is she referring to herself as a star? Sigh.
(Mia: “I hate her so much I’m afraid I’ll get pimples on my face!” Pimples of anger.)
Anyway, Vico challenges Mia to go steal Mauro from Marizza. (That is a lot of Ms.) So Mia stalks off and “Bonita de más” starts playing in the background, and the fourth wall is shattered and falls into the sea. But really, the whole class bursts into choreographed dance (to a song performed by themselves), Mia dances with Mauro but then Marizza grabs him back, then Manuel and Feli show up and start dancing together and Mia is alone, so very alone.
Then a plane shows up and the music stops and everyone pretends that that didn’t just happen. O…kay. And who is in the plane? Sonia Rey, of course! Come to visit the daughter that she totally doesn’t care about! (I can’t be sure, since it’s a long shot, but I am pretty sure Lujan is clutching at Luna, just saying.) She starts handing out gifts and autographs and cooing to the class that she loves them, just loves them, and Marizza is like, Fuck everything.
Papa Colucci’s…office? House? Peter the chauffer finds a fax waiting from Mia. We’re not told what it’s about, but Peter says “Ay Dios mío” in the flattest voice ever, so…I’m guessing it’s hilarious bad.
Pablo leaves the ghetto! and gets jumped by the Angry Older Brother and his friends from earlier. He kind of deserves it though, for wearing such douchey sunglasses.
Yeah…no.
Anyway, they pin Pablo to the wall and they have knives and shit, so this isn’t going to end well. Man, Pablo’s having a rough week.
(Also, bloopers: Luna fucks up a line and Marizza and Lujan laugh. And then there’s like, ten seconds of Mia/Luisana Lopilato hanging around in her bikini for fanservice no reason that I can think of.)
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