The Amazing Adventures of Pablo and Papa B continue, with Papa B telling Pablo that he has to choose sides in the messy divorce. Yeah, that’s always fun for the kids. Papa B insists that Pablo has to testify against his mother, because she’s evil and she abandoned them, that’s totally what happened. Pablo protests that she’s still his mom, and Papa B’s like, “Ugh, why are you making it so hard to manipulate you!” Still, Pablo agrees to think about it.
Meanwhile, Mama D and Gloria are fighting over Dunoff, of all people. Gloria and Dunoff assure her there’s nothing going between them, but Mama D chirps that she’ll help tutor Dunoff too, so he can write his papers in English. That way, he’ll be sure to get his degree, and he’ll have 50% less time to mack it with Gloria! They passive-aggressively smile at each other like two teenage girls fighting over which of them can get a boy to sit at their lunch table. It’s pretty embarrassing for two adults to be acting this way, especially over Dunoff. Dunoff!
Over in Ecuador, Mia’s woken up and Manuel is gone. She’s all alone on the island, Island of the Blue Dolphins-style. Before she has to build her own hut and hunt for abalone, though, Manuel comes back. Mia starts crying all over him and begs him never to leave her again, and he’s like, “…I just went to go look for a place to spend the night.” Mia’s all wibbly and tearful that no one’s ever going to find them. I mean, I sympathize and all, but she’s gotta know that eventually Papa C was going to figure out that they didn’t go back to school.
Everyone goes to class, and Marizza freaks out that Pablo hasn’t shown up. She runs out to go find him, running past Rocco, who’s just…filming the classroom, for some reason. He gets pissed when Francisco stands in front of his camera, like Francisco was just supposed to notice him standing there in the corner. Francisco gets up in Rocco’s face and snaps that he’s from the country, and he’s not soft like ~city boys~, and Rocco’s lucky that Francisco doesn’t beat him up. Then he…slaps Rocco’s ass? What the fuck. I mean, if he was trying to imply things about Rocco’s masculinity, that was not the way to follow it up.
Vico and Pilar are like, “That was weird,” but encourage Feli to step up her game and ask Francisco out anyway. Feli wants Francisco to make the first move, and Vico’s like, “It’s 2003! You’re a modern woman!” and Feli grudgingly agrees. Then Carmen comes in and passes out hair ties for the girls, so they won’t look like loose women.
Marizza goes to comfort Pablo. Look, I know I asked for her to be more empathetic, but all this emotional heavy lifting she’s doing for him is starting to ick me out. The thing about season 1 was that Marizza was a dick to people who were generally nice to her, or at least hadn’t done anything wrong to her, while Pablo actually has been an ass for a couple of episodes. Anyway, Pablo confesses to her about Papa B’s dastardly scheme, and Marizza tells him that he has to listen to his heart. Pablo hugs her, because he is the saddest boy.
Manuel builds him and Mia a shelter on the island, and she hates it until he points out that they have to sleep somewhere. Then she’s like, “I guess, whatever, survival, whatever.” After a few hours, they’re like, “Maybe we should’ve told our parents where we were going after all.” You don’t say.
Sol’s like…watching a slideshow of a bunch of women in bikinis in the lounge. As you do. Diego invites her out (as Tomás seethes in the background), and she’s like, “I guess, as long as I don’t miss this show.” Diego, there might be something Sol is not telling the class here. She gets more excited, though, when he mentions that he has a car — specifically, his uncle’s Porsche. She wants to roll around town and see and be seen in the car, and Diego is pretty shifty about it, which makes me think that this will not end well.
Lujan tells Marizza that she shouldn’t meddle in Pablo’s parental drama. Marizza’s like, “Have we met? I love to meddle!” Lujan suggests that Marizza focus her efforts on Ivan. Why Lujan is pulling so hard for that creeper, I do not know. But speaking of whom! Ivan comes up to them and gets wayyyy too close to Marizza, while hinting that she owes him a date. Marizza tells him she doesn’t date fans. “I like a challenge,” he says. Ick! Ick ick ick! I swear to God, Marizza’s going to end up buried in this guy’s backyard, and then Lujan’s gonna feel like a dick.
Pablo decides to be ~rebelde~ and refuse to testify against Mama B. Papa B’s like, “How very dare!” and gets his misogyny on about how Pablo might think he loves his mother, but his relationship with Mama B was a lie, because WOMEN ALWAYS LIE. Pablo’s young and naive, but through time and experience, he’ll learn that ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME. Pablo’s like, “I mean, my first experience was with a woman who turned out to be a prostitute that you hired and I’m still not an MRA, so your issues are really your own deal.”
Back at Casa Colucci: “Shall we start?” Andres asks. “Sure!” Sonia says, and…puts her foot up on the table. I swear to God, where did she come from? Was she raised by wolves? Andres actually means that they should start calling every single hotel in Ecuador to find Mia and Manuel, and Sonia gets all hyped at the thought of running up Papa C’s phone bill. Andres is starting to cotton that Sonia and Papa C are obsessed with each other, which deeply offends Sonia. He ain’t wrong, though.
Rocco’s emoing on some stairs when Pilar shows up. She gives him her vacation photos from Mar Chiquita, snarking that he can use them for his “Most Pathetic Vacations” project. Except…maybe not snarking, because Rocco sincerely thanks her? I don’t know. Pilar, of course, is being crafty, and now that Rocco thinks she’s not an evil mastermind, she asks him to do her a favor.
In the cafeteria, Lujan is still urging Marizza to forget about Pablo. Since when did Lujan care so much about Marizza’s love life? Or even dare to disagree with her? Marizza’s like, “Stop saying words.” Meanwhile, Pablo is telling Tomás that his fucked-up home life has one upside: he’s like, 90% sure that Marizza still likes him. OR DOES SHE? Because just then, Ivan comes in and gives her Kelly Osbourne’s new album as a gift. Even if he weren’t a total creeper, that’s a dealbreaker. Marizza still shoots him down, even though Lujan is egging her on. What are you doing, Lujan? Ivan won’t let up, and insists that she let him take her out: “I promise I’ll keep my hands above the table the whole time.” Ew. This time, Marizza accepts. Lujan gives her a thumbs-up. Yeah, if Marizza gets murdered on this date, it’s Lujan’s fault.
(Over at Pablo’s table: “Are you sure she likes you?” Tomás asks. Hee.)
Marizza blows by Pablo in the hall, and Tomás tells Pablo that if he still wants to have a shot with her, he needs to figure out what’s going on with her and Ivan. Immediately, and with as little tact as possible! Pablo is receiving so much bad advice about women in this episode.
Guido asks Vico why she’s so emo, and she says that she misses Mia. “Forget Mia, I’m here! I’m your boyfriend!” Guido says. Then why did you even bother asking, asshole? Vico is forced to appease his ego, and says they should go out in the afternoon. So…do they get off-campus privileges now that they’re 4th years or something? It’s not clear. Vico wants to go make out at her house, but Guido’s like, “Aw, hell no.” He won’t tell her why, though, which makes Vico suspicious.
Feli invites Francisco to the newly-redesigned gym. Francisco naively thinks that she just wants to talk, because he knows not what goes down in the gym (and the map room, and the laundry room). Feli is wearing the ugliest skirt known to man, but I guess it gives her confidence, because she blurts out that she likes Francisco too and shoves her mouth on his. Oh, Feli, girl. Francisco pushes her off and splutters that he likes her, but he doesn’t like like her, and like…the words are nice, but he’s saying them with this total look of visceral and kind of unnecessary disgust on his face. Like, welcome to Elite Way, Francisco, people you hate are gonna kiss you all the time here. Anyway, he has no idea what Feli’s referring to when she brings up the presents. Feli sniffles that she’s sorry and runs out. Francisco follows her, looking pretty upset himself.
Then Rocco comes in and pulls out his hidden camera. Okay, it wasn’t telegraphed clearly at all, but this is the favor that Pilar asked him to do. You’d think someone so ~rebelde~ would cotton on that she isn’t the nicest person, but he’s all pleased that he got footage of his emotionally fragile classmate in a humiliating situation.
Mia and Manuel have run out of food, and he has to swim out to the ocean and catch a fish with his bare hands. Mia’s all grossed out, but they don’t have any other food, so they have to deal with it. They cook the fish and try to come to terms with the idea of being on the island forever. They’re like, “Whatever, I guess it’ll be fine,” and then they make out. By the time anyone does find them, they’ll probably have a baby like the kids from the Blue Lagoon. Manuel gets handsy with her again, and Mia almost runs off to sleep alone. Manuel promises to keep his hands to himself. Whatever, I bet he won’t.
Pablo helps some rando girl fix her email, and the process gets them both so twitterpated that Pablo decides to stick around and hit on her. Her name is Vero, and Pablo asks her out tonight. I guess he thinks this is what Tomás meant by “find out what’s going on with Ivan and Marizza.” It’s pretty embarrassing that he can’t even follow Tomás’s instructions.
Lujan can’t find Laura, and she rants that if she’s with Marcos, Lujan’s going to break her face. Marizza’s like, “Whatever, he still likes you, remember the end of season one?” and Lujan’s like, “Ah, season one. Simpler times.” Heh. Marizza pouts that she has her own problem, and that problem is Pablo. Lujan’s like, “Aw hell no,” and once more tries to push Ivan on Marizza. Yeah, whatever, Marizza should probably stop pining after Pablo if he’s going to be dicking her around like this, but can Lujan find someone who’s not a grade A creeper to root for?
Mia’s like, on a hunger strike now, and snaps at Manuel for trying to make her eat. He keeps pushing and she runs off dramatically into the jungle. They’re starting to turn on each other! Soon one of them is going to try to sacrifice the other to the Lord of the Flies.
Sonia finds Mia and Manuel’s hotel on her second call, and apparently even randos in Ecuador know who she is. Sonia Rey is kind of a big deal. Anyway, they tell her that Mia and Manuel didn’t come back to the hotel last night, and she flips out. Andres calls Papa C to let him know, and Sonia snatches the phone out of his hand to get her UST on with Papa C. Andres is like, “The fuck?” and has to grab it back and tell Papa C that Sonia is definitely not helping him, and he should totally ignore the woman behind the curtain. Andres and Sonia decide to go Ecuador on the next flight.
Gloria’s office suddenly looks exactly like her old one. Man, they remodeled it, and now they gotta take that away from her. Pilar comes in looking for Blas, and Gloria’s like, “Ugh, Blas, why did he come back?” My thoughts exactly! He’s nowhere to be found, and Gloria wails that she has to do everything around here. She runs off, and Pilar takes the opportunity to switch the VHS tape(!!!!) that’s lying on her desk. The tape turns out to be for geography class; the geography teacher is out sick (or nonexistent, take your pick), so they’re just going to spend the period watching a video and taking notes. That’s actually pretty realistic. Gloria pops Pilar’s VHS in, and it’s the tape of Francisco shooting Feli down. Both Francisco and Feli look pretty horrified, and even Pilar looks disturbed when she sees how upset they are. Rocco, of course, hides a smile behind his arms. Pilar is regretting her actions but Rocco isn’t? Fuck this guy, man.
The one upside seems to be that there’s no sound on the video, so nobody hears the horrendous “WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOU THINK I WAS REMOTELY INTERESTED IN YOU” / “WELL YOU SAID YOU LIKED FAT GIRLS” exchange, because that was mega awkward. All the kids have a good laugh at Feli until she runs out of the room. Francisco follows — again, because I guess he didn’t catch up to her the first time.
Manuel goes looking for Mia, and finds her lying dramatically on the ground. He runs to her and cries that he loves her and she can’t die. She’s all whimpering, rolling around, almost dying but probably won’t actually die, and fuck, I might actually be dying of boredom. I wish I could skip the Mia/Manuel scenes, but they’re literally in some new form of peril every time we come back to them. Anyway, Mia’s faint from not eating/the heat/generally being a damsel in distress. Manuel’s like, “Fuck it, it’s time to blow this popsicle stand” and rigs up a boogie board out of a stick so he can go for help. Can Mia survive one (1) night on the island by herself?!
Tomás pretends to be Diego’s uncle and reports his Porsche as stolen. Hee! It’s a pretty good revenge, for Tomás.
Feli goes back to her room and eats her feelings, crying that it doesn’t matter if she gets healthy or not because she’s still the same Feli as last year. Vico tries to convince her that it’s not true, while Pilar awkwardly flips through a magazine. Feli cries that they don’t understand anything because they’re skinny, and Vico grumbles that being skinny doesn’t mean you don’t have problems. “What’s wrong?” Feli asks. Pilar looks up from her magazine. Scare chord! Oh, and here I thought Pilar was actually feeling bad. Apparently not! Never mind! “I don’t know. It’s Guido,” Vico says. Another scare chord! She frets that he’s lying to her and acting shady, and he might be cheating on her. Scare chord number three! Vico and Feli comfort each other, and Pilar’s inner monologue snarks that it’s Vico’s turn now. Scare chord number four!
Guido goes to his parents’ butcher shop, and his mom tries to ask where he was when he was skipping school. He blows off all their concerns, as well as yells at them for wanting him to visit more. If he visits the butcher shop, then he’ll have to learn butcher things, and butcher things are for POOR PEOPLE. He snarls that he never wants to set foot in a place like this again, even if he’s dying of hunger! Papa Guido blows his top and is like, “Yeah, well, you don’t have to come back because I’m BANNING you! Until you’re not such an ungrateful dick!” Guido’s like, “GOOD! I WOULD LOVE TO BE BANNED!” and storms out.
You know, if anything, I feel like this show is really a treatise on just how fucking hard it is to raise teenagers. As much as I enjoy Guido getting a comeuppance, we can agree that parents shouldn’t kick their kids out, even if said kids are ungrateful assholes. And yet it’s so hard not to cheer for Papa Guido, because Guido is just such an asshole. Since he can’t go home and I guess he doesn’t want to go back to school, Guido wanders around the city as night falls. He passes a bunch of happy families, and gets all emo. Maybe you’d also have a happy family if you weren’t such a jerk, Guido.
Manuel’s like, dying out in the open ocean, while Mia stumbles around in a near faint. She writes a final letter to Papa C all, “I’m totally going to die here, and will definitely not be around for another 174 episodes! FORGIVE ME!” Her handwriting is really nice, though. This was back when they still taught cursive in schools. Luisana Lopilato is still an ugly crier, if you were wondering.
Poor Dunoff is struggling with his university courses when someone from the DMV(?) calls and tells him about Sol and Diego driving around in a stolen car. Dunoff’s like, “What do I hate more, doing my job or doing homework?” He chooses to do his job, and heads out to deal with them.
Ivan takes Marizza to a restaurant, and asks if she likes it. “Yes, I do, and get your hand off me,” she says. Heh. Ivan tries to make small talk, but Marizza keeps flashbacking to almost making out with Pablo a few episodes ago. Ivan’s like, “I know I promised to keep my hands above the table, but I’m rethinking that now,” and Marizza’s like, “Ew.” She says it was probably a mistake to go out with him (it definitely was!), but she still wants to be friends. Ivan says he’ll take that, but of course Pablo picks that moment to walk in, and all he sees is Marizza and Ivan with their faces hella close. Apparently he’s there with Vero (so really, he doesn’t have any room to talk). Marizza goes to check her reflection in the mirror, and sees Pablo and Vero making out, so she changes her tune and lets Ivan mack it with her. Pablo and Marizza keep checking the mirror to see what the other is doing, and upon seeing each other making out with their dates, they keep trying to one up each other in aggressive necking. It’s pretty funny. Then Sonia and Andres show up, because I guess this is the only restaurant in Buenos Aires.
Manuel’s dying out in the ocean. He sees a boat, but they don’t see him and they pass him by. Manuel flails around and goes under the water. It’s dramatic, I guess.
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