Marizza’s gone looking for Martavio, but instead finds his dog. The dog has weirdly lost all of its violent tendencies from the last time we saw it, and Marizza hugs it and is all, “Welp, no weird creepy teachers in here.” That was anticlimactic.
Back at school, Marcos trips over Lujan and goes sprawling in the hallway. His stuff goes everywhere, including the picture of Sol that she gave him. Lujan immediately starts making fun of him (hee), and Marcos gets all pissy with her, because he can dish it out but can’t take it.
Over in Dunoff’s office, he and Mama D are discussing how Dunoff took the fall for Etchamendi and Papa B’s shady business and now they’re probably all going to go to jail and Elite Way will be shut down, which honestly probably should’ve happened a long time ago. But then we wouldn’t have a show, so we’re being asked to think that this is a bad thing. Mama D wants him to call Papa B and be like, “The fuck, bro?” but Dunoff is afraid of upsetting him. Fair enough. Etchamendi calls to ask about the rugby team, and Dunoff’s like, “We’re fine! Everything’s fine! Thanks for being such a great superintendent!” and Mama D sighs. This is who you married, Mama D.
Blas gathers the rugby team, who have suddenly gained like 10 members. I mean, I appreciate the realization that Manuel doesn’t make a team all on his own, but where were all these dudes before? Anyway, they have a game in a couple of days, so he wants them to buckle down and focus. That means no partying or going out at night, all the way up until the final match. Blas, how do you expect them to be real footballers if they can’t get drunk and cheat on their girlfriends? Pablo and Manuel are pissed because this interferes with their plans. “I don’t have plans, but I’m still upset,” Francisco says. HEE. Manuel suggests that they lose in the first rounds on purpose, so they won’t have to go to the finals. Damn, guys, alcohol will still be there for you once rugby season is over! Have a little pride!
Sonia comes to the school for cheerleading practice, and Feli tells her that Marizza’s gone to Martavio’s house. Sonia’s like, “SAY WHAT?” and immediately starts calling her in a panic. Marizza’s already come back to school, though, and she tells Sonia that she went looking for evidence that Martavio is impersonating a teacher. All she found, though, was his dog. Dang, Marizza, dig a little deeper. He couldn’t have gotten rid of that whole murder wall THAT quickly. Marizza does want to keep investigating, and is weirded out when Sonia starts wailing at her to stay away from Martavio.
In the gym, Lujan waltzes over to Sol and loudly announces that that was a super cute photo that she gave Marcos. Fernanda overhears this and gets pissed. Lujan then waltzes over to HER, and snarks that she guesses Fernanda will be voting for Sol in this whole cheer captain thing. Wait, that’s an option? Sonia made it sound like it was a choice between Mia/Marizza and death. Whatever. Fernanda snipes that maybe she won’t after all.
Over at some warehouse, Fake Luciano is doing manual labor for Harex Industries. The supervisor, who looks weirdly like Dunoff, recognizes him as the new guy, and takes it upon himself to give him the history of the company. Fake Luciano is all, “Tell me more! Like is it run by Blas, and does he have a car?”
Sonia calms down, and all the girls regroup in the gym. She asks them to vote for cheer captain with a show of hands, and literally all the girls besides Sol and Pilar vote for Mia and Marizza. Heh. This includes Fernanda and Belen, which Sol is not happy about at all.
Vico’s date from the other day shows up looking for her, and Rocco runs into him. He tells him that Vico’s left the school (oh, Rocco), and she’s off traveling in Finland. Or possibly Norway. Heh. On the other hand, it’s really not any of Rocco’s business to be fucking up Vico’s relationships for her, even if the guy’s a douche.
Pilar is all offended on Sol’s behalf over the captain vote, but Sol is unfazed. She chirps that she has a plan to come out on top, and everyone will adore her, and then she’ll rule the school! Sol, literally no one likes you at this point besides Pilar. Sol is all happy that Fernanda knows that Sol’s about to steal her boyfriend. And Lujan knowing about the photo means that Marcos must have been bragging about it, ergo, he’s totally in love with her. Seems legit. Nevertheless, Sol wants to know exactly how Lujan found out about the photo, and tasks Pilar with snooping. Sol doesn’t want to talk to Lujan, on account of how ugly and unfashionable she is. “Almost as unfashionable as Feli in that gym uniform!” she cackles. She and Pilar have a hearty chuckle at Feli’s expense, just as Feli walks in. Feli almost catches on that they’re making fun of her, but then she doesn’t. After she leaves, Sol snaps that she’ll never forgive Feli for stealing Leo (…back, since Sol tried to steal him in the first place, but whatever), but Feli has to think that they’re friends, for…reasons.
Manuel meets up with Sabrina in the courtyard, and asks her to forget the whole messy cheating-on-his-girlfriend-with-her thing. Sabrina starts crying that her medical results came back, and they were BAD, and he has to keep having sex with her to keep the cancer at bay! Okay, she doesn’t actually say that — she just starts crying and runs away — but you know that’s how Manuel’s dumb ass is taking it.
Mia pulls Marizza to the side and frets at her that she needs to talk to Marizza about…that thing. You know, THAT THING. Mia, if you’re referring to sex the same way me and my friends did in the fourth grade, you might not be ready to have it. Marizza’s like, “Why don’t you ask Vico, she’s slept with everybody,” and Mia says that she’d rather talk to Marizza (aw!) because they’re more on the same level about sex. Although, of course, Marizza’s had sex already, and Mia hasn’t. Right? Marizza’s like, “Uh…sure. Totally. I am not a virgin and I can also drive.” Mia’s like, “Okay, so like, when you have sex, how do you do it?” and Marizza’s like, “You know what, I can’t do this. Go talk to a gynecologist.” She agrees to get the number from Sonia.
Pilar tries to get information about Marcos out of Lujan, but Lujan just deadpans at her that she doesn’t want to talk about it. Pilar’s like, “Great, good talk,” and runs away. Hee. Then Fernanda rocks up and is like, “Well, I DO want to talk about it.” “Why? Because he’s doing the same thing to you with Sol, that he did to me with you?” Lujan asks. BURN.
The boys go to their rugby game. They huddle up and they’re all, “Eyes closed, head first, can’t lose!” On the one hand, the fact that they’re purposely trying to lose the rugby tournament for the sole purpose of going out at night and getting laid is incredibly dumb. On the other hand, Blas starts losing his damn mind over his team’s failure, and that’s hilarious. Suffer, Blas!
Sonia catches Marizza looking through her address book, and she’s like, “Okay, you’re gonna tell me why you need the telephone number of a gynecologist.” “It’s for Hilda,” Marizza says. Amazingly, Sonia believes this. She’s like, “Really, you think Hilda’s going out with someone?” Wait, Sonia thinks THAT’S the unbelievable part of this? She thinks it’s weird that Hilda’s going to the gynecologist because it’s unlikely that she has a boyfriend? Sonia, I know you’re afraid of aging, but please google menopause. Sonia also wants to know if Marizza is still looking into Martavio, and Marizza BSes that she’s done with that. She’s totally not.
After the game, the boys lie around and congratulate themselves on an game well lost. “We could be actors!” chirps Tomás. Manuel asks Francisco if he’ll call Sabrina, because his beautiful noble fragile rhododendron is going through a tough time right now. Francisco’s like, “Dude, she clearly likes YOU, you call her.”
Blas calls Dunoff and tells him that they lost the rugby match. “NEVER IN THE HISTORY OF ELITE WAY SCHOOL HAVE WE LOST A COMPETITION!!!” Dunoff barks at him, even though we have established a million times that Elite Way has never even had a sports team before. Whatever. Dunoff yells at Blas that he needs to whip the boys into shape.
Laura and Lola’s mom comes to pick Laura up for dinner. Laura apologizes that she couldn’t get Lola to come, and their mom is like, “Eh, it’s cool, your dad doesn’t really care if he sees ever her again anyway.” Laura’s like, “What?” and her mom’s like, “What?”
The rest of the girls are having cheer practice. Sol snipes that the routine is horrible, so Mia and Marizza kick her out. “If you have a problem with the routine, you can go learn it, and then come back and try again,” Mia snips. Heh. During a break, Marizza tells Mia that she made an appointment for her with the gynecologist, and Mia makes Marizza come with her for moral support. “Why don’t you ask one of your friends?” Marizza asks. “That’s what I’m doing,” Mia says. AWWWW! Mia/Marizza 4 lyfe!
Fake Luciano comes to see Lujan, and tells her that Harex Industries doesn’t have an owner. It’s a front for running arms and drugs. Oh snap! Lujan’s like, “Uh, Blas is shady, but he’s more ‘creepy guy on the playground’ shady, not ‘cartel lord’ shady, you feel me?” Then Blas himself rocks up, and he notices Fake Luciano’s Harex Industries uniform. He kicks Fake Luciano out.
Feli is all high off of planning the charity event for the children’s home, which is weird because last I checked they were just having a clothes drive, but whatever. Anyway, she’s all hype, but Vico is emo. Feli asks if she’s okay, and Vico sighs that Random Douchey Guy was supposed to call her, but he hasn’t, and Vico’s been basing her entire self-worth on whether or not he likes her. She doesn’t know, of course, that Rocco’s taken it upon himself to get rid of Random Douchey Guy, which in practice is fine because fuck that guy and his stupid hair, but seriously, that wasn’t his call to make. Anyway, Feli’s like, “A boy’s not calling you back? I feel that.” She gives Vico a cookie and invites her to eat her feelings. Heh. Poor Feli.
Augustina gushes to Lola, Pablo, and Guido that her dad is having a party tonight, and they’re all invited, and it’s gonna be super awesome because her dad is kind of a big deal. Guido and Lola get all starry-eyed, but Pablo’s like, “Uh, I can’t, I have a thing. You know, the thing.” Oh, right, they were gonna cheat on their girlfriends tonight. I almost forgot about that, too. Pablo reminds Guido that they have to go on the triple date tonight, or Tomás will lose his only chance at love.
Sonia and Papa C go out to lunch, and almost fight over their respective inabilities to parent their children. Sonia huffs that Papa C shouldn’t be laughing at her — what if Mia was the one going around calling gynecologists for their widowed history teacher? Papa C’s like, “Marizza told you she was calling the gyno for Hilda? And you BELIEVED her?” Heh. It sounds pretty dumb when he says it like that. Actually, it seemed pretty dumb even before then. Sonia calls, and the gyno confirms that the appointment isn’t for Marizza (although she doesn’t say who it’s for, because that would make this episode at least 10 minutes shorter). Sonia asks for the appointment time.
Leo comes to see Feli, and he says he’s glad she’s in a good mood, even though Vico’s about to run away to the countryside and leave them all behind forever. Feli’s like, “Say what?”
Manuel tells Mia that he talked to Sabrina today. She handles it gracefully, even though she shouldn’t. He’s lying to you, girl! Manuel wibbles that he’s so glad Mia’s taking it well, and he loves her so much (although not enough to keep it in his pants). Mia tells him she went to see the gynecologist for tips on how to not get pregnant (dude, Mia, just Google it), and Manuel’s like, “And also how to prevent STDs, right?” Always use a condom, kids, even when you’re on birth control! Mia chirps that they don’t have to worry about STDs, because she hasn’t been with anyone else. “I have,” Manuel admits. For five seconds, it looks like Mia might find out the truth and I won’t have to sit through a million episodes of Manuel jerking her around, but he quickly covers and says it was a long time ago. That doesn’t stop either of them from freaking out, weirdly — I mean, not weirdly, STDs are serious business, but it was either a long time ago or it wasn’t, Manuel. Mia won’t let him come to the gynecologist with her, but Manuel says that when they have kids of their own, he’ll go to every doctor’s appointment with her. I haven’t seen the movie, but doesn’t Mia like, give birth in Erreway’s Scooby van or some shit? Whatever. Anyway, Mia gushes that she’s so glad she’s going to lose her virginity to a guy as awesome as him. Manuel has the grace to look ashamed.
Fernanda confronts Marcos about having a picture of Sol. Ooh, is she going to set him on fire? Because I’d watch that. Fernanda snaps that she’s not Lujan (ouch), and she’s not going to let Marcos cheat on her. Marcos tries to protest, but Fernanda breaks up with him on the spot. Marcos is just like, “Whatever,” because he can’t be fucked to care about any of his girlfriends, because he is the worst.
Meanwhile, though, Lujan admits to Marizza that getting revenge on Marcos and Fernanda wasn’t nearly as fun as she thought it would be. Yeah, I was hoping it would be messier and potentially with more immolation involved. Marizza’s like, “Just relax and let the joy of ruining other people’s lives wash over you!” She advises Lujan to get over that pesky guilt thing, and focus on Blas and Harex Industries.
Note: I do not have any screencaps of the following few scenes, because the video I was watching weirdly cut them out? I don’t know if they were cut out of the broadcast or if the video was just weird. The dialogue might be slightly off as well, because I had to watch the Italian dub instead.
Papa B shows up to visit Dunoff. “You called me,” he says. Dunoff’s like, “Me? Confronting someone, facing my responsibilities? Ha, never!” Mama D waltzes in and says she was the one that called Papa B, so they can sort out this check business. Papa B gets visibly uncomfortable. Oh, snap! Get him, Mama D! Sadly, we do not get to see any scenes of Papa B being called out in any way whatsoever. Instead, when we cut back, Dunoff and Mama D are fighting over whether or not she should’ve called Papa B, or if it would’ve been better for Dunoff to just go to jail for life to avoid confronting him. For fuck’s sake, Dunoff. Pilar comes in and tries to talk to her parents, but they’re too busy fighting to notice her.
Mia and Marizza go to the gynecologist’s office. Mia gives her name as “Cameron Diaz,” because that’s less embarrassing than just admitting that you’re going to have sex with your boyfriend. Oh, teenagers. Mia starts freaking out, and Marizza’s like, “Look what they have! Aw, a nice magazine, here.” Hee. She has Mia’s number. And then, to make matters worse, the usual doctor is out and a male doctor is filling in for her. This is the exact plot of one of those Alice books by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. The doctor sees how uncomfortable Mia is and offers to let her reschedule when the female doctor’s in, but Marizza’s like, “Nope, this is fine! Now, sir, why don’t you tell us about contraceptives?” Oh, Marizza. Mia blusters that she’s here to get information for her friend, who really wanted to come, but couldn’t, so if he could tell them everything he knows about condoms, they will totally tell their friend about it. The doctor, God love him, plays along, but all the talk of syphilis and HIV freaks Mia out.
Manuel tracks Sabrina down at the hospital — way to not get even more involved in your cheating, Manuel! — and she’s all salty and passive-aggressive with him. She snaps at him that her test results came back okay, but she was afraid that they wouldn’t, and lo, how she has suffered. I really don’t know if this is meant to be genuine or not. I mean, it’s a pretty good speech about how he’ll never understand what it’s like to have leukemia, but they really shouldn’t be trying to make us feel bad for her NOW after treating us to like fifty scenes of her milking her illness beforehand.
Pablo, Guido, and Tomás try to go out and cheat on their girlfriends. Blas stops them, and they’re all, “So we lost that rugby game for nothing?” and Blas is like, “Pretty much.” Then Papa B pops up, and passive-aggressives Blas into letting them go. Guido and Tomás start crying all over Papa B in gratitude, which is weird. Like, damn, I know you guys wanna party, but you’ve literally seen the dude hit his son! You could dial back the hero worship!
Rocco’s playing pool when Vico comes up to him and snaps, “You want to tell me why you’ve been telling people that I left and nobody knows where I went?” She grabs the pool cue and pins Rocco up against the wall with it. It’s pretty awesome. She snaps at him to stop messing with her life, and Rocco whines that he just wants to take care of her. Vico tells him to mind his own business — he doesn’t have any room to be criticizing her messy personal life, considering his weird sexual identity crisis. Rocco’s like, “What?” and I’m also like, “What?” because it sounds like she’s trying to imply that he’s closeted, except he’s been chasing Vico pretty aggressively, which he really wouldn’t have any reason to do if he wasn’t actually into her. I guess you could argue that he’s overcompensating, but the Occam’s razor of it all is that he’s straight or bisexual. Whatever.
Pilar tries to share her worries about her parents with Sol, but Sol’s like, “Pilar, we’re not friends like that. I am not actually interested in any aspect of your life.” She advises Pilar to just go out and get laid so Sol doesn’t have to listen to her whining anymore. Pilar sniffles that boys don’t like her, especially this one boy, who she’s liked for a long time. Sol demands to know who it is, and Pilar admits that she likes Tomás. Sol offers to help Pilar get Tomás, and Sol will get Marcos, and together they’ll rule the school! I would love to see those double dates. Hey, Tomás and Marcos could take about video games! Then Sol gives Pilar a letter to give to Dunoff, complaining that she’s being bullied for being too pretty. Even Pilar thinks this is kind of weird, but she agrees to take the letter anyway.
The girls are having cheer practice, when a bunch of hot guys (are there any other kind on this show?) walk in. They say they’re a rival rugby team, here for a match (on what field?), and Fernanda and Belen are all twitterpated.
Sonia and Papa C go to the gynecologist’s office, and barge right in to where the doctor’s talking to Mia and Marizza. Damn, guys, have some decorum! The doctor’s like, “Great to see you! I was just telling these young ladies how to have safe sex and prevent STDs!” Papa C’s like, “And by ‘young ladies’, you mean Marizza, right?” and the doctor’s like, “Oh, no, actually her friend is the one who’s sexually active!” and I hope this office is in a hospital because Papa C is about to have a heart attack.
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