Rebelde Way Quarterly Report, Quarter 3

Welcome to the halfway point of season 2, dudes! We’re officially 3/4ths of the way through this show! Let’s see how it’s going. 

~*~THE REBELDE WAY QUARTERLY REPORT~*~

So, uh, this has been…an interesting reintroduction to the world of Rebelde Way. Is that the right word? I have to begrudgingly admit that season 1 was better overall, although the good things about season 2 are such improvements that I would still rather watch episodes from this season instead. Namely, Marizza is way, way less of a spoiled brat. Honestly, I don’t really enjoy watching season 1 episodes, because nearly every episode has her acting like a heinous person and getting away with it. That said, season 1 was much more fun and the guys were less douchey. The drama in season 2 isn’t nearly as trashy or lighthearted, and the show just isn’t equipped to handle the dark shit it’s trying to bring up. Like, “teen telenovela that exists to sell Cris Morena merchandise” is not the avenue for discussing deep social issues.

In honor of the amount of partner-switching that went on, let’s rank the couples that have appeared in this season!

Rebelde Way Couples of Season 2, Ranked

26. Manuel and Mia. I almost wish there were more couples from this season, just so I could drop Manuel and Mia even further down the list. MANUEL IS THE WORST. Their relationship this season was a trainwreck from beginning to end (or, well, up until this point, since we still have another 90 episodes to go). It started with Manuel stranding them on an island, Lord of the Flies-style, then he spent the entirety of the school year pressuring her to sleep with him, then he cheated on her, then he threatened to rape her, and despite it all he still thinks he deserves her forgiveness. For Mia’s part, she let Manuel languish in jail because she thought he might have stolen her dad’s money (that…he has access to through his job with Papa C, and also his relationship with her). It’s a much more minor transgression compared to everything that came after, but still worth nothing. All this season has done is proven that Manuel and Mia shouldn’t be together, for the sake of the mental health of everyone involved, including me.

25. Martavio and Sonia. When going through my pasts posts looking for couples that have happened this season, I was reminded that I initially kind of liked Martavio (he called Marizza a spoiled rich girl, and it was amazing). But those days are over, my friends. I now hate Martavio with my entire being. He’s an entitled dick who rocks back into his daughter’s life after 15 years of absence, and is absolutely SHOCKED that Sonia and Marizza don’t want to hand him full custody. He also has zero classroom management skills. Martavio doesn’t deserve happiness. Let this be a cautionary tale about sleeping with guys who save you from suicide in the desert.

24. Papa B and Ines. Actually not really a remarkable couple in any way, except A) I never want to think about Papa B in a romantic context ever, and B) their relationship introduced Javier to the show, which is enough to land them here.

23. Javier and Marizza. Not technically a couple, but they’re getting there. Javier is a whiny punk-ass baby, and watching Marizza believe all his obvious lies about having a brain condition is exhausting. He’s only been on the show for like twenty episodes, and his M.O. of acting like a dick and then turning around and pretending that he’s injured every five minutes is already old. Does anyone like Javier? Not even his own mother likes him.

22. Guido and Augustina. Everything about this relationship is tragic. Guido is too old to be dating thirsty sophomores. Augustina crying herself to sleep over GUIDO is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. They’re both annoying as hell, so they probably deserve each other, but otherwise, I can’t wait for them to break up. I hope Augustina’s father, Nicolas Cage, beats Guido up when they do.

21. Manuel and Nulieta. Manuel deserves no love, and Nulieta had no personality, like most of the false romantic leads on this show. It was kind of hilarious that she had no qualms about macking on Manuel in Mia’s bed, though.

20. Pablo and Vero. She also had no personality and Pablo was just using her to make Marizza jealous. I don’t even remember what she looked like.

19. Guido and Vico. Guido actually wasn’t a total douchebag during this relationship, but he doesn’t deserve happiness and he and Vico had no chemistry.

18. Andres and Sonia. LOL remember Andres? Anyway, Andres was a total mooch and I don’t even remember why he left the show. Sonia annoys me sometimes but she can do better.

17. Andres and Maria Jesus. I actually can’t remember if they really dated or if Maria Jesus was just really thirsty for him, which is embarrassing. You’re cute, Maria Jesus. Love yourself. That said, at least Maria Jesus was also a tertiary character, so her relationship with Andres wasn’t as clearly a stalling tactic like Sonia’s was.

16. Marizza and Ivan. Ivan was basically a proto-Javier — he had a very weird, stalkery relationship to Marizza before they got together, and when she was on the verge of breaking up with him, he pretended to have a heart attack. Ivan was terrible, but this relationship was thankfully short-lived, and he disappeared into the bowels of Elite Way School, where all the forgotten characters are kept.

15. Francisco and Laura. Laura is boring as all get-out, and I have never cared anything less than I care about Francisco’s sex life. I care more about classmates I haven’t seen since high school than I care about Francisco’s sex life.

14. Pablo and Sol. Ah, Pablo’s brief foray into trying to be his dad. Pablo and Sol both shamelessly used each other, which would’ve been more amusing if Pablo hadn’t been creepy about it. Pablo also tried to coerce her into dating him by getting her an introduction to a modeling agent, which meant that we had to hear about Sol’s modeling ~career~ for like ten episodes in a row. Nobody cares. It was a relief when they broke up, like when Anthony Weiner’s wife divorced him. Pablo wasn’t sending dick pics to underage girls, but I feel like Papa B’s definitely done it.

13. Marcos and Laura. Points for not being as overtly abusive as the relationships below them, points docked for being criminally boring (and also for Marcos being an asshole).

12. Marcos and Lujan. Fucking Marcos. I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for you! I loved him and Lujan so much in season 1, and then he went from zero to asshole in the first five minutes of season 2. He spent all his time berating his orphaned girlfriend for being kind of clingy (her entire family is dead, Marcos! She has attachment issues!), and also yelled at her every time she expressed any kind of concern for his mother. The only reason they’re above Marcos/Laura is because their constant fighting at least gave me something to watch.

11. Feli and Leo. This relationship gave me whiplash. First Leo was into Sol! Then he actually seemed to be into Feli and was really nice to her! Then he ditched her for Sol the second Sol showed interest in him. Fuck Leo forever. The early days of their relationship were kind of cute though, so I give them points.

10. Marcos and Fernanda. They’re both objectively terrible people, but damn, not even Fernanda deserves to be on the receiving end of Marcos’s insecure assholery. That said, this was Marcos’s longest-lasting relationship so far, and he managed to behave like a semi-decent human being for 2/3rds of it.

9. Tomás and Sol. A bad part of me kind of enjoys watching Tomás get jerked around by girls who are smarter than him (admittedly, that’s…all of them). The back-and-forth of their relationship got old after a while, though. Like, I can only watch Sol decide that Tomás is integral to her revenge plans for whatever reason so many times.

8. Maria Jesus and Blas. I’m not going to lie, I enjoy(ed? Are they still together?) their villainous relationship. I mean, they’re both terrible people, but I can’t blame either of them for wanting to lay waste to Elite Way and everyone else who works there.

7. Manuel and Sabrina. It might be controversial to have them up so high, but honestly? They deserve each other. Sabrina’s machinations are also so ridiculous that they go right back around to being hilarious. I admire how she figured out Manuel’s weaknesses and then exploited them for all they’re worth. Plus, like, she survived leukemia. If it makes her happy to have Manuel and take him off everyone else’s hands, I think we should let her.

6. Diego and Marizza. Diego was cheating on her the whole time, but they mostly got along, and he…wasn’t overtly a jerk? That’s the standard we’re going on here. I can’t say they were “cute” in any sense, but he cross-dressed for her and stuck up for her every now and again. As far as false romantic leads go, Diego was perfectly serviceable and not a walking pile of garbage like most boys on this show.

5. Pablo and Lola. Real talk, Pablo agreeing to be Lola’s boyfriend to help her save face was pretty sweet of him. He vacillates between being nice to her and being a total jerkface, so I hesitate to put them anywhere higher than here. That said, when their relationship leans more towards the “partners in crime” vibe, I actually like them together.

4. Sonia and Papa C. Points docked for trying to have a ~secret relationship~ as ENGAGED ADULTS, but otherwise I love them. I’m so glad they’re finally together and not fighting constantly, mostly because the show always made it seem like Papa C trying to set boundaries for his child was wrong, and it was killing me softly. Now that they’re together, they spend most of their time making out, and I don’t have to hear Sonia’s wrong opinions on parenting nearly as often. Their wacky woman/uptight man schtick is the stuff ’90s romantic comedies were made of, and their dramatic run to each other in a restaurant parking lot has got to be in the Top 10 moments of this show.

3. Pablo and Marizza. Ugh, these kids. They’re equal parts painful and enjoyable to watch — both Pablo and Marizza do a lot of growing this season, which includes figuring it out with each other. They’ve both acted like assholes, and the show actually shows some nuance in letting them both be in the wrong — but they also come through for each other when it matters. Their fumbling attempts to confess to each other are also always sweet and hilarious — God bless Pablo putting candles in his dorm room in open violation of fire codes like a total dork. We love a couple that shows actual growth and realistic adolescent awkwardness. Also, like…they actually have stuff in common? They both like music and have bad family situations (although Pablo’s is worse than Marizza’s, you have to admit). Like, LOL, what did Manuel and Mia even talk about?

Points docked, however, for Marizza’s willingness to stroke the ego of Pablo’s 30-year-old half-brother who she met like two weeks ago. HE PRETENDED TO BE BLIND TO GRAB YOUR BOOB, MARIZZA. PABLO NEVER DISRESPECTED YOU LIKE THAT.

2. Rocco and Vico. A relationship where both parties get along and care about each other? I, for one, am shocked. This season has actually been pretty single-focus with these two, which means that they don’t have any cheating scandals to mar their relationship. Rocco’s a little pushy and heavy-handed about Vico’s home situation, but otherwise they’re pretty sweet together. Like Pablo and Marizza, they actually have stuff in common (being emo), and have a solid friendship with which to build a relationship on. That said, I hope they’re going to get into Rocco’s ~dark backstory~ soon, because having Vico constantly feel like she owes him for being her benevolent savior is starting to get weird, tonally.

1. Pilar and Tomás. Damn, you guys, I don’t want to love them so much, but I do. I’m such a sucker for loser girls and popular boys together, and Tomás and Pilar push that button exactly. I want to hold Bariloche against him so badly, but I figure it’s probably better for my mental health to just pretend that stretch of episodes never happened. I mean, that’s what the show’s going to do, anyway.

Let’s check back in on my predictions from last year. Everything that came true is bolded.

• Random Amanda will disappear into the ether — Yup! We never see or hear from her again. Who was she? No one knows!
• Marizza will break up with Simon, but will have another boyfriend before getting back together with Pablo — Marizza and Pablo haven’t gotten back together (yet), but she’s gone out with Diego and will have let Javier grope her like 80 times before she and Pablo make up.
• Belen will become even more of a backdrop character than she is now — Wow, this was the exact opposite of correct! Random Amanda’s disappearance meant that Belen now gets way more screentime, although she still has no personality.
• Feli’s eating disorder is officially “cured” and will never be mentioned again — Wrong-ish. It’s still loosely mentioned, but everyone has gone back to not worrying about her eating habits at all.
• They’ll get some new teachers, but none of them will be an ethics teacher, leading us to assume that only Mansilla could have taught that class and now it’s just been totally removed from the curriculum, because why not — Yup! None of the kids ever take ethics ever again! Martavio is clearly meant to be the New Mansilla, except worse because he’s a stalkery hypocrite. And doesn’t even have a teaching license.
• Pablo will never get some ever again. Guido will get more action than he will, and it will be shameful — Pablo is still getting laid with girls who don’t love themselves, but he’s less involved in Guido and Tomás’s shenanigans, thank God. Guido remains terrible.
• Blas will send dick pics to a ton of underage girls in the school and still not get fired — Okay, this is kind of unfair because obviously Blas didn’t actually send dick pics to anyone (because this is 2003 and cell phones don’t have cameras yet). But he still got creepily involved with Manuel’s arrest in an attempt to get back with Mia, so I’m counting it. And of course, he still has yet to be removed from the school despite his incredible creeptastic-ness.

Predictions for next season:

• Despite his actual abusive behavior this season, Mia and Manuel will get back together, and Mia will eventually lose her virginity to him.
• Feli will shuffle through four (4) more boys who will ignominiously dump her for no real reason, before she finally finds a permanent boyfriend at the very end.
• Everyone will clutch their pearls over Vico’s dad, but what actually happens to her home life will be left vague and weird. We’ll never find out if she ends up homeless or living by herself or what.
• Guido and Tomás’s adorable moms will appear together again (I WANT TO BELIEVE).
• Everyone in fourth year will lose their virginity by the end of the season.
• Marcos’s affection for horseback riding will never be mentioned ever again.
• Belen and Fernanda will run away together.
• They will go the next 90 episodes without even saying Nico, Luna, or anyone else from season 1’s name ever again.