Previously on Rebelde Way: All the boys are jerks! Wait, that could describe literally any episode of this show.
Marizza pushes Javier off of her. He’s like, “What are you gonna do, hit me?” and Marizza says, “No, I’m not going to hit you.” Then she kicks him in the crotch. HA! Suffer, Javier. Then she takes him and his douchey friend’s skateboards and throws them in the street. Oh, Marizza. I love when you use your crazy for good.
Back at Pablo’s apartment, we have gotten to see absolutely none of Manuel’s conversation with Sabrina, because that would require this show to ever show us anything interesting. Instead, he BSes to Mia that he only called Sabrina in the first place because her dad asked her to, and she was just calling him back, and this whole thing has absolutely nothing to do with them sleeping together because Manuel would never. “You’re so good,” Mia tells him, and gushes that she loves him. NOOO, MIA. Mia wants to go look for Sabrina, and Manuel tries to distract her by telling her that his test results are in, and he’s waiting to hear if he’s clean. Soon they’ll know if they can have sex or not! It’s not too late for you to back out, Mia!
Pablo comes back, not having found Marizza. The rest of Erreway frets about her, like she’s really in danger instead of out terrorizing jerky teenage boys. Seriously, guys, she went for a walk in the city she lives in. Chill out.
Sol yells at Feli for stealing Leo from her. Instead of standing up for herself because LOL has Feli ever done that ever, Feli begs her forgiveness and wails that she didn’t mean to. For fuck’s sake, Feli! Sol snarls that she’ll never forgive Feli and storms out.
Night falls, and Lujan is still googling Blas. Imagine the telephone bill she’s running up right now. Dial-up wasn’t cheap, guys! Also, why is she researching right where Blas can see her? Doesn’t she have a laptop? Whatever. Laura comes by to product place some chips and it takes like two minutes during which absolutely nothing important is said. Then Diego comes in, looking for Marizza. Lujan snaps at him that it’s too late. What? I thought you were gonna punch him, Lujan. You’re letting me down.
Martavio is over at Sonia’s house, and she tells him that she’s going to tell Marizza about her parentage “the first chance [she gets].” So…in like eighty episodes? I won’t hold my breath. Sonia admits that she was a bit of a jerk to Martavio. No, Sonia! He’s the weirdo that got a job in your daughter’s school just to stalk her! Marizza walks in and Martavio and Sonia get ready to tell her, but she snaps that her day is not going great, and walks out again.
Dunoff asks Sol and Fernanda where Pilar is. They chirp that she’s in the bar, and Dunoff’s like, “At this hour?” Fernanda advises him to knock on the door before he enters, because Pilar might not be alone.
And Pilar isn’t alone, because she’s hanging out with Tomás. He’s talking her through her parents’ fighting, and Dunoff walks in right as he’s putting his arm around her. Yikes! Tomás bails the second he sees Dunoff. Poor Pilar. Tomás is pretty, but I hope she wasn’t expecting him to have any backbone. Dunoff tells Pilar that he doesn’t want her dating anyone from fourth year. Pilar’s like, “…I’m also in fourth year, Dad.” Heh. He snaps that the fourth year are a bunch of degenerates — aw, I was really hoping he’d say that they’re ~rebelde~ — and Pilar snaps at him to let her live her life, man. “I’m so alone,” Dunoff mutters. Hee!
Some people ain’t loyal.
Pablo and Mia come back to school, sans Manuel, because he’s gone off to find Sabrina. Oh, Mia, you don’t know what you’ve done. Pablo’s pissed at Marizza for storming out of practice, and snaps that she’s not the only person in the world with problems. He’s not wrong. Mia says she’ll go fix things. Then one of the rando Uruguayan girls from the bar — who’s been hiding behind a pillar this whole time, apparently? — beckons to Pablo and tells him that she feels real bad about helping get him beat up. Pablo literally is like, “Oh, that’s fine, let’s go get a drink” because he is weak as hell. Then he…randomly plants a kiss on her? WHAT IS WITH ALL THESE DUDES KISSING WOMEN WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION? Anyway, the Uruguayan girl wants to go out dancing tomorrow. Pablo’s penis agrees.
He goes back to his room and tells Guido and Tomás that they’re invited out to party with a bunch of Uruguayan girls. Tomás is like, “Well, Guido can’t go, because he got bought back into a relationship by a CD player.” Heh. Tomás is sassy. Guido assures Pablo that he’ll lie to Augustina so that he can cheat on her, and Pablo’s all, “Good plan!” Pablo, you are making it very hard to like you right now. You’re lucky my options are so limited with this show.
Lujan is still googling or Netscaping or Altavista-ing or whatever. We’re treated to a montage of her slumped over at the computer. Well, Lujan, you’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t read the results. Maybe she thinks the computer will read the results to her, because that would be futuristic. She finally finds something that makes her say, “No puede ser!”
The next day, Hilda brings Marizza a healthy breakfast, and Marizza whines that she doesn’t want healthy food. I mean, healthy food is gross, but damn, be nicer to the old lady bringing you food. Sonia comes in and takes over, and Marizza admits to her that Diego was cheating on her. Sonia comforts her, and says that Marizza was just using Diego to get over Pablo anyway. Marizza’s like, “Pfft, that would imply that I like Pablo, which I TOTALLY DON’T.”
Mia gushes to Feli that she should stop worrying about with Sol and get with Leo. He’s the jean jacket guy of her dreams! Oh my God, are they still on about that? Literally this entire plot with Leo revolves around the fact that the girls held some kind of seance (I don’t even remember anymore) where Feli heard that her ~dream man~ wears a denim jacket, and then Leo showed up wearing a denim jacket and Feli was convinced that he was her prophesied boyfriend. LITERALLY THAT’S WHERE THIS WHOLE PLOT COMES FROM. It’s 2003, Feli! Lots of guys were wearing denim jackets!
I love this show, but thinking too hard about anything that happens hurts me, guys.
Anyway, Mia encourages Feli to think about her own happiness instead of Sol’s. Okay, but are we forgetting that Leo’s also a fuckboy who stopped hanging out with Feli the second Sol showed any interest in him? Whatever. Vico thinks this is stupid. Same, girl.
Feli shows Mia all the money she raised selling raffle tickets, and Mia’s like, “OMG, it’s soooo much money!” This is not unnoticed by Vico. They invite her out to go shopping, but she shoots them down.
Pilar has breakfast with Mama D and tells her that she doesn’t like any of the boys at school, despite Dunoff finding her in the cafeteria with Tomás. And also Pilar’s giant crush on Tomás, but whatever. Dunoff comes by and tries to insert himself in their talk, and Pilar yells at them that she can’t stand them anymore and runs off. Mama D tells Dunoff that she can’t deal with being married to him anymore, and Dunoff agrees to a divorce, as long as Pilar stays with him. Mama D says Pilar can choose. If Pablo wasn’t such a jerk, I’d suggest Pilar go to him for advice about choosing between your parents who are trying to use you as a pawn.
Then Gloria comes in and tells Dunoff that Etchamendi is calling about the rugby team. Wow, Gloria, if you had just come in five minutes earlier, we would’ve been spared this whole scene.
Papa C comes to see Sonia, not knowing Marizza is also there. He quickly BSes that he’s here to yell at her about the whole rugby coach thing, and is totally not here because they’re dating, not at all. Marizza gets tired of their drama and says she’s going back to school.
Manuel comes back to school as well, and tells Mia that he convinced Sabrina to manage the band again. Why…is this a good thing? She’s going to blow up your secret relationship, Manuel! “How did you do it?” Mia asks. Oh, Mia, you don’t want to know the answer to that. Manuel actually does seem pretty shifty about it, but he just tells Mia that he stroked Sabrina’s ego until she agreed to come back.
Gloria comes by and tells Manuel that he has mail from a lab. “Go on, open it!” she chirps. Uh, Gloria, Manuel’s medical results aren’t any of your business, STD-wise or not. He says he’d rather read them alone, which makes Mia all emo.
Marizza comes back to school, and Lujan’s like, “Ready to get revenge on Diego?” She shows Marizza a snake in a box (that Lujan just…has lying around, for some reason?) and chirps that they’re going to show it to Diego and freak him out. Marizza’s like, “You know me so well!”
Mia talks Feli into calling Leo, and Feli leaves him a message. At least the message isn’t too thirsty, which I guess is the most I can ask for, since Feli seems determined not to take my advice and find a better boyfriend.
Vico’s dad comes to see her at school, and Gloria’s all, “I’ll just leave you two to have a nice talk!” Gloria, you’re going to pick NOW of all times to not be all up in the kids’ business? Vico’s dad tells her that he needs money. Vico tries to blow him off, and he starts jerking her around and snaps that if she doesn’t get him the money, Something Bad will happen.
All the kids go to class. Pablo tries to chew Marizza out for ditching rehearsal, and Marizza’s like, “Leave me alone, I’m in the middle of relationship drama right now.” Speaking of, then Diego rocks up, and Marizza passive-aggressives him out of existence.
Javier and his Friend With the Eyebrows walk to whatever douchey prep school they go to. Eyebrow Friend is all upset over their skateboards, but Javier says his mom will just buy them new ones. Eyebrow Friend is like, “That girl is crazy, man,” and Javier says, “Have some respect for my future girlfriend!” Ew. Run, Marizza. Javier has a plan (or something) to make Marizza his, which involves calling Papa B so that he can infiltrate Elite Way. You know, Javier, they pretty much just let people waltz in there whenever they want, so I don’t know why you’re bothering with this.
Etchamendi tells Dunoff that Elite Way is out of the tournament. Dunoff’s like, “But how!” They didn’t even finish that game with the Uruguayans! Etchamendi says that they’re in trouble for locking the coach in a car, and Dunoff tries to point out that the Uruguayans were playing dirty. Etchamendi’s like, “Not important!” because as far as I can tell he actually has zero loyalty to this school, despite being on its board. Etchamendi sighs that it’s a good thing Lujan has won an award, so that Elite Way can keep its reputation. Dunoff’s like, “I didn’t hear anything about that,” to which Etchamendi says, “I’m not surprised.” Heh. But also, I didn’t know anything about that, either, because it literally has never come up until just now.
Back in class, Mia keeps looking over at Manuel, and he keeps telling her to calm down. Meanwhile, Feli is fantasizing about Leo, because she learned absolutely nothing from the past few episodes. Lujan is fantasizing about Blas ending up in jail. What a coincidence, Lujan! Me too!
Vico thinks about stealing the raffle money for her dad. And all the other kids are staring at each other, too, because they’re a bunch of hormonal teenagers. Diego keeps looking at Marizza, and Lujan suggests that it’s time to put their plan into action, but then she opens up their box and realizes the snake is gone. Dunoff witnesses this from his security TV, which is strangely in black and white now.
Papa B tells Ines that Javier told him that he thinks Pablo is super cool and he wants to hang out with him more. We know this is a lie because Javier was literally just telling his Eyebrow Friend that he thought Pablo was a dumbass. The parents are thrilled that their kids seem to be getting along.
Dunoff flashbacks to Mama D saying that Pilar will probably choose to stay with her, and calls Tomás out of class. Then Blas comes in and says that he just heard that Elite Way has been kicked out of the tournament. Now that he’s banned from being alone with underage girls, this tournament was all he had to live for! Dunoff channels his best Etchamendi and starts hitting the table and yelling about how this is all about Elite Way’s image, whatever, corruption, whatever. Blas is like, “Ooookay,” and leaves. Then Tomás comes in and is like, “I didn’t do anything!” Hee. Dunoff says that he wants Tomás to take over working in the cafeteria, and Pilar is going to help him. “I hope you don’t have a problem with Pili,” he says. Tomás sweatdrops.
Class ends, and guess where the snake has ended up? If you guessed “In the teacher’s bag, somehow,” then you’re absolutely right. Carmen faints dead away, and Lujan and Marizza are like, “Eh, never too late to get revenge!” and go show the snake to Diego. Heh. Good on them for saving their plan. Anyway, then Blas walks by, and the kids all scramble to make it look like Carmen’s still conscious. They literally Weekend at Bernie-her, with Marizza behind her moving her head when Blas asks if everything’s okay. After he leaves, they flick some water on her until she comes to, and they’re like, “You totally didn’t faint because you saw a snake in your bag! Never happened!”
Sonia tells Martavio about Diego cheating on Marizza, and Martavio’s like, “I must go give that boy a piece of my mind!” Sonia is all twitterpated that Martavio’s taking his fatherly duties seriously. They stare awkwardly at each other for a minute, and then Sonia says they should think about how to tell Marizza that Martavio’s her dad. Now Martavio’s suddenly on the side of not telling her, as Marizza is fragile emotionally right now. Whatever. Teenagers are always fragile emotionally. I can say that because I still remember my teenage years vividly, and dang, they were embarrassing.
Carmen asks Blas if she really waved at him earlier, and he confirms. She’s convinced she’s going crazy, and says she needs to take a few days off for her health. Blas goes back into the classroom and is like, “What did you actually do to Carmen?” except then he lets it go again because he doesn’t actually care that much. He tells them that Elite Way’s been kicked out of the tournament. All the boys are like, “Okay…that was kind of our plan from the very beginning, so…okay.” Blas leaves, and Pablo insists that they have to get back into the tournament and get revenge. Marizza is all twitterpated by Pablo taking charge.
A bunch of the main characters go off to talk to Dunoff, but Mia catches up and tells Manuel that they have something to do, if he gets her drift. Marcos is like, “Hey, Manuel, you coming?” and Manuel’s like, “Not with you, bro.” Manuel confirms to Mia that his tests came back clean and they make out.
Tomás tells Pilar that they have cafeteria duty together, and she’s adorably twitterpated. They’re so cute together!
Guido tries to blow off Augustina, telling her that he’s going to be super busy getting Elite Way back into the tournament, so he won’t be able to hang out with her ever. Augustina’s like, “Too bad, I was going to go to a nightclub tonight,” and Guido’s like, “On second thought, fuck the tournament.”
Is this episode just going to be the guys giving into their hormones one by one, and dropping like flies off the committee to get Elite Way back into rugby?
Anyway, then Lola rocks up, still whining that Pablo dumped her. Lola, I like you, but this is getting sad. Actually, it’s been sad. Guido tries to get out of explaining, but just ends up making Lola think that she has to chase Pablo harder to win him back.
The kids go to Dunoff’s office, and he tells them not to worry about the tournament, but instead to congratulate Lujan. “Why? What did I do now?” Lujan asks. Hee. Dunoff tells them that Lujan’s won a prize in a literature competition and everyone congratulates her for five minutes and then they’re like, “So about the tournament.” Heh. Dunoff’s like, “Oh. I thought that would make you guys go away.” He asks why they want to go to Bariloche so bad anyway, since they’re all a bunch of rich kids who’ve been everywhere already. That’s what I said! Ew, I agreed with Dunoff, now I feel gross. Marizza insists that it’s not about the vacation, it’s about the injustice of it all! “Life is full of injustices, so get used to it,” Dunoff says. He’s not wrong. Marizza says they’re going to tattle to their parents, and Dunoff’s like, “Bring it!”, forgetting that he’s susceptible to whatever Sonia’s boobs suggest.
They leave all emo, and Martavio catches them. He says he’ll think of something to help them and hustles off. The group is divided: half of them think he’s really going to help, half of them think he’s just blowing them off.
Tomás whines to Guido about having to hang out with Pilar and possibly encourage her crush on him. Guido’s like, “Whatever.” Then Pablo comes in, and Guido asks if Pablo’s going to go out with that Uruguayan girl tonight, because if so, Guido has quite the place for them to go. Pablo’s like, “Oookay”, but before they can talk about it more, Javier shows up.
Leo hasn’t called Feli back, and now Feli’s all sad. For some reason, Mia thinks Feli should keep chasing him, even though literally all Leo does is make Feli miserable. Case in point: Feli calls him again, and Leo starts chewing her out because Sol told him that Feli’s a lesbian, so Feli was just playing with his feelings. Wait, WHAT? When did this happen? Maybe this is my fault for spacing out during Sol’s machinations. Anyway, Sol told Leo that Feli doesn’t like dudes, and of course Leo’s yelling at Feli for making him look a fool. Whatever! You only had a crush on her for like a minute anyway! He’s terrible! Mia, bless her, grabs the phone and starts yelling at Leo for believing lies, and then he hangs up on her. Leo sucks, dudes.
Vico steals the raffle money, as we knew she would.
Marizza drags Mia off to go find Sonia. They somehow psychically know that she’s at some cafe, and their taxi pulls up right as Sonia and Papa C are making out. Marizza’s like, “Uh…is that our parents?” To be fair, they’re like really going at it in front of God and everybody. My 15-year-old self would’ve been embarrassed too.
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