Opening monologue: You have the strength within you to carry on, even though it doesn’t always seem that way. Nothing is truly lost as long as we have the will to keep fighting. Hey, I understood about 90% of that, even though it was another mumbly Luna monologue! I deserve an award.
We pick up where we left off, with Manuel grabbing Mia by the throat and throwing her up against the wall. Sure, because what with the Coluccis already thinking he’s a serial killer, this seems like a totally smart thing to do. She shoves him off and asks how he even knows she took his money, and he’s like, “You’re not exactly a master thief.” She admits she took it, for the greater good (the greater good!). “The band isn’t the same without you,” she says. Aw. Nevertheless, she tells him to meet her in the gym and she’ll return the money to him. Mansilla rolls up after she leaves and he’s like, “Manuel, bro, you’re acting really weird. What’s up?” Manuel’s like, “You betrayed us and I’ll never tell you about any of my bad life decisions ever again!”
You know, the other kids acting all overdramatic and betrayed by Mansilla’s resigning is somewhat understandable, given that they’re sophomores, but Manuel’s already graduated. You’d think he’d be a little more wise as to how school works by this point.
Papa C tells Mercedes he still can’t stop worrying about Manuel. Mercedes is like, “He came to this country to kill you, what the fuck.” I can’t say I disagree with her there. She offers to call the school and get Manuel expelled to keep him away from Mia, but Papa C’s all, “No, no, the real problem here is that Manuel is emotionally troubled! Not at all that he wanted to stab my daughter!” Man, Papa C deserves to get married to Mercedes. Speaking of which, Mercedes says that Mia won’t take the news of their engagement well, and Papa C’s like, “Pfft, have you seen me show any concern for her at all in the past five minutes?”
Blas goes to the office and frets over Lujan not being enrolled for the next year. Gloria’s like, “How is this any of your business?” and Blas is like, “Stop saying words.” He runs on out of there, and Renata comes in. She wants to talk about Mansilla, but Gloria’s totally sick of their shit. Hee. She needles Renata about like-liking Mansilla, and Renata’s like, “Ew, he has cooties.”
Meanwhile, a mysterious person has hired two 13-year-olds off the street to stalk Mansilla. I’ve never had to take this into account myself, but I feel like a good rule to follow is never to send an eighth-grader to do…anyone’s job, really. Blue Shirt Kid is clearly the ringleader of the two, and his plan is to just sort of waltz in and hope the security guard doesn’t question it. In total fairness, that plan has worked for a lot of people in this series. For once, though, Elite Way security does its job and kicks them out, so they break a car window instead. Some appropriately troubling behavior from disaffected youths! I’m surprised at this sudden realism.
Blue Shirt Kid, by the by, is apparently Luisana Lopilato’s brother.
Blas swings by to be inappropriate with Lujan, as usual. He’s all like, “You and Marcos will never last! You’ll break up by college!” He threatens to tell Marcos’s family about Lujan’s seedy past as an orphan if she doesn’t…I dunno, suck up to him? It’s unclear. Save your blackmail for when you need something, Blas!
The 13-year-old hitmen sneak into the school via an open window in Mia’s room, but then Feli comes in, so they have to hide upstairs. They hear Feli talk herself through throwing away all her junk food. Mia and Vico come in, and Feli thanks them for tricking her into seeing the psychologist. She feels like a new woman already! Wow, Feli got over that eating disorder fast. Mia and Vico say there’s someone else she should thank, and they all hustle out of the room. The eighth graders are like, “Omg, junk food!” and start rifling through Feli’s trash.
Nico and Manuel talk about his failed plan to sneak out of Argentina in the cafeteria. Manuel admits that his whole plan is all messed up: he idolized his dad, and now he’s found out that his dad was a fuckup and his entire revenge is a sham. Nico has to tell him that parents aren’t perfect. I feel like after a year with all the screwy adults at this school, Manuel should know this by now.
Mia and Vico take Feli to see Luna in the cafeteria, and Feli tells Luna that she really helped her, and they should’ve seen that she was right all along. They all hug and make up. Everyone’s happy! Nico’s like, “This cannot stand!” and runs up to guilt-trip Mia for upsetting Manuel. YOU WERE IN ON THE STEALING-MONEY PLOT TOO, NICO. Don’t be pawning all the responsibility onto Mia! She chases after him to ask what he means, and Nico’s like, “Manuel’s all sad because his dad committed suicide! His life would be so much easier if he had gone on believing your dad killed him!” Uh, if Manuel didn’t want to know the truth, he shouldn’t have rolled up to Argentina and stalked the Coluccis.
Lujan overhears Marcos asking his dad to pull him out of Elite Way. Be free, Marcos! Go to another school! A better school! A school that performs background checks on the people it allows around children!
The eighth grade stalkers find Mansilla working in some garden that Elite Way has never had before and probably will never have again. Renata rolls up and he asks her how his gardens look. “Like your students,” she says. Dramatic, sanctimonious, and overly angry? “Healthy and strong,” she says. Oh. She tries to convince him to stay one more time, while Avril Lavigne plays in the background. Well, damn, if Avril won’t do it, what will? Renata walks off, and the ringleader pulls out some rope that I guess he’s just been carrying this entire time. They try to jump him, but they can’t crawl up the hill and Mansilla just walks away.
Night falls. Manuel goes to the gym to meet Mia and get his money back. But she doesn’t show up! Because she’s having a girl’s night with Vico, Feli, and Luna! I’m sure Manuel will take this with a minimal amount of anger and violence, as is his wont. Luna’s telling the girls about how she’s going to San Luis to see her sister, but she’s scared that her mom is going to be a dick about it. Feli’s all enlightened from her one therapy session, and tells Luna that she has to face her fears. She tells them that she’s thrown out all her junk food and proudly shows them her trash can, except of course it’s empty. All the girls are like, “Sure, Feli.”
Papa C and Mercedes show up to the school. Mercedes waves her engagement ring in Mia’s face, and Mia flips her shit. “I didn’t came to ask your permission, I came to tell you,” Papa C says. Mia’s like, “Whatever” and flounces out.
The eighth grade mercenaries are holed up in the map room, eating Feli’s junk food. They’re all salty about how rich everyone at Elite Way is, and decide to take a break from whatever the fuck they were planning to do to Mansilla, and just jack shit from rich people for a while.
Simon’s not-wife goes digging around in his bag and finds a photo of Marizza, which she’s signed and written “I love you.” Dun dun dun! Over at school, Pablo swings by to needle her about Simon and his kid some more. Marizza is defensive and is all, “Him having a kid just means that he’s more mature than you, and I am totally okay with being a stepmother at the age of 15! Bye!” Love yourself, Marizza.
Lujan sadly packs her bags in the middle of the night, thinking about how Blas told her that she and Marcos will never last. I mean, Blas is a sex offender and a general douche, so I wouldn’t take relationship advice from him. Nevertheless, Lujan thinks about how she and Marcos argued, and decides that Blas is right. She emails her tutor that she’s peacing out of Elite Way and sneaks out. She doesn’t get very far, though, because she’s jumped by the 13-year-old trespassers. They take her to the map room and tie her up, and go back to eating Feli’s food. Lujan has a vision of her old self eating with them, and she’s like, “Omg, I’m gonna have to go back to being poor!” and starts crying. Man, Elite Way has made her weak. The old Lujan would’ve been punching people left and right and grabbing insects out of the air. The eighth grade delinquents tell her that they’re orphans, and Lujan would probably be like, “Same,” except they’ve gagged her.
Mia runs back to her room and freaks out about her dad marrying Mercedes. Weirdly, Luna has disappeared from their slumber party. Mia calls Sonia, and Sonia admits that she fucked up her dramatic reveal, and Papa C still doesn’t know that Mercedes is really a telenovela villain. Sonia like…hands over the tape to Papa and demands that she fix it? I don’t think that’s how cassettes work, Sonia.
Manuel spends the entire night in the gym, like a chump. The next day, he catches up to Mia and tells her that he wants his money now. Mia’s like, recently curled her bangs or something, and they do not look good.
Anyway, Manuel demands that Mia give him the money, and she starts wailing for Blas. Blas is like, “An opportunity to swing my dick around and harass high schoolers? Say no more!”
Luna tells Marizza that she hasn’t been able to find Lujan anywhere. Marizza’s like, “Ooooh, I bet she spent the night with Marcos!” and she and Luna both cackle. For fuck’s sake, you guys. Marizza runs off to go needle Marcos, but when she gets back, Luna’s like, “Yeah, we fucked up, all of Lujan’s stuff is gone from the closet. She’s gone for real.” They find her dramatic goodbye email, and Marizza runs off to kick Blas’s ass. MY KINGDOM FOR SOMEONE PUNCHING BLAS AGAIN.
Simon’s not-wife shows up at Elite Way. Pablo sees her and goes over to talk; she confirms to him that she and Simon aren’t married, but she does consider him her husband on account of their kid. She asks if Marizza is going out with Simon, and Pablo confirms. YIKES. Not-Wife wants to talk to Marizza now.
Meanwhile, Blas is outside, making Manuel do pushups while verbally abusing him. Eventually Manuel’s like, “F this noise” and gets up to yell at Blas. But he’s too late! Because Marizza storms up and punches Blas!
AND IN THAT MOMENT, I LOVED MARIZZA PIA SPIRITO.
Blas gets up to punch her back, but Pablo runs up and he and Manuel both get in front of her.
Back indoors, everyone is looking in their lockers and freaking out over something. It’s like the post-Burn Book scene out of Mean Girls. Dunoff rolls up and the kids tell him that someone’s stolen all of their stuff.
Luna tells Marcos that Lujan’s run away, and he promptly starts freaking out that they have to look for her. Luna’s like, “And where, exactly, are we gonna start with that?” Well, damn, Luna, if you had just let Marcos tear up the school, you probably would’ve found Lujan already. Marizza comes back from punching Blas (<3333) and notices that Marcos is all emo, and he cries to her that Lujan’s left. “Don’t say that,” Luna says. Luna, you were the one who told him that. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
The eighth grade petty thieves show Lujan their photo of Mansilla, and like…ask if she knows him? They don’t bring her with them or anything, so it’s not like that’s gonna be much help. Also, they’re going to wander around the school in broad daylight while everyone’s out? Whatever, this is their boss’s own fault for hiring 13-year-olds.
Dunoff reams out the security guards — although oddly not the guard who was actually there when the kids snuck in — for being useless. Wow, if only he would ever do the same to Blas for being abusive and a predator. Gloria raises the worry that the thieves are here to kidnap someone, and Dunoff’s like, “Don’t be silly, there is no way they’ve tied up one of our students in the map room!” Gloria keeps freaking out and she’s like, “I’m so scared! HOLD ME, DUNOFF!” HEE! Naturally, Mama D walks in at exactly that moment. She’s like, “We’re gonna talk now, or you’re gonna be talking to my lawyer.” Oh snap!
Pablo and Marizza fight over her hitting Blas. So like…did Pablo just leave Not-Wife hanging in the main hall or what? For some reason, Pablo is not pro-punching Blas, even though we should all be pro-punching Blas. They bicker, and then Luna’s like, “Oh hey, we found Lujan tied up in the map room.” How? When? Luna tells Marizza that the thieves tied Lujan up, and Marizza’s like, “…so Blas had nothing to do with it?” Whatever, don’t feel bad about punching him, Marizza. I think Blas should be punched every day of the week, just for the hell of it.
Oh, and then Pablo brings Not-Wife in to say hi to Marizza. “Remember her?” Marizza’s like, “Yikes.”
Lujan and Marcos are meeting with Dunoff, and Dunoff’s like, “Cool, so we’re not dead, and I’m sure the thieves have disappeared, so I won’t have to deal with any of this.” Lujan’s like, “No, they’re like here to stab Mansilla, they’re definitely not gone.” Dunoff’s like, “Stop saying words.”
Mansilla’s studying in the not-library, which ~conveniently~ has nobody in it. Also, it’s suddenly dark outside. The eighth grade assassins sneak up on him and I guess they’re supposed to be threatening. They’re like, “We’ve got some things to discuss, profe.” I laugh because my first Spanish teacher made us call her Profe and some part of my brain thinks of her every time I hear the word.
Sonia calls Mia and says that Papa C wants to meet up for some reason. Mia’s like, “I’m coming with you!” But when they get to Casa Colucci, they find that it was actually Mercedes that called them! See, this is why you don’t funnel all your communication through your chauffeur. It makes it way too easy for your telenovela villain fiancée to impersonate you. Mercedes brags to Sonia that she’s engaged to Papa C, and Sonia will never be allowed in Casa Colucci again. Mia defends Sonia, and Mercedes is like, “Whatever, I’m gonna ship you off to a boarding school in Switzerland (where all boarding schools are, apparently).” She says Sonia is just like Mia’s mom, in that they’re both skanks (or something like that, I didn’t catch the word, but they reacted like it was bad). Papa C comes in and he asks Mercedes to explain why she’s going to send Mia away forever, and why she’s talking shit about his ex-wife. Am I glad that Papa C finally realized Mercedes is evil, or disappointed that it’s taken him this long? And also that we had to sit through that whole farce with the recorder when Mercedes just repeated herself anyway?
Not-Wife tells Marizza that she wants Simon Jr. to grow up with a father figure in his life, and that won’t really work out if Simon just sends a check every month while he’s out screwing around with high school girls. She guilt trips Marizza into backing off Simon so that he and Not-Wife can be parents together. Marizza is about to respond, but then Blas comes in and is like, “Now you will pay for punching me!” Hit him again, Marizza!
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