Could it be that Rebelde Way is finally learning to drag its plotlines out to an only slightly annoying length? Font was here, but now he’s gone, and Dunoff is back. Everything is back to normal! I mean, Dunoff says he’s going to be stricter, but like…as if.
Pilar is adorably excited to have her dad back; everyone else is like, “Dunoff, WHAT UP!” Dunoff’s like, “You think I’m going to forget how you all callously got me kicked out of a job, just because we forget literally everything else that happens on this show? NOT THIS TIME.” He leaves Guido and Tomás’s handshakes hanging. Hee.
Meanwhile, Maria Jesus is still trying to get Andres to love her. Love yourself, Maria Jesus! She’s alluded to going through a rough time recently (which is why she’s living with Andres), I can only assume she’s at a very low point in her life if she’s trying to get with him. She sticks her tongue down his throat and they sink out of the frame, which used to be this show’s shorthand for sex, but I have no idea anymore.
The kids all get together, and Marizza tells them that she saw Rocco talking with Etchamendi. He must have had something to do with Font getting fired; everyone acts like this is really suspicious, like they didn’t want Font to leave. They wonder if they should ask him if he did something to get Font fired, and everyone acts like they’re afraid of Rocco, which is embarrassing. He’s just an emo kid with bad hair! There are hundreds of him at Warped Tour! “Don’t count on me,” Pablo says, because he’s a total punk ass right now. Marizza sighs and volunteers herself, but Rocco blows her off.
After Dunoff’s dismissed everyone, Etchamendi asks Sol to stay behind. He apologizes to her(!) for Font’s creepiness, and I am so completely shocked that anyone in this school is bothering to acknowledge her trauma at all. Of course, then Etchamendi ruins it by asking her to keep mum about the whole incident, because why alert anyone about Font when they can just let him quietly slip off to another school and do this all over again?
Lujan’s noticed that Marcos wasn’t there for Dunoff’s announcement, so she chases Manuel and acts not at all crazy wondering where Marcos is. She throws Manuel up against the wall all, “WHERE IS HE?? WHAT DO YOU KNOW??” Jesus Christ, Lujan. Eventually Marcos himself rocks up behind her, wearing a bandage on his head after his bicycling mishap. This obviously doesn’t calm Lujan down in the least. She’s all, “What were you thinking? How could you?” and whacks him on his head injury. Nice going with the being more normal, Lujan. Marcos has overheard Lujan tell Manuel that she loves Marcos forever and ever, but he can never find out. She explains that she doesn’t want him to think that she’s being clingy, and he says, “Having space is one thing, it’s totally different to not even give me the time of day.” They…don’t really talk out their problems at all, but they make out and I guess that’s as close as these kids are gonna get.
Marizza finds Rocco in the bathroom (what is with these kids and stalking each other in the bathroom?), and asks him once again if he had anything to do with Font leaving. Rocco denies it, again.
Gloria is all twitterpated that Dunoff is back, and starts moaning in ecstasy over…putting Dunoff’s business cards back on the desk. Get a grip, Gloria. He walks in on her sighing over his stamps and he’s like, “…hi, Gloria.” Heh. Gloria gets her sighing and her boobs all up in his face and Dunoff awkwardly says he should go to bed. Gloria’s like, “BED?” and Dunoff’s like, “Yeah…where my wife is.” Awkward.
Manuel and his crazy hair are lying in wait for Mia, so he can yell at her about Blas. It’s so, so dumb. Mia blusters that nothing untoward happened, but it’s none of Manuel’s business anyway, and she has bone-hard proof that it’s strictly business with her and Blas, but she can’t show Manuel said proof because she promised someone she wouldn’t, not that that someone is Blas, but she won’t tell Manuel who she made the promise to anyway and OH MY GOD, IT’S JUST A DOG, MIA. She macks on Manuel long enough to distract him, but of course it’s going to come up again, and it’s going to cause drama because Mia…thinks Manuel’s going to care about them keeping a dog in the school? This whole Chopy plot is so stupid, I don’t even know.
The next day, Papa B comes to visit Pablo. Pablo’s like, “Papa B, your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.” Papa B is all pleased that one of his sons plans on following in his footsteps, because his other two have just disappeared into the ether, I guess. He tells Pablo that to own the city, you first have to own a bunch of other stuff, including…Elite Way. What? Papa B tells Pablo that he’s made Etchamendi an offer that he can’t refuse. I don’t think Papa B knows what that means. There isn’t a single horse head to be found in this episode. His logic is that Elite Way is the best school in the country, ergo future politicians’ young minds will be gestated right here, and Papa B wants the first crack at them. So…he’s going to buy Elite Way and change the curriculum to pro-Papa B propaganda? Is that where we’re going with this? I’m so confused.
Back at Casa Colucci, Maria Jesus and Andres make vague references to “what happened last night,” and I still can’t really tell if they had sex or not. Andres says they should talk about their not-relationship, and Maria Jesus is like, “We totally should, preferably horizontally.” Like all the men in this series, Andres is too weak-willed to say no.
Dunoff announces that things are going to change around Elite Way, and he needs Blas to enforce the rules. Blas yells at the kids to go to class, and to go quietly. Uh…so as far as I can tell, this is the same as it’s always been. Manuel goes to tell Blas to step off his girlfriend. Blas is unruffled by Manuel’s crazy hair and ranting, and merely remarks that he doesn’t want revisit last year’s love triangle: “Lo que pasó, pasó.” (ENTRE TU Y YO~ — sorry, couldn’t help myself.) Manuel stalks off, and Blas evilly monologues that he totally didn’t mean what he just said, and he is TOTALLY WILLING to revisit last year’s love triangle. Fuck you, Blas! If I have to watch any more episodes of that, my head’s gonna pop off and fly around the room.
Ivan catches up to Marizza and he’s like, “I think we should have sex.” I mean, he leads up to it with a couple of sentences, but he pretty much just drops that on her. Marizza’s like, “Okay, but like…not now?” and Ivan’s like, “Definitely now!” and starts grinding up on her in the middle of the courtyard. He’s so weird! Dump him, Marizza! She escapes his clutches and runs off to class, and Ivan’s like, “Ugh, I already played the dying-of-a-rare-heart-disease card, WHAT DO.”
Laura and Lola bond a little more over how they’re not fighting anymore. Lola tells Laura that she resented Laura because their parents were always making Lola feel bad for not being more like her; Laura says their parents were always make her feel bad for not achieving enough. They promise that no one will turn them against each other again. OR WILL THEY?
Papa B goes to see Etchamendi. Shockingly, Etchamendi does indeed refuse his offer. Should’ve gone the extra mile and beheaded a horse, Papa B! So Papa B calls Pablo to another meeting — “Why are we in a car?” Pablo asks. “You’ll learn that everything has a place,” Papa B says. And the best place to discuss shady deals involving schools is…the car, I guess. Anyway, he tells Pablo that Etchamendi doesn’t want to sell and Pablo’s like, “Oh well, that’s life.” Papa B’s like, “No! You fail! If something can’t be done through the right, then you go through the left.” He hands Pablo a mysterious substance in a jar, and tells him that he’s going to fuck with the school’s water system, which will…force them to hand the school over, somehow. Does this seem unsafe to anyone else? Anyone? Bueller?
Pablo agrees, and then Papa B cackles evilly, and then Pablo joins him in cackling evilly, and they cackle uncomfortably at each other for like thirty seconds. Please cut away, this is getting weird.
Marizza stresses to Lujan about sleeping with Ivan. Lujan’s like, “It sounds like a bad idea, but I’m like, not gonna try really hard to stop you.” Why was Lujan my favorite when I first watched this show? She really needs to step her game up.
Ivan tells Ramiro that if Marizza isn’t going to willingly have sex with him, then he’s going to have to guilt her into it. Romantic! I love a relationship built on lies and coercion, don’t you? Ivan has a bottle of fake medication that he bought off the Internet, and he fills it with Tic-Tacs or whatever, and tells Ramiro to use it to “save” him from a heart attack. From the back of the cafeteria, Rocco watches them suspiciously.
Dunoff speechifies to Etchamendi that he’s gonna make Elite Way the best school that ever was, and he’s never going to do anything embarrassing ever again, which really is not the kind of promise I would ever make if I were Dunoff. Of course as soon as he says that, two guys come in saying that they’ve come to audit the health and safety standards at Elite Way. Of course, this has nothing to do with the fact that Elite Way had a pedophile working there (and still has one for a gym teacher, in fact), and is just a machination of Papa B’s.
Laura finds Francisco and tells him that she wants to try being his girlfriend. Francisco’s happy, and they make out. Laura is pretty into it, for someone who was ambivalent about dating Francisco up until last episode. And then Dante walks up behind them, because this kid has nothing better to do than wander around the school and make suspicious faces in the background.
Andres calls Sonia and tells her that Mia has permission to dance in her show, like we thought for a second that he would say no. Pablo joins their meeting and says that he can participate, too, but on the condition that nobody recognize him…somehow. Seriously? That was his plan? Then Sonia tells what I think is a lame joke — Catherine Fulop speaks way too fast for me, and if I’m being honest I zone out whenever she talks — and everyone stands around awkwardly until Pablo cracks up and then all the actors start corpsing. It’s pretty cute and I wish I gave enough of a fuck about Sonia to try and understand what she said.
Lola gushes to Bianca yet again that Francisco totally loves her and they’re going to date and it’s going to be awesome. Bianca does nothing to stop her, and actually jumps ahead to planning their wedding, God love her. Even Lola’s like, “Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself?” and Bianca’s like, “There’s so much to plan! You need the space, the invitations, the presents…” Dante swans in to tell Lola that Francisco’s dating Laura, but of course she doesn’t believe him.
Ivan swings by the lounge and fakes a heart attack the second Marizza isn’t super enthused about greeting him. As he lays “dying”, he gasps out that…the very last thing…he wants to do…in his life…is sleep with Marizza. OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE! I’d let him die. Marizza panics and when Ivan sends her for his medicine, she finds the bottle in his bag empty. Ramiro has to sweep in to “save” the day, and he’s all, “This never would’ve happened if you put out!” God, these two are so GROSS. I hope when they graduate Elite Way and go to university, they find themselves struggling in the post-2008 economy! Ivan miraculously recovers, but then Rocco intervenes. He pops a bunch of Ivan’s “pills” and is like, “Mmm, tastes like Tic-Tacs.” He offers some for Marizza to try, and she flips out when she realizes Ivan has been messing with her. Kick his ass, Marizza! Sadly, she merely knees Ivan in the stomach and storms off. Oh, Marizza, where are your violent tendencies from last season when they’re actually needed?
Francisco gives Lola the necklace he always wears, in a totally platonic fashion, because boys platonically give girls jewelry all the time, right? He tells her if she uses the necklace to make a wish, it’ll come true. Lola, of course, thinks this is more proof that he’s in love with her. Do they not have love triangles in the country, Francisco? That’s the only explanation I can think of for his total and complete obliviousness to what he’s doing. Lola shows the necklace to Bianca and they gush some more about how real Lola and Francisco’s love is, because Bianca really has no character or plot of her own.
Manuel sees Blas give Mia a present, and seethes. Well, he seethes for about five seconds, then he goes back to his room and starts yelling like a maniac. Marcos is like, “I agree Blas is creepy, but holy crap, chill out.” “I am chill!” Manuel yells, grabbing Nico’s bat. He starts whacking his bed: “HE! GAVE! HER! A! PRESENT!” Marcos is like, “Yikes, he crazy.” Wait, I just realized, where is Diego? He hasn’t been seen in his own damn room for ages.
The health and safety guys test the Elite Way water system, and thanks to Pablo and Papa B, the water comes out brown. Dunoff is shocked, and sing it if you know the words: “This has never happened before in the history of Elite Way School!” Despite the fact that he’s staring at the brown water, he insists that it’s perfectly drinkable, and chugs some to prove it. Dude! Gross! Naturally, he immediately excuses himself to go to a very important meeting. In one of the stalls. The health guys are like, “Yeah, we’re done here.” They tell Etchamendi that Elite Way is going to officially be shut down.
Marizza finds Rocco, who’s watching MuchMusic(!!!) in the lounge. Once again, she tries to get him to admit to doing a thing that he very clearly did — in this case, revealing that Ivan is a creep who will go to incredibly bizarre lengths to get into Marizza’s pants. She thanks him, but Rocco denies it, again.
Manuel tries to talk to Mia about Blas, again. She blows him off, again. WHY IS NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENING IN THIS EPISODE? Erreway goes to rehearsal and they’re all cranky, Marizza in particular, but Sonia’s like, “But Broadway!!” and that’s the end of it. Whatever.
Laura gushes to Lola about her new boyfriend, but won’t tell Lola who it is. She wants it to be a surprise when they meet in person! Francisco walks in, and the first thing he says is, “I have to tell you something.” “Oh, I know, and I love you too!” Lola chirps, and kisses him. Laura is like “WHAT” and Francisco is also like “WHAT.”
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